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Al Sharpton
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Also known as the black Hal Turner, the Rev. Al Sharpton is a first-class nigger, lolcow, racist, attention whore, and the arch-enemy of Don Imus. Hiding behind the seemingly moral title "Reverend", he is a moral crusader solely for the benefit of niggers. Al has made a career of trolling White America to it's knees, including an attempt at running for President of the USA as a Democrat -despite being a total Jew hater. He currently has a show on MSNBC, where he constantly takes any significant event involving a black person and spins it into just another case of "dem crackahass whities hatin' on us niggas". However, Sharpton's ability to victimize the black race has been severely reduced ever since a totally retarded American public elected our Kenyan OG nigga Barack Obama as President. His show could be considered, and by all standards is an hour-long propaganda loop for Obama's presidency. Sharpton, like most Civil Rights Movement figures, is illiterate even by Ebonics standards, and deciphering his tribe-speak mish-mash negro babblings requires a very intelligent individual.
Early Life As A Pickaninny In Philly
Al grew up originally as Fat Albert Robinson in the middle-class suburb ghetto of Philadelphia. Most assume this is where he developed his illiterate pseudo-Ebonics "language" in which he speaks today. He was good friends with Bill Cosby, and their gang activities youthful adventures became the basis for Cosby's stand-up comedy act in the 1960's. However, as Al grew up, he became involved in the Nigger Civil Rights Movement, and found that Cosby's act effectively countered all the butthurt that Al claimed he and his fellow niggers suffered from at the hands of whitey. He threatened to sit on Cosby and squash him flat if he didn't stop using him in his act, to which Cosby responded by securing a deal with Filmation to produce a Fat Albert blaxploitation cartoon propaganda film series for Saturday mornings. With more money, bodyguards and cap poppers at his disposal, Al was forced to resort to other means of distancing himself from Cosby's painting him as a "nice, trustable, stand-up representative of young black America" - something he definitely did *not* want to be a representative of. "Nice guys" do not rouse the rabble, and Sharpton was determined to fulfill his dream to become a race-card pulling, ignorant, raging negro.
Movin' On Uppity
Despite the stigma of having inspired the most popular nigger cartoon character since Little Black Sambo, Jesse Jackson gave Al a job in 1969, as the youth director of Operation Breadbasket, a group that was supposed to focus on the promotion of new and better jobs for niggers over white folks. However, Al took the name of the group literally, and used it as a food gathering service that rounded up all the spare food in Philly. Instead of redistributing the food to the lazy needy, Al instead ate most of it and gave the rest to his two pet pit bulls, Amos and Andy. Bill Cosby later parodied this in the famous "Fat Albert the Fudge Cook" scene - "one for you, one for me. One for you, one, two, three for me!"
In 1972, Al got his miracle. As he was taking a correspondence course taught by the Reverend Ike on black street preaching for tax evasion purposes, Al's mother confessed something that came as no surprise to anyone who knows how the genetic nigger family trees(*) operate - the guy that had been shacking up with Al's mom for all those years was, in fact, not Al's real father. The real baby daddy - Jethro "Shady" Sharpton - had left her before Al was born, had been sentenced to life for running all the three-card monte games in Philly, and was last heard as having been transferred to Folsom Prison for good behavior so he could catch the famous concert by Johnny Cash. He reportedly died in 1986 of AIDS he contracted from John Holmes, although it is still debated as to who was the one who bent over to pick up the soap.
Upon receiving the truth about who his daddy was, Al celebrated with a hundred-piece barrel of Kentucky Fried Chicken and three gallons of mashed potatoes and gravy. He then marched down to the Philly courthouse, had his last name changed from Robinson to Sharpton, grew an afro, styled it with the stripes of a silver-back gorilla, and began street preaching for all niggers to demand equality by taking over the US and sending all the whiteys back to Africa. When it became apparent that trick wasn't going to work, he switched tactics and began fabricating civil rights violations against niggers by innocent honkeys and forgetting to pay his taxes.
(*) Not to be confused with the trees their ancestors still live in. Or are suspended from, in certain cases.
Howard Beach Is Now Closed
After years of ambulance chasing and hanging outside of jails and courthouses looking for niggers to play along with the "Whitey oppressed me!" scam, Al got his first break on December 20, 1986, when three niggers were assaulted in the Howard Beach neighborhood of Queens by a mob of white men. The three niggers were in the neighborhood for business purposes - two were breaking into cars and homes, while the third was selling door-to-door subscriptions to Ebony - and after the burglars were caught in the act all three were chased by a neighborhood watch group onto the Belt Parkway. In a classic case of Darwinism In Action, Michael Griffith - the one selling the magazine subscriptions - was struck and killed by a passing motorist when he failed to look both ways before running onto the parkway. The other two niggers stopped at the sight of the accident, and subsequently had the shit beat out of them while waiting for the cops to arrive to get their share of the action.
A week later, on December 27, Al led 1,200 demonstrators niggers of all denominations of welfare checks on a march through the streets of Howard Beach. White residents of the neighborhood immediately began putting "for sale" signs on their lawns, thinking the protest was actually some real estate agent's crazy plan for selling houses. Al's efforts to get charges filed against the neighborhood watch group failed even with the help of an appointment of a special prosecutor by New York Governor Mario Cuomo, who was paying off an old three-card monte debt to Al that he'd owed his real father since 1955. Any and all charges were dropped when the two surviving victims burglars refused to testify in exchange for all charges against them being dropped, including some 200 parking tickets and the return of their car which had been impounded since October of that year.
Despite this failure, Al managed to get his fat ugly face on the TV news shows, although some stations ran disclaimers to let viewers know that they were not looking at an escaped species of gorilla and thus would not be prompted to call the police or the local zoo to report the escape. He also claimed victory because he was able to induce a mass "White Flight" out of Howard Beach, and laughed about it in interviews as essentially having "not just closed de pool, but closed de entire beach!"
After finally having struck some semblance of success with his scam, Al now needed another "victim" to "champion". For several months he was unsuccessful in locating anyone who'd go along with the gag and wouldn't charge him an arm and a leg. That is, until Al got a blowjob from a street whore named Tawana Brawley.
Tawana "Bag Lady" Brawley
This 1987 case of an almost raped black woman in upstate New York, put Al on the drama map. Massive amounts of Lulz were generated after Ms. Brawley reported that she had been finger-painted in shit by some white boys, and this detail of the case raised the ire of porch monkeys everywhere. (This accusation was later determined to be false, as she had not only not been raped, she had actually only been smeared with a Jello Pudding Pop by comedian Bill Cosby.) All this being said, it mattered not in the end because - thanks to his trademark 'fro - everyone thought Al was just an escaped silver-back gorilla with bad teeth. After much panic, it was later determined to everyone's relief that Al was not an escaped gorilla, and if anything was just a fat, smelly Don King doppelgänger with a fright-wig hairdo, velvet tracksuit and huge gold medallions.
Jimmy The Greek
After the Tawana Brawley scam fell apart, Al found that no nigger with any lick of sense would come within 10 feet of him if he was talking about how to "get whitey" again. As a result, Al changed strategy and started going after whitey himself for being whitey. In 1988 sports broadcaster/bookie, Jimmy "the Greek" Snyder, was fired after saying that Black athlete were better than a White one because "He's been bred to be that way because of his thigh size and big size." Snyder added that slave owners would breed big Black men with big Black women to produce big Black children, leading to superior Black athletes today."
Although Snyder was speaking fact - niggers actually were bred during the period when slavery was fun *and* profitable for the exact purposes stated - Al went all godwin on Snyder and claimed he was being racist even though Snyder was arguing that the nigger was - at least with regards to professional sports - superior to white folks. Snyder's network - CBS - was prepared to ignore the whole thing and even planned a major expose piece on 60 Minutes showing Al for the scam artist he is, but at the last minute did a complete about-face and fired Snyder. Although the network claimed they acted because Snyder had "offended" nigger viewers with his lesson on genetics, he was fired to placate the owners of Kentucky Fried Chicken, who Al had threatened to call for a boycott of every single one of its thousands of restaurants if they didn't pull their advertising from airing on CBS. Snyder never had a career in TV after that, but wound up making lots more money as a bookie until his death in 1996.
Bensonhurst
Following the ousting of Jimmy the Greek, Al returned to his "victim" scam on August 23, 1989, after four Black teenagers who'd been cruising for white girls to rape were caught in the act by a neighborhood watch group of 10 to 30 white youths who'd been trained by Curtis Silwa in Bensonhurst, a Brooklyn neighborhood. One watchgroup member who was packing heat, busted a cap into sixteen-year-old Yusef Hawkins when Hawkins decided to be an hero and go for his own piece. The other three niggers wet their pants out both ends and begged for mercy until the cops came and took them away to jail.
Needless to say, Al got pissed. He led several marches through Bensonhurst in hopes of provoking the same "White Flight" he'd caused in Howard Beach - especially since he'd made arrangements with a real real estate agent to buy the homes and give him a kickback on the resale! - but the first protest was greeted instead by hundreds of neighborhood residents - white, black, Hispanic and even Vietnamese! - shouting "Niggers go home" and holding nooses and watermelons to mock Al and his pickaninny posse.
This time, thanks to some well-placed bribes - read: free buckets of fried chicken, watermelons, and blowjobs - Al managed to get charges filed against the neighborhood watch group. Much to Al's chagrin, in May 1990 one of the two watchgroup leaders was acquitted, to which Al responded by leading another protest through Bensonhurst. The Bensonhurst residents responded by closing all the fried chicken and BBQ restaurants in town, and the city council passed a new liquor law prohibiting the possession and sale of Colt 45 Malt Liquor, Ripple, MD 20/20, and Thunderbird. Although the march went as scheduled, it was a smaller event due to Al's inability to provide promised refreshments afterwords.
Bensonhurst Bites Back
In January 1991, when the remaining members of the Bensonhurst neighborhood watch were given extremely light sentences that were suspended in light of their community service in keeping dangerous niggers under control, Al announced an even bigger protest march for January 12, 1991. Before that demonstration began, neighborhood resident Michael Riccardi attempted to solve the problem by trying to gut Al like the hog he is. However, Riccardi used a kitchen knife instead of a standard-issue hunting knife, and Al only received some minor wounds - read: all Riccardi managed to do was to cut some fat and never got close to any vital organs. S
Although he failed in his mission, Riccardi became a local hero although Al recovered from his wounds. Through some well-placed bribes on both sides - mostly fried chicken, watermelons and blowjobs - Riccardi went to trial where Al asked the judge for leniency when Riccardi was sentenced. Al then took the assassination attempt as a sign and began eating more in order to produce a thicker, more protective layer of lard. In 2003, Al decided that Riccardi's ability to even make the attempt was the fault of NYC, and he filed suit against the city. Just before the jury was about to be selected, the city decided to settle with Al to the tune of $200,000 USD, most of which came from drug money confiscated during drug busts and protection monies collected from street whores and their pimps.
A Fight, A Fight...A Nigger And A Kike...If The Nigger Don't Win, Then We All Jump In
In August 1991, New York City was rocked by the Crown Heights Riots which broke out after a car accident in which VIP Kike pwnt a couple of li'l Niggerettes. The riot was sparked after a private Jew ambulance came to the scene and spirited the Jew away leaving the injured Black kids for the crap city ambulance. All the Sparkling Wiggles of the neighborhood then rioted for four days fueled by Kool Aid, Chikins and rumors that the Jew ambulance had refused to treat the Black kids, one of whom died.
In revenge visiting Jew student from Australia was killed during the rioting by the nigra mob shouting "Kill the Jew".
Sharpton became the mouthpiece for the kids' family. During the funeral he referred to the Jews as "diamond merchants" and damned them to Hell for shedding "the blood of innocent babies". Since then, the Jews have cut off all funding to the NAACP and all other black civil rights organizations. Moral: never bite the hand that feeds you, especially if your teeth ain't kosher!
Freddy's Fashion Mart
In 1995, Sharpton led a violent protest in Harlem against Freddy's Fashion Mart, a Jews' clothing store that was trying to take over a Black owned business.
Sharpton told the protesters, "We will not stand by and allow them to move this black person so that some Jew can expand his business." Three months later, an armed protester forcibly entered the store and burned it down, killing himself and seven others. Al denied all responsibility for this and for shit stirring in general.
In 2000, Denny's opened a restaurant on the site where Freddy's once stood. Niggers are allowed to eat there for some reason. Jesse is happy, but Al is not, because the Denny's employees won't do anything to piss off black customers and make him all butthurt.
A Diallo, A Dollar, Al's Got Something To Hollar!
On February 4th, 1999, Amadou Diallo - a 23-year-old Guinea immigrant who had come to New York City to study computer science so he could get in on the various spam scams originating out of Africa, was killed by NYPD plainclothes officers who were searching for a serial rapist suspect. The suspect had been seen in the area, and Diallo fit the description right down to the afro. When told to raise his hands, Diallo went instead for his loaded wallet - probably in an effort to bribe his way out of trouble as is the custom in Guinea - and the NYPD cops fired a total of 41 shots at Diallo.
In a misguided attempt to circumvent the expected whining from Al and his cronies, on March 25 a Bronx grand jury indicted the officers on charges of second-degree murder and reckless endangerment. For the next six months Al appeared on talk shows and did a lot of street preaching, demanding that the cops be publicly hung for their crimes. On December 16 of that year, a New York appellate court ordered a change of venue to Albany, New York, stating that all of Al's bitching had made a fair trial in New York City impossible. On February 25, 2000, after two days of deliberations, a racially-balanced jury unanimously voted to acquit the officers of all charges.
Diallo's death, the change of venue, and especially a verdict decided by a fairly balanced jury, got Al and several thousand other NYC niggers all butthurt. Al himself led demonstrations against police brutality and racial profiling, which resulted in more than 1,700 niggers getting tossed in jail - many of whom the cops were already looking for due to outstanding warrants for parking tickets. Others claimed the only reason they protested was that Al had promised them all the Kentucky Fried Chicken value meals they could eat if they showed up, and a Fotie of Colt 45 if they carried a protest sign. Some even said they were promised $20.00 USD for every cop they hit with a protest sign!
The majority of the protests occurred at One Police Plaza, not far from where Al had gotten his first blowjob from Tawana Brawley. Among those arrested in the daily protests at the entrance were surprisingly people who weren't the type of niggers that Al normally bribed to participate in his scams. Those arrested included former NYPD officers, former mayor David Dinkins, and NY Congressmen Charlie Rangel and Gregory Meeks. Even Fat Albert himself got tossed in the slammer along with Jesse Jackson, who'd showed up to cash in on the publicity at the last minute and couldn't get away quick enough.
In addition to Al, Jesse and the above-mentioned politicians seeking publicity, more than a dozen rabbis and other clergy, several Hassidic diamons merchants, and other federal, state, and local politicians were also caught in the roundup. Most of these claimed they'd simply gotten caught in the rush and had gone to One Police Plaza just to gawk at all the niggers. One such gawker was actress Susan Sarandon, who was thrown in the same cell with Al and later became romantically involved with him in a relationship that lasted until her abysmal performance in the Children of Dune miniseries, where she played herself and inadvertently tipped off Al as to her true nature as an even bigger conniving, egotistical, power-hungry attention whore than he himself is.
Despite clear open-and-shut cases, charges against all the protesters were later dropped when NYPD officials admitted that they simply didn't have room in the jails to hold them all; most jails were already so overcrowded that when the protesters started filing in, the cells became so sardine-packed that even if someone wanted to bend over to pick up the soap, the soap wouldn't have been able to hit the ground due to the lack of space between those incarcerated! Not that Sarandon didn't try at least once for Al's sake.
In 2001 the Justice Department announced that it would not charge the officers with having allegedly violated Diallo's civil rights. They did, however, recommend that each officer be formally reprimanded for the fact that out of 41 shots fired at Diallo, only 19 actually hit. One department official was quoted as saying "Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles could have hit that target with more accuracy than those trigger-happy donut junkies!"
On April 18, 2000, at the urgings of Al and Jesse, Diallo's mother, Kadiatou, and the unemployed guy shacking up with her who claimed to be Diallo's adoptive baby daddy, Sankarella Diallo, filed an $61M USD lawsuit - $20M USD plus $1M USD for each shot fired - against the City of New York and the officers, charging gross negligence, wrongful death, racial profiling, and other violations of Diallo's civil rights. In March 2004, they accepted a $3M USD settlement, half in cash, the other half in KFC discount coupons. Diallo's mom later released a book about her son getting killed called My Heart Will Cross This Ocean: My Story, My Son, Amadou, which was in fact ghostwritten by hack author Craig Wolff. Profits from the book sales were split between Diallo's mom, Al Sharpton, and Wolff, although Wolff later opted for a bonus of two year's worth of blowjobs from Tawana Brawley.
In April of 2002, as a result of the Diallo killing and the cops getting reprimanded over the poor marksmanship, the Street Crime Unit was disbanded. Since the unit's dissolution, street crime has increased ~3200% annually, and a lot of niggers in NYC are now driving really pimped out rides and sporting lots of bling bling.
Puerto Rican Diet
In 2001, Sharpton served a three-month jail term for civil disobedience consisting in illegally trespassing on U.S. property located on a bombing range in Vieques, Puerto Rico. Sharpton was imprisoned for protesting the United States Navy's ongoing bombing and target practices on the island.
Well that's the official line: Fat Albert actually saw an opportunity to drop a few hundred pounds on the government's dime, going so far as to hunger strike.
Al Gets Lacross With Duke U.
On March 13, 2. Crystal Gail Mangum, a stripper, escort service whore, and obvious crack whore pretending to be a nigger student at North Carolina Central University, was hired by Duke University's men's lacrosse team to perform at a private party for the team. Because she was so cracked up, she gave a shitty performance, and the Duke players kicked her and another crack ho she'd arrived with out of the apartment. Mangum went apeshit after this, and wound up getting arrested after causing a later disturbance in a Kroger parking lot. While in the slammer, she claimed she was raped by the Duke U. lacrosse team, and in an attempt to make a major bust to promote his upcoming reelection bid, Durham District Attorney Mike Nifong had the whole team rounded up and had three of them jailed and practically convicted of rape without a trial.
However, as the case progressed, Mangum's claims fell apart like wet tissue paper. Or your average baby daddy's claims of "that ain't mah kid, nigga!" As it turned out, what had really happened the night of the "rape" went like this: Mangum had whored herself out to a customer at the strip club she worked at, and fucked the guy without a rubber. She then realized she'd forgotten to take her contraceptive pills that day, and after freaking out about getting pregnant again - she'd reportedly had as many as 11 abortions in the past three years - got all whacked on crack to "calm down". She then went to the party for the Duke lacrosse team as scheduled. Because she was so trashed and still reeking of having been fucked by her "john", what was supposed to be an hour-long private show for the team was aborted by the players after ~3 minutes of Mangum's stumbling around. The team asked Mangum and her co-ho to leave, and after Mangum tried to lock herself in the bathroom the players forcibly evicted her from the apartment. A heated verbal exchange ensued outside the apartment over payment, and racial slurs were thrown from both sides. When Mangum and her friend left, whatever Mangum snorted in the bathroom went totally to her head, and her friend was forced to evict her from her car at the Kroger parking lot before she got attacked. From there, Mangum wound up in jail, and in an effort to shift attention away from her being a whacked-out crack whore, claimed she'd been raped, beaten and otherwise butthurt. Just as Al Sharpton needed a "victim" to "champion", DA Nifong saw Mangum as an early Xmas present even though she was a scummy little crack whore who probably got what she deserved.
As the investigation progressed, Al Sharpton showed up, demanding justice. Which, for Al, meant the heads of all the lacrosse players mounted on pikes in front of the nearest NAACP HQ. The pressure Al and his cronies were putting on the Durham law enforcement officials for a swift verdict was so intense that it actually backfired on Al's efforts to lynch the three accused players. Numerous questions began to arise about due process, and whether or not DNA testing had been conducted properly. Then it got leaked that Nifong was aware that *none* of the DNA samples collected from Mangum's twat matched -any- of the Duke players, and that Mangum may have fucked as many as ten other guys before showing up at the party. And to sink Nifong's boat with an even bigger hole, Mangum kept changing her story as to which of the three players raped her, and even claimed that she couldn't tell them apart from one another because "all white boys look alike to me!"
Meanwhile, the powers-that-be at Duke U had also made their own rush to judgment in an attempt to placate the likes of Fat Al and Jackoff Jesse. They suspended most of the lacrosse team, expelled the three who were accused, canceled the lacrosse season permanently, fired the coach, and essentially tried and convicted the entire team based on the accusations of a whacked-out crack whore. And as it became apparent they'd fucked up almost as bad as Nifong did, Duke officials did the worst thing possible - nothing. They were still too afraid of pissing off Al Sharpton to make amends for having fucked up as bad as DA Nifong had.
The whole case came to a crashing halt on April 11, 2007, North Carolina Attorney General Roy Cooper dropped all charges and declared the three players innocent. Cooper stated that the players were victims of a rogue prosecutor's "tragic rush to accuse." DA Nifong withdrew from the case in January 2007 after the North Carolina State Bar filed two rounds of ethics charges against him — the Bar has since disbarred him for "dishonesty, fraud, deceit and misrepresentation," making Nifong the first prosecutor in North Carolina history to lose his law license based on actions in a case. Nifong was found guilty of criminal contempt and served one day in jail. He's now being sued along with about half of North Carolina by the Duke players and their coach over the whole debacle, while Mangum has totally disappeared - reportedly she's left the state in fear for her life, and rightly so!
As for what Fat Al Sharpton had to do with all this...well, as you probably guessed, Al was a former "john" of Mangum's, and had paid for her first semester's tuition by letting her "work it off" by jerking him off. Go figure.
James Brown Is Dead
To date, Al Sharpton has spoken only once where he was not being criticized, nor demanded that all honkies and whiteys die horribly at the hands of the niggers. This occurred during the funeral of James Brown, where during his eulogy he announced to the congregation and to Gawd in Heaven that "St. Peter better open them Pearly Gates wide, because James Brown likes to make an entrance!" However, this apparent fit of sanity lasted about two days, because as soon as the Godfather of Soul's corpse finally got cold, Al was back on his soapbox demanding the heads of every white boy in Durham NC.
Pool's Closed due to Al Sharpton. Wonder how Al's going to take it when his mama reveals that Imus is Al's half-brother.
Quotes
—Fat Albert, referring to the Camito-Semitic Egyptians who were in fact Caucasian, not Negroid. Hey hey hey! | ||
See Also
External Links
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