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Kamala Harris (prostitute): Difference between revisions

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[[Category:People|Harris, Kamala]]
[[Category:People|Harris, Kamala]]


{{timeline|Article of the Now July 26 & July 27, [[2024]]|[[Opioids]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[TBA]]}}
{{timeline|Article of the Now July 26 & July 27, [[2024]]|[[Opioids]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[He Will Not Divide Us]]}}

Revision as of 00:45, 27 July 2024

Cumala Whorris, future President of the Jewnited States, on her way to suck Benjamin Netanyahu's dick.
This could be your next President.

Kamala Devi Harris, not to be confused with the late professional wrestler James "Kamala" Harris, is a totally mid 60-year-old prostitute turned Democrat politician who has served as the 49th Vice President of the United States since 2021 and is currently running for President in the 2024 election in an attempt to defeat Donald Trump. A former prosecutor, Kamala is known for being a massive hypocrite who says that people shouldn't be in prison for having weed despite the fact that she locked up thousands of mostly black Californians for marijuana possession. She is also known for frequently laughing like a hyena and having a massive pseudo-penis like Michelle Obama or a hyena.

Harris has served as Vice President and so-called "Border Czar" under Joe Biden, a senile old man that she's admitted she believes is a rapist and a racist. But hey, anything for power, amirite? When Kamala was 29, she began a relationship with Willie Brown, the married 60-year-old Mayor of San Franshitsco. Kamala would regularly suck Willie Brown's brown willy to get ahead in life and gain new career opportunities. She later dated talk show host Montel Williams. In 2014, Kamala finally decided to stop thotting around with geriatric black guys and married lawyer and professional Jew, Doug Emhoff.

The majority of little girls with emotionally abusive liberal mothers view Kamala Harris as a role model who serves as living proof that sucking the dick of a powerful man in politics will always get you ahead in life, even if you are an obnoxious, mentally retarded hypocrite with a third-rate pussy. Despite having the speaking prowess of an 8-year-old with ADHD, Harris actually has a chance of becoming President and getting her hands on the nuclear launch codes – which should fucking terrify you.

Luckily, as Hillary Clinton proved and we all now know: If there's one thing Donald Trump is good at, it's beating women.

... in elections we mean... and perhaps also in the face if need be.

Early Life (OMG SHE'S NOT JEWISH!!111)

Whoring Your Way To The Top

Willie B. with "high-end" call girl Kamala Harris.
Harris and Willie Brown on one of their "dates".

In the early 1990s, 29-year-old Kamala Harris, who was at the time the deputy district attorney of Alameda County, began giving the ol' hawk tuah to San Francisco mayor Willie Lewis Brown Jr., a married man who was twice her age at the time. In exchange for Kamala's dangerously toothy blowjobs, Willie rewarded her by appointing her to several commissions to help advance her career.

   
 
Yes, we dated. Yes, I may have influenced her career by appointing her to two state commissions when I was Assembly speaker.
 

 
 

—Willie Brown, defending nepotism.

   
 
Whether you agree or disagree with the system, I did the work. I brought a level of life knowledge and common sense to the jobs. I mean, if you were asked to be on a board that regulated medical care, would you say no?
 

 
 

—Harris, defending whoring herself out to Willie Brown.


Despite Willie's blatant nepotism, Kamala decided to show what an ungrateful bitch she is by stating that she would still lock him up if he got caught jaywalking. Presumably it was this sort of bitchery by Kamala that led to the two eventually breaking up in 1995.

   
 
Harris is the only one who, after I helped her, sent word that I would be indicted if I 'so much as jaywalked' while she was D.A. That's politics for ya.
 

 
 

—Willie Brown, realizing he shouldn't have stuck his dick in crazy

2020 Democrat Primaries

In 2020, Kamala Harris was one of at least 100 Democrats who attempted to run for President. Unfortunately for her, she ended up getting bodied so hard by Hawaii congresswoman Tulsi Gabbard during the Democratic Primaries that she ended up immediately dropping out. You can watch this brutal pwning below in all its glory.


Cumdumpster in Chief

Biden Harris 2020 campaign poster.
Biden and Harris rig the 2020 election against Donald Trump.

After Harris got BTFO by Tulsi, former Vice President Joe Biden would go on to win the 2020 Democratic nomination despite being a pedophile, a rapist, a racist and a dementia-ridden vegetable. Because Joe Biden is so smart, he decided that his Vice Presidential pick should be an African-American woman of sub-par sexual attractiveness in order to better appeal to the average le 56% voter. But because Joe Biden is a racist and a retard, he instead chose Kamala Harris as his VP despite the fact that neither Jamaicans nor Indians are from fucking Africa.

The Whoreder Czar

Biden and Harris on their way to stop COVID.

Game Joever

On July 21, 2024, U.S. "President" Joe Biden abruptly ended his reelection bid after weeks of his fellow Democrats telling him to drop the fuck out. This was a result of both Biden's horrendous performance at the first presidential debate on June 27th, the attempted assassination of Donald Trump on July 13th and all of the polls for the past month making it abundantly clear that Joe about to be assraped by Donald Trump in November should he be the Democrats' nominee.

   
 
WHAT THE HECK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THE 20,000 “FUCK JOE BIDEN” FLAGS I ALREADY HAD PRINTED?!?
 

 
 

—Rex Huppke, on losing his job because of Joe Biden.



See Also

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Kamala Harris (prostitute)
is part of a series on Politics.
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See also: 2012 Elections2016 Presidential Elections2020 Presidential Elections2024 USA Presidential ElectionsInternet PoliticsPizzaGatePolitical communitiesRoe v. Wade

Kamala Harris (prostitute) is part of a series on FAKE NEWS

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Article of the Now July 26 & July 27, 2024
Preceded by
Opioids
Kamala Harris (prostitute) Succeeded by
He Will Not Divide Us