- Portals
- The Current Year
- ED in the News
- Admins
- Help ED Rebuild
- Archive
- ED Bookmarklet
- Donate Bitcoin
Contact an admin on Discord or EDF if you want an account. Also fuck bots.
Suzano School Shooting
The Suzano School Shooting took place on March 13, 2019 at a shitty school in some shithole in Brazil (which is arguably all of it) called Suzano. The perpetrators, Guilherme Taucci Monteiro (17 years old, would be a 23-year-old) and Luiz Henrique de Castro (25 years old, would be a 31-year-old) were both former students of the school. They were NEET virgins with no social life who spent all their time playing crappy video games and fantasizing about imitating the actions of the two Columbine faggots. They were both active posters on a Brazilian message board called Dogolachan that idolized Columbine under the names "luhkrcher666" and "1guY-55chaN".
 |
This article has been cleaned up, and it was a trip to hell and back. Please, don't fuck it up. |
|
|
|
 
| |
|---|---|
| Guilherme Taucci Monteiro and Luiz Henrique de Castro | |
| Born | July 5, 2001 (Guilherme) March 16, 1993 (Luiz) |
| Died | March 13, 2019 (aged 17 and 25) |
| Nationality | Brazilian 
|
| Highscore | Killed 8, injured 11 |
| Top 50? | No |
| Style | FPS, Co-Op Mode |
| An Hero? | Yes (Guilherme) No, killed by Guilherme (Luiz) |
| Motive | Bullying Retardation |
Guilherme was some pussy that dropped out of school due to getting picked on (probably due to being a massive faggot). Being a zoomer, he was very active on social media. He idolized Timothy McVeigh and had Anders Breivik as his profile picture on Twitter. His mom was a crackhead so he was raised by his grandmother.
Much less is known about Luiz. What we do know is that he was a massive sperg who repeated eighth grade three times. He was described by his father as "weak-minded and would do what the other people wanted".
They only managed to rack up a measly seven kills in the school despite playing co-op. This is partially because Luiz was dead weight that hacked at the kiddies with a hatchet while his boyfriend shot instead of racking up kills. The pair also killed Guilherme's uncle before the attack in his car shop near the school. After the shooting, Guilherme killed his gay lover and then he became an hero.
Attack
Realizing they both were going to die virgin wagecucks working in some shitty factory, Guilherme convinced his retarded friend Luiz they had to shoot up a school for a slim chance of obtaining some fangirls in the afterlife like his heroes Eric and Dylan. After having stolen his uncle's car with his friend, they both drove to a worthless deprecated school to shoot up to leave a lasting impression on the world. The cameras recorded our attackers entering the school at around 10:40 a.m. local time. Guilherme entered the building first, hiding his face from subhumans while grabbing a hidden gun. Then, he started shooting fucking everything, only downing two. He IRL banhammered staff members as well as several meatbags in front of him before entering the main patio in hunt of his victims. By this time, Luiz appeared on camera entering the building and hacking the injured with a hatchet. Somehow these retards only brought one .38 caliber revolver for two people so they resulted to punching random girls instead of shooting them. They brought Molotovs, a crossbow, and a bow and arrow but didn't use any of it. Just like their 1999 predecessors, they also had planted a bomb (that didn't go off). The lazy fucks couldn't even be bothered to make multiple. Eventually, they did what they should have done in the first place and an heroed. Their pea-sized brains were later scraped off the floor by Paulo the janitor.
Casualties
Students
- Caio Oliveira, 15
- Claiton Antônio Ribeiro, 17
- Douglas Murilo Celestino, 16
- Kaio Lucas da Costa Limeira, 15
- Samuel Melquíades Silva de Oliveira, 16
School staff
- Marilena Ferreira Vieira Umez, 59
- Eliana Regina de Oliveira Xavier, 38
Perpetrators' relatives
- Jorge Antônio Moraes, 51, Guilherme's uncle
Reactions
Many authorities, manipulative politicians, artists, bronies, Sans fangirls, trolls, furries and crap like that expressed their condolences and commented on the tragedy.
State government
João Doria, governor of São Paulo, canceled his corrupted activities and flew to Suzano in a private jet along with Rossieli Soares, the state's Secretary of Education; Colonel Salles, military police commander; and CIA general João Camilo Pires de Campos. Doria lamented the attack and decreed 3 days of mourning in the state.
Federal government
President Jair Bolsonaro applauded the tragedy and wrote on twitter "He did it for the lulz! OMG!". Ricardo Vélez Rodríguez, Minister of Education, expressed solidarity: "HAHA, THIS IS HILARIOUS! BRAZIL FINALLY HAS A NICE SCHOOL SHOOTING SINCE THAT FAGGOT FROM 2011!" Onyx Lozrenzoni, Chief of Staff, of course, tweeted his respect to the shooters.
Congress
Rodrigo Maia, President of the Chamber of Deputies, expressed his solidarity towards the shooters and said that "We need moar of this shit". Davi Alcolumbre, President of the Senate, expressed his condolences and tweeted: "I hope that the real causes behind that tragedy will be discovered".
Media
POKÉMON DID IT!
Graded Score
| Kill count: | 8/20 11 injured |
|---|---|
| Accuracy: | 10/20 Blame Pokémon Go! |
| Style: | 5/20 Third world faggots imitating Columbine. |
| Butthurt: | 10/20 Relevant in Brazil. |
| Bonus: | 10/20 Didn't use the crossbow or bow and arrows. |
Wanted Level:
S.W.A.T. Team
Gallery
-
Luiz's corpse -
UNUSED crossbow -
UNUSED Molotovs -
The IED -
The Sk00l -
A journal found inside the stolen car
See Also
- Kongsberg Bow and Arrow Rampage - A Dane brought a bow and arrow to his spergout but actually used it.
- Medianeira School Shooting - A completely botched prequel to Suzano.
- Pedro J. Garcia - The duo's most intelligent and well-functioning fan.
- Pekka-Eric Auvinen - The Finnish version of Columbine.
External Links
- An archive of all Guilherme's tweets
- Pwned kids and the killers' corpses
- Interview with Luiz's father
|
Columbine: |
Columbine • Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold • Super Columbine Massacre RPG • Do you believe in god • Columbine Copycats • Columbine Gallery • Columbiners |
|---|---|---|
| Admirers |
Adam Lanza • Alex Hribal • Artyom Kazantsev • Asa Coon • Alek Minassian • Audrey Hale • Bob8466 • Brooke Higgins & Sienna Johnson • Cho Seung-Hui • Dillon Cossey • Ichverbot • Jaylen Fryberg • Jeff Weise • Kimveer Gill • Lindsay Kantha Souvannarath • Lynn Ann • Natalie Rupnow • Neocities • Nghtmrchld26 • Pekka-Eric Auvinen • Robert Butler Jr. • Robert Hawkins • Robert Steinhäuser • Ryan Schallenberger • Sebastian Bosse • Sol Pais • TheAmazingAtheist • Tim Kretschmer • Vladislav Roslyakov • William Atchison • You | |
| Locations: |
Colorado • United States • School • Suburbs | |
| Related: |
Doom • Police Brutality • Postal • School Shooting • Mass Shooting • Video games • Trenchcoat • Marilyn Manson • KMFDM • Rammstein • Faggoth • Concerned Mother • Newgrounds • Ryan Lambourn • School Shooter: North American Tour 2012 • The Matrix • South Park • Michael Moore • Quentin Tarantino • 1990s • Jack Thompson • Gun control |
Suzano School Shooting is part of a series on Education [Go To School]
| ||||
|---|---|---|---|---|
|
