ValisHD
—ValisHD, Attempting to swoon his fans with his delicate vocal chords | ||
Background
Valis77 (aka ValisHD) -- IRL name Promise Delon Redmond as he's known to terrified children across the state of Kansas due to being a registered sex offender -- is among the legion of sexual deviants clogging the Tubes. Fancying himself an e-celebrity, Valis delights his thousands of subscribers with his poorly-made Let's Play videos.
Being of simple Midwestern stock, Valis is easily amused, therefore rather than being satisfied with quality content leading to a modest upload count, he sees the upload count as an end unto itself. With that in mind, our hero gleefully inflates his own upload count with horrendous side productions, thinly veiled as contextually relevant by the appending "Let's" to the beginning of the title, seemingly almost as an afterthought. Some examples include:
- Let's Listen - In which he "entertains" his audience with a(n arbitrary) selection of video game music deemed "good enough to feature. These videos are quick and dirty and are likely meant to boost his upload count.
- Let's Eat - In which he eats food on camera while wearing cheap sunglasses and some stupid ass green fucking hat. Keeping true to the stereotype, this series does include a video featuring Church's Chicken. A perfunctory search revealed no videos involving watermelon, but it's likely only a matter of time.
- Let's Travel - In which he films a heart-pounding five-part series about going to Radio Shack to buy an audio cable splitter.
- Let's Tutorial - In which he films himself in the process of setting up his shiny new Dazzle, ostensibly, in order to capture PS2 videos. It more or less fails as a tutorial due to the fact that he mentions that he "hopes it works" right in the video description.
- Let's Celebrate ValisHD's fucking Birthday - In which he forces us to "celebrate" by listening, inexplicably, to video game music. The delicious cake is featured in a "Let's Eat" video.
- Let's Open - Christmas presents. Here he butchers the English language particularly badly while trying to explain why he considers his sister's godparents to be his own godparents as well.
- Let's Challenge - In which he accepts challenges from his adoring fans to LP a certain game, but with stipulations such as never being hit or killed. If his normal LPs are any indication, these challenges likely take him weeks to film and splice together. PROTIP: Challenge him to post the outtakes from the Let's Challenge videos.
- Let's Test - In which he fiddles around with the Japanese version of Phantasy Star Generation 2 for the PlayStation II.
- Let's Mention
- Let's Fail - Shouldn't this encompass his entire channel?
The exception to this rule seems to be a sub-series he's created entitled "The Gaming Experience," which seems to basically consist of "Let's Play" videos packaged under a different name. The theory is that in games Valis knows he'll likely suck at, he refers to the playing as "The Gaming Experience" so as to subtly warn the viewer beforehand that he doesn't consider himself an expert at them, therefore maintaining his sterling reputation.
Bringing an obviously frail ego to the table, Valis is always quick to respond to negative comments on his videos by angrily flaming the poster, even when he makes himself look even dumber in the process by missing the fucking point of the original comment. In his fear of being spurned by the YouTube community-at-large, he will even go so far as to attack comments he simply perceives as negative, even when the poster is asking an innocent question. Unable to reconcile this fear with his pathological need for fawning sycophants to post inane bullshit to his every video, he has yet to disable comments, though he has disabled embedding for some of his more embarrassing and revealing videos. It would be an interesting sociological experiment to observe how he transitions from his online fame to his job at Burger King.
Rather than admit he doesn't know something, Valis would rather tell a rushed, half-hearted lie in a futile attempt to cover for lacking the advanced knowledge (How to read, write or speak English much less Japanese; how to operate a computer; how to fuck little children; how to tie his own fucking shoes; etc.) that he seems to like to feign so often.
The bottom line is that Promise's LPs alone are worth it just to see how badly he embarrasses himself while stumbling over words, making up lyrics to game music, dying repeatedly, obsessing over female video game characters and dropping awkward romantic hints to WandererFromYs.
Party Van
Veteran internet detectives have discovered that the 33 year old furfag has a bit of a rap sheet, including solicitation of a minor. Fortunately the man has been gracious enough to bypass any of the Powerword: IRL conventions by dropping all the dox for us. Remember folks, when you're convicted and forced to register as a sex offender, your dox become public record for all the world (and the internet) to see and you forsake what little protection Anon has afforded you.
In AD 2009, War Was Beginning!!
No YouTube drama is complete without a little back-and-forth bitchfighting, right? Well, watch as ValisHD is taken to task by a series of YouTube trolls.
Promise gets called the fuck out. Remember, Chris Hansen is watching. Chris Hansen is listening. Chris Hansen knows all.
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The Smoking Gun: Valis Admits he Likes Little Children
How stupid can Promise be? In one of his many videos, Promise mumbles under his breath that he likes little children, thinking no one would hear it. Oh Valis, how wrong you were.
Transcript:
You know what? Just out of randomness, I know this is probably not... has nothing to do with the video, but, uh, what's his name? Megumi? Megami, uh whatever, 33? His account is terminated.
Oh my goodness man!
People are having fun with these stu-, flagging other videos. WHY? [Fake laugh]
Hmm. Oh well. Nothing we can do about it.
Except hopefully we don't get targeted.
And if we do we end up fighting back and we win eventually so... it's not a big loss for us.
Giggidy.
Cause I got all my files backed up HAHA! Either way I win!
So I mean what's the point of trying?
I like little children.
Now. No one didn't hear that so... I'm good.
I always get away with stuff, that, you know, by mumbling.
I would never say it to peoples' faces but you know. [Fake laugh]
Yup hit and run, that's how we do it. Or that's how I do it anyways. [Fake laugh]
And I always win! [Crazy laugh]
But uh... no seriously though.
Yeah Youtube needs to fix, you know, their little flagging system and you'll be fine!
See For Yourself
Listen as this nigger annihilates the English language
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—Valis77 using the phrase "sexy little girl" in a sentence. | ||
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Observe the faggotry this guy engages in
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Suspension and name change
In February 15, 2010, ValisHD's old channel Template:Youtube2 was DMCA'd and suspended, ensuing outcries from the LP community and some Limey Brit named Redzool. The furfag returned with 
a new account, crying in front of the camera about teh trollz failing to take him down. Ironic, considering his nasty habit of false flagging any parodies containing his persona, all of them much more entertaining than any of his videos.
Unfortunately, the suspension was temporary, and to the 15 year olds delight, they shat brix in joy as the channel came back up along with all 5326 videos containing a disgusting combination of furfaggotry and mysoginist feelings towards every single fucking female character of whatever game he played. The lulz didn't return until Valis was suspended yet again for the second time in a row, this time in January 2011.
An era dies
It's over, Johnny. Promise Redmond has finally closed his main original main account. The reason being that he is scared of getting his Valis77 account DMCA'd over and over again, he just can't handle the stress of losing text on a computer screen. Valis can't handle the thought of his account being compromised to so many flaggings, so he closed it so nothing could happen.
And nothing of value was lost...
O Rly? Moar years to come?
Recently The Man has increased Valis's probation years from 10 to fucking 25, due to the sole fact that our pedonigger didn't show up to his court cases in three different occasions . One strange mention is that his Template:Youtube2 is back but who gives a shit? Seems that Valis prefers to entertain his flock of brainwashed middle school fanbois rather than attend the very court that decides his fate on whether or not he should be labeled as a kiddie fiddler.
Due to Promise's obvious laziness, it seems that the Sheriff of Shawnee county needs to read this in order to get this nigger straight.
How to Troll ValisHD
- Say anything which he could possibly interpret as critical of anything he has ever done.
- Casually mention his arrest record and/or his fast track career at Burger King.(Note: When doing so, refer to him as "Promise Felon Redmond".
- IRL Trolling: Dress as the picture at the right of this section, and rob any Burger King. While at it, molest any 16-year-old girl and say "This is Valis77 BRB".
- HIS FUCKING ADDRESS IS PUBLIC! Send him a Fleshlight. Or a Pedobear plush.
- ????
- PROFIT!!!
E-trolling
See Also
- Video Game Reviewers - Ever so slightly above Let's Players on the food chain.
- USI
- Nigger
- Sick Fuck
Links
Go say hi on twitter!- Template:Youtube2
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- Valis sucks up to teenagers half his age in a pathetic attempt to get a partnership on Youtube
- Some shitty forum Valis77 created to further toot his own horn.
- Valis77, in the system!
- He might be in your neighborhood. Click here to find out!
- Valis77, pleading the virgins from Yahoo! Answers to help him remove this article from the old ED
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