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Alek Minassian
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This person has Assburgers Syndrome, so you can't say anything bad! :-( Be aware of that, you insensitive fuck. |
| Born | November 3, 1992 |
| Nationality | Soviet Canuck 
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| Highscore | Killed 10
Injured 13 |
| Style | Single Player / Truck of Peace |
| An Hero | No (arrested) |
| Rank | 43rd Place :( |
Alek Minassian is an Armenian-Canadian best known worldwide as the present high-score holder for Canadian usage Grand-Theft-Auto, when on April 23rd, 2018, he utilized the well-proven truck of peace to relieve 10 unfortunate canucks of their lives. Like other national treasures such as Luka Magnotta, Marc Lepine, and Justin Trudeau, Alek Minassian sought to improve his life, and ideally end it, through bloodshed and notoriety. Unforunately for him, as a certified autist, he couldn't even get the police to shoot him, thus finding himself cucked for the umpteenth time.
Childhood
Minassian was born in Toronto, Canada, and was educated at Thornlea Secondary School. He was described as fidgety and socially awkward, symptoms that in retrospect clearly indicated autism. He was so lonely that he even sometimes hugged himself and made strange noises. An interview with his mother, Sona Minassian, suggested that he suffered from aspergers syndrome. Minassian was described as proficient with computers, and created an Android app to locate parking spaces in Toronto. At the time of his attack, Minassian had just graduated from Seneca College, a local post secondary intuition.
Incel Rebellion
On April 23rd, 2018, the bucolic nation of Canada was knocked into action by a 2.3 ton white moving van, hurtling down a pedestrian kerb at highway speeds. Eyewitnesses reported flying bodies, smushed canucks, and the wails of wives and children, as Alek deftly manuevered his vehicle through crowds. After 20 minutes of grand theft auto re-enactment, the vehicle hit a bollard, and Minassian stepped out, only to be confronted by police. 10 people were killed, and an additional 14 were injured.
Supreme Gentlemenry
At first, the Old Media was convinced itself that this was yet another case of mental illness, then as possibly revenge for the Armenian genocide, or possibly the innate violence of autists manifested in truck format. Meanwhile, the retards top minds on reddit and pol convinced themselves that the religion of peace was once again the culprit. The truth turned out to be far purer, far more elegant - it was to be the start of the incel uprising. In an ill-advised post to Facebook, Alek Minassian promised to overthrow the Chads and the Stacies, and praised the Supreme Gentleman himself - conveniently neglecting to note that without thots, he would never get laid.
Needless to say, the feminists lost their shit, and a torrent of vitriol flowed from the old media on the dangers of toxic masculinity and autistics.
An Hero Fail
Originally, Alek Minassian tried to kill himself. When that didn't work, he tried to get the police to kill him, by pointing a "gun" at the police, and demanding that he be shot. Unfortunately, it turns out the Police are the real Chads, and Minassian really was just another virgin, and he was promptly cucked when the police arrested him without firing a single shot. As a result of this oversight, he can look now forward to conviction, then detainment and anal rape, for so long as it pleases Her Majesty. Fail.
High Score
| Graded score | |
|---|---|
| Kill count: | 10/20 (14 injured) |
| Accuracy: | 8/20 Not bad accuracy wise |
| Style: | 20/20 Most effective use of Grand Theft Auto in Canada |
| Butthurt: | 20/20 Feminists in an outrage; the Prime Minister personally bawled on twitter. |
| Bonus: | 20/20 Beta Uprising copycat, trolled feminazis, etc. |
| Total score: 78/100 (C) | |
Wanted Level:
___________________
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___________________
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Police Force
See Also
- Elliot Rodger
- Love Shy
- Misogyny
- Luka Magnotta
- George Sodini
- Marjan Siklic
- Fedora
- Friend Zone
- Nice guys
- Virgin
- School shooting
|
Spree/One-time Killers: |
Aaron Alexis • Adam Lanza • Alex Hribal • Alyssa Bustamante • Anthony Warner • Audrey Hale • Bruce Jeffrey Pardo • Casey Anthony • Cho Seung-Hui • Devin Patrick Kelley • Dylan Klebold • Dylann Storm Roof • Eric Harris • Gerry McCann • James Holmes • Jared Lee Loughner • Jason Rodriguez • Jeff Weise • Jiverly Voong • Joe Stack • Josef Fritzl • Laaiti Ekenstéen • Mark Essex • Martin Bryant • Matthew de Grood • Matthew Murray • Matti Saari • Maurice Clemmons • Pekka-Eric Auvinen • Raoul Moat • Richard Speck • Robert Hawkins • Stephen Paddock • Tim Kretschmer • Timothy Hendron • TJ Lane • Tyler Peterson • Wade Michael Page • Woo Bum-kon |
|---|---|---|
| Career/Serial Killers: |
Academy Maniacs • Adolf Hitler • Charles Manson • Chris Benoit • Dnepropetrovsk Maniacs • Dubya • Jack the Ripper • Jeffrey Dahmer • Mao Zedong • Richard "The Iceman" Kuklinski • Ted Bundy | |
| Terrorists: |
Al Qaeda • Anders Behring Breivik • Anderson Lee Aldrich • Anton Lundin Pettersson • Dzhokhar Tsarnaev • Elliot Rodger • George Sodini • Maniacs Murder Cult • Mark Essex • Nidal Malik Hasan • Osama bin Laden • Tamerlan Tsarnaev • Ted Kaczynski | |
| See also: |
Antisocial personality disorder • Jews • Murder • Paranoid personality disorder • Pittsburgh Paint Job • Police Brutality • Sick fuck |