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James Huberty
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This article has been cleaned up, and it was a trip to hell and back. Please, don't fuck it up. |
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| James Oliver Huberty | |
| Born | October 11, 1942 |
| Died | July 18, 1984 (aged 41) |
| Nationality: | Americunt 
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| Occupation | Food critic |
| Highscore | Killed 21, injured 19 |
| Top 50? | 27th |
| Style | FPS, Single player |
| An Hero? | No (Sniped) |
James Oliver Huberty (born October 11, 1942) was the third lulziest high score holder of the 1980s and the survivalist who perpetrated the San Ysidro McDonald's massacre on July 18th, 1984. The massacre resulted in the deaths of twenty-one useless spics and illegals and wounded nineteen more beaners before he was pwn3d by a sniper.
Background
Born in Canton, Ohio, on October 11, 1942, Huberty contracted polio when he was three years old, which left him with permanent difficulty walking. His mother orphaned his ass, refusing to move into the Pennsylvania Amish Country after his father purchased a farm there, making James grow up in a shithole Amish community where he was constantly being bullied by children cosplaying as the Quaker Oats guy. A minister later claimed that Huberty "blamed God" for taking his mother away from him. In his early adulthood, Huberty attended a Christfag community college, where he earned a bachelor's degree in sociology, and also gained a license for embalming after attending the Pittsburgh Institute of Mortuary Science, although he did not pursue a job as an embalmer altogether. At the institute, he met a woman named Etna and married her. Huberty and Etna had a history of domestic violence, it rubbing off on his children so much his little shits would attack other lolis in the neighborhood. Huberty threatened to shoot a neighbor's dog after it defecated on his lawn and also killed his own dog in a separate incident after a neighbor complained about it fucking with his vehicle.
Huberty began to develop beliefs that foreign bankers were manipulating the Federal Reserve System, intentionally bankrupting the U.S., and breaking down society; he also blamed the failures of numerous businesses and Soviet aggression for the increasingly strict federal government regulations. As a result, he went full prepper and started stockpiling shit for the coming Reaganomics collapse. At one point, after getting another job but then losing it shortly afterward, he attempted to commit suicide, but Etna stopped him. In September 1983, Huberty became involved in a motorcycle accident that FUBAR'd him, eventually leading to him and his tribe packing their shit and moving to the Mexican-infested sinkhole of San Diego, California, specifically in the San Ysidro neighborhood due to the fact that he didn't fit well with spics. Seeing that San Diego isn't the jacking capital as South Park had portrayed, James came to realize that his life was going to go nowhere, and that is when he knew that it was his destiny to achieve the high score.
Post-Gameplay Footage
The Day of the Massacre
The day prior to the massacre, Huberty decided in a last-minute effort to get somewhere in life by getting help from a mental health center, but the retarded Spanish-speaking accountant misread his name as Shouberty. After a good old day at the San Diego Zoo, Huberty grabbed his guns, kissed his wife and two daughters, and began his quest to achieve the High Score. Before leaving, he told Etna that he was "hunting humans" when she questioned his departure. He was originally going to shoot up a supermarket and a post office, apparently searching for locations to commit his massacre, but then Huberty decided to choose the San Ysidro McDonald's restaurant as his target as he realized the growing obesity epidemic wouldn't kill spics fast enough. Walking into the establishment, he put on the 
American national anthem before aiming his shotgun at an underpaid spic worker, then having it jam, which caused James to pull out his Level 99 Uzi with a Bane of Wetbacks enchantment, doing 20% more critical damage to Hispanics.
The scene was a Doom style bloodbath, with not even the Ronald McDonald statue outside dressed as a cholo and covered in graffiti being spared. James shot fucking everything, including babies and old people, exploding Big Macs and managing to get the ice cream machine to work with a 9mm. James was allowed to shoot up the joint for 77 minutes because the stupid-ass pigs sent the party van to the wrong McDonald's. Somehow not noticing the building being turned into a warzone, Mexicans in the area tried to get their daily hamburguesas but ended up being pwned while walking into the restaurant or just so much as walking by. When SWAT arrived, Huberty fled his Yakubian ass back inside the restaurant and a standoff ensued, with trade-offs of hostages for Quarter Pounders. Finally, a sniper positioned himself on the roof of a post office south from the McDonald's restaurant and noscoped James right through the heart, killing him. The entire event lasted for a total of 77 minutes, and when authorities entered the restaurant, they found 21 dead spics, along with an additional 19 injured victims still gorging themselves on fast food. A total of 257 bullets were fired by Huberty during the massacre. To add insult to injury, after the shooting, his wife sued McDonald's, claiming their nuggets made James go schizo.
Loadout
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| Item | Accessories/Bonus |
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Graded Score
| Kill count: | 21/20 I'm lovin' it |
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| Accuracy: | 11/20 21 killed, 19 injured |
| Style: | 18/20 Shot anything that even dared to move |
| Butthurt: | 20/20 Deadliest mass shooting in American history during the 1980s |
| Bonus: | 19/20 Took the high score away from Charles Whitman |
Wanted Level:
Federal Bureau of Investigation
