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Jordan Peterson
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Jordan Peterson looks like it was written by pseudo-intellectual 13-year-old boys. Look out for unfunny Uncyclopedia bullshit, boring in-jokes, and angsty teen-ery. You could also add in actual humor.
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—Jordan Peterson's esoteric philosophy explained. | ||
In the nation of Soviet Canuckistan there arose a man. A convicted pedophile, young Jordan had in childhood many murderous urges, that he purged by killing stupid lobsters. Native Indian folklore told of his coming. Some tribes called him Nanabozho or Glooscap. Other tribes called him that guy from the U of T.
The Soviet Canuckistani army tried poisoning him - to no ill effect. Then they shot him - three times. Then they dumped his body into the Niva river. But he arose, shouting, "There are only two genders!"
At least that's how his cult-like followers describe his life. In reality, he's some inconsequential professor working in America's Northern Territories (Known to Canadians as "Canada") who appeal to fatherless boys who never had a paternal figure in their lives because their moms are whores. There's nothing Jordan Peterson teaches that a long, hard, ass beating wouldn't cure.
His Books
The works of Jordan Peterson are long and immense. They are filled with how when he was a kid he feared the real Soviet Union would find out about Soviet Canuckistan and crush it from above somehow and then, growing older, he realized that there were only two genders.
The Vain One
Through dedication and hard work he became a university professor lecturing tirelessly about how there are only two genders.
But then the Vain One arose and began to mess with the fact that there are only two genders.
The Vain One is a giant demon, frozen mid-breast in ice at the center of Hell. He has three faces and a pair of bat-like wings affixed under each chin. As he beats his wings, he creates a cold wind that continues to freeze the ice surrounding him but as he beats his wings he also creates more and more genders.
And that really pisses Jordan Peterson off.
Kermit The Frog Conspiracy
The moment that Peterson became internet famous it became apparent to everyone that he sounded exactly like Kermit the Frog. This led scientists to speculate that he really is Kermit the Frog. Researchers theorize that having sex with Ms. Piggy may have killed Kermit and he reincarnated into a U of T psychology professor.
Still others have found fault with this idea, pointing out that Kermit isn't even real but a puppet used to entertain children.
But the more Youtube videos you watch of Peterson it will become more and more likely to you that he is Kermit the Frog.
Achievements
Jordan Peterson is now one of the most famous people in the world for taking the 72 different genders and reducing them down to 2.
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