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Mr. Saari: Difference between revisions
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Revision as of 21:56, 31 August 2022
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| Matti Juhani Saari, codename Wumpscut | |
| Nationality: | Finland 
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| Highscore | Killed 10, injured 3 (1 of which nearly died) |
| Top 50? | No (#1 in Finland) |
| Style | FPS, Single player |
| An Hero? | Yes |
| Motive: | Autism, hatred for humanity, bullying (at least according to the Finnish media), simply for teh lulz |
This article is about the school shooter. For the Finnish porn star, see Henry Saari.
THE FINNISHER: RELOADED
Matti Juhani Saari, is was a 22-year-old Finn who became an hero and the new Finnish champion on September 23rd, 2008, beating Pekka Eric Auvinen's Finnish record from 2007. Matti Saari (codename: Wumpscut) shot at least 10 unarmed girls at the School of Hospitality, a vocational college in Kauhajoki. Some old media first reported that he was still alive, but he managed to beat the game. He is considered to be the most famous Finn in over 9000 years, other than the Moomins.
Just like his idol Pekka Auvinen, he posted similar YouTube videos some days before. According to Finnish old media the local police had interrogated him on the nature of the videos just the day before but decided not to confiscate his weapon. JewTube deleted his videos a few hours after the shooting because people from a certain online community started viewing them.
He managed to get ten frags and three wounded, a new Finnish record! Original research showed that it was due to disappointment in the Olympics, unfortunately, school shooting is a national American Sport, not an Olympic sport. Some argue that Matti was inspired by two Finnish Olympic heroes, shooting medalists Satu Mäkelä-Nummela and Henri Häkkinen. Bonus points go out for trying to burn down the school.
YouTube Channel
Like all modern an heroes, Matti had a YouTube channel. A few days before the shooting he uploaded some videos of him shooting. The police interrogated him because of that, but decided he's the right kind of a guy to be carrying lethal weapons.
Wumpscut86 Joined: March 14, 2008 Last Sign In: 3 hours ago Videos Watched: 3,774 Subscribers: 42 Channel Views: 66,410 Name: Mr. Saari Age: 22 And suddenly there was war we didn't remember it A long time forgotten there suddenly was war And suddenly there was war our children are dead Burnt in the ruins that were left by war War And suddenly there was war and the mothers they screamed For revenge and reprisals for another war And suddenly and suddenly And suddenly there was war with spoiling and death And you fight alone if there's another war Whole life is war and whole life is pain And you will fight alone in your personal war War This is war! City: Kauhajoki Country: Finland Interests and Hobbies: Computers, guns, sex and beers. Movies and Shows: Horror movies like Saw 1-3, The Grudge, The Shining etc. Music: Eisbrecher, Scar Symmetry, Soilwork, :Wumpscut:, Gloria Morti, In Flames, Rammstein, Metallica, Kiuas, Turmion Kätilöt etc.
YouTube videos
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Internet dating
It seems like Matti Saari was trying to date online. He listed his interests as "computers" and drums. On his YouTube profile he listed computers, weapons, beer and sex as his interests. (There is no evidence that he ever had sex with anyone other than his mitten).
Google translation of his online dating profile:
wumpscut86 - 22 years old, Male, hometown Erode The man Offline - the last on-line mode, 23.08.2008 22:54 Profile Photos Guest Book Heipä hey! Please contact your profile Length 172 cm Weight 70 kg Eye color blue Hair: Brown Bodily structure Normal Children No Children I want children I do not Marital status Single Sexual orientation Hetero Sexual Occupation Student Commuting Students ANNUAL 0-10 000 € Ethnicity Suomalainen Astrological Sign: bullfighting Province of South Ostrobothnia City or county Howick Heipä hey! Hobbies Shooting (Walther P22 Target <3), computers and drums. Musical taste Mostly heavier music I listen, but everything goes. Cinemas Horror of horror. Dress Code I do not follow fashion Tenure Alone Pets Cat In an ideal partner Female Sex Age 16-25 Length 150-180 cm Weight 50-85 kg Children No Children I want children I do not Marital status Single Sexual orientation Hetero Sexual Province of South Ostrobothnia City or county Howick
Evidence of being a retard
Last Thursday, the Finnish police have released a report titled "Laboratorioanalyysijatodisteidenpsyykkinenhäiriövuonnasaari" (the Finnish word for "Laboratory Analysis and Evidence of Mental Disorders in Mr. Saari"). In the report, Mr. Saari was deemed legally retarded; the reasons cited were:
- Mr. Saari liked "Saw"
- Mr. Saari liked "Saw II"
- Mr. Saari liked "Saw III"
- Mr. Saari was swedish
The fact that Mr. Saari did not mention liking "Saw IV" or "Saw V" was not considered mitigating evidence, as those films were made after 2005, and no movies reach Finland until 5 years after they opened in American theaters.
Graded Score
| Kill count: | 10/20 Beat his fellow Finnish Friend's score. |
|---|---|
| Accuracy: | 8/20 11 Injured. |
| Style: | 15/20 |
| Butthurt: | 18/20 |
| Bonus: | 20/20 Torched the victims' bodies. |
Wanted Level:
___________________
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___________________
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Videos
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See Also
- An Hero
- Anton Lundin Pettersson - Another Scandinavian who went for the high score - with a sword.
- Dmitry Vinogradov - Russian version
- Petri Gerdt - Kid who blew up a mall six years earlier in Finland.
- Finland
- Pekka-Eric Auvinen - Saari's IRL buddy, who went postal the year before.
- Noah Esbensen - Matti's bastard son.
Dane CookHAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS
External Links
- http://bf2s.com/player/43568962/ - Battlefield 2 profile
- Template:Youtube2 MIRROR
- http://rs245.rapidshare.com/files/147625012/Massacre_in_Kauhajoki_Matti_Saari.zip - Pack of lulz
- http://kimmo.org/kauhajoki/ - Files!
- FindaGrave
(Wayback Machine)
Gallery
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Mr. Saari's photo was digitally aged to reveal what he would look like at 45. -
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His apartment. -
His crib. -
Matti's balcony door a few hours after the shooting. Damn teenagers! -
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In the news. -
Matti's drip. -
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Spree/One-time Killers: |
Aaron Alexis • Adam Lanza • Alex Hribal • Alyssa Bustamante • Anthony Warner • Audrey Hale • Bruce Jeffrey Pardo • Casey Anthony • Cho Seung-Hui • Devin Patrick Kelley • Dylan Klebold • Dylann Storm Roof • Eric Harris • Gerry McCann • James Holmes • Jared Lee Loughner • Jason Rodriguez • Jeff Weise • Jiverly Voong • Joe Stack • Josef Fritzl • Laaiti Ekenstéen • Mark Essex • Martin Bryant • Matthew de Grood • Matthew Murray • Matti Saari • Maurice Clemmons • Pekka-Eric Auvinen • Raoul Moat • Richard Speck • Robert Hawkins • Stephen Paddock • Tim Kretschmer • Timothy Hendron • TJ Lane • Tyler Peterson • Wade Michael Page • Woo Bum-kon |
|---|---|---|
| Career/Serial Killers: |
Academy Maniacs • Adolf Hitler • Charles Manson • Chris Benoit • Dnepropetrovsk Maniacs • Dubya • Jack the Ripper • Jeffrey Dahmer • Mao Zedong • Richard "The Iceman" Kuklinski • Ted Bundy | |
| Terrorists: |
Al Qaeda • Anders Behring Breivik • Anderson Lee Aldrich • Anton Lundin Pettersson • Dzhokhar Tsarnaev • Elliot Rodger • George Sodini • Maniacs Murder Cult • Mark Essex • Nidal Malik Hasan • Osama bin Laden • Tamerlan Tsarnaev • Ted Kaczynski | |
| See also: |
Antisocial personality disorder • Jews • Murder • Paranoid personality disorder • Pittsburgh Paint Job • Police Brutality • Sick fuck |
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Mr. Saari |
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Mr. Saari is part of a series on Visit the Trolls Portal for complete coverage. |
| Locus in quo: |
Abilene Alleyway Shooting 🔫 Capital Gazette Shooting 🔫 Chris Dorner 🔫 Christchurch mosque attacks 🔫 Colorado Theatre Shooting 🔫 David Long 🔫 Dayton shooting 🔫 El Paso Walmart Shooting 🔫 Elliot Rodger 🔫 Gilroy Garlic Festival Shooting 🔫 Jacksonville Shooting 🔫 Kyle Rittenhouse 🔫 Marjory Stoneman Douglas School Shooting 🔫 Pulse Nightclub Massacre 🔫 Randy Stair 🔫 San Bernardino shooting 🔫 Sandniggers in Paris 🔫 Sandy Hook Elementary Massacre 🔫 Santa Fe High School Shooting 🔫 Shoahdown at the Synagogue of Doom 🔫 Las Vegas shooting 🔫 Texas church shooting 🔫 Umpqua Community College Shooting 🔫 Virginia Beach Shooting 🔫 Washington Navy Yard shooting 🔫 Youtube shooting 🔫 |
|---|---|
| Supporters |
Barack Obama 🔫 Christians 🔫 Concerned Mothers 🔫 Democrats 🔫 Dianne Feinstein 🔫 Government 🔫 The Kennedys 🔫 Kurt Eichenwald 🔫 Faggots 🔫 Liberals 🔫 Michael Bloomberg 🔫 Jews 🔫 SJWs 🔫 Sensitive people 🔫 Tara Strong 🔫 Trayvon Martin 🔫 Quinton Reviews |
| Main ideas: |
Assault Rifle 🔫 Gun 🔫 Gun Control 🔫 Murder 🔫 Arson 🔫 Bombs 🔫 Mass Shooting 🔫 School Shooting 🔫 |
| Haters gonna hate: | |
| Acts of revenge: |
Boston Marathon Bombing 🔫 Sandniggers in Paris 🔫 Ariana Grande Massacre 🔫 London Bridge Attack 2017 🔫 Capital Gazette Shooting |
| Objectors: |
Charlton Heston 🔫 James Holmes 🔫 NRA 🔫 Osama Bin Laden 🔫 Republicans 🔫 People planning a massacre 🔫 |
| Pre-2012 Gun Massacres |
Columbine 🔫 École Polytechnique 🔫 Dawson College 🔫 Virginia Tech Massacre 🔫 Austin, Texas 🔫 NIU Valentine's Day Massacre 🔫 Hungerford Massacre 🔫 Anders Breivik |