Somalia
Somalia is a country in Africa which had enjoyed anarchy for the past several years, with predictably fantastic results including an average life expectancy of 48. This is hardly surprising, though, as the country had been previously controlled by communist fucktards AND is majority peaceful☪. The nation's exports include hides, charcoal, and scrap metal. The official national pastimes are violence, stealing ships, and goat herding, though a recent referendum suggested that rape should also be included. The referendum was struck down on the grounds that the most popular form of rape enjoyed in the area was already implied by the reference to goat herding. As Somalia had no government, it was the Libertarians' favorite country and what they wanted the rest of world to be like. However, all the sweet anarchy came to an end when Islamist Mujahideen took control and the sensible and reasonable Sharia law. But the peace and quiet was not to last: An Illuminati-backed government, created, financed, and armed by none other than America is currently extending its tentacles all around the country and fucking liberating it, causing resistance from Islamists who refuse to eat bacon or stop raping goats. So there you have it: another country's legitimate government overthrown in favor of puppets. Be sure to search on Liveleak for hilarious explosions and lulz.
Currency
Between 1995 and 1999 the Somalis underwent a gradual transformation of their currency from the Pint of Santorum (6,500 per US dollar) to the more recent Well-Sized Log of Shit (2,620 per US dollar). For several months, hopes were high that the much-anticipated Polished Hyena Turd would go into circulation as the new official currency, but, upon (accurate) consideration that the economy would collapse under the strain of mass-producing such a volume of a luxury item, the Used Toilet Paper Square (11,000 per US dollar) was instead adopted in 2000.
When the new Somali government re-established the Central Bank of Somalia, it decided to put Somalia's traditional currency, the Somali shilling, back into circulation. As they were too dirt-poor to print their own fucking money, they had to beg Canada to print some for them, starting with a shipment of 30 billion shillings ($10 US dollars).
Pirating
Somalis are today's pirates. But they don't look like the pirates in those fucking gay kiddie stories or hunt buried treasure: they practice piracy for an entirely different reason. Their nigger-run country being so fucked up, even their new Jew-supported government and its Amerofag-supplied Army and Police cannot change the fact that everyone and his mom is running around with an AK-47 prepared to die for Islam. The country is shittier than Cuba, has goatsed itself repeatedly, and is even more violent than other African countries. But, thanks to it being near the Suez Canal, its waters are some of the busiest in the world. About 20,000 ships go through each year. These ships, big or small, come from all over the world. Some are even owned by other African countries which are less shitty and better-off than Somalia. For years, the Somalis lived in a constant state of violence, poverty, and despair. But from their now-toxic beaches, they could watch as the world's wealth passed by - it was almost liek waving a steak in front of a chained-up Eric Cartman after skipping a meal. Then, it finally occurred to those dumb niggers what to do. The international community is now forced to send a bunch of cool-ass navy vessels to try to spoil the fun on the Somali coast, but they still manage to steal liek 40 ships a year. Meanwhile, those fucking dumb business owners simply don't realize it would be better to either arm the crews or re-route. They're not scary pirates, they are just typical niggers on boats with RPGs.
Other Lulz
Much of the country was recently pwned by Arabs. This was a major setback to U.S.-backed counter-terrorism efforts and caused President Bush to cry and demand that Dick Cheney fetch his blankie now.
And this:
—I'm just confused, Niggah. | ||
Somalian National Anthem outlawed by Hizbul
Entertainment
The well developed Nigger computer game industry to lulz Somalis has launched several smash hits such as:
Banned Entertainment
In the past, Islamic militants in some areas have outlawed soccer, movies and razors. Hizbul insurgents added singing to the list in early April, declaring all music to be un-Islamic. This would be too retarded to be true, except that April Fools Day is also punishable by beheading.
OH NOES THE NO-JEWS MEANIES ARE COMING!
Naturally as a blow for democratic and artistic freedoms everywhere, all the country's radio stations caved in immediately and pulled all music from their playlsts. "We are using other sounds such as gunfire and the noise of vehicles to link up our programmes and news," announced Tusmo radio's Abdulahi Yasin Jama. So no change there then.
It was two thousand years ago today
The Mohammeds all faced east to pray
They've been getting worse and worse in style
But they're guaranteed to wipe your smile
So let me break this news to you
This act confirms your deepest fears
SOMALI PEOPLE'S SONGS AND FUN ARE BANNED.
Somali Pirates, Guns and AIDS Club Band
The Western World ignored the show
Somali people's devil music, songs and fun are banned
It's time for human rights to go
I don't really want to stop the show
But they announced it on the radio
It's un-Islamic now to sing a song
And they want us all to join their throng
So quiet before they introduce
Your eyeballs to some garden shears
'COS SOMALI PEOPLE'S SONGS AND FUN ARE BANNED.
(dumdum dumdum dumdum dumdum dumdum dumdum dumdum dumdum)
GARRRR-DENNNN SHEEEEEEEAAAAAAARS.
What would you do if I sang out a tune -
(gunshot, song ends abruptly)
Somalia: Libertarian Paradise
Why Does Somalia Fail So Much?
- They don't care.
- They live on the coast but they wont eat fish.
- They are Niggers.
- They are Muslims.
- They are Muslim Nigger Socialists.
How to get 100 Somalis into a phone booth
- Throw a bean in.
How to get them out
- Tell them there's a ship they should be pirating/hijacking
