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Noah Esbensen: Difference between revisions
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imported>Salvie Created page with "{{Failsathero}} {{virgin}} {{construction}} {{ib|200px}} {{Ibhead|<big>'''Noah Esbensen'''</big>}} {{Ibrow|'''Nationality:'''|Danifag&nb..." |
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{{MassShooter}} | |||
{{Failsathero}} | {{Failsathero}} | ||
{{virgin}} | {{virgin}} | ||
{{ | {{Spoiler|[[Matti Saari]] had a bastard son}} | ||
{{corner|bl|[[Image:NoahRetardupEsbensen.png|250px]]}} | |||
{{ib|[[File:Noah-esbensen.jpg|200px]]}} | {{ib|[[File:Noah-esbensen.jpg|200px]]}} | ||
{{Ibhead|<big>'''Noah Esbensen'''</big>}} | {{Ibhead|<big>'''Noah Taarup Esbensen'''</big>}} | ||
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality:'''|[[Danish|Danifag]] [[File:MiniflagDenmark.png]]}} | {{Ibrow|'''Nationality:'''|[[Danish|Danifag]] [[File:MiniflagDenmark.png]]}} | ||
{{Ibrow|'''[[high score|Highscore]]'''|PWned 3, fragged | {{Ibrow|'''[[high score|Highscore]]'''|PWned 3, fragged 7}} | ||
{{Ibrow|'''Top 50?'''|FUCK NO}} | {{Ibrow|'''Top 50?'''|FUCK NO}} | ||
{{Ibrow|'''Style'''|FPS, Single player}} | {{Ibrow|'''Style'''|FPS, Single player}} | ||
{{Ibrow|'''[[An Hero]]?'''|Nope, [[v&]] :(}} | {{Ibrow|'''[[An Hero]]?'''|Nope, [[v&]] :(}} | ||
{{Ibend}} | {{Ibend}} | ||
For [[Denmark| | For [[Denmark|Copenhagen]], the evening of July 3 was going great, even for those at Field's Mall! Until [[a challenger appears]], armed with psychotic rage, a shitty 22. rifle and an unsatiable lust for blood. From there a [[lulzy]] massacre, which is a very rare occasion for Denmark mind you, ensued. The challenger of this article is '''Noah Esbensen''', a [[schizo]] [[Danish]] [[Adam Lanza|Adam Lanza copycat]] who went [[batshit insane]] after developing an immunity to [[Drugs|quetiapine]]. He didn't beat [[Payton Gendron]]'s feddy supermarket rampage, but was able to score slightly higher than [[Randy Stair]]. | ||
== Background == | == Background == | ||
The faggot behind this premeditated attack is Noah Esbensen, a 22 year old schizophrenic retard from Denmark. While we don't know much yet, taking a glanze at his videos, we could see he left a few points to observe: | The faggot behind this premeditated attack is Noah Esbensen, a 22 year old schizophrenic retard from Denmark. While we don't know much yet, taking a glanze at his videos, we could see he left a few points to observe: | ||
* He uploaded shitty videos posing | * He uploaded shitty videos posing like Adam Lanza with guns to his head | ||
* He complained about the meds his doctor prescribed him | * He complained about the meds his doctor prescribed him being a [[Epic fail|total failure]] | ||
* He was subscribed to an epic [[William Atchison]] fanpage. | * He was subscribed to an epic [[William Atchison]] fanpage. | ||
Like most shooters nowadays, this guy was an alt-right extremist, and | Like most [[white]] shooters nowadays, this guy was immediately labelled an [[alt-right]] extremist, and subsequently targeted by the [[Media]] and [https://twitter.com/hoaxeye/status/1543866100814856192 mudslime influencers]. His videos didn't raise any concern for [[YouTube]] until well after the shooting, with YouTube rushing in to [[DELETE FUCKING EVERYTHING]]. Not much is known after this, as the case is still being investigated. When the fanpage found one of his subs was a killer, he began to sperg out and panic like if he was the second shooter. Media covering the shooting said there were several PWns, but instead people got met with only 3 kills and a shitty 90's style rifle. | ||
== Randy's successor == | == Randy's successor == | ||
[[File:Schizo-Noah.jpg|200px|thumb|left| | [[File:Schizo-Noah.jpg|200px|thumb|left|From a video a civilian took of him trolling the mall epicly. While in good vision, he didn't shoot her and chased after someone else instead.]] | ||
On 3 July, 2022 he finally geared up to bring a bit of joy to | [[File:Esbenv&.png|thumb|Noah is [[v&]]]] | ||
On 3 July, 2022 he finally geared up to bring a bit of joy to [[Scandinavia]]. He entered the beloved Field's mall, and began [[FUCKING EVERYTHING|SHOOTING FUCKING EVERYTHING]] like a [[retard]], ultimately killing 3 people and injuring 7 others. Several civilians with [[Duke nukem|balls of steel]] inside the mall stayed behind to record epic gameplay footage, such as Noah screaming "It's not real!", reloading his gun, chasing after people, and walking around the place shooting at people. | |||
After 11 minutes of shooting, the cops arrived at Field's and v& Noah, marking the end of the rampage that resulted in the current Danish [[High Score]]. [[Winnar|Congratulations!]] | |||
== Loadout == | |||
Here's the loadout the fag used. Notice the fact it's a .22 rifle, and not a moderately good fucking weapon! | |||
{|class="wikitable" width="40%" | |||
!colspan="2"|Class Setup | |||
|-<!-- FUCK THE IRS--> | |||
!Item | |||
!Accessories/Bonus | |||
|- | |||
| | |||
*'''Primary''': Anschütz Model 1807 .22lr Rifle | |||
<center>[[File:GTA4IconsBoltActionSniper.png|110px]]</center> | |||
| | |||
*A single-shot bolt-action .22 rifle. ('''15~35 Damage''') | |||
|- | |||
| | |||
*'''Secondary''': A gun with exposed barrel | |||
<center>[[File:GTA4IconsCZ75Pistol.png|110px]]</center> | |||
| | |||
*Don't know jackshit about it. Can be seen in his videos. '''20-27 Damage.''' | |||
|- | |||
| | |||
*'''Perk''': Schizo | |||
<center>[[File:Schizophrenic.jpg|70px]]</center> | |||
| | |||
*Like the schizo he was, Quetiapine didn't work and started thinking that the mall visitors were zombies. <br> '''Double damages against any targets, including yourself''' | |||
|} | |||
</center> | |||
== Graded Score == | == Graded Score == | ||
| Line 34: | Line 68: | ||
|- | |- | ||
! style="text-align:right;" | Kills: | ! style="text-align:right;" | Kills: | ||
|3/20 '' | |3/20 ''A russian dude and two 17-year-olds. '' | ||
|- | |- | ||
! style="text-align:right;vertical-align:top;" | Accuracy: | ! style="text-align:right;vertical-align:top;" | Accuracy: | ||
|10/20 '' | |10/20 ''3 down, 7 got away. Should've used a better rifle.'' <br /> | ||
|- | |- | ||
! style="text-align:right;" | Style: | ! style="text-align:right;" | Style: | ||
|8/20 '' | |8/20 ''Made videos before the shooting and tricked people by saying his gun was fake.'' | ||
|- | |- | ||
! style="text-align:right;" | Butthurt: | ! style="text-align:right;" | Butthurt: | ||
|10/20 ''Butthurt in | |10/20 ''Butthurt in Scandinavia, especially in Denmark. Overshadowed by a [[Boring|totally original mass shooting in America]], as per usual.'' | ||
|- | |- | ||
! style="text-align:right;vertical-align:top;" | Bonus: | ! style="text-align:right;vertical-align:top;" | Bonus: | ||
| Line 57: | Line 91: | ||
<br> | <br> | ||
{{CustomWantedLevel|3|[[File:Politi.png|200px]]|Politi}} | {{CustomWantedLevel|3|[[File:Politi.png|200px]]|Politi}} | ||
==Videos== | |||
{{videoframe|Vidyas|background-color: #D3D3D3;|font-weight: bold; | |||
|[[File:I don't care.mp4|500px]]<br>'''[[DO IT FAGGOT]]''' | |||
|[[File:I don't care (1).mp4|500px]]<br>'''[[DO IT FAGGOT]]''' | |||
|[[File:I don't care (2).mp4|500px]]<br>'''[[DO IT FAGGOT]]''' | |||
|[[File:I don't care (3).mp4|500px]]<br>'''[[DO IT FAGGOT]]''' | |||
|[[File:Dog vs robotnoahesbensen.mp4|500px]] | |||
|[[File:NoahEsbensengameplayfootage.mp4|500px]] | |||
|<youtube>kttdXZAMXIA</youtube><br><center>'''Chasing after people'''</center> | |||
|<youtube>KOvFs52G8RM</youtube><br> | |||
}} | |||
== Gallery == | |||
<center> | |||
<gallery> | |||
NoahEgun.png|Gameplay footage | |||
NoahETriggered.jpg | |||
NoahIdontCareGirl.jpg|'''I Don't Care''' | |||
NoahIdontCareNigger.jpg|Even niggers copycat him | |||
</gallery> | |||
</center> | |||
{{clear}} | |||
==External Links== | |||
[https://archive.ph/Ibpk5 YouTube Archive] | |||
==See Also== | |||
*[[Denmark]] - Where it all happened | |||
*[[Espen Andersen Bråthen]] - Half-Dane and fellow [[schizo]] who got a better score in true viking style, wielding his mighty blade and his bow & arrow. | |||
*[[Matti Saari]] - Long lost father? | |||
*[[Éric Borel]] - Also went amok with a .22 made by the same guys and did way better. Maybe don't use a single-shot rifle next time, [[retard]]. | |||
[[File:Noah-esbensen.jpg|thumb|center|I DONT CARE]] | |||
{{High Scores}} | |||
[[Category:2022]] | |||
[[Category:People|Esbensen, Noah]] | |||
Latest revision as of 21:36, 16 November 2024
 |
Noah Esbensen is yet another mediocre mass shooting article. You can help by not writing articles on every boring edgelord that goes postal and reminding the author they aren't AlGore. |
|
| |
|---|---|
| Noah Taarup Esbensen | |
| Nationality: | Danifag 
|
| Highscore | PWned 3, fragged 7 |
| Top 50? | FUCK NO |
| Style | FPS, Single player |
| An Hero? | Nope, v& :( |
For Copenhagen, the evening of July 3 was going great, even for those at Field's Mall! Until a challenger appears, armed with psychotic rage, a shitty 22. rifle and an unsatiable lust for blood. From there a lulzy massacre, which is a very rare occasion for Denmark mind you, ensued. The challenger of this article is Noah Esbensen, a schizo Danish Adam Lanza copycat who went batshit insane after developing an immunity to quetiapine. He didn't beat Payton Gendron's feddy supermarket rampage, but was able to score slightly higher than Randy Stair.
Background
The faggot behind this premeditated attack is Noah Esbensen, a 22 year old schizophrenic retard from Denmark. While we don't know much yet, taking a glanze at his videos, we could see he left a few points to observe:
- He uploaded shitty videos posing like Adam Lanza with guns to his head
- He complained about the meds his doctor prescribed him being a total failure
- He was subscribed to an epic William Atchison fanpage.
Like most white shooters nowadays, this guy was immediately labelled an alt-right extremist, and subsequently targeted by the Media and mudslime influencers. His videos didn't raise any concern for YouTube until well after the shooting, with YouTube rushing in to DELETE FUCKING EVERYTHING. Not much is known after this, as the case is still being investigated. When the fanpage found one of his subs was a killer, he began to sperg out and panic like if he was the second shooter. Media covering the shooting said there were several PWns, but instead people got met with only 3 kills and a shitty 90's style rifle.
Randy's successor
On 3 July, 2022 he finally geared up to bring a bit of joy to Scandinavia. He entered the beloved Field's mall, and began SHOOTING FUCKING EVERYTHING like a retard, ultimately killing 3 people and injuring 7 others. Several civilians with balls of steel inside the mall stayed behind to record epic gameplay footage, such as Noah screaming "It's not real!", reloading his gun, chasing after people, and walking around the place shooting at people.
After 11 minutes of shooting, the cops arrived at Field's and v& Noah, marking the end of the rampage that resulted in the current Danish High Score. Congratulations!
Loadout
Here's the loadout the fag used. Notice the fact it's a .22 rifle, and not a moderately good fucking weapon!
| Class Setup | |
|---|---|
| Item | Accessories/Bonus |
 |
|
 |
|
 |
|
Graded Score
| Graded score | |
|---|---|
| Kills: | 3/20 A russian dude and two 17-year-olds. |
| Accuracy: | 10/20 3 down, 7 got away. Should've used a better rifle. |
| Style: | 8/20 Made videos before the shooting and tricked people by saying his gun was fake. |
| Butthurt: | 10/20 Butthurt in Scandinavia, especially in Denmark. Overshadowed by a totally original mass shooting in America, as per usual. |
| Bonus: | 12/20 Made a poor guy have a panic attack over Noah subscribing to him |
| Total score: 43/100 (F) | |
Wanted Level:
___________________
|
___________________
|
Videos
Previous Video | Next Video
Gallery
-
Gameplay footage -
-
I Don't Care -
Even niggers copycat him
External Links
See Also
- Denmark - Where it all happened
- Espen Andersen Bråthen - Half-Dane and fellow schizo who got a better score in true viking style, wielding his mighty blade and his bow & arrow.
- Matti Saari - Long lost father?
- Éric Borel - Also went amok with a .22 made by the same guys and did way better. Maybe don't use a single-shot rifle next time, retard.
