Ræp
please click here and slowly scroll down to the bottom of the page. |
—Eldridge Cleaver |
Ræp, (also known as True Love, surprise sex, free dick or simply Rape), is an extreme sport and a crime-of-a-sort described as "the act of pwning with a penis." It is quite probably the lulziest act known to man, aside from flying two 767s filled with fat Americans into two phallic towers also filled with fat Americans. Rape is always the fault of the so-called "victim," nevar the rapist's. The only real victims in Rape are the so-called rapists, since nowadays most women are allowed to dress and behave like whores, and since men are biologically programmed to fuck, the man resisting a lifetime of not raping and resorting to fapping to gay dog porn is far worse in comparison than a woman getting free dick. Women love dick. People who love money love free money, so how could women who love dick not love free dick? Women also love hot loads—just ask your mom.
Secret Sluts
Despite popular belief, all women enjoy ræp. This is because all women are whores. However, this doesn't mean that they're all obvious whores. Besides your typical school skank and office slut whom are clearly whores, there are those known as Secret Sluts.
Secret Sluts are the rarer form, but ultimately more fun victim to rape. Examples of these are children and virgins. If you can't get a child or don't want to risk it, then find an innocent small-bodied teenager. She will work just as well. Act like you are her friend at first or that you are interested in her, and she should succumb to you right away (these girls are dumb as fuck). If you're lucky enough to have gotten a virgin then she should be extra tight. Not only will you cum really fast and very strongly, but there is no better feeling in the world than watching some girl cry in pain as you're popping her cherry. Pull her hair, spank her, verbally abuse her; bonus points if you cum in her mouth or slip it in her stinker. Have her tell you that she likes it, and if she doesn't then threaten to pound her even harder. These girls will just grow up to become sluts anyway, so they might as well get accustomed to the feeling. Make sure you cuddle these girls afterwords though, just to make them feel a little less "raped". Just kidding, tell them to go make you lunch. After she brings you lunch, pop her in the anus again for good measure.
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Go for it! It's Awwww right!
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Get `em while they're young
Views on Rape
USA
When it comes to sexual assault and rape, don't forget it's awwwwwwwriiiiight, although consent is the gold standard of legality within the United States. To determine the difference, apply the John Holmes test: "if it doesn't fit, you must thrust harder."
An Example of "Failure to Consent
Jerry and Vanessa have been married for 13 years. Jerry has been home alone for a few hours drinking vodka and is completely wasted. Vanessa comes home and says, "Hey Jerry, Wanna have sex?". Jerry responds, "OK." Vanessa grabs his hand and pulls him up the stairs, since he is too drunk to walk, and into the bedroom. They engage in two hours of foreplay, femdom/dominatrix style. After that Vanessa ties Jerry to the bed so tightly that he can't move and puts a condom on him. She then proceeds to put his penis into her vagina and thrusts until he ejaculates. She repeats this process three times that night. Technically Vanessa never said "Yes" or "Let's have sex," so she calls the cops on Jerry for rape. He is arrested and is punished to the full extent of the law.
As you can see, a certain freedom-loving country is full of shit.
If Jerry Lived In Ohio It Wouldn't Be Rape
Being the most forward thinking and intellectually advanced state in the union, Ohio has a legal principle by the name of Maritial Privlidge. Per the state's Legal Definition:
If one were to Partake in the Fucking of one's Wife, without Consent (so long as Force isn't used), in one's Home, it isn't Räpe.
Ohio defines rape as unwanted sexual conduct with a victim "who is not the spouse of the offender" — or with a spouse who is "living separate and apartment from the offender."
Australia
Rape is considered a Religious Kabbalah Jihad to many Australians. It is the act of dwelling inside houses with no consent from owners/renters followed by raping sleeping victims. All Police forces will ignore any phone call in relation to raep and claim that You you are mad or crazy and will need to be checked-into a mental institution [sic]. These Aussies are amayzing when it comes to raep, they usually have tools and efficient methods to sedate victims while asleep doing Kangaroo style which involves using sharpies & steamy rice bags. Some touches and slaps are used of course. If you are reading this article and suffered Aussie Jihad, please head to the international airport hoping that you won't be raepd on the way by cult members who really want to raep you under the cover of Customs & Border Control cover. Once you are gone, they will fly all the way from Australia to raep you in your new/old home mayte. There is nothing you can do to keep it out, there is nothing you can do so just live with it as they are self-entitled fags and usually die within few years in sad and remorseful circumstances then blame it on ya followed by few relatives raeping ya asleep again and the story will repeat itself. In other words, you should have not existed at all which is unfair but it would be a win for Aussie Social Injustice movement!
Germany
When rape happens to German children, it triggers rape tentacles to pursue them for the rest of their life... and even into the grave! When Germans cum to teach in America, they vow revenge (like Harvard Rapist Patrick Hamm)
Feminists
By definition, Feminists are twisted, bitter creatures who have equally bitter and twisted views on rape. However, studies show that only ugly women are feminists. Women so ugly that there's rarely enough alcohol on hand to make having sex with them palatable. In fact, statistics show that 9 out of 10 men would rather rape a malfunctioning blender than a feminist (the 10th man is just lying). So due to them never having tried rape, they instantly and wrongfully assume it to be the worst thing in the world and will cry wolf the instant they sense trouble.
—TL;DR: Women need to be raped for the healthy advancement of the human race, and the quotee unwittingly emphasizes this. |
Niggers
In the South African medical community, rape is widely used to cure lesbians of lesbianism, which in South Africa is considered a sign of demonic possession.
The nigger, highly experienced and instinctually gifted in committing all forms of rape, possesses a secret phrase that dispels troll's remorse: "It's not rape if she enjoys it!" Thus speaks an aide of the president of South Africa, currently accused of raping his AIDS-positive niece.
Niggers consider Rape by African Dick to be a privilege, which is true in some aspects (in the end they're still niggers). This view is concisely summed up in a message on The Obama Forum written by a black person who chose to share his views on pepper spray (the ultimate give-away if a nigger's had sex):
— Truth preached by Ebony Utopia, a distinguished Obamatologist. (Sadly, even with all the automatic spell-checkers, the negro could not spell "consensual".) |
Arabs
Even before their Prophet Muhammad reinvented Rape as a cultural pastime, Arabs usually have various ways to rape. They tend to master all forms due to their Barbaric era where no laws used to exist. Ignoring the existence of Goat Fuck Club, these Jawas remained loyal to their cause of raping women.
Rape in Arab culture remains eternal due to the tradition of passing on the same genes from one generation to the next. Since their women wear giant pillowcases, they target their victims by the size of their usually fat asses or the presence of a limp (thus eliminating the likelihood her running). Of course, many of their fine young men dress in such pillowcases in the course of their acts of jocular youthful exuberance, so would-be rapists master the Australian handshake and utilize it when in doubt. The Arab rape protocols work in the following manner:
- Locate the victim.
- Befriend her (optional).
- Take or ambush her to a secluded corner.
- Tell her that you wanna play an awesome secret game (optional).
- Pull your pants and show her your penis (optional).
- Tell her to play with it. (optional).
- Ask her to turn her back towards you.
- Lower her panties.
- If she whines or cries tell her "just a little bit" (optional).
- Shove it inside her.
- Grab her throat to prevent her from screaming.
- Initiate death threat(s).
- ?????
- PROFIT!!!
There are many examples of the nature of Arab rape. It differs slightly from one degenerate to other. The example we explored above was involving a 5th grader who managed to initiate 2 death threats towards the poor -6th grader- girl. Aren't you little too young for that, Ahmad? Maybe nobody stood up for her, but at the end. The missilish plan have failed, because it was built upon wasting/destroying around 2+1 human lives.
Comedians
—George Carlin |
Though many limped dick pussies have come to this article and moped at how terrible it is, never have they seen the whole Internet. Rape is hilarious, and so is murder. Deal with it, feminists.
Rape Safety
One should know the proper rape precautions for the rapist. If you're a woman looking for tips on the prevention of rape, psychological support, and other such bullshit, go to a rape support site. Then get back to the kitchen and make me a sammich.
First off, you must make sure you have the necessary equipment to proceed with your rape. Take off your pants, and look down at your pelvic region. Do you have a penis? If so, great! Barring height deformities, you are already prepared to begin raping! If for some reason you lack a penis, don't worry, you can still rape people. You just have to be more creative: try using something else to invade the victim's body; e.g. a dildo, broom, finger, fist, midget, etc. However, a penis should be used for maximum pleasure and hilarity. Remember: the savvy penis-equipped rapist will always use a condom to avoid receiving SUVs from the woman and getting caught via Police getting your DNA (because there's no bigger boner killer than getting V& by Mariska Hartigay). After all, you don't know where that slut has been, and you don't want to ruin your otherwise enjoyable experience by catching a sexually transmitted infection.
Now, before you can go out and start forcing yourself upon unsuspecting women/men, it is important that you know how to avoid prosecution. Consider these tactics:
- Skull-fucking her is great, it's funny and makes it way too embarrassing for the victim to report it.
- Rape a straight man. Either he will never tell anyone, or you will turn him gay and he'll want more.
- Find a midget who can't possibly defend herself.
- Find an old lady—nobody will ever believe you wanted to fuck her in the first place.
- Marriage afterward.
- Rape only deaf mutes - if you cut off their hands they can't tell anyone.
- Pay them afterwards.
- Prevent them from saying "No."
- Ask if your rag smells like chloroform.
- Exclaim the word "SURPRISE" before your victim cries "rape."
Legal scholars have pointed out these facts:
- If your victim doesn't speak your language, they're probably saying "yes"
- If your victim says no an even number of times, then it's a double negative.
- Rape with a toy (dildo, etc.) is not flesh penetration
- Sex in the Animal Kingdom is technically rape (as it does not include verbal consent), so surprise-sexing a furry is not punishable by law(not that you'd want to in the first place).
- If she gets a nipple erection it shows she was enjoying it.
- It's only rape if she tells the police.
Did you get caught? You fucking loser, what are you going to do now? Look, just stay calm. Maybe one of these excuses is your golden ticket out of the pokey:
- She was asking for it (which is always the case anyway—honesty is best policy).
- She was asleep at the time.
- She was drunk and/or high.
- You have Autism (how can you be punished - you're special!)
- You cuddled with her afterwards.
- You didn't cum (it's not technically sex if the man doesn't get off)
- She's ugly.
- She didn't fight hard enough on purpose and therefore wanted to be raped. (IE she was asking for it)
- You paid for her dinner and drinks.
- You are more attractive than her boyfriend.
- She was dressed provocatively. (IE she was asking for it)
- You have amnesia.
- It was for national security.
- Draw the racism - card (only works if you're a nigger).
RapeX
The most important thing for any potential rapist to remember is to be wary of the 'anti-rape' female condom, or RapeX, which is no longer produced. This anti-rape device is equipped with razor-sharp blades designed to drive themselves into any unwelcome penis, causing the death of the would-be rapist by exsanguination. Should you slip up and get your dick caught in one these (you fuckin' noob smh), your only real recourse is to flip out and abuse the woman twice as much as you would have done otherwise before you pass out. I mean, you might have just done your thing and left, but now she owes you. If your dick is small enough, you can easily rape without touching the lip of the RapeX. However, if you're a truly 1337 rapist, the RapeX can be used against the woman. By taking out the RapeX, turning it inside-out, and using it as a condom, you can boost your Man points by an incredible amount.
—Truths |
However, there is one good use for RapeX Condoms, discovered by Anna Kohler, lulz pioneer, albeit she is a cum slutting whore.
- I was 18 years old, I was at my school and looking for something to do. As I was walking through the hall, I saw a packaged RapeX Condom lying on the ground. I picked it up and had an idea. I walked to the nearest bathroom and inserted it. After the device was inserted I walked to the Special Education lunch table where I sat down next to a shy 19 year old Autistic boy with very dirty hair.
- His name was Robbie; he told me his name immediately after I told him mine as he had been instructed by his "helper." Right after we introduced ourselves he noticed how attractive I was and having no experience with women, grabbed my left breast. Instead of smacking him and getting him permabanned from the school system, I smiled and allowed him to squeeze my size "D" breast as I thought about my plan.
- It was easy to get him to leave the lunchroom with me; we found the first open closet we saw. I took him inside and locked the door, than took off my clothes; he didn't need to be told to do so himself. I climbed down on top of him and let his large, Autistic penis stretch my vagina. A few seconds later, Robbie was in more pain than me as the RapeX Condom attached itself to his Penis. I continued to fuck myself with his penis until I finally had an orgasm; than I quickly got off of Robbie, wrapped my shirt around my chest, and ran out the door with the retard trying to figure out what had happened. There was a Police Officer near the closet and I ran to him and crying, told him that Robbie had raped me. The RapeX Condom was all the evidence that was needed to convict the Asspie.
- You want to know why I did it? I love sex, and being as attractive as I am, it's easy to find guys to fuck me, but unlike a guy I'm not supposed to get fucked that often. Since I didn't want to be called a slut, and I didn't want to put myself in a position where I could be raped and potentially injured; I decided to rape a worthless Asspie and get him put away for it where he'll be one less Lulz Killer in our society.
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Check for these before you rape.
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The conceptor asking for it but realizing she is doing it wrong
God's Guide to Rape
Menstruating women are unclean and sinful. Anything that they touch is unclean. Anyone who touches anything that they touch is unclean (Leviticus 15:19-33). Stay completely away from them (Leviticus 18:19).
Your penis must be circumcised (Genesis 17:7-19). If you rape a man (1 Corinthians 11:14-15) you must also circumcise him (Genesis 17:13, 1 Machabees 2:46, Acts 16:3) and after raping him you must kill him (Leviticus 20:13). You both are going to hell, but you should send his foreskin as a trophy to your emperor (1 Samuel 18:27) for the lulz (Proverbs 3:5). You are going to heaven and he is going to hell (Luke 17:34-35) says Jesus who himself likes to rape young men (Mark 14:51-52)
If you have a pretty woman captive and you like her, then you should bring her home, shave her head and pare her nails. Then you can go in unto her. (Deuteronomy 21:11-14)
If she is a slave or a wife, you must scourge her after raping, you must not kill her (Leviticus 19:20). If her husband finds you and she touches your "secrets" while you fight him, you must cut off her hand (Deuteronomy 25:11-12).
If she is raped and she fails to cry out loud, she was clearly asking for it so it wasn't rape. She must be stoned to death (Deuteronomy 22:23-24). God's recipe for cooking her can be found in Ezekiel 24:3-12. Don't forget that her fat belongs to the Lord (Leviticus 3:16).
If her tits made her sin, she must edit tits and cut them off (Ezekiel 23:34, Matthew 5:29-30, Matthew 18:8-9, Mark 9:43-47).
Later, if you decide you don't like her, you can let her go. (Deuteronomy 21:14)
If you like her, you must buy her from her father for 50 shekels.
—Deuteronomy 21:10-12 |
Previous Quote | Next Quote
TL;DR: Jews (of WTC fame), Christians, and Muslims are perfectly fine with rape. Note: Atheists are fine with rape too.
Why Rape is good
It saved Western Civilization
John Petroski, the former Opinions Editor at The Recorder - a Central Connecticut State University publication - wrote a learned editorial titled Rape Only Hurts If You Fight It, in which he had this to say:
Most people today would claim that rape is a terrible crime almost akin to murder but I strongly disagree. Far from a vile act, rape is a magical experience that benefits society as a whole. I realize many of you will disagree with this thesis but lend me your ears and I’m sure I’ll sway you towards a darkened alley.
If it weren’t for rape, Western Civilization might not exist as we know it today. When the Romans were faced with a disproportionate ratio of women to men in the early kingdom, they had to do something, lest their fledgling society die for lack of sons. To solve their little dilemma, they did what any reasonable man would do: they threw a festival for their Sabine neighbors, and then stole and raped their women. It’s quite logical; in fact I don’t understand why the settlers at Plymouth didn’t do the same to the local Indians. It certainly would have saved on shipping costs.
Obviously, in the case of the Rape of the Sabines, rape was a tremendous help to society. The Sabine women, for their part, didn’t seem to mind so much, as they threw themselves between their brutish old Sabine husbands and their charming new Roman ones to prevent bloodshed when the Sabine men came to reclaim their wives. Yet even when society was totally against a rape, the raunchy act has benefited society too. Where would the Romans be, after all, if it weren’t for the Rape of Lucretia infuriating the people to the point of overthrowing their last king, Lucius Tarquinius Super-Bus? If it weren’t for that event, the world might never have had the Roman Republic for a pristine example of a flawless government.
Rape’s glorious advantages are not, however, exclusively found from 2,000-year-old examples. In actuality, rape’s advantages can very much be seen today. Take ugly women, for example. If it weren’t for rape, how would they ever know the joy of intercourse with a man who isn’t drunk? In a society as plastic-conscious as our own, are we really to believe that some man would ever sleep with a girl resembling a wildebeest if he didn’t have a few schnapps in him? Of course he wouldn’t, at least no self-respecting man would, but therein lies the beauty of rape. No self-respecting man would rape in the first place, so ugly women are guaranteed a romp with not only a sober man, but a bad boy too, and we all know how much ladies like the bad boy.
Ugly women are not, however, the only people who benefit from rape– prisoners enjoy its many perks, too. What, after all, would possibly be more boring than spending years of your life confined to some tiny cell 23 hours a day? The answer, of course, is spending years of your life confined to some tiny cell 23 hours a day and never getting some hot action. With rape, prisoners never have to worry about that. Instead, they merely need worry about treating their rapists with enough love and respect to earn a quick reach-around.
But if there is one bread and butter reason for why rape should not only be accepted, but even endorsed, it is because our news editors are in dire need of interesting stories for our front page. Bookstore stories? Fossils? One dollar coins? Please. Now, some interracial gang rape action? Yeah, that’s the ticket.
It can be used as a Medical Treatment
- Provider: OK Mary, now I am going to put in the speculum. I have warmed it up. Can you feel how warm it is?
- Mary: Yes, I can feel it.
- Provider: Now I am separating the outer lips of your vagina and beginning to put it in. Can you feel it? How are you feeling now?
- Mary: OK, I'm OK. (A little nervously)
- Provider: I am going really slowly. Remember to breathe deeply. Are you still in your rose garden (or other "safe" place)? What color are the roses? My favorite is yellow. How are you?
- Mary: It's OK.
- Provider: Tell me when you are ready to have me put it in further.
- Mary: It's up to you.
- Provider: Now I am putting it in further. How is this?
- Mary: No. No.
- Provider: OK. Now I have stopped. Breathe deeply, Mary. Smell the roses. Should we pick one? Are you still holding that finger? We just have a little further to go. Tell me when you are ready.
It's simply cool
Among people who rape are God, Josef Fritzel, Heather Howland, Muhammad, Bill Clinton, William Tecumseh Sherman, R. Kelly, Kobe Bryant, your dad, Bill Cosby, and pretty much anyone else who is or ever has been cool.
Why rape doesn't exist
Rape is what happens when a woman says no to sex. However, according to the philosopher House, you can't say no if it isn't a question. And according to Nickelback, sex is never a question. Therefore rape is impossible.
Also, the conviction rate for rape is less than 10% and 3/10 "rape victims" will later go on to admit they falsified the story. The false accusations of rape are so prevalent that it was proposed for all rape cases the jurors be read a passage stating the tendency for false allegations, but this didn't pass into law as it may influence cases adversely. { src = Sexual Assault and the Justice Gap: A Question of Attitude }
Videos
- Patrice Oneal Defending Rape Jokes
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Gallery
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Form an orderly queue
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This is how you do it to yourself
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Gang rape, now conveniently packaged. Ain't modern life grand?
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Dolphins like rape too
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This is how it's done in Mexico, hombre.
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Rape is widely accepted as being hilarious by everyone, including mainstream media
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Some cultures value making women embrace "evil dick" over superhero penises
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Makes a great coffee table book
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Massive butthurt via Something Awful
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Athletic rape
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This man is a hero.
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99.9% of women fantasize about rape, so surprise her tonight.
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Lesbians, in my Rape? It's more likely than you think!
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Rape:It only hurts if you fight it.
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Furfags rape their prey...
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...As do niggers.
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Mario likes to rape too.
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Typical rapist
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Gant will not hesitate to rape you.
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BOY RAPES DOG TO DEATH,GETS CAUGHT WITH PANTS DOWN BY THE OWNERS.
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Someone no liek teh 450+ rules of Rape? :(
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You have been warned.
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This is how grammar school boys do it.
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Brags that he raped at least 100 people.
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Look at that smile! Women secretly love it.
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Contrary to popular belief, rape is actually sexy.
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Even snowmen rape.
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Guy gonna get his rape on.
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That ranga looks like he just died inside
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You gonna get it!
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Rape in the wild
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Self Rape [you know you wish you could do that]
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Rape, rated E for Everyone. (Pedobear's cousin, Ampulolibear).
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Raping in Japan is like saying hello.
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Roofies are a big help
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Are you also gonna get raped?
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If it's written on Page 7, it must be true.
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Date rape.
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Even kitty knows what's gonna happen to you
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It wasn't tik. The dog was asking for it. Plus, if it barks it's not raep.
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A special type of rape.
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Rape is acceptable if it makes moar Mudkipz
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Rape was still happening hundreds of years ago.
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He knows he can't prevent it
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If you get an erection at any time you are a rapist. Only this device can save you from being a rapist.
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Typical rape blog
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Honest Abe approves!
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Rape is also present in video games.
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April O'Neal doesn't fight the inevitable.
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Rape plays an important part in animu...
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...of practically every kind.
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Rape is even common in the animal kingdom.
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Derik Millstead, an extraordinary rapist.
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She is!
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Reverse necrophilia or skeleton rape?
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French people like to rape gigantic houseflies.
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Here it is.
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Bagging game at Oprah's South African Rape Safari!
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To obtain your own license to rape, please contact your local passport issuing agency.
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I'd rape her for the lulz.
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'Nuff said!
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Neither of the two parties were consensual. e.g. DOUBLE RAPE PARTY!
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Even bears love to rape.
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gRAPE
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Even in 90's shows
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It's not rape if they can't talk!
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Pokemanz can rape you too. It's awwwwriiiight.
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The ultimate secret all-time female fantasy.
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Rape has existed since medieval times, and sick fucks still find it funny!
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Lion rape is important in every culture
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If only spotting a rapist was this easy.
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Not rape at all
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Bambi gets raped.
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Rape is much funnier when you record it on your mobile phone
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White? Quarterback? Championships? No charges will be filed.
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Even awkward, quirky Hollywood celebrities get in on the fun!
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Mmmm...
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Proof that all Russians are rapists.
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Either before or after a raping party, never forget to celebrate!
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Inadvertantly letting all your friends on Facebook know that you use Google to look up and fap to 'rape' is probably not the best thing to do.
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Use this to rape at long range.
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Mel Gibson on rape.
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Chris Chan is pyramid head.
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Wow, she's calling you out as a pussy for not raping, like a real man.
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AMD CPU always feature auto-rape.
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Life's tough choices.
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You wish.
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Justin says you were raped for a reason!
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Even Elmer Fudd wants to get his wape on.
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The international community of rape scholars weigh in
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This girl's taking the path of submission....and boy, look at her moan!
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Fun fact: Most large animals love to rape humans for fun.
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How to escape a rapist
Quotes
Previous Quote | Next Quote
See Also
- Wikimania
- Almost Raped
- Rape culture
- You Gonna Get Raped
- Baby Rape
- Basement rape
- Battle Raper
- Ear rape
- Gay Rape
- GHB
- Determination
- Hawaiian Dicking
- Here Comes The Airplane
- Motherless
- Jackie Coakley
- Not-Actually-Raped-I'm-Just-Whining-For-Attention Rape
- Rape by 1,000 Arabs
- Patrick Hamm
- Rape Checklist
- Rape Clock
- Rape Kit
- Rapelay
- rape.sh
- B&
- Sleep Rape
- YouTube Rape Video
- Deliverance
External Links
- Jewbo rapes Rachel Marsden hard core style, than he dumps her live on wiki-pedo-ia, then in return she sells his shit he left at her place on shitty ebay!!!
- Broom Handle and Hockey stick Rape
- What to Do if You get Raped - A Complete Guide
- Anti-Rape Devices list, As if that would work, Try them for the lulz tho
- These folks are petitioning to take this page about rape down. Well, the only appropriate response to them would be DO IT FAGGOT!
- Study Reveals Female Rape Victims Enjoyed the Experience
- Lulzy hack of a well-known anti-rape site (archive)
- If you're in Garden City hire this professional rapist for that bitch
- According to Jordan Hoffman, buying tickets to a "women only" Wonder Woman screening is now rape
Rape is part of a series on Visit the Trolls Portal for complete coverage. |
Rape is part of a series on Visit the Sex Portal for complete coverage. |
Rape is part of a series on Visit the Social Justice Portal for complete coverage. |
Featured article August 23 & 24, 2012 | ||
Preceded by The Comprehensive Guide To Life |
Rape | Succeeded by Lunix |
Featured Article for January 2, 2024 and January 3, 2024 | ||
Preceded by 2023 |
Rape | Succeeded by Ass |