Al Sharpton

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Bucket negro has a bucket.

Also known as the black Hal Turner, the Rev. Al Sharpton is a first-class nigger, lolcow, racist, attention whore, and the arch-enemy of Don Imus. Hiding behind the seemingly moral title "Reverend", he is a moral crusader solely for the benefit of niggers. Al has made a career of trolling White America to it's knees, including an attempt at running for President of the USA as a Democrat -despite being a total Jew hater. He currently has a show on MSNBC, where he constantly takes any significant event involving a black person and spins it into just another case of "dem crackahass whities hatin' on us niggas". However, Sharpton's ability to victimize the black race has been severely reduced ever since a totally retarded American public elected our Kenyan OG nigga Barack Obama as President. His show could be considered, and by all standards is an hour-long propaganda loop for Obama's presidency. Sharpton, like most Civil Rights Movement figures, is illiterate even by Ebonics standards, and deciphering his tribe-speak mish-mash negro babblings requires a very intelligent individual.

Early Life As A Pickaninny In Philly

Fat Albert Sharpton in happier times - Rudy * Weird Harold just rolled a pimp for his money and crack!

Al grew up originally as Fat Albert Robinson in the middle-class suburb ghetto of Philadelphia. Most assume this is where he developed his illiterate pseudo-Ebonics "language" in which he speaks today. He was good friends with Bill Cosby, and their gang activities youthful adventures became the basis for Cosby's stand-up comedy act in the 1960's. However, as Al grew up, he became involved in the Nigger Civil Rights Movement, and found that Cosby's act effectively countered all the butthurt that Al claimed he and his fellow niggers suffered from at the hands of whitey. He threatened to sit on Cosby and squash him flat if he didn't stop using him in his act, to which Cosby responded by securing a deal with Filmation to produce a Fat Albert blaxploitation cartoon propaganda film series for Saturday mornings. With more money, bodyguards and cap poppers at his disposal, Al was forced to resort to other means of distancing himself from Cosby's painting him as a "nice, trustable, stand-up representative of young black America" - something he definitely did *not* want to be a representative of. "Nice guys" do not rouse the rabble, and Sharpton was determined to fulfill his dream to become a race-card pulling, ignorant, raging negro.

Movin' On Uppity

Despite the stigma of having inspired the most popular nigger cartoon character since Little Black Sambo, Jesse Jackson gave Al a job in 1969, as the youth director of Operation Breadbasket, a group that was supposed to focus on the promotion of new and better jobs for niggers over white folks. However, Al took the name of the group literally, and used it as a food gathering service that rounded up all the spare food in Philly. Instead of redistributing the food to the lazy needy, Al instead ate most of it and gave the rest to his two pet pit bulls, Amos and Andy. This was of no consequence, as everyone knows niggers suck at work and can't hold down any sort of decent job. Bill Cosby later parodied Sharpton's lulzey mistake in the famous "Fat Albert the Fudge Cook" scene - "one for you, one for me. One for you, one, two, three for me!"

In 1972, Al got his miracle. As he was taking a correspondence course taught by the Reverend Ike on black street preaching for tax evasion purposes, Al's mother confessed something that came as no surprise to anyone who knows how the genetic nigger family trees operate - the guy that had been shacking up with Al's mom for all those years was, in fact, not Al's real father. The real baby daddy - Jethro "Shady" Sharpton - had left her before Al was born, had been sentenced to life for running all the three-card monte games in Philly, and was last heard as having been transferred to Folsom Prison for good behavior so he could catch the famous concert by Johnny Cash. He reportedly died in 1986 of AIDS he contracted from John Holmes, although it is still debated as to who was the one who bent over to pick up the soap.

Upon receiving the truth about who his daddy was, Al celebrated with a hundred-piece barrel of Kentucky Fried Chicken and three gallons of mashed potatoes and gravy. He then marched down to the Philly courthouse, had his last name changed from Robinson to Sharpton, grabbed his bling-bling and gat, and began street preaching for all niggers to demand equality by taking over the US and sending all the whiteys back to Africa.

Operation: Race Bait (The Original)

Al with all his old homeboys

Al then spent the next few years searching for a suitable crime involving a guilty black person, with which he could hype up "the race war" and get hordes of niggers protesting, chanting that "da whitey be keepin' us down". From this, Sharpton would profit handsomely.

Al got his first break on December 20, 1986, when three niggers were assaulted in the Howard Beach neighborhood of Queens by a mob of white men. The three niggers were in the neighborhood for usual purposes - two were breaking into cars and homes, while the third was selling door-to-door subscriptions to Ebony - and after the burglars were caught in the act all three were chased by a neighborhood watch group. One was struck and killed by a passing motorist, and the other two niggers subsequently had the shit beat out of them by "dem whities" while waiting for the cops to arrive to get their share of the action.

A week later, on December 27, Al led 1,200 jobless, rampaging niggers all denominations of welfare checks on a march through the streets of Howard Beach. White residents of the neighborhood immediately began putting "for sale" signs on their lawns. Al's efforts to get charges filed against the neighborhood watch group failed even with the help of an appointment of a special prosecutor by New York Governor Mario Cuomo, who was paying off debt to Al that he'd owed his real father. Any and all charges were dropped when the two surviving victims burglars refused to testify in exchange for all charges against them being dropped, including some 200 parking tickets and the return of their car which had been impounded at least 100 years ago.

Despite this failure, Al managed to get his fat ugly face on the TV news shows, although some stations ran disclaimers to let viewers know that they were not looking at an escaped species of gorilla and thus would not be prompted to call the police or the local zoo to report the escape. He also claimed victory because he was able to induce a mass "White Flight" out of Howard Beach, and laughed about it in interviews as essentially having "not just closed de pool, but closed de entire beach!" His appearance on TV would solidify his presence there for future endeavors.

Al trolls the Jews

Further Cases of Racebaiting and Jew-like Scamming

Another case of Sharpton media whoring, in 1987 a case of an almost raped black woman in upstate New York, put Al on the drama map once again. Massive amounts of Lulz were generated after Ms. Brawley reported that she had been finger-painted in shit by some white boys. It was later found out that it was all false and a total load of bullshit.

After the Tawana Brawley scam fell apart, Al found that no nigger with any lick of sense would follow his "whitey be uppresin" scam. As a result, Al changed strategy and started going after whitey himself for being whitey. In 1988 sports broadcaster/bookie, Jimmy "the Greek" Snyder, was fired after saying that Black athletes are better than white ones, due to white slave owners breeding them for desirable traits. Although Snyder was speaking fact - niggers were bred like dogs and cats back in the Golden Days of slavery - Al claimed that Snyder was being racist even though Snyder was claiming that (in some way) niggers were superior to white folk. Snyder's network - CBS - was going to ignore the whole thing, and even planned to air a major expose piece on 60 Minutes showing Al for the scam artist he is, but at the last minute did a complete about-face and fired Snyder, for "offending black viewers". Thus, Sharpton got away with his scam tactics yet again.

After appearing to not have a bias against inverse racism, Al resorted to his old tactics. After four Black teenagers who'd been cruising for white girls to rape were caught in the act by a neighborhood watch group of 10 to 30 white youths who'd been trained by Curtis Silwa in Bensonhurst. One nigger was killed by a member of the whitey group (in self-defense), and the other three imprisoned.

Al saw this as another exploitable money-making situation. He led several marches through Bensonhurst in hopes of provoking the same "White Flight" he'd caused in Howard Beach - especially since he'd made arrangements with a real real estate agent to buy the homes and give him a kickback on the resale! However, nobody bought it and many were mad about this occurrence. Al then bribed many jobless niggers with nothing better to do with KFC and Kool-Aid to his march, but even with that attendance was much lower than expected.

The Final Solution (SPOILER: IT DIDN'T WORK LUL)

Al Sharpton's Day-job. His night job is spreading AIDS

In 1991, when the remaining members of the Bensonhurst neighborhood watch were suspended even in light of their community service in keeping dangerous niggers under control, Al announced an even bigger protest march for January 12, 1991. Before that demonstration began, neighborhood resident Michael Riccardi attempted to solve the problem by trying to gut Al like the hog he is. However, Riccardi used a kitchen knife instead of a standard-issue hunting knife, and Al only received some minor wounds - read: all Riccardi managed to do was to cut some fat and never got close to any vital organs.

Although he failed in his mission, Riccardi became a local hero although Al recovered from his wounds. Through some well-placed bribes on both sides - mostly fried chicken, watermelons and blowjobs - Riccardi went to trial where Al asked the judge for leniency when Riccardi was sentenced. Al then took the assassination attempt as a sign and began eating more in order to produce a thicker, more protective layer of lard.

In 2003, Al conceived yet another race-baiting Jew scam. He decided that Riccardi's ability to even make the attempt was the fault of NYC, and he filed suit against the city. Just before the jury was about to be selected, the city decided to settle with Al to the tune of $200,000 USD, most of which came from drug money confiscated during drug busts and protection monies collected from pimps and their workforce.

Kike-Trolling

In 1991, New York City was rocked by the Crown Heights Riots which broke out after a [[troll|car accident]}. A Jewish ambulance came to the scene, and decided only to treat the injured Jews there. One of the niggers injured later died because the Jews, in their usual fashion, were too fucking cheap to help anyone else, even though it's their fucking obligation.

Al became the mouthpiece for the kids' family. During the funeral he referred to the Jews as "diamond merchants" and damned them to Hell for shedding "the blood of innocent babies". This is probably the only accurate thing Al has ever said.

In 1995, Sharpton led a violent protest in Harlem against Freddy's Fashion Mart, a Jews' clothing store that was trying to take over a Black owned business. Al preached his hate towards Jews, once again, refusing to let a kike take over a business owned by a nigger. Three months later, an armed protester forcibly entered the store and burned it down, killing himself and seven others. Al denied causing any of the real drama, and ran off with money yet again.

Imprisonment(Anal Expansion)

In 2001, Sharpton served a three-month jail term for civil disobedience consisting in illegally trespassing on U.S. property located on a bombing range in Vieques, Puerto Rico. Sharpton was imprisoned for protesting the United States Navy's ongoing bombing and target practices on the island.

Well that's the official line: Fat Albert actually saw an opportunity to drop a few hundred pounds on the government's dime, going so far as to hunger strike.

Al Gets Lacross With Duke U.

On March 13, 2. Crystal Gail Mangum, a stripper, escort service whore, and obvious crack whore pretending to be a nigger student at North Carolina Central University, was hired by Duke University's men's lacrosse team to perform at a private party for the team. Because she was so cracked up, she gave a shitty performance, and the Duke players kicked her and another crack ho she'd arrived with out of the apartment. Mangum went apeshit after this, and wound up getting arrested after causing a later disturbance in a Kroger parking lot. While in the slammer, she claimed she was raped by the Duke U. lacrosse team, and in an attempt to make a major bust to promote his upcoming reelection bid, Durham District Attorney Mike Nifong had the whole team rounded up and had three of them jailed and practically convicted of rape without a trial.

However, as the case progressed, Mangum's claims fell apart like wet tissue paper. Or your average baby daddy's claims of "that ain't mah kid, nigga!" As it turned out, what had really happened the night of the "rape" went like this: Mangum had whored herself out to a customer at the strip club she worked at, and fucked the guy without a rubber. She then realized she'd forgotten to take her contraceptive pills that day, and after freaking out about getting pregnant again - she'd reportedly had as many as 11 abortions in the past three years - got all whacked on crack to "calm down". She then went to the party for the Duke lacrosse team as scheduled. Because she was so trashed and still reeking of having been fucked by her "john", what was supposed to be an hour-long private show for the team was aborted by the players after ~3 minutes of Mangum's stumbling around. The team asked Mangum and her co-ho to leave, and after Mangum tried to lock herself in the bathroom the players forcibly evicted her from the apartment. A heated verbal exchange ensued outside the apartment over payment, and racial slurs were thrown from both sides. When Mangum and her friend left, whatever Mangum snorted in the bathroom went totally to her head, and her friend was forced to evict her from her car at the Kroger parking lot before she got attacked. From there, Mangum wound up in jail, and in an effort to shift attention away from her being a whacked-out crack whore, claimed she'd been raped, beaten and otherwise butthurt. Just as Al Sharpton needed a "victim" to "champion", DA Nifong saw Mangum as an early Xmas present even though she was a scummy little crack whore who probably got what she deserved.

As the investigation progressed, Al Sharpton showed up, demanding justice. Which, for Al, meant the heads of all the lacrosse players mounted on pikes in front of the nearest NAACP HQ. The pressure Al and his cronies were putting on the Durham law enforcement officials for a swift verdict was so intense that it actually backfired on Al's efforts to lynch the three accused players. Numerous questions began to arise about due process, and whether or not DNA testing had been conducted properly. Then it got leaked that Nifong was aware that *none* of the DNA samples collected from Mangum's twat matched -any- of the Duke players, and that Mangum may have fucked as many as ten other guys before showing up at the party. And to sink Nifong's boat with an even bigger hole, Mangum kept changing her story as to which of the three players raped her, and even claimed that she couldn't tell them apart from one another because "all white boys look alike to me!"

Meanwhile, the powers-that-be at Duke U had also made their own rush to judgment in an attempt to placate the likes of Fat Al and Jackoff Jesse. They suspended most of the lacrosse team, expelled the three who were accused, canceled the lacrosse season permanently, fired the coach, and essentially tried and convicted the entire team based on the accusations of a whacked-out crack whore. And as it became apparent they'd fucked up almost as bad as Nifong did, Duke officials did the worst thing possible - nothing. They were still too afraid of pissing off Al Sharpton to make amends for having fucked up as bad as DA Nifong had.

The whole case came to a crashing halt on April 11, 2007, North Carolina Attorney General Roy Cooper dropped all charges and declared the three players innocent. Cooper stated that the players were victims of a rogue prosecutor's "tragic rush to accuse." DA Nifong withdrew from the case in January 2007 after the North Carolina State Bar filed two rounds of ethics charges against him — the Bar has since disbarred him for "dishonesty, fraud, deceit and misrepresentation," making Nifong the first prosecutor in North Carolina history to lose his law license based on actions in a case. Nifong was found guilty of criminal contempt and served one day in jail. He's now being sued along with about half of North Carolina by the Duke players and their coach over the whole debacle, while Mangum has totally disappeared - reportedly she's left the state in fear for her life, and rightly so!

As for what Fat Al Sharpton had to do with all this...well, as you probably guessed, Al was a former "john" of Mangum's, and had paid for her first semester's tuition by letting her "work it off" by jerking him off. Go figure.

James Brown Is Dead

To date, Al Sharpton has spoken only once where he was not being criticized, nor demanded that all honkies and whiteys die horribly at the hands of the niggers. This occurred during the funeral of James Brown, where during his eulogy he announced to the congregation and to Gawd in Heaven that "St. Peter better open them Pearly Gates wide, because James Brown likes to make an entrance!" However, this apparent fit of sanity lasted about two days, because as soon as the Godfather of Soul's corpse finally got cold, Al was back on his soapbox demanding the heads of every white boy in Durham NC.

Don Imus

Pool's Closed due to Al Sharpton. Wonder how Al's going to take it when his mama reveals that Imus is Al's half-brother.

Quotes

	“	White folks was in caves while we was building empires ... We taught philosophy and astrology and mathematics before Socrates and them Greek homos ever got around to it.	„
	—Fat Albert, referring to the Camito-Semitic Egyptians who were in fact Caucasian, not Negroid. Hey hey hey!

See Also

• Don Imus
• Jesse Jackson
• Unwarranted self-importance
• Jena 6
• Hal Turner

External Links

Al's Radio Show

[WatermelonsFried Chicken]

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