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Ruslan Akhtyamov: Difference between revisions

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Created page with "{{notice|''This is a better, more fleshed up remake of User:MisterRemover/Ruslan Akhtyamov. Props to him for giving me a base.''}} {{corner|File:AkhtyamovCorner.png|180p..."
 
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{{notice|''This is a better, more fleshed up remake of [[User:MisterRemover/Ruslan Akhtyamov]]. Props to him for giving me a base.''}}
{{corner|[[File:AkhtyamovCorner.png|180px]]}}
{{corner|[[File:AkhtyamovCorner.png|180px]]}}


{{an hero}}
{{an hero}}
{{spoiler|RUSSIAN VERSION OF ANDREA PIGNANI AND THE GUN'S OWNER IS DEAD}}
{{spoiler|АБСОЛЮТНАЯ НЕУДАЧА}}


{{ib|[[File:Ruslan_Akhtyamov.png|250px]]}}
{{ib|[[File:Ruslan_Akhtyamov.png|250px]]}}
{{Ibhead|<big>'''Ruslan Akhtyamov'''</big>}}
{{Ibhead|<big>'''Ruslan Akhtyamov'''</big>}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality:'''|[[Ruskie]] [[File:MiniflagRussia.png]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality:'''|[[Ruskie]] [[File:MiniflagRussia.png]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''[[High Score]]'''|2 lolis killed, 2 adults killed, injured 1}}
{{Ibrow|'''[[High Score]]'''|4 killed, 1 injured}}
{{Ibrow|'''Top 50?'''|'''Oh hell nah!'''}}
{{Ibrow|'''Top 50?'''|'''FUCK NO'''}}
{{Ibrow|'''Style'''|Single Player}}
{{Ibrow|'''Style'''|Single Player}}
{{Ibrow|'''[[An Hero]]?'''|Shotgun mouthwash}}
{{Ibrow|'''[[An Hero]]?'''|Shotgun mouthwash}}
{{Ibend}}
{{Ibend}}


On April 26th 2022, just weeks before the Ruski attack on Ukraine, another [[Andrea Pignani|batshit insane]] [[Tobias Rathjen|European]] [[Noah Esbensen|Adam Lanza copycat]] would go for the high score after finally snapping his head out (literally). The location of the attack was '''Ryabinka Kindergarten''', and the gun owner's house.
On [[April]] 26th [[2022]], two months into [[Putin]]'s [[War|escapades]], some [[batshit insane]] Vatnik named [[Moonspeak|'''Ruslan Akhtyamov''']] would go for the [[High Score]] after finally snapping. He broke into a gun owner's house then [[Sandy Hook|shot up a fucking kindergarten]]. He racked up an astounding kill count of 4 before logging off for good.  


== Ruslan in the blood (and brains) ==
== Ruslan in the flesh (and blood) ==
So, who was Ruslan really? Was he an alt-right extremist? Was he influenced by shitty supermarket shooters? Was he a fedpost? No, not at all. He wasn't any of that. The ongoing investigation shows Ruslan had a personality disorder and was a basement dweller. He was probably intensively bullied by his peers for his retarded head shape. Look at him, come on, he looks like a fucking egg! He was shat out 26 years ago, in 1996. The gun he borrowed was from one of his friends, who invited him to come shoot guns. So yes, even Ruslan had friends. His neighbours described him as quiet and nice but was kinda strange at times. He was right about him being strange thought! Anyways after this, there's not much known of Ruslan. His mother recognized him in the shooting cause of his stupid little face.


== The shooting ==
[[File:Ruslanwithcat.jpg|thumb|left|Ruslan plotting his attack like an evil madman.]]
[[File:RuslanDead.jpg|200px|thumb|left|In your face, Ilnaz and Timur!]]
So, who was Ruslan really? Was he an [[alt-right]] extremist? Was he influenced by [[Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold|these faggots]]? Was he a [[Payton Gendron|glowie]]? No, not at all. He wasn't any of that. The ongoing investigation shows Ruslan had a personality disorder, was a [[basement dweller]], and was balding at the tender age of 26. [[You|Does that remind you of anyone?]]  
Ruslan decided to end it all on April 26th, serving as a major lulzfest and a late April Fools to Ruski kids at Veshkayma. To do a school shooting you need a gun! But Ruslan wasn't eligible for that, but he had a great idea! Brutally murder his best friend for his shotgun for the lulz. With that done, to do a school shooting you need a school to attack. The school he chose was a kindergarten, serving as yet another major lulzfest for [[Adam Lanza]] and [[Noah Esbensen]]. And well.... now you have fun! Ruslan entered the school during naptime, in order to fap to the dead kiddies bettar. From there, an employee tried to talk him down and stop him, but no one can stop [[Vladimir Putin|a batshit insane Ruski]], so he shot her in the head. Next was the other attack, killing 2 sleeping kiddies before shooting another "hero" who tried to stop him, injuring her in the arm. After a quick nut, he decided to do what the 2 other [[Timur Bekmansurov|Ruski]] [[Ilnaz Galyaviev|fags]] couldn't do, [[An hero|join the ranks of an hero]]. This shooting was a lulzfest, as shootings, while they happen in Russia, aren't very common. This is the 5th popularized school shooting in Russia, and the penultimate with the less kills, the one with the less kills being a school hostage made by a 15 year old boi who killed a police officer. Good job.... I guess? There aren't mass shootings in Russia right now due to tha war!! in Ukraine.


Sometime in 1996, [[Your mom|Mrs. Akhtyamov]] would go to the toilet to take a [[shit]], only to find out that that piece of shit could walk, talk, cry and [[Adam Lanza|kill kids]]. And thus, Ruslan was born. Not much is known about him, but just looking at him, he was probably [[bullied]] as a kid for having a [[retarded]] looking head. You may think that this prevented him from having any friends, but you are [[wrong]]. He made '''1''' friend; an [[Oldfag|old man]] who would occasionally invite him over to shoot [[guns]].


== Russia and Mass Shootings ==
A few years later, Ruslan began developing a severe bout of '''Insane Retard Syndrome''', (scientific name: '''Insanis retardis'''), or just [[IRS]]. This got so bad to the point where [https://azlyrics.com.az/lyrics/liberalism-at-the-price-of-childrens-lives-does-the-country-need-special-psychiatry/ he had to be registered as mentally ill by the fucking state!] Of course, that didn't stop the old man from letting him onto his property to use his guns.
Isn't it strange? Why a country that's European, with such good gun control laws have mass shootings? Isn't it hard to do a mass shooting in Russia? Not anymore. Dimitry Vinogradov's shooting in 2012 was the equivalent of Eric and Dylan's lulzfest in 1999 but in Russia. It shocked many, and inspired many too. The earliest popularized Russian challenger was a 15 year old who kept a school hostage and killed a police officer. Next up, 4 years later, is [[Vladislav Roslyakov]], a noodle-armed Columbiner faggot who PWned 20 and fragged alot of more with a bomb that actually fucking detonated! 2 years later, is a nice change of pace. Ilnaz Galyaview, a Vladi daddy stan and copycat, who PWned 9 and fragged 20. He also has one of his own copycats, Timur Bekmansurov, who PWned 6, and after the attack got amputated. Then there's Ruslan who PWned 4 and fragged 1. Progressivly, the attacks have less and less kills, just like America! Can Russia be Europe's biggest mass shooting site? Who knows! Maybe it is really!


== Loadout ==
== Loadout ==
Line 39: Line 36:
<center>[[File:IZh-27.png|100px]]</center>
<center>[[File:IZh-27.png|100px]]</center>
|
|
*Normal, cool, cheap shotgun which is powerful. Nothing special but it's nice.'''65~155 Damage'''
*Average double-barrel shotgun, nothing fancy. Perfect for killing [[Retards|old people, women and children]]. '''65~155 Damage'''
|-
|-
|
|
Line 45: Line 42:
<center>[[Image:ESM_Stopping_Power.png|50px]]</center>
<center>[[Image:ESM_Stopping_Power.png|50px]]</center>
|
|
*Deal alot of damage to little mushy kiddie brains with a shotty.  
*Increases bullet damage to blow apart kiddie heads. [[Unrealistic Expectations|As if they were gonna survive a shotgun shell to the head anyways]].
|-
|-
|
|
Line 51: Line 48:
<center>[[Image:ESM_Sleight_of_Hand.png|50px]]</center>
<center>[[Image:ESM_Sleight_of_Hand.png|50px]]</center>
|
|
*Fastens your fapping and nutting before the Party Vans arrive. Also makes your attack faster and more efficient.
*Increases ability to [[fap]] on the corpses of the successfully killed children before [[cops]], [[Party Van|FSB]] and other [[stalkers]] come in and break up the party.
|-
|
*'''Spell''': Tard Rage
<center>[[File:Dera.jpg|70px]]</center>
|
*Lets the player harness their inner retard, letting them deal upwards to '''50% moar damage''' than they normally would. Lasts ~30 minutes. '''(+10000 Crit Chance) (-7 Intelligence)'''
|}
|}
</div>
</div>
== The shooting ==
[[File:RuslanOld.png|200px|thumb|At first I was like...]]
[[File:RuslanDead.jpg|200px|thumb|...then I was like]]
April 26th for him was the day of hardcore. And also of rape, so let's see his to-do list! To do a mass shooting you will need a gun. Ruslan wasn't eligible for that, but he had a great idea! Brutally murder his best friend and steal his shotgun [[for the lulz]]. With that done, you need somewhere to attack. The target he chose was a kindergarten, serving as yet another major lulzfest. Ruslan [[Ninja|entered the school during naptime]], in order to [[Pedo|fap to the sleeping kiddies]] first. Suddenly an employee spotted him and tried to stop him, but no one can stop [[Vladimir Putin|a batshit insane Ruski]], so he [[Headshot|shot her in the head]]. Next up Ruslan killed 2 sleeping kiddies before shooting another "hero" who tried to stop him, injuring her in the arm. After a quick [[Masturbation|nut]], he decided to do what the two other [[Timur Bekmansurov|Ruski]] [[Ilnaz Galyaviev|fags]] couldn't do, [[An hero|and joined the ranks of an hero]]. This shooting ended up being a proper lulzfest as shootings in [[Russia]] aren't very common, especially not kindergarten shootings. As of now, the war made [[mass shootings]] less common in Russia and [[Ukraine]], and for lulzy purposes. This shooting was a nice change of pace to [[Europe]]. Good job!
== Russia and Mass Shootings ==
Why did Russia become such a hotbed for Mass Shootings? That's [[America|our]] job! >:(
Ever since [[Dmitry Vinogradov]]'s High Score attempt in [[2012]], there have been a fuckton of Russian players trying to get onto the European FPS leaderboard, with only one actually succeeding: [[Vladislav Roslyakov]], a pasty noodle-armed [[Columbiner]] and [[faggot]] that racked up 20 kills using a shotgun and a [[Win|bomb that actually fucking worked]]! 3 years later would come [[Ilnaz Galyaviev]], one of Vlad's many, many fanboys who racked up 9 kills despite using a semi-auto shotgun, and [[Timur Bekmansurov]], a copycat of Ilnaz, [[Mindfuck|a copycat of a copycat]], who got a shitty K:I ratio of [[You suck|6:47]], and [[LOLWUT|got one of his legs amputated]]. (Dis)honorable mentions go to some 15 year old retard who held his school hostage and [[Win|killed a cop]], and [[Columbine Copycats#Daniil Monakhov|Daniil Monakhov]], who attempted to bring a gun to his school, before his grandma found the gun, and instead went on a killing spree around his shitty little village, killing 4 (including aforementioned grandma) [[Lol|before an heroing near a bus stop]].
This has caused the Russian government to shit themselves, first blaming Western culture, before moving onto passing stricter gun laws in Russia, a country that already has a fuckload of [[gun control]], though that didn't really stop our [[Retard|hero]] from attempting to get the High Score. How? [[Lol|He just stole the shotgun the old man let him use, and killed him with it]]. Can't really regulate stolen guns, can you :D?


== Graded Score ==
== Graded Score ==
{| style="{{roundy|18px}}{{gradlinear|red|orange}}box-shadow:0 3px 6px gray;padding:1em;margin:0 auto 1em auto;" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="2" border="0"
|-
! colspan="2" style="{{roundy|9px}}background-color:red;box-shadow:0 3px 6px orange;" | <big>Graded score</big>
|-
| colspan="2" style="height:9px;overflow:hidden;" |
|-
! style="text-align:right;" | Kills:
|4/20 ''4 PWned and 1 injured [[Fail|with a shotgun...]]''
|-
! style="text-align:right;vertical-align:top;" | Accuracy:
|14/20 ''Good accuracy for a shotgun with a bit of kickback.'' <br />
|-
! style="text-align:right;" | Style:
|15/20 ''Entered the school at naptime to fap bettar''
|-
! style="text-align:right;" | Butthurt:
|10/20 ''Nobody really gave a fuck expect Slavic states''
|-
! style="text-align:right;vertical-align:top;" | Bonus:
|9/20 ''[[Lol|Stole an old man's shotgun and killed him with it before shooting up the kindergarten]].''<br />
|-
! colspan="2" style="{{roundy|9px}}background-color:orange;box-shadow:0 3px 6px yellow;" | <big>Total score: 52/100 ('''D''')</big>
|}


<center>'''The Russians do it good'''</center>
{{GradedScore|'''4'''|4 killed and 1 injured|16| |15|Stole the gun, entered the classroom at naptime and [[Sick fuck|targeted a kindergarten]].|7|Moderate asshurt in Russia, overshadowed by more [[War|pressing matters]].|9|[[Lol|Stole an old man's shotgun and killed him with it before shooting up the kindergarten]].|51|D|ТЫ ПОЛНЫЙ ОТСТОЙ (Lanza did it better)}}
 
{{CustomWantedLevel|3|[[File:1513889049893.jpg|200px]]|[[Homo|OMOH]]}}
 
== See Also ==
*[[Batshit insane]] - duh
*[[Gun control]] - What was enacted after [[Ilnaz Galyaviev|Ilnaz]] and [[Timur Bekmansurov|Timur]]'s failfests, and yet failed to stop Ruslan.
*[[I masterbauted right after the Sandy Hook Shooting]] - Probably what this guy did
*[[Russia]] - Where this all happened
*[[Mamoru Takuma]] - Got a better score with a fucking knife lol
*[[Vladislav Roslyakov]] - Owner of Russia's Golden iPod
*[[War]] - What this was overshadowed by


<center>'''[[High Score| See full ranking]]'''</center>
{{High Scores}}
<center>
{{An Heroes}}
<div style="{{roundy|10px}}border:2px solid #000;width:30%;background:linear-gradient(#e18f80, #666c05);background:-moz-linear-gradient(#002db3, #4da6ff);background:-webkit-linear-gradient(#002db3, #4da6ff);background:-o-linear-gradient(#e18f80, #666c05);padding:10px;font-weight:bold;font-size:larger">
[[Category:2022]]
<span style="font-size:16pt;">'''Wanted Level:'''</span>
[[Category:People|Akhtyamov, Ruslan]]
<br>
[[Category:Murder]]
<span> ___________________ </span>
[[Category:Rusfags]]
{|align="center"
|[[File:Wantedstar.png|40px]]
|[[File:Wantedstar.png|40px]]
|[[File:Wantedstar.png|40px]]
|[[File:Wantedstar.png|40px]]
|}
<span> ___________________ </span>
<br>
{|align="center"
|[[File:FSB_Emblem.png|128px]]
|}
<br>
<span style="font-size:12pt;">'''Федеральная служба безопасности'''</span>
</div><br>
</center>

Latest revision as of 19:59, 3 December 2022

Lose an iPod?

This page contains an hero.
Ruslan Akhtyamov
Nationality: Ruskie
High Score 4 killed, 1 injured
Top 50? FUCK NO
Style Single Player
An Hero? Shotgun mouthwash


On April 26th 2022, two months into Putin's escapades, some batshit insane Vatnik named Ruslan Akhtyamov would go for the High Score after finally snapping. He broke into a gun owner's house then shot up a fucking kindergarten. He racked up an astounding kill count of 4 before logging off for good.

Ruslan in the flesh (and blood)

Ruslan plotting his attack like an evil madman.

So, who was Ruslan really? Was he an alt-right extremist? Was he influenced by these faggots? Was he a glowie? No, not at all. He wasn't any of that. The ongoing investigation shows Ruslan had a personality disorder, was a basement dweller, and was balding at the tender age of 26. Does that remind you of anyone?

Sometime in 1996, Mrs. Akhtyamov would go to the toilet to take a shit, only to find out that that piece of shit could walk, talk, cry and kill kids. And thus, Ruslan was born. Not much is known about him, but just looking at him, he was probably bullied as a kid for having a retarded looking head. You may think that this prevented him from having any friends, but you are wrong. He made 1 friend; an old man who would occasionally invite him over to shoot guns.

A few years later, Ruslan began developing a severe bout of Insane Retard Syndrome, (scientific name: Insanis retardis), or just IRS. This got so bad to the point where he had to be registered as mentally ill by the fucking state! Of course, that didn't stop the old man from letting him onto his property to use his guns.

Loadout

Class Setup
Item Accessories/Bonus
  • Primary: IZh-27
  • Perk 1: Stopping Power
  • Perk 2: Sleight of Hand
  • Increases ability to fap on the corpses of the successfully killed children before cops, FSB and other stalkers come in and break up the party.
  • Spell: Tard Rage
  • Lets the player harness their inner retard, letting them deal upwards to 50% moar damage than they normally would. Lasts ~30 minutes. (+10000 Crit Chance) (-7 Intelligence)

The shooting

At first I was like...
...then I was like

April 26th for him was the day of hardcore. And also of rape, so let's see his to-do list! To do a mass shooting you will need a gun. Ruslan wasn't eligible for that, but he had a great idea! Brutally murder his best friend and steal his shotgun for the lulz. With that done, you need somewhere to attack. The target he chose was a kindergarten, serving as yet another major lulzfest. Ruslan entered the school during naptime, in order to fap to the sleeping kiddies first. Suddenly an employee spotted him and tried to stop him, but no one can stop a batshit insane Ruski, so he shot her in the head. Next up Ruslan killed 2 sleeping kiddies before shooting another "hero" who tried to stop him, injuring her in the arm. After a quick nut, he decided to do what the two other Ruski fags couldn't do, and joined the ranks of an hero. This shooting ended up being a proper lulzfest as shootings in Russia aren't very common, especially not kindergarten shootings. As of now, the war made mass shootings less common in Russia and Ukraine, and for lulzy purposes. This shooting was a nice change of pace to Europe. Good job!

Russia and Mass Shootings

Why did Russia become such a hotbed for Mass Shootings? That's our job! >:(

Ever since Dmitry Vinogradov's High Score attempt in 2012, there have been a fuckton of Russian players trying to get onto the European FPS leaderboard, with only one actually succeeding: Vladislav Roslyakov, a pasty noodle-armed Columbiner and faggot that racked up 20 kills using a shotgun and a bomb that actually fucking worked! 3 years later would come Ilnaz Galyaviev, one of Vlad's many, many fanboys who racked up 9 kills despite using a semi-auto shotgun, and Timur Bekmansurov, a copycat of Ilnaz, a copycat of a copycat, who got a shitty K:I ratio of 6:47, and got one of his legs amputated. (Dis)honorable mentions go to some 15 year old retard who held his school hostage and killed a cop, and Daniil Monakhov, who attempted to bring a gun to his school, before his grandma found the gun, and instead went on a killing spree around his shitty little village, killing 4 (including aforementioned grandma) before an heroing near a bus stop.

This has caused the Russian government to shit themselves, first blaming Western culture, before moving onto passing stricter gun laws in Russia, a country that already has a fuckload of gun control, though that didn't really stop our hero from attempting to get the High Score. How? He just stole the shotgun the old man let him use, and killed him with it. Can't really regulate stolen guns, can you :D?

Graded Score

Graded Score
Kill count: 4/20 4 killed and 1 injured
Accuracy: 16/20
Style: 15/20 Stole the gun, entered the classroom at naptime and targeted a kindergarten.
Butthurt: 7/20 Moderate asshurt in Russia, overshadowed by more pressing matters.
Bonus: 9/20 Stole an old man's shotgun and killed him with it before shooting up the kindergarten.
Total Score: 51/100 (D)
ТЫ ПОЛНЫЙ ОТСТОЙ (Lanza did it better)
See full ranking


Wanted Level:
___________________

___________________


OMOH


See Also


Ruslan Akhtyamov is part of a series on Are You Ready? [GAME OVERInsert Coin] Go!
Single Player Elite Hall of Fame

Adam LanzaAnders Behring BreivikAndrew KehoeAriana Grande MassacreBaruch GoldsteinBrenton TarrantCampo Elías DelgadoCho Seung-HuiDevin Patrick KelleyDong YanglingGabriel WortmanJack Gilbert GrahamJakrapanth ThommaJames HubertyLuby's massacreMartin BryantMutsuo ToiNice Truck Attack 2016Omar MateenPanya KhamrabPatrick CrusiusReina Nightclub MassacreSalvador RamosShinji AobaStephen PaddockTed BundyVladislav RoslyakovWilliam UnekWoo Bum-kon

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Aaron AlexisAlexandre BissonnetteAkbarzhon JalivovAli David SonbolyAnderson Lee AldrichAndrea PignaniAnton Lundin PetterssonArtyom KazantsevAudrey HaleBrandon Scott HoleBreda Highschool MassacreBreitscheidplatzBrenda Ann SpencerBruce Jeffrey PardoCapital Gazette ShootingCharles Whitman's TumorChris Harper-MercerConnor BettsDallas Police ShootingsDarrell BrooksDavid KatzDavid KozákDavid Malcolm GrayDeath to Traitors, Freedom for BritainDerrick BirdDeWayne CraddockDimitrios PagourtzisDimitrious GargasoulasDmitry VinogradovDylann Storm RoofElliot RodgerÉric BorelEuler Fernando GrandolphoFlemming NielsenFort HoodGabe ParkerGeorge SodiniGian Luigi FerriIan David LongIlnaz GalyavievJake DavisonJames Alex FieldsJames HolmesJared Lee LoughnerJason DaltonJason RodriguezJaylen FrybergJeffrey DahmerJeff WeiseJesse OsborneJiverly VoongJoe StackJohn Russel HouserJohn Wilkes BoothJonathan SapirmanJosef FritzlKhalid MasoodKimveer GillKip KinkelKongsberg Bow and Arrow RampageLam Kor WanMamoru TakumaMarc LépineMark BartonMark EssexMartin PeyerlMatthew de GroodMichael CarnealMichael Kenneth McLendonMichael RyanMikese MorseMr. SaariNathan GaleNghtmrchld26Nikolas CruzNoah EsbensenOrlando HarrisOtoya YamaguchiPatrick PurdyPayton GendronPekka-Eric AuvinenPetri GerdtRamadan Van ManRandy Robert StairRichard SpeckRobert BalesRobert BowersRobert CardRobert CrimoRobert HawkinsRobert LongRobert SteinhäuserRuslan AkhtyamovRyan PalmeterSantino William LeganSatoshi UematsuSayfullo SaipovStephen KazmierczakThe Twinkie ManThomas Matthew CrooksThomas Watt HamiltonTim KretschmerTimothy HendronTimur BekmansurovTJ LaneTobias RathjenTrystan Andrew TerrellTyler PetersonUnabomberWade Michael PageWalter SeifertWellington Menezes de OliveiraZhao ZeweiZug Massacre

Multiplayer Co-Op Mode

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Banned From Scoring

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Ruslan Akhtyamov
is part of a series on
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