- Portals
- The Current Year
- ED in the News
- Admins
- Help ED Rebuild
- Archive
- ED Bookmarklet
- Donate Bitcoin
Contact an admin on Discord or EDF if you want an account. Also fuck bots.
Grand 16 Shooting
|
| |
|---|---|
| John Houser | |
| Born | November 22, 1955 |
| Died | July 23, 2015 (aged 59) |
| Nationality: | Americunt 
|
| Highscore | Killed 2, injured 9 |
| Top 50? | No |
| Style | FPS, Single player |
| An Hero? | Yes |
July 24th, 2015 was a typical day in America. An innocent, hard working middle aged white man living in Lafayette, Louisiana went to the local theater to kick back, relax and enjoy the hilarious new Amy Schumer flick he's been meaning to watch. Like with Dylann Roof, a group of savages begun to provoke and attack him. With no way to calm the horde, our hero, John Russel Houser, reluctantly had no choice but to free himself using the liberating power provided by a firearm. When the fierce standoff was finished, our hero slayed two feminazi aggressors before taking a swig of pistol mouthwash to avoid being lynched and eaten alive by these horrific uncivilized brutes.
Some Argue that the shooting was a false flag set up by Amy Schumer but that would imply that she is intelligent enough to come up with a hoax.
Background
John was a 59-year-old mentally ill redneck whose illness was so severe that his wife hid his guns and his family had him forcibly locked up by the men in white coats; they even got a restraining order. In the 1990s, Mr. Houser often went on local TV shows, advocating for violence against filthy feminist cunts involved with abortion. If you don't know, abortion is responsible for the collective mass murder of over 60 million innocent Americans. Mr. Houser, is nothing short of a hero. He also wanted to keep women out of the workplace, which shows that he wanted women to be safe and for families to remain strong. He also supported Adolf Hitler, and anti-government positions at the same time. His "extremist" views were used to fight against bleeding heart liberals for the lulz.
Sometime in 2014, John bought a shitty hi-point (the same manufacturers of the shit-tier rifle Eric Harris used) .40 caliber pistol at a pawn shop in Alabama, despite having a very detailed rapsheet of violence and mental illness. As you see, all these pussy laws like the Brady Bill do not prevent any massacres but encourage innocent Americans to be nothing more than defenseless fleshbags.
John was blacklisted from his traitorous degenerate family, and like many unfortunate Americans, found it difficult to survive in the workforce crushed by hyper-capitalistic nose niggers. With little options for survival, he turned to his mother and asked for help; he received 5,000 shekels and set out on an adventure, eventually finding himself in Louisiana, living in a cheap motel while trying to recollect himself. He was very active on the internet, and often posted wise words of wisdom such as these;
John's Posts
Previous Quote | Next Quote | |||||
The Last Day
After driving to the theater, John watched Trainwreck for half an hour before being forced up by his sapient firearm, and forced against his will to attempt mass murder. Police have arrested the suspect and are working on selling it to Mexican drug cartels for a quick buck. Unsurprisingly, shooting up a romantic comedy flick resulted in primarily female injuries and deaths. John has proven himself as a valuable asset to the MRA cause everywhere, but he will never be anywhere near as good as Marc Lepine.
Graded Score
| Kill count: | 2/20 |
|---|---|
| Accuracy: | 18/20 2 kills and 9 injuries with 13 shots |
| Style: | 12/20 Showing justified frustration to a shitty "Train Wreck" of a chick flick |
| Butthurt: | 8/20 Near-perfect timing to the 3rd aniv. of the Aurora shooting |
| Bonus: | 15/20 An hero bonus and for targeting feminazis |
Wanted Level:
Police Force
Attempt #2
On August 5th of 2015, another mentally ill motherfucker tried to copycat James Holmes. This time, the perpetrator was armed only with a Pellet gun and a bronze hatchet. He attempted to make the local screening of Mad Max more realistic, but managed to only get himself killed. The autist was a 29 year old hobo who pepper sprayed 2 chicks, showing that he might've been partially influenced by Chris Chan as well. There were no serious injuries besides the autist getting pwn'd by police.
See Also
- Vester Lee "Bryce_Williams" Flanagan II – the black version of John
- James Holmes – put in a similar situation against many more aggressors. Made it out alive after achieving a 12-0 KDR with 58 injured.
- High Score – sadly, our hero couldn't make the list.
- Dylann Roof – another trailer trash psychopath hellbent on destruction armed with a similar handgun
- The South
- Umpqua Community College Shooting
External link
Our hero's Twitter account 
(archive)
His Facebook (archive)- John Houser electronic memorial
- 2015 Lafayette shooting – John Russel Houser on Wikipedia .
- Five Fast Facts
| Featured article July 26 and 27, 2015 | ||
| Preceded by Vermin |
Grand 16 Shooting | Succeeded by Alan Sullivan |
