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{{achtung|"Come on, it's lovely weather<br>For a slay<br>(ride together with you)"}}
{{achtung|"Come on, it's lovely weather<br>For a slay<br>(ride together with you)"}}
{{ib|[[File:Santa Claus Reina Nightclub.jpg|200px]]}}
[[File:Reina nightclub istanbul before.jpg|500px|thumb|left|Reina nightclub, December 31, 2016...]][[File:ReinaClubVictims.jpg|350px|thumb|right|...vs. January 1, 2017. (Turks sure know how to party!)]]
{{clear}}
{{ib|[[File:Abdulkadir Masharipov.jpg|200px]]}}
{{Ibhead|<big>'''Santa Claus'''</big>}}
{{Ibhead|<big>'''Santa Claus'''</big>}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality:'''|[[Turkey|Turkroach]]&nbsp;&nbsp;[[File:Miniflag Turkey.png|20px]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Born'''|August 2, 1988 ({{age|1988|8|2}} years old)}}
{{Ibrow|'''[[high score|Highscore]]'''|Killed 39, injured 70.}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality:'''|[[Uzbekistan|Uzbek]]-[[Turkey|Turkroach]]&nbsp;&nbsp;[[File:MiniflagUzbekistan.png]] [[File:Miniflag Turkey.png|23px]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Occupation'''|Santa Claus cosplayer}}
{{Ibrow|'''[[high score|Highscore]]'''|Killed 39, injured 79}}
{{Ibrow|'''Top 50?'''|{{highscorelist}}}}
{{Ibrow|'''Top 50?'''|{{highscorelist}}}}
{{Ibrow|'''Style'''|FPS, single player}}
{{Ibrow|'''Style'''|FPS, Single player}}
{{Ibrow|'''[[An Hero]]?'''|[[No]].}}
{{Ibrow|'''[[An Hero]]?'''|[[No]], captured 2 weeks later}}
{{Ibrow|'''Motive'''|[[ISIS]] recruitment drive}}
{{Ibend}}
{{Ibend}}


As [[2017]] kicks in, the many residents of Istanbul, Turkey (both native and immigrants; [[Lol|why anybody wants to fly over there is beyond my comprehension]]) [[Bad|decide to do what they do best]]: go to a occupied, invite-only nightclub to commemorate the new year and what would be the many days ahead of them. Unfortunately, [[Truth|even the first day of a brand new year isn't going to make you impenetrable]], and this rang true for the ones who were inside when a lone gunman, '''[[Word salad|Abdulkadir Mashariapov]]''' armed with an [[AK-47]] plus what seemed to be an endless supply of hand grenades became the somewhat [[shitty|shittier]] [[A CHALLENGER APPEARS|2.0]] version of '''[[Omar Mateen]]''' and reportedly killed 39 people, also injuring 70 others.  
As [[2017]] kicks in, residents of Istanbul, [[Turkey]] (both native and foreign) [[Bad|decide to do what they do best]]: go to an exclusive, near-maximum capacity nightclub to commemorate the end of a shitty year and what would be the many days ahead of them. Unfortunately, [[Truth|getting drunk on the first day of a brand new year isn't going to make you invincible]]. This rang true for those inside when a lone gunman, '''[[Word salad|Abdulkadir Masharipov]]'''{{muslim}}, <s>dressed as Santa Claus</s> ''(disproven)'' armed with an [[AK-47]] and a limitless supply of stun grenades became the much lulzier [[Satan Claus]] but somewhat [[shitty|shittier]] [[A CHALLENGER APPEARS|2.0]] version of [[Omar Mateen]] and proceeded to murder 39 clubbers and injure 79 more.


The attack came at night, the point where security measures were notably heightened, with approximately 17,000 [[police]] officers on duty at the time, but obviously they didn't do their fucking job right. The precautions were put in place following several [[terrorist]] attacks over the recent months, many of which were perpetrated by [[ISIS]] and [[Kurdish]] militants. Partygoers, including men in suits and women in [[Cock|cocktail]] dresses, were seen emerging from the nightclub in a state of [[shock]]. It was estimated up to 800 people may have been in the nightclub at the time of the shooting. Due to the police being [[Fat|overweight]] and therefore unable to run properly, the gunman continued to be at large and is still on the run as we speak, and from what we know of Abdulkadir Mashrapov, he's a [[pretty cool guy]].
==The Shooting==
[[File:Reina nightclub istanbul shooting.jpg|300px|thumb|right|New Year's fireworks show came late.]]
[[File:Santa Claus Reina Nightclub.jpg|200px|thumb|right|Happy New Year!]]
Our protagonist attacked at night, during a time of heightened security measures with approximately 17,000 on-duty [[police]] officers spread across the city (but obviously they didn't do their fucking job right). The precautions were put in place following several [[terrorist]] attacks in recent months, many of which were perpetrated by [[ISIS]] and [[Kurdish]] militants. In lieu of the celebratory climate, and to maximize [[lulz]], our gunman donned a Santa Claus outfit for his mission. He adopted a highly sophisticated plan of attack, which was to storm in guns blazing and shoot randomly at anything in sight like a chimp and hope the Santa costume would disguise his acts as a comedy sketch.
 
Hundreds of partygoers, including men in suits and women in [[cock]]tail dresses, were seen emerging from the club in a state of [[shock]]. It was estimated up to 600 people may have been in the nightclub at the time of the shooting. Due to a combination of our protagonist's wit and the police being [[Fat|overweight]] and therefore unable to run properly, the gunman managed to blend in with the panicked crowd and escape. Authorities took more than two weeks to finally catch the guy, but from what we know of Abdulkadir Masharipov, he's a pretty cool guy.
 
After securing an admirable {{highscorelist}} place on the [[high score]] leaderboard, Masharipov managed to [[Win|escape the nightclub and not get v& just yet]]. Although a true jihadist in this situation would obviously [[Doing it right|an hero with an explosive vest]], we suppose we can grant an exception here due to the impressive single-player kill count. The police force in Turkey is so shitty they couldn't even identify Masharipov for 9 days, but they finally got their shit together and v& his ass on the 16th before he could launch a second attack and become the Uzbek version of [[William Unek]].  


==Foreign Media Coverage==
==Foreign Media Coverage==


Like the [[idiot|idiots]] that they are, [[old media]] originally thought that there was two gunman, not one. This turned out to be false later on, but it does give a perfect example of how the news and other media sources are so quick to report on shit without knowing the true [[Fact|facts]]. Like the [[Mevlüt Mert Altıntaş]] incident which actually happened not too long ago, the gunman reportedly shouted "[[Allahu Akbar]]" while firing at the patrons. Turkey's President Recep Erdogan stated that the country was going to [[Lie|fight against terrorism]], and was determined to destroy the source of threats and attacks against it. Once Turkish authorities realized that others were reporting on the event, they immediately [[Autism|sperged out]] on everyone and issued a temporary gag order. The shooting has been described as a 'terrorist attack' by Istanbul's governor, Vasip Şahin. Turkey's Prime Minister, Binali Yildirim, has denied initial reports that the shooter had been dressed as [[Santa Claus]]. A number of people jumped into the Bosphorus Strait to escape the attack, and we can only hope those [[losers]] drown to death because nobody will miss them. On January 2, [[ISIS]] took responsibility on [[Twitter]] for the attack, but authorities are still scrambling to find the killer.
Like the [[idiot|idiots]] that they are, [[old media]] originally thought that [[Columbine|there were two gunmen, not one]]. This turned out to be false later on, but it does give a perfect example of how the news and other media sources are so quick to report on shit without knowing the true [[Fact|facts]]. Like the [[Mevlüt Mert Altıntaş]] incident which actually happened not too long ago, the gunman reportedly shouted "[[Allahu Akbar]]" while firing at the patrons. Turkey's President Recep Erdogan stated that the country was going to [[Lie|fight against terrorism]], and was determined to destroy the source of threats and attacks against it. Once Turkish authorities realized that others were reporting on the event, they immediately [[Autism|sperged out]] on everyone and issued a temporary gag order. The shooting has been described as a [[No shit|'terrorist attack']] by Istanbul's governor, Vasip Şahin. Turkey's Prime Minister, Binali Yildirim, has denied initial reports that the shooter had been dressed as [[Santa Claus]]. A number of people jumped into the Bosphorus Strait to escape the attack, and we can only hope those [[losers]] drown to death because [[Fact|nobody will miss them]]. On January 2, [[ISIS]] took responsibility on [[Twitter]] for the attack, but authorities are still scrambling to find the killer.


==America's Response==
==America's Response==


[[Obama]] was vacationing with his family in [[Hawaii]] so he really didn't give a shit, and only knew of the massacre when he was briefed on the attack by his national security. More sufficient evidence that he didn't give a [[fuck]], he asked to be constantly updated as the situation developed, White House spokesman Eric Schultz said. They condemned what it was called as a "horrific terrorist attack" and offered help to Turkey, even though they knew for sure that they weren't going to give help for any person in that dump of a third-world country, and as the President of [[Dumbfuckistan]], you know you only want the job to make yourself be considered as a public figure and not do anything you said you were going to do.
[[Obama]] was vacationing with his family in [[Hawaii]] so he really didn't give a shit, and only knew of the massacre when he was briefed on the attack by his national security. More sufficient evidence that he didn't give a [[fuck]], he asked to be constantly updated as the situation developed, White House spokesman Eric Schultz said. They condemned what it was called as a "horrific terrorist attack" and offered help to Turkey, even though they knew for sure that they weren't going to give help for any person in that dump of a third-world country, and as the President of [[Dumbfuckistan]], you know you only want the job to make yourself be considered as a public figure and not do anything you said you were going to do. Plus, if Obama did end up giving a slight fuck about what happened, it was only to congratulate Sir Masharipov on a masterful takedown of nearly 40 filthy turks and foreigners, and help him potentially escape undetected to Dumbfuckistan, as any true jihadist deserves. [[9/11|If only he knew how to fly a Cessna, he would have truly made Obama proud.]]


==Sick Ass Gameplay Footage==
==Sick Ass Gameplay Footage==


<center><youtube>DIOo7OwEZm4</youtube></center>
<center>[[File:ReinaNightclubMassacre.mp4|750px]]</center>
<center>[[File:Reina Massacre first shots.mp4|750px]]</center>


==Score==
==Score==


{{GradedScore|'''39'''| |7|Just Spammed Shit like a [[Faggot]].|10|Went in there and did what he had to do.|18|"[[BAWWW|muh new year ruined]]"|10|[[Zerg rush|Zerg rushed]] everyone.|84|B|HAPPY NEW YEAR!}}
{{GradedScore|'''39'''| |7|Just spammed shit like a [[faggot]]|10|Went in there and did what he had to do.|18|"[[BAWWW|muh New Year ruined]]"|10|[[Zerg rush|Zerg rushed]] everyone|84|B|HAPPY NEW YEAR!}}
 
{{Wanted|5}}
{{Wanted|5}}


==See Also==
==See Also==
 
*[[Terrorism]]
*[[Islam]]
*[[Pulse Nightclub Massacre]]
*[[Pulse Nightclub Massacre]]
*[[Paris Mass Shooting]]
*[[Paris Mass Shooting]]
Line 39: Line 54:


==External Links==
==External Links==
*[http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2017/01/01/istanbul-nightclub-gunman-captured-cctv/ Istanbul nightclub gunman captured on CCTV]
*[http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2017/01/01/istanbul-nightclub-gunman-captured-cctv/ Istanbul nightclub gunman captured on CCTV]
*[http://www.itv.com/news/story/2017-01-01/at-least-39-killed-in-shooting-at-istanbul-nightclub/ 'At least 39 killed' in shooting at Istanbul nightclub]
*[http://www.itv.com/news/story/2017-01-01/at-least-39-killed-in-shooting-at-istanbul-nightclub/ 'At least 39 killed' in shooting at Istanbul nightclub]
{{High Scores}}
{{High Scores}}
{{Psychopaths}}
{{Psychopaths}}
 
{{Islam}}
{{Terrorists}}
[[Category:2017]]
[[Category:2017]]

Latest revision as of 14:50, 1 August 2024

"Come on, it's lovely weather
For a slay
(ride together with you)"
Reina nightclub, December 31, 2016...
...vs. January 1, 2017. (Turks sure know how to party!)
Santa Claus
Born August 2, 1988 (36 years old)
Nationality: Uzbek-Turkroach  
Occupation Santa Claus cosplayer
Highscore Killed 39, injured 79
Top 50? 6th
Style FPS, Single player
An Hero? No, captured 2 weeks later
Motive ISIS recruitment drive


As 2017 kicks in, residents of Istanbul, Turkey (both native and foreign) decide to do what they do best: go to an exclusive, near-maximum capacity nightclub to commemorate the end of a shitty year and what would be the many days ahead of them. Unfortunately, getting drunk on the first day of a brand new year isn't going to make you invincible. This rang true for those inside when a lone gunman, Abdulkadir Masharipov☪, dressed as Santa Claus (disproven) armed with an AK-47 and a limitless supply of stun grenades became the much lulzier Satan Claus but somewhat shittier 2.0 version of Omar Mateen and proceeded to murder 39 clubbers and injure 79 more.

The Shooting

New Year's fireworks show came late.
Happy New Year!

Our protagonist attacked at night, during a time of heightened security measures with approximately 17,000 on-duty police officers spread across the city (but obviously they didn't do their fucking job right). The precautions were put in place following several terrorist attacks in recent months, many of which were perpetrated by ISIS and Kurdish militants. In lieu of the celebratory climate, and to maximize lulz, our gunman donned a Santa Claus outfit for his mission. He adopted a highly sophisticated plan of attack, which was to storm in guns blazing and shoot randomly at anything in sight like a chimp and hope the Santa costume would disguise his acts as a comedy sketch.

Hundreds of partygoers, including men in suits and women in cocktail dresses, were seen emerging from the club in a state of shock. It was estimated up to 600 people may have been in the nightclub at the time of the shooting. Due to a combination of our protagonist's wit and the police being overweight and therefore unable to run properly, the gunman managed to blend in with the panicked crowd and escape. Authorities took more than two weeks to finally catch the guy, but from what we know of Abdulkadir Masharipov, he's a pretty cool guy.

After securing an admirable 6th place on the high score leaderboard, Masharipov managed to escape the nightclub and not get v& just yet. Although a true jihadist in this situation would obviously an hero with an explosive vest, we suppose we can grant an exception here due to the impressive single-player kill count. The police force in Turkey is so shitty they couldn't even identify Masharipov for 9 days, but they finally got their shit together and v& his ass on the 16th before he could launch a second attack and become the Uzbek version of William Unek.

Foreign Media Coverage

Like the idiots that they are, old media originally thought that there were two gunmen, not one. This turned out to be false later on, but it does give a perfect example of how the news and other media sources are so quick to report on shit without knowing the true facts. Like the Mevlüt Mert Altıntaş incident which actually happened not too long ago, the gunman reportedly shouted "Allahu Akbar" while firing at the patrons. Turkey's President Recep Erdogan stated that the country was going to fight against terrorism, and was determined to destroy the source of threats and attacks against it. Once Turkish authorities realized that others were reporting on the event, they immediately sperged out on everyone and issued a temporary gag order. The shooting has been described as a 'terrorist attack' by Istanbul's governor, Vasip Şahin. Turkey's Prime Minister, Binali Yildirim, has denied initial reports that the shooter had been dressed as Santa Claus. A number of people jumped into the Bosphorus Strait to escape the attack, and we can only hope those losers drown to death because nobody will miss them. On January 2, ISIS took responsibility on Twitter for the attack, but authorities are still scrambling to find the killer.

America's Response

Obama was vacationing with his family in Hawaii so he really didn't give a shit, and only knew of the massacre when he was briefed on the attack by his national security. More sufficient evidence that he didn't give a fuck, he asked to be constantly updated as the situation developed, White House spokesman Eric Schultz said. They condemned what it was called as a "horrific terrorist attack" and offered help to Turkey, even though they knew for sure that they weren't going to give help for any person in that dump of a third-world country, and as the President of Dumbfuckistan, you know you only want the job to make yourself be considered as a public figure and not do anything you said you were going to do. Plus, if Obama did end up giving a slight fuck about what happened, it was only to congratulate Sir Masharipov on a masterful takedown of nearly 40 filthy turks and foreigners, and help him potentially escape undetected to Dumbfuckistan, as any true jihadist deserves. If only he knew how to fly a Cessna, he would have truly made Obama proud.

Sick Ass Gameplay Footage

Score

Graded Score
Kill count: 39/20
Accuracy: 7/20 Just spammed shit like a faggot
Style: 10/20 Went in there and did what he had to do.
Butthurt: 18/20 "muh New Year ruined"
Bonus: 10/20 Zerg rushed everyone
Total Score: 84/100 (B)
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
See full ranking


Wanted Level:

National Guard


See Also

External Links


 Reina Nightclub Massacre is part of a series on Are You Ready? [GAME OVERInsert Coin] Go!
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Reina Nightclub Massacre is part of a series on Psychopaths
[It rubs the lotion on the skin or else it gets the hose againOpen the box]
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See also:

Antisocial personality disorder • Jews • Murder • Paranoid personality disorder • Pittsburgh Paint Job • Police Brutality • Sick fuck

Reina Nightclub Massacre
is part of a series on
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