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Tsavo Lions: Difference between revisions
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{{ | {{stub}} | ||
{{ib|[[File:LionsOfTsavo.jpg|250px]]}} | {{ib|[[File:LionsOfTsavo.jpg|250px]]}} | ||
{{Ibhead|<big>'''Tsavo Man-Eaters'''</big>}} | {{Ibhead|<big>'''Tsavo Man-Eaters'''</big>}} | ||
{{Ibrow|'''Born'''|[[Idklol]]}} | |||
{{Ibrow|'''Died'''|December 9, [[Before the internets|1898]] (1st lion)<br>December 29, [[Before the internets|1898]] (2nd lion)}} | |||
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality:'''|[[Kenya]]n [[File:MiniflagKenya.png]]}} | {{Ibrow|'''Nationality:'''|[[Kenya]]n [[File:MiniflagKenya.png]]}} | ||
{{Ibrow|'''[[high score|Highscore]]'''| | {{Ibrow|'''[[high score|Highscore]]'''|Killed {{Hover|30+|Some sources put the death toll much higher}}}} | ||
{{Ibrow|'''Top 50?'''|[[High Score| | {{Ibrow|'''Top 50?'''|[[High Score|7th]]}} | ||
{{Ibrow|'''Style'''|Spore, Co-Op}} | {{Ibrow|'''Style'''|Spore, Co-Op}} | ||
{{Ibrow|'''[[An Hero]]?'''|No ( | {{Ibrow|'''[[An Hero]]?'''|No (pwned by hunters)}} | ||
{{Ibend}} | {{Ibend}} | ||
== | The '''Tsavo Man-Eating Lions''' were basically if [[Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold]] were lion [[furries]] in [[Kenya]] and actually did a great job at the [[high score]], because these big-ass kitties killed and ate at least 30 [[niggers]], which is greater than [[Payton Gendron]], [[Dylann Roof]], [[Ryan Palmeter]], [[High Score/Loserinfo#Barend Strydom|Barend Strydom]], and [[High Score/Loserinfo#Luca Traini|Luca Traini]] could ever imagine. | ||
In March of [[ | |||
==<s>Goat</s> Lion Simulator== | |||
In March of [[oldfag|1898]], da [[British]] started constructing a railway [[PewDiePie|bridge]] over the Tsavo River. Those fucking crackers didn't want to work at all, cuz they be rich and lazy, so they employed [[Indians]] (the 7/11 kind) to do da job. The man in charge of this stupid project was John Henry Patterson. They made tents for the Indians, which you'd think would be like teepees, but they weren't. For 9 months, two male lions [[tranny|without manes]], which were obviously made fun of by lions with manes, and [[penis]]-shamed by females, got revenge. Not on their own species, but instead [[human|the worst one]]. These lions' "NBK" was to sneak around in the middle of the night and go apeshit on railway workers by stealing them from their tent and eating them alive!!! RAWR! Because of this, Patterson and his gang tried everything, but they kept killing. They tried campfires and thorn-made fences, but nothing worked. These two would eventually team up like E&D and snack on a railway worker together. They kept on racking up the highest co-op [[furry]] high score 'til Patterson got pissed that his railway would never be finished, so he decided he would [[James Huberty|go hunting, for...]] lions. | |||
==Lion Hunting== | ==Lion Hunting== | ||
Patterson sent out | Patterson sent out an army of around 20 musket hunters to put an end to their lulzfest. The first lion was pwned on 12/9/1898, and then 20 days later, the second was pwned epically in a way that would make the biggest [[redneck]] fucker proud. | ||
==Eternal Punishment!== | ==Eternal Punishment!== | ||
These two loser lions were eventually | These two loser lions were eventually taxidermized and eventually put on display in the Field Museum in [[gang|Chicago]], [[Illinois]]. A fate worse than death is to have your own dead body mocked by the public for all eternity. | ||
==Graded Score== | ==Graded Score== | ||
{{GradedScore|'''30'''|Or way more, [[Some argue|depending on who you ask]]|20|Wasted no time|20|Got away with it for 9 months|20|Fucked up the progress of a railway's construction so much that they were killed over it|20|Deadliest lions on the Spore table|110|S+|Baby, I'm preyin' on you tonight<br>Hunt you down, eat you alive<br>Just like animals, animals<br>Like animals-mals}} | |||
{{Wanted|5}} | |||
==See Also== | |||
*[[High Score/Loserinfo#Avraham Ben Israel|Avraham Ben Israel]], [[Harambe]], [[Tatiana]], [[Travis the Killer Chimp|Travis]] - Other psycho animals! | |||
*[[Kenya]] - Where shit went down. | |||
==External Links== | ==External Links== | ||
*{{Wikilink|Tsavo_Man-Eaters|TOW coverage}} | *{{Wikilink|Tsavo_Man-Eaters|TOW coverage}} | ||
{{High Scores}} | {{High Scores}} | ||
{{ | {{Animals}} | ||
Latest revision as of 02:08, 2 September 2025
| |
|---|---|
| Tsavo Man-Eaters | |
| Born | Idklol |
| Died | December 9, 1898 (1st lion) December 29, 1898 (2nd lion) |
| Nationality: | Kenyan 
|
| Highscore | Killed 30+ |
| Top 50? | 7th |
| Style | Spore, Co-Op |
| An Hero? | No (pwned by hunters) |
The Tsavo Man-Eating Lions were basically if Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold were lion furries in Kenya and actually did a great job at the high score, because these big-ass kitties killed and ate at least 30 niggers, which is greater than Payton Gendron, Dylann Roof, Ryan Palmeter, Barend Strydom, and Luca Traini could ever imagine.
Goat Lion Simulator
In March of 1898, da British started constructing a railway bridge over the Tsavo River. Those fucking crackers didn't want to work at all, cuz they be rich and lazy, so they employed Indians (the 7/11 kind) to do da job. The man in charge of this stupid project was John Henry Patterson. They made tents for the Indians, which you'd think would be like teepees, but they weren't. For 9 months, two male lions without manes, which were obviously made fun of by lions with manes, and penis-shamed by females, got revenge. Not on their own species, but instead the worst one. These lions' "NBK" was to sneak around in the middle of the night and go apeshit on railway workers by stealing them from their tent and eating them alive!!! RAWR! Because of this, Patterson and his gang tried everything, but they kept killing. They tried campfires and thorn-made fences, but nothing worked. These two would eventually team up like E&D and snack on a railway worker together. They kept on racking up the highest co-op furry high score 'til Patterson got pissed that his railway would never be finished, so he decided he would go hunting, for... lions.
Lion Hunting
Patterson sent out an army of around 20 musket hunters to put an end to their lulzfest. The first lion was pwned on 12/9/1898, and then 20 days later, the second was pwned epically in a way that would make the biggest redneck fucker proud.
Eternal Punishment!
These two loser lions were eventually taxidermized and eventually put on display in the Field Museum in Chicago, Illinois. A fate worse than death is to have your own dead body mocked by the public for all eternity.
Graded Score
| Kill count: | 30/20 Or way more, depending on who you ask |
|---|---|
| Accuracy: | 20/20 Wasted no time |
| Style: | 20/20 Got away with it for 9 months |
| Butthurt: | 20/20 Fucked up the progress of a railway's construction so much that they were killed over it |
| Bonus: | 20/20 Deadliest lions on the Spore table |
Hunt you down, eat you alive
Just like animals, animals
Like animals-mals
Wanted Level:
National Guard
See Also
- Avraham Ben Israel, Harambe, Tatiana, Travis - Other psycho animals!
- Kenya - Where shit went down.
External Links
