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Jesse Osborne
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Jesse Osborne is yet another mediocre mass shooting article. You can help by not writing articles on every boring edgelord that goes postal and reminding the author they aren't AlGore. |
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|---|---|
| Jesse Osborne | |
| Born | September 8, 2002 (22 years old) |
| Nationality: | Americunt 
|
| Highscore | Killed 2, injured 3 |
| Top 50? | Lol no |
| Style | FPS, Single player |
| An Hero? | Nope |
Jesse Osborne is an edgy 14-year-old faggot who killed his dad and drove his pick-up truck to his local elementary school and shot 3 people before being tackled and shackled. His assault became known as the Townville Elementary School shooting (A.K.A Sandy Hook 2: Electric Boogaloo). Frankly, no one gave a fuck about his chimpout. But what they didn't realize was that poor old Jesse was possessed by THE GRINCH- I mean, ADAM LANZA, the renowned autist who shot his mom and drove to his old elementary school and shot 20 kids. Jesse Osborne was first suspected to just be re-enacting Sandy Hook until the scientists at ED found out that Adam's ghost had possessed Jesse and decided to try and add more points to his High Score.
Before Jesse was able to go for the High Score, some fucking fatass kid was lurking in the school after scoffing down a super-sized severing of McDonald's and bellyflopped on Jesse, leading to his arrest. Jesse however said that he threw his gun away and called his grandparents and cried to them on the phone before the fatass got to him. Either way, Jesse is now locked away in juvenile detention, living the thug life segregated from the internets, young wimminz, and education for special needs students. All he has left to enjoy is getting his scrawny ass buttfucked during Bubba's daily routine.
So apparently he was obsessed with Columbine, which is obviously so shocking as no one has ever copycatted Columbine before. He talked to fellow edgy teenagers on Instagram about his shitty unrealistic plans to sh0t sk0l n0w by buying an AR15 when he was only 14 or using dish soap to get the combination to his dad's gun safe "because it was glow in the dark" which would reveal his fingerprints. Makes perfect sense.
Graded Score
| Graded score | |
|---|---|
| Kill count: | 2/20 |
| Accuracy: | 8/20 2 killed, 3 injured. |
| Style: | 10/20 Tryhard school shooting |
| Butthurt: | 4/20 No one really cared about this shooting. Plus school shootings are already ingrained in society. |
| Bonus: | 16/20 Pwned his dad before setting out for the High Score |
| Total score: 40/100 (F) | |
Wanted Level:
___________________
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___________________
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Mall Cop
See also
- Adam Lanza - Jesse's idol.
- Sandy Hook - Jesse's Favorite CP Plot, but "I swear it wuz fake!!!" Said Alex Jones.
- Jaylen Fryberg - Another teen who chimped out at his school in 2014.
- Dylann Storm Roof - White supremacist faggot who went on a rampage in the same state as Jesse did.
- High Score - What he failed to achieve.
- An Hero - What he should have done.
- Bubba - The nigger who is tending to Jesse in juvenile prison right now.
