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Joseph Kony
Joseph Kony is a US presidential candidate for the upcoming 2012 elections (Kony 2012), in the process avoiding paying a single cent for a viral publicity camapaign that overshadows that of most GOP candidates. Formulating a plan to unite both jungle-bunnies and trendies (as both are unwashed, illiterate organ bags) under his regime, this hero adopts niglets in the festering shithole known as Uganda. He single-handedly employed thousands of youth, teaching them lifelong lessons and redeemed their local economy, something the past couple of US Administrations couldn't achieve. He has the confidence and the will to also turn our struggling economy around. Kony has efficaciously utilized various social media platforms, and the dim-witted Americans that come with them so that he may, in the words of out of work iMovie expert and convicted cock-beater Jason Russell, escalate to celebrity status.
Hipster Takeover
Only until March 6, 2012 did much word get out about this man because some JewTube video goes viral and all the hipster fags got hold of it. The video became viral among shit-witted, fat Americans who think that by watching a 30-minute video made by a highly rapeable douchebag hipster, it will automatically make them an expert on African politics and a social activist. They also think that just by donating and buying the movie they're going to better the lives of poor, starving child soldiers in Uganda. The truth is they are paying off Jason's mortgage and rehab bills and the couple of hundred bucks that do manage to make their way to Africa pay off competing armies that also employ thousands of child soldiers. So much for integrity, eh?
Tl;dr, we're going to lynch a black man, but this time we made commemorative t-shirts.
WARNING
- The following video is infested with propaganda. If you are sensitive, you may be vulnerable to the brainwashing seen in this video and it could turn you into a Kony-drone.
- This shit is half an hour long. Too long; didn't watch: Hipster goes to Uganda, finds niglet victim, tells his son, tries to tell the world about Kony. Apparently on 4/20 to celebrate Hitler's birthday and weed (not forgetting an hero day, assuming this is a secret mass suicide attempt), these hipsters will spam the world IRL with "Kony 2012" as if anybody actually gives a shit.
- Between 25:00 and 25:30 on the video you will see a lot of OBEY messages. Funny, huh?
Invisible Children Scam
What most people don't know is that the Invisible Children organization "apparently" made to take down Joseph Kony is a complete fucking scam. The money that IC earns from their propaganda machine is only donated to Uganda at less than 32% while the rest of the money is kept to themselves.
In reality, IC is just a money-making scam and Kony will continue to employ his genius political tactics in Uganda, for the good of all the people there. IC spent more money making that shit documentary than they have in Blackistan. Jewgle "Invisible Children scam", your search results will be flooded with proof of IC's faggotry.
On Dickipedia, the website thats supposed to be TRUE and HONEST and without bias, they claim that Invisible Children is a non profit organization. Hilariously, the page is blocked from editing, due to "vandalism." I guess Jimbo finally got his money after all.
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The Truth
In 2006 a reporter manages to find Kony in one year while the Ugandan and US Militaries have yet to find him. This video shows that most allegations IC and many other fucktards have made were complete propaganda so it could slow this man's progress of rebelling against the government. Joseph Kony and his army fight for freedom and are innocent men.
Jason Russell
Founder of Invisible Children and known hipster-christfag Jason Russell was arrested on March 15th 2012 in San Diego for vandalizing cars, public drunkenness and public masturbating. He was in his underwear running through the street, begging for cock while spanking it at oncoming traffic. Was it any surprise to know where all that donation money went to? And as one could guess, 4chan and Reddit had a field day laughing at his misfortune. Realfags were also impressed with his supple, donkey-punchable physique.
Jason finally tells all his hipster fans the truth!
—Invisible Children's CEO Ben Keesey doing damage control | ||
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—Jason Russell in his state of helping the children of Uganda. | ||
Super Kony Fighter 2: Electric Boogaloo
After Jason sacrificed his cock to beat Kony by spreading his invisible children across the San Diego pavement, the evil Kony returned to get revenge. Jason's butt buddy Ben embarked on a quest to stop that fiend Kony and free his paid workers slaves. To summarise the video, Ben spouts some bullshit about the UN agreeing to uphold the "Responsibility to Protect" which states that all humans on the planet have rights, which includes sub-human scum like Niggers and Jews, and that their rights should be protected. The rest of the video features the creation of the campaign, the progress that has been made and what we can do to stop the violence of the LRA.
Trolling
Because most supporters of this program "Invisible Children" are gullible retards, they are an excellent target for trolling. The message attempting to be pushed is "Kony 2012" which Amerifags usually associate with supporting of a candidate in a Presidential election.
- In Kony support video comments or on Facebook post "KONY FOR PRESIDENT" for further lulz.
- Link Kony-drones that spam their pointless protest garbage to this page.
- Post any image from the gallery below to Facebook or Twitter.
- Tweet #teamkony, #freekony, #voteforkony, etc.
- Respond to "KONY 2012" shit-posters with "HITLER 1945" or "OSAMA 2001". #Hitler1945 #Osama2001
- Post lulzy song remixes regarding Joseph Kony anywhere and sit back and enjoy.
- Say that you want to get a hold of Kony so you can find out how he gets a niglet to do all that work.
- i think kony 2012 is a pretty cool guy. eh kidnaps niglets and doesn't afraid of anything.
- I think its safe to say Rucka Rucka Ali has read this article.
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[+]The Fresh Prince of Uganda
In West Uganda, born 'n' raised,
On the battlefield is where I spent most of my days,
Chillin' out, maxin' reloadin' all cool,
And taking some niglets out of their school.
When a couple of Liberals started making me fret,
Started causing trouble on the internet,
They started one campaign and my men demanded,
They said "You're movin' with your kids to a barracks in Sudan"
I whistled for a vehicle and when it came near,
It was a school bus with a bunch of armed kids in the rear,
If anything I could say, this bus was rare,
But I thought, "Nah, forget it, yo' kids, we're outta here!"
I pulled up in the Sudan 'bout 7 or 8,
And I yelled to Museveni, "You mad? Smell you Later!"
'Looked at my army composed of all my homies,
To sit at my throne, cos' I'm Joseph motherfuckin' Kony.
Jason Russell's gay level
Apparently Jason Russell was mad because he couldn't get any throbbing ginger cawk from the king of gays, Robotnik, and threw a hissyfit.
KONY 2012, The worst lie ever told, by Jason Russel. You might think he is trying to do good, but let me tell you a story that was told to me by Dr. Robotnik, of what Jason Russel really is.
--Chapter I: You see, Dr. Robotnik takes being gay as a form of art, but he too was totally disgusted and freaked out by how much of a flaming gay homosexual beast Jason Russel was. You see, Robotnik was constantly harrassed by Jason Russel, it first began with love letters from him, where he asked if he could clean Robotnik's sniper rifle, then if he could pop his heatsink. Robotnik of course kept throwing these out into his fireplace and making sure nothing remains of these, as they were too gay, even for Robotnik to take.
Then one day, Robotnik went out his front door, only to see Jason Russel, naked, in a goatse pose, stretching his huge asshole in front of him. Robotnik couldn't even say anything at the sight of the white liberal gay faggot's huge gaping asshole. He just went off to buy his groceries, but Jason Russel kept being right in front of him, stretching the asshole ever deeper and wider as the unlucky Dr. Robotnik didn't care, and bought his milk and eggs. This went on till he went back to his frortress, on the way Jason's asshole even latching onto fire hidrants to clench it's thirst for large solid phallic objects, as well as swallowing a car. Robotnik tried to ignore the gigantic gaping hole in front of him that kept following in front of him like a dog, despite the fact that it was wider than a door by now.
Jason Russel kept begging him to take out his disgusting douple peenuses, PINGAS and PINESS, but Robotnik didn't even say anything to the ever-flaming homosexual monstrosoty in front of him, if he could even see his face behind the pure-white buttocks and that ugly as fuck giant gaping goatse. Robotnik wanted to get rid of the ugly white liberal american gay ass in front of him, so he kicked Jason in the nuts and ran as fast as he could to his fortress, he could get in just in time to close the door on the giant gaping asshole, which suctioned onto the frame.
The next day, Robotnik woke up to a very loud quarrel outside his window. It was Jason Russel, covered in green poop which was flowing from his ass. His ass was a meter wider than yesterday, and he was throwing a tantrum, screaming with a tomato red face and throwing bits of green poop at Robotnik's window, demanding to get Robotnik's cocks up his ass. However just when Robotnik thought it couldn't get any worse, Jason Russel pulled the childhood dildoes he lost long ago from his gaping hole, they were the ugliest things Robotnik ever saw, essentially purple and pink dildoes covered in crustified shit, with orange corn bits. Jason Russel started sucking them off, before throwing them at Robotnik's house, screaming his head off. Suddenly he pulled a strangely human-looking small object out of his ass. The poor lad looked like he was unfortunate and still lived, before Jason threw it at the fortress wall.
By the second day, Jason Russel had been enveloping the garden gnomes of Robotnik with his behind, before standing up with them completely gone. He was still screaming, demanding that Robotnik have hot gay sex with his behind.
--Chatper II: Jason Russel was busy enveloping Robotnik's huge statue with his giant gaping goatse, that up until then, he attached to the end of the nearby tunnel to lure the unsuspecting drivers into his cavernous, endless enormous rear-pit. It's been five days since Robotnik's nightmare started, and it seemed like it wasn't even nearing it's end.
Robotnik's fortress looked like an abstract painting, covered in all variations of poop color, not a single window had any seethrough spots on it. Everything was covered in green, yellow, brown, orange, black and yellow poop. Robotnik had long sealed himself inside the panic room of his fortress, a room that had five foot steel walls and a door that not even is own enormous cocks could get through. He was jacking off his two enormous, disgusting double peenuses to pictures of tubgirl, funnelgirl, 1guy1jay, Mr. Hands, when he heart a strange sound through the surveillance system. He immediately switched on the camera view, but bickering and frustrated that he was interrupted.
Jason Russel's was posing for one of the cameras, from his ass a horde of old black men, who were once Ugandad children Russell wanted to smuggle out of Uganda in his bowels. This act however, made him realise he likes stuff up the butt, especially when it remains there, and later gave him the inspiration to name his organization the "Invisible Children". These Invisible Children, who had now become visible as old wrinkled bags of bones, violently attacked the wall of Robotnik's fortress with the dildoes that Russell's ass had swallowed, and managed to beat their way through the wall, only to be caught by Robotnik's sodomizer robots. However, their fragile old bodies couldn't take it, but it was enough of a diversion to the let the monster slip through security.
Robotnik was now panicking, he could not think of what to do, but he knew that unless he acted now, he'd end up forever stuck in Jason Russell's endless bowels. He could think of only one person who could help him in such a dire situation, so he grabbed the phone and phoned Jim Dale, he knew he could always think of a plan for such drastic times.
Meanwhile, Jason Russell and his army of Invisible Niggers had torn the place apart, and covered every single surface in Jason Russell's special pudding. The entire fortress was a mess, so bad that Robotnik had to turn the cameras off so he wouldn't get a heart attack. Except for one, the one that showed Jason Russell outside the fortress. He had to be aware of what he was doing. Jason had by then packed all of Robotnik's kitchen out on the lawn, and suddenly pulled over a thousand dead black fetuses from his asshole, put them in Robotnik's mixer, and grinded them up into a fine paste, which he smeared all over his ass as a lubricant. He was tempting Robotnik to come out and finally surrender his cocks to him.
Now robotnik knew what had to be done.
-Chapter III: Jason Russell, having finished with the lubricating his butt, looked around suspicously, but Robotnik was nowhere around. He couldn't help himself anymore, after al the invitations, all the hard work put into tempting Robotnik, and he still didn't come. Jason Russell screamed at the top of his lungs, and with that came a jet of green poop from his giant disgusting gaping goatse of an asshole.
He had to call upon the most evil force he could think of to break Robotnik's will, the one whom all children fear and all hipsters hate. Out of his ass came a man old, weak-looking and way too black. And with him, an army of children with AK-47's. It was Joseph Kony, in his full might. He looked like he meant business and started marching at Robotnik's now broken-down, shit covered fortress. Those children marching behind him, afraid of having to go back inside Russell's huge rear-pit if they don't. Kony knew what to do.
Robotnik shat his pants while he watched what happened through a camera. He had only one hope left, in case the rescue doesn't arrive in time. He pulled out the worst weapon he had, his giant dual barrelled shotgun, his two enormous, disgusting double peenuses. Swallowing ten bottles of viagra and every kind of sexual stimulant imaginable, he was ready. He opened his panic room's door, having armed his double cocks, he was ready to give a fight they wanted. At his door was an army of lobotomized Invisible Children and some of Kony's army. His cocks immediately burst through the door, enveloping everyone in sight with his corrosive sperm that had at least 42 STD's in it. They immediately grew all sorts of genital warts all over their bodies as they went down, the infection running fast, by the end of it they turned into featureless blobs of warts and AIDS.
He jerked his cock furiously, firing at everyone who came in sight, and walking over the featureless blobs of infected flesh as they still writhed and tried to move. He stood in the window of his fortress and shouted angrily: "GET OUT OF MY FACE". His cock erupted like a volcano, showering everyone in sight with his deadly coconut milk. He knew however, that his coconut sized balls couldn't take it forever. He switched to his secondary ammunition, and started ejaculating the viagra pills he took earlier, turning the never-ending swarm of Invisible Children and Kony servants into swiss cheese with his shower of still-solid pills, but it was no use. He quickly ran out of ammunition as the swarm still kept on coming from Russell's huge gaping goatse. Robotnik was about to give up when he heard a noise.
It was a giant phallic helicopter in the sky. Suddenly, a long stream of poop shot from JK Rowling's fantastic rear from the chopper onto the army, and glued them to the ground. Robotnik saw his chance of escape, but when he tried to move for the helicopter, Jason Russell's goatse kept going in his path. It was no use, so he went back to his panic room just in time. Robotnik sighed as the door shut behind him. He knew very well, that there was no escape, he was not going to make it.
Meanwhile JK Rowling was still signing Robotnik's pavement with her signature ink, as the army from Jason Russell's ass hole kept firing at the helicopter, but it was to no avail, as it was protected by Jim Dale's wizard staff magic, who was riding the helicopter. There was suddenly a rumbling noise, and on the horizon, an army of very pregnant Japanese girls with rusty, razor sharp, black metal spiked strap-ons appeared. They looked like they meant business. And behind them, the entire Hogwarts staff. It looked like the apocalypse had come. The two sides immediately clashed in a heated battle, Hagrid just crushed people with his cock while Hermoine lured them to his roast-beef snatch laced with poison. The very pregnant Japanese girls gave birth to an army of babies just when they forcibly married the Invisible Children old men, and now demanded a divorce with child support, immediately killing most of them in a heart attack.
It was pandamonium. Jim Dale was on all fours, banging all the twenty dozen victims who had been shoved onto his miles-long cock, while JK Rowling kept ass-blasting people to another fucking dimension with his space-cracking farts, but the army never seemed to cease. Jason Russell was busy sucking off Kony's huge nigger cock while his goatse just kept spewing the army that never ceased to grow. The rescuers found themselves in need of a rescue. It didn't look like they were going to make it.
Suddenly, Robotnik's panic room opened, and in it appeared none other than the gay king himself. He was naked, his two double cocks ready for use. The fighting stopped, the entire Hogwarts class erupted in tears as they saw Robotnik slowly walk up to Jason Russell, with a look of defeat in his eyes as they kept shedding tears. Jason Russell was smiling, his evil smile bringing even the Japanese girls to tears. It was all over now. Jason Russell slowly turned around, showing Robotnik his giant gaping goatse, with a sign above it saying, "Put in here, plz".
But then suddenly Robotnik turned around and showed his own goatse to Russell's, before erupting a fart so powerful, that when it entered Russell's goatse he immediatelly ballooned up to a size greater than anything anyone ever saw. Kony, who was between the two, hoping to suck off both of their cocks, was suddenly blown with all of Robotnik's bowel gases into Russell's goatse. His fart never seemed to end, as he grabbed Russell by his legs and wouldn't let go of him. The wet dream soon turned into a nightmare for Russell as he just kept on ballooning up, with all the corrosive gases inside him eating him up. When Robotnik's farts came to a halt, Jason Russell was the size of a mountain. Robotnik quickly tied his asshole up to keep the gases inside.
But Robotnik was still crying. There was only one way this could end. His corrosive gas ate through Russell's intestines, leaking into his body and slowly eating through his skin.
The explosion created a fireball the size of Nebraska, what was once Jason Russell was now turned into superheated plasma, with the rest of the gang. Everyone was gone.
But nobody gave a shit, as in heaven Christ circumcised them all for free, and God bukkaked on them all, while Jason Russell was forced to have sex with ugly old prostitutes for eternity, while Kony worked in a retirement home for the rest of eternity.
Gallery
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Would make a better game than Call of Duty. -
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Kony chillin' with Osama.
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ConeyKony Dogs! -
Kony deserves a theme song too! -
Delicious! -
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A Very Kony Christmas. -
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Spidernig snatchin' yo kids. -
Yo Kony, I'm really happy for you, Imma let you finish -
~$WAG~ -
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ONLY QUADS CAN KILL KONY -
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Uganda: The Tranding Card Game -
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Age of Empires edition -
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Oh you. -
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KONY! GET TO DA CHOPPA! -
Stayin' Kony -
The Axis ofEvilLulz. -
KONY FOR PRESIDENT! -
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wat. -
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Word, nigga. -
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Typical Kony faggotry -
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ten-HUT! -
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More children capable of invisibility. -
Even Jon Stewart's getting tired of this -
Better than most black people. -
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See Also
Links
- Official website, complete with hipster bullshit design.
- Hipster behind "Invisible children" Jason Russell arrested for masturbating in public
- Keep trolling!
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Joseph Kony is part of a series on Visit the Trolls Portal for complete coverage. |
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| Featured article March 10 and 11, 2012 | ||
| Preceded by Sabu |
Joseph Kony | Succeeded by Rush Limbaugh |