Queen Kong
| Queen Kong |
|---|
 |
| Conservation Status |
| Do Not Want |
| Scientific Classification |
| Kingdom: Animalia |
| Phylum: Chordata |
| Class: Mammalia |
| Order: Primates |
| Family: Hominidae |
| Genus: Pan |
| Species: Troglodytes |
| Sub-Species: Albino |
| Scientific Name |
| Pan Troglodytes Albino |
| Original Habitat |
| Current Location |
Queen Kong (also known as Chimp-Chan, Donkey Kongeesha, or KILL IT WITH FIRE) is a albino specimen from a rare species of talking apes currently being studied at The Bronx Zoo. Since her escape, she has amazed the scientific community by learning how to type, and wear clothes. You can usually find her trying to attract the males of other species.
—/b/tard | ||
Discovery
Queen Kong was discovered on /b/ sometime in late 2008 attempting to find a mate. Unfortunately no one in /b/ was interested in procreating with her, so she went crazy and began insulting everyone. Constantly reminding us that she had friends unlike us. But her friends are niggers, so they only count for three fifths.
You could find her for the next few days insulting everyone on /b/, and flaunting her myspace page. Delighted with their new toy, Anonymous was sure to shoop the shit out of her. We soon found out her real name was Ivelise and she lives in The Bronx, the same borough where her mother gave birth to her in the zoo.
Royalty
There was a time when Queen Kong was known by others names. One of those names was Chimp-Chan, but more commonly she was known as OH GOD MY EYES. It was not until January 2009, the unpleasant internal conflict in /b/ that we found her connection to the Australian throne. People who were tired with the retarded camwhore with ADD voted for ugly over stupid
Description
Photographs and cursory reports describes her as an overweight, shaved, albino chimpanzee. The sickly blond hair on its skull has been known to appear as different colors, but reports suggest that this phenomenon is artificial in nature due to the discovery of discarded receipts for cheap drugstore-brand hair dyes in her nest. No further details are available due to the unwillingness of researchers to study the creature with anything more than long-range photographic equipment for fear of getting their faces bitten off.
Distribution and Habitat
As with most species of great apes, Africa is the most likely point of origin of Queen Kong. Based on observations of her recent activities, her preferred habitat appears to be Myspace, in stark contrast to the jungle habitats preferred by her ape cousins.
Behavior
In addition to normal chimp-like behavior, Queen Kong has demonstrated the capacity to engage in a variety of human activities such as wearing clothes and using a computer, but then again, so can Koko the signing gorilla so it's really nothing special. Also likes to dye that bleach-rag head mop of hers into a variety of unnatural colors.
Diet
Comparative evolutionary biology shows that Queen Kong most likely subsists on a diet similar to that of her closely-related cousins. Her diet is speculated to include a combination of fried chicken, watermelons, chitlins, collard greens, bananas, smaller monkeys, insects, and feces.
Reproduction
From what little we know of Queen Kong's mating practices, it appears that it involves the taking and posting of provocative pictures and webcam videos on myspace,/b/, or some other internet shithole in hopes of attracting a mate. If rejected, as is fairly common in Queen Kong's case, she will proceed to chimp out and voice her frustration in a calm and civilized manner. Despite the low success rate of this mating strategy, recent sightings of Queen Kong cavorting with two other albino talking apes indicate that this method apparently does work and they are reproducing. However, the presence of a dark-skinned nigglet in the background of one of the pictures indicates that they may just be cross-breeding with the local nigger population because we all know that niggers will fuck just about anything.
Gallery of Queen Kong
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In theaters near you. -
Obvious ape is obvious. -
For America! -
Race Fail -
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Proof of Royal Blood. -
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Before shaving -
Related to Ron Weasley -
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See Also
- Michael Jackson, another spearchucker desperately wishing to be human
- Wigger
- Boxxy
- White People
- New York City
External Links
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Queen Kong is part of a series on Visit the Chans Portal for complete coverage. |