Woody Allen ✡
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Woody Allen✡ aka King of the Jews is an career Jew who makes smart movies for neurotic city dwellers who whine and moan and bitch about how hard it is to be neurotic city dwellers, all the while making out with attractive actresses who he casts as his love interest (as he tends to cast himself as the lead male actor in his films).
His career took a major hit when his crazy-ass wife (who he never married) accused him of child molestation after he was caught fucking his barely legal step-daughter but has since recovered.
— Ronan Farrow, his biological son | ||
Woody's Movies
Moar info: Filmography.
Woody Allen is internets Famous for such shit movies as Manhattan and Annie Hall, of which he cast himself as the same character (a neurotic Jewish super-nerd who gets the girl who in real life wouldn't give him the time of day, over and over and over again). His films are annoyingly emo filled with Allen obsessing over death and failed relationships while masturbating over city life.
On a side note, he was also responsible for creating the first gagdub film, "What's Up Tiger Lily." I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing!
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Sex Scandal, or: Honey, I Fucked the Kids
He was outed as a pedophile by way of being caught by his aging girlfriend Mia Farrow having sex with his barely legal, Asian whore of a step-daughter. (It should be noted that Mia in her own winsome teen years stole elderly Mafioso Frank Sinatra from his wife Ava Gardner and stole Andre Previn from his wife Dory). Only the fact that Mia Farrow couldn't prove 100% that her adopted daughter was underage when Woody fucked her saved Woody from utter ruin, though his career never recovered (Woody Allen on the other hand, has stated that the scandal didn't ruin his career, his shitty movies from the 1990s did).
Mia Farrow also claimed that Allen had sexually abused Dylan, a gone-to-seed folk singer they had adopted in happier times. This claim was rejected by the courts as the sort of lie spiteful women are apt to tell when their men sleep with younger, prettier women or keep leaving the toilet seat up.
In a hilarious turn of events, it turns out that the King of the Jews actually did fiddle with the younger daughter many many times sticking his stubby kosher sausage fingers in places where they weren't meant to go. Dylan revealed this to the press after many years of bawwing and now Woody Allen might not get his Oscar. Depriving a Jew of anything gold is sure to spark some intense rage and possible an hero.
Spawn
He shocked the world when he allegedly impregnated Mia in 1989, who gave birth to a red-haired, pasty face mutant who some believe may actually be Rosemary's baby. His name keeps changing, but he is currently called Ronan, a name inspired by a low budget Japanese monster movie with a similar name. Ronan grew up to be a humorless faggot do-gooder like his mother, and they are currently trying to save Africa through sheer force of their uncanny whiteness. He refuses to see Allen who, ever the caring parent, frequently referred to him as "the little bastard."
See also
| Featured Article January 17 and 18, 2019 | ||
| Preceded by HIVchick |
Woody Allen | Succeeded by Cyntoia Brown |