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Windsor
Windsor (should be called Losedsor or Faildsor), in southern Ontario Onterrible, is Canadia's lame attempt at out-doing Detroit, by shitting out quite possibly the most boring, crime-riddled city on earth. The city used to be home to factories, but now these are all closed and rusted out, where fags live, as they renovate them into lofts for rape of unsuspecting visitors from Toledo and Detroit. Ever striving to emulate and be just like its bigger neighbour, Niggertown, Windsor (New Niggertown) is quickly approaching Detroit in all aspects of life, with the majority of its houses on the west end either abandoned or burned-out shells [1] [2]. Just some of the fail from 2007 alone.
History
The city (more like shitty, amirite?) was founded by the French, who were tired of getting gang raped in Montreal in 1749, ensuring it would fail for the rest of eternity. After the first few winters, their population dwindled to nearly nothing from cannibalism, before being replenished by the British. During the war of 1812, Windsor was used as a base by the British to raid America's Fort Detroit, located across the river. The city also had a couple minor rebellions in 1836 and 1837, but these were unnoticed by the British overlords.
Windsor was also the exit point for slaves trying to escape massah on the Underground Railroad, making sure Windsor would share in Detroit's curse of the darkies.
The only real important things that happened since, were the factories in Windsor being converted to military use during the second World War to fight the Nazis, but after that, it was back to business as usual. After the war, London somehow surpassed Windsor as the "anchor" city of southern Ontario.
Shortly after the war, Windsor was butthurt by one of the most powerful tornadoes in Canada, which proves there is a God after all and even He wants to destroy Windsor... too bad Windsor's fail was too much for him to overcome and obliterate the miserable city. Further attempts in 1973, 1997, and 2009 were horrible failures at destroying the city, simply blowing trash and emofags about.
Desperate to boost its lowering population rate, Windsor legalized topless women in 1996, but oops! This only increased its already high gay community by attracting lesbians! Thus is the fail that is Windsor's Shitty Council.
In 2007, Canada was partially relieved of its responsibilities of having to deal with Windsor and all of its trailer-trash people, when the city was made an "honorary part of Michigan". Windsor Mayor Eddie Francis was invited to speak at the Mackinac Conference (basically, the "mayors of Michigan" club).
In 2009, the city's paper announced that its only private television station, Ass Channel, would be shutting down nope, staying on the air. Apparently, the situation of fail is so extensive and serious in Windsor, that not even the MEDIA wants to stick around.
The city is currently battling two strikes from unions right now, with cab drivers for once not in their smelly cabs, and city workers not picking up garbage or mowing grass in the parks, so the whole city looks like Filthadelphia and Detroit combined, and the city smells like an unshaven french-woman's armpit covered in sour cream and left out in the sun. No, that would be an improvement. It smells like God ate the most awful Indian food ever, shit all over the city, shaved off his ass-hair over Whine-sor, then vomited on top of that [3] [4] [5] [6]. Apparently, the strikers think it's wrong for anyone to clean up after themselves, except for other CUPE members, who proceed to toss their garbage out on their own union hall's lot. This is all because the union wants the city to pay them all the jew gold they have, but they forgot that Windsor is a fucking poor-ass city, because niggers, micks, and camel-jockeys have no money. Oh dear god, it's spread to Toronto! [7] CNN's videos on the garbage strike Nope. It's over. Windsor is still shitty though.
Crime
Crime in Windsor is high, ok? I mean really REALLY fucking high. 90% of the crimes are committed by police, while the other 80% are committed by drug addicts trying to score money for hookers and blow or oxycontin and oxytocin, the drugs of choice in Windsor. Windsor constantly strives to have MOAR murders than Detroit, Toronto, and Deadmonton combined, and falls short because of its lower population.
This very high crime rate might be linked to the large number of welfare addicts and drugs in the city, or more likely, from all the fail the city has. Because of a guy named Jew (This is is REAL name. This Detroit man is somehow worth three billion dollars.) buying up homes in the west end for his bridge to let them become abandoned squat houses and meth labs, most people in Windsor are homeless [8] [9] [10].
Adding to the fail are all the Mexican, beaner, Jamaican and Mexican workers in nearby Leamington, who all gravitate to the smelly pile of shit that is Windsor, thinking it is just like home, as it is dirty, smells bad, and is made of fail. WARNING: Now called New Jamaica from all the Jamaican and Mexican migrant workers.
Overall, Windsor is a reflection of a changing Canada and how it is becoming a diverse melting pot of FAIL, with Hindus, micks, sand niggers, pakis, urban-dwellers, n8ive drunks and white people all living in harmony.
Just a few days ago (literally a Thursday), a Windsor police officer was busted at the Ambassador Bridge in a sting operation by the RCMP and his own fellow Windsor Police Officers while trying to smuggle a large amount of undeclared non-duty-paid cigarettes into Canada from the United States.
Culture
Windsor is a culturally-diverse city, filled up with mostly sand-niggers from Lebanon (one of whom is the Mayor of this festering boil on Ontario's ass), micks in Forest Glade, guidos that live on Erie Street, and of course, those of the urban persuasion along the riverfront, where they can see their beloved home. The remainder of the city is populated by white trash stuck on welfare and too poor to leave the city, which may be the only good thing about Windsor, saving its outer suburbs like Lakeshore, La Salle (french for "the toilet", they hate being reminded of this!) and Tecumseh (should be called To-CUM-sex, since only sex-addicts and rich pimps live here).
The city has a rather deep obsession with furs, as it has a large old building dedicated TO them, as well as having a deer on its coat of arms. The Windsor Shitfires hockey team has a dragon as its mascot ("Duke the Ice Dragon", who is really just Trodgor under witness protection after being V&), and to further cement its place in the hall of fail, it places a giant rose on its flag.
The city is best known for its Windsor Ballet.
To match its fail, some argue that the British sold Canada the subs just so Canada would name one after Windsor. These are the very subs that somehow catch fire while under water [11] [12].
Nearly all of Windsor's retarded, disabled, and assburgers patients are currently living on the street because of overcrowding of niggers and Arabs at the homeless shelters.
One of Windsor's favourite pastimes is harassing their neighbours and acting like douches.
Windsor's legacy of fail has not gone unnoticed, as Stephen Colbert has finally given Windsor the recognition it so desperately deserves.
Geography
Like its bigger brother Detroit, Windsor is largely (~90%) ghetto, with the highest concentrations of it being in Downtown, West Windsor/Sandwich Town, and Walkerville.
- Forest Glade: This is where the newly-settled pakis and Arab live, also home to some of the last remaining right people in the city.
- Downtown: A constant battleground between the native guidos, the niggers, the irish, and the sand-niggers.
- Wyandotte Street: The western half is filled with Azns, chinks, gooks, and weeaboo furfags that love all the Vietnamese and Chinese writing, while the eastern half is filled with Lebanese furfags and micks, in other words... AVOID!
- West Windsor: A nice place to go if you like being stabbed to death, raped, almost raped, shot, and then raped again by spics and blacks, especially along Bloomfield and Chippewa. If you're a Canadian and want to get the "Detroit Experience" but can't cross the border, this is the next best thing. A church in this part of town that commemorates the Underground Railroad and African-Canadian heritage is constantly vandalised by the same blacks in the neighbourhood that attend.
- South Windsor (also known as Jew): This is where the city's Jewish population lives.
- Sandwich Town: People eat sandwiches here because they're too fucking poor to eat anything else. Also, founded by the French in 1791 (who still live there to this day) and has the lulziest jail in Ontario, Windsor Jail.
- Walkerville: Furfags live here, also everyone's too poor to own a car, so they walk.
- Tecumseh: Half of Windsor's city employees and police live here, since Windsor's fail is too overpowering for them to stand for any extended period of time. They hate to give Windsorites anything, but have to use their hospitals and water services.
- La Salle: Inhabited by Irish and French people, they hate Windsor almost as much as Tecumseh.
- Lakeshore: A group of homes that wanted to be connected to Windsor by bus routes for some stupid reason. It was a miracle that Tecumseh refused to let buses through, thus saving them from (most of the) fail.
- Walker Farms: There aren't any farms here anymore... it's all tool and die mold factories that spew out molds for cars. Oh, there are a couple high-tech suppliers, a Gospel Temple, and the bus station.
- Windsor Airport: The only city in Canada that has an airport built NEXT to a subdivision, where Russian planes routinely almost crash into houses on Riberty Road when they overshoot the runway.
Even maps hate Windsor, because Southern Ontario looks like intestines, with Windsor being positioned as the asshole of the country, shoved up against Detroit in the impossible hope that "The D" will annex Windsor.
(What) Economy
Aside from unemployment and fail, this rusted colossus of a city's primary exports are AIDS and mudkipz, which are found in the green sludge that passes as water in the Detroit River. Its sole claim to fame is being mentioned as "South Detroit" in Journey's "Don't Stop Believin'", which actually refers to its arch-rival in fail, Toledo, but Windsor, ever striving to out-fail everything around it, insists that it is the city in question. Also present in the ghost town that has become downtown are the hundreds of kiddie bars that cater to 19 and 20-year-old Detroiters wanting to get drunk off their asses, piss in the streets, and fight with the local criminals. The only other thing in downtown (aside from Ass Channel) is the Casino, where people waste their money on expensive food and sluts, with all the profit going to the local guidos.
Until the auto industry collapsed, Windsor boasted six, yes SIX automobile plants from GM, Ford, and Chrysler, but now, only two are running today. GM went tits-up bankrupt, Ford pulled out after fucking Windsor hard, and the Chrysler plant is making Volkswagons. During the boom times, Windsor started a rivalry with Oshawa for the coveted title of Automotive Capital of Canada. Windsor failed so hard, that GM moved its headquarters to Oshawa in 1998, and Ford followed in 2003, with Chrysler constantly mulling the idea of moving their headquarters to a less shit-tacular city, like Hamilton or Toronto instead. Jealous of other cities' success, Windsor has been known to force its newspaper to insult Kitchener's city council when they try to attract what few jobs Windsor has left.
Also located in Windsor, is the Hire'em Walkerz booze factory, built specifically to keep Windsorites drunk, stupid, and stuck on welfail.
Although Stats Canada officially declared Windsor's unemployment rate an already-lulzy 14.4% 15.7% now, the actual number is around 27% when you include the fat fugly single teen moms on welfare, assburgers people on disability, and emofags that have just given up hope of ever finding a job. For those that know their math of lulz, when you get a city that has at least one in seven to one in four not working, the city is failing very VERY hard, and the more it's pwned, the lulzier it gets.
Edjumacayshun
Windsor's schools are either closed or over-crowded and rat-infested, and the University of Windsor is consistently ranked on the bottom of "universities to enroll at" from its Jew and teachers that would rather spend their time on hookers and blow in Downtown.
Sports
The main sports in Windsor are buttsecks and hockey, both equally-represented by the Windsor Spitfires Shitfires (seriously, do they even THINK of names there?). The Shitfires were known as the lulziest team in Canada because they have only won a single game in their entire existence, in 2009.
The other major sports in Windsor include extreme rape, hit-and-run, click-clack at the Casino, and break-and-enters.
Notable Residents
Below is a list of fags that lived in, or contributed to the epic fail that is Windsor:
- William Shatner: From Montreal, but lived on Goyeau Street for a couple years as a teen.
- Michael Moore: Moralfag from Flint (yet another Windsor-like city in Michigan), but visits Windsor constantly, calls it his home away from home.
- Any hockey player in the NHL.
- Pedobear, before he moved stateside.
- Habbo Hotel
- The guy who invented oxycontin/oxytocin.
- Toadboy
- Earneck Kid also lives in Windsor
- Hitler
- Your Mom
- You
- Crackhead
- Trogdor
- The guy who founded the Church of Crystal Methodists.
Things Windsor used to make
- Hockey
- Cars
- Child porn
- Tomatoes
- Salt
Things Windsor makes today
How to get to Windsor
If you're fucking stupid enough to drive down Highway 401 past Tilbury, it's too late to turn back. If you're cumming from Detroit, you have to hold your breath for a mile through the poison-gas-filled Tunnel or wait ten hours to go over the 90-year-old rusted-out Ambassador Bridge. Assuming you get here alive, you won't return.
See also
- Canadia
- Detroit
- Guelph
- Hockey
- Michigan-16 year old girls come from here to get drunk in Windsor.
- Toronto
