Kyle Rittenhouse
Kyle Rittenhouse a.k.a. The Kenosha Kid is an expert marksman, lifeguard, and a fucking idiot who nearly got himself killed or hit with a life sentence because he took it upon himself to intervene in a veritable warzone. The refusal and/or inability of the cops to do their fucking jobs led to an underaged vigilante picking up the slack. The fact that this later became a trial is solid proof that Dumbfuckistan is screwed.
Background
Fueled by their insatiable thirst for black blood, police went after Jacob Blake in Kenosha. They first shot him with multiple tasers, since all that electricity and squirming made his blood hot and fresh. The cops then shot him 7 times but still failed to kill him, demonstrating their complete incompetence. Because a black man didn’t get away with sexual and domestic assault, criminal trespassing, and trying to knife a cop, BLM and their allies for social justice took this as proof that America is a fascist regime. After the much-beleaguered Fourth Estate broadcast such a truth across the country, of course. The passionate ‘Summer of Love’ would make their voices heard in Kenosha en masse.
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Kenosha
Like many a strapping, idealistic young American male, Kyle Rittenhouse was raised to help impose white supremacy. Unlike you, he’d actually get off his ass and inform America of Aryan superiority by force rather than whining on twatter. Armed with a scrub brush made from the hair of dead black men, and the ubiquitous symbol of red-blooded White American manhood — an AR-15 — he would scrub away messages of black empowerment and protect capitalist institutions of exploitation. Unwilling to witness the sabotage of their fiery but (mostly) peaceful protests, 3 of their ranks decided to attack Kyle. Joseph "JoJo" Rosenbaum✡ and failed skateboarder Anthony "Choke that shiksa" Huber✡ were murdered, while Gaige "Bye-Ceps" Grosskreutz was disarmed. Most notably, the would-be paramedic’s ‘Do Know Harm’ tattoo was removed at record speed after Kyle did a ninja barrel roll and re-racked his rifle. It’s said that special forces were humbled by his deft maneuvers and on-the-fly gun maintenance. For his slaying of two (((fellow whites))), Rittenhouse was a racist and an enemy of our democracy, values, and trans rites.
Response
The killings of a pedophile and wife beater must’ve been seen as a personal attack on leftoids, because they lost their fucking shit. Destiny was probably one of the few (if not, only) lefties who didn’t and saw the case for what it actually was, causing much outrage among his comrades and damaging his career a bit. Even a broken clock is right twice a day. Marxist pedophile and former Destiny associate Vaush claimed Kyle was wrong by citing fucking Marvel movies. The right would hail Kyle as a hero, probably because they were vicariously acting on their revenge fantasies through him. Life went on and people mostly forgot about the case after it was no longer trendy, until the trial began.
Trial
The shitshow started on November 1, 2021. The prosecution was led by Thomas Binger. Flufferboy2004 was an accomplished Prosecutor, and perfect for such a sacred task. He’d already forgotten Wisconsin gun laws, what the 5th Amendment was, and that witness tampering was a crime. His main strategy was to hail literal criminals as heroes, while asking pointedly relevant questions like why Kyle would put out fires, how COD was connected to the subsequent events, ammo types, why he’d use GPS when traveling an alternate route, and God knows what else. He was also counting on the FBI to stay corrupt long enough to withhold additional exonerating video evidence of Kyle being threatened.
They then used blatantly manipulated drone footage, but this wouldn’t be enough to overcome a slimy defense that had actual full-res videos confirming what anyone who wasn’t a forsaken cultural marxist had known. So they pulled out their trump card: Gaige Grosskreutz, who had fallen on hard times and out of his chair following his indefinite hiatus from arm day. Their ace in the hole would end up admitting that he pointed a gun at Kyle and was only shot afterwards. Desperate to still gain an inkling of justice, efforts by MSNBC were made to persuade the jury to reach the right verdict. Alas, justice was most grievously miscarried and Kyle was fully acquitted. White privilege and the prosecution were to blame.
Aftermath
The Right was relieved by the outcome, heartened that the truth helped a kid face off against half of a country overtaken by cultural marxism, their propaganda outlets, a corrupt FBI, and the Biden regime itself. They made sure to constantly thank God for being in a world where video footage was possible. However, they were also wary that such an open and shut case escalated to this point and feared that the next Rittenhouse wouldn’t be so fortunate.
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As for the kid himself, the fat fuck downed dozens of chicken nuggies from McDonalds and vowed to become a lawyer so that he could go after prosecutors like Binger. Why he’d want to go after the Bingers of the world is unclear, since any defense attorney could win by simply letting them speak.
Gallery
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Fan art -
Anthony Huber -
Joseph Rosenbaum -
Fan art -
Gaige Grosskreutz -
Binger BTFO'd
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One thing’s for sure—the Ritt don’t quit -
Please don't cry, LeBron -
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Burn baby burn
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Kenosha Kid
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One of many tributes to Rittenhouse -
Good riddance to these guys. -
Cry more Antifa—our boy was acquitted. -
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Kyle exits the courthouse after being fully acquitted -
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Rittenhouse was a brony -
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The proper response to "he crossed state lines!"
See also
- Antifa
- Racism
- Riots
- George Zimmerman - Also not guilty or white.
- Wisconsin
