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Kyle Perkins
Pedophile, wife-beater, woman abuser.
Avoid at all costs if you have vagina.
Thank you for taking our test!
Your personality type is: PLER
Kyle Gene Perkins a.k.a: Kyle the Pedophile, HitlerWasASaint (ED user, lol baleteed) TheLegendaryKylePerkins, Zimmerman Martin, Fail Kyle etc is a demonstrable and certified pedophile creepo, woman leecher, wife-abuser, absent dad, tranny-lover, closeted-homo, small time delinquent and overall little shit with erection disfunction, tendency to obesity and a record of stalking teens to obtain nudes (and then blackmail them) longer than his USI.
Hiding his true colors behind the guise of lulz and trolling, Kyle used ED, of all sites, for his personal vendettas and to qualm his hatred for women, even succeeding for a couple of weeks taking advantage from EDiots being in a 90% rabid semi-autists who would chop their own leg if they smelt enough blood coming out of it... but as one can expect (unless you are a retard) soon thereafter, a crack team of certified e-detectives started to dig into the life and miracles of our little Kyle.
Early years
His beginnings are already shrouded in ambiguity and fail.
His mom, bored of the trailer park and craving native cock, divorced his step-father to go to the Reserve to worship the Totem pole and huff gas. After a while, fed up with the non-stop rapes, the stallions' smell and wanting back civilization's luxuries like a shower or the wheel, she crawled back home (with herpes), little turd of unknown father and all, to check if her former husband could handle the cuck. He did, and then both re-married.
So the two main masculine influences in Kyle's life are an abbo and a piss mop. That explains a lot.
Sexuality
First and foremost, it's important to understand that Kyle Perkins is not a heterosexual male. Nope. In fact he's a few steps to the left of a flaming homosexual in that he fancies underage Filipino ladyboys and crossdressing grandpas. Kyle hides this from his internet friends because it would impede on his ability to manipulate the women he loathes, however he has no problem sharing this with a mother who has disowned him and a step-father who likely has similar taste.
Wife Beater
IN THE RED CORNER: Standing at 6' 3'', weighing in at 260 lbs, hailing from the island of contempt, KYLE GENE PERKINS!
IN THE BLUE CORNER: Standing just over five feet tall, weighing in at less than half, hailing from numerous battered wife Facebook groups, ANGELA PERKINS!
Kyle's wife left him because he wouldn't stop beating the shit out of her. The reason he wouldn't stop beating the shit out of her was because she didn't have a penis. Had she done the right thing and a had strap on dildo permanently attached to her hip, Kyle would be spending his evenings licking his own fecal matter off a 12'' black dildo instead of trolling Facebook for tit pics of 14 year old rednecks.
Responsible dad
It happens, in a shockingly turn of events, that Kyle could get over his erection problems long enough to inject his poisonous seed and spawn not only once, but twice.
Luckily enough, his regressive genes don't seem to have grafted, and his two daughters look healthy and happy...probably because he abandoned them years ago.
Notice in the side bar how our always elegant Kyle chose to glorify the birth of his second daughter totally ignoring the event and posting a celebration of his barbecue skills instead.
Pedophilia
Here are a few examples of Kyle and his interaction with minors:
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A co-worker -
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One is left to ask, "well, he's clearly a faggot, why is he interested in nudes of young girls?" That's a very good question and the answer is that he obtains them for the sole purpose of using them against these kids in the future. See, Kyle is not interested in fap fodder, if he were looking to blow a load he'd stick a few beads up his cornhole and download some Trap-kun. Instead, he collects the nudes so that he can boast about them with other beta males and in the same move, add additional girth to his non-existent e-peen by becoming the admin of various teenage oriented anime roleplaying groups, adding a new meaning to the word "lame". By infiltrating these groups, he is ensured to obtain more pedo nudes from 13 year olds, starting the cycle again. He will use these nudes against his victims and post them publicly. Who cares about a Class F Felony when you have internet fame, amirite?
His Job
Did you know that Kyle is filthy fucking rich? By his own accord, he makes $180,000 a year working for Vivint in Tampa, Florida, selling solar panels and home security systems. Of course, anyone whose ever worked in the home security industry knows this is utter bullshit and he'd be lucky to be pulling 40.
Very lucky, cause he is now unemployed, and as in most of his life he is leeching some poor dumb cow, while he faps to shemale asian vomit porn, roleplay online, abandon her for days to go on egotrips to get drunk at the expense of some emotionally damaged teen until getting kicked out, and then boast on FB about how much of a winner he totally is. Classy as always, Kyle.
Kyle's Top 5 Excuses
An statistical analysis of his post shows these are the five excuses most used by him:
- I was drunk
- She's lying and a crazy bitch
- That's photoshopped
- I have my money blocked
- It wasn't me
The Saga of Kyle, Julianne and Encyclopedia Dramática
As his expectations grew along his belly, Kyle laid his now beady eyes upon higher grounds.
Looking for someone bigger to milk out, he started to invest effort in befriending Julianne Irace, the creator/admin of several Failbook groups about videogames with a couple kilohundred followers, all of which gave Kyle's usually flaccid pecker a long waited boner just at the though of frolicking free as a pretty butterfly in such a virgin playground of unaware teens.
Both started an e-relationship, Julianne helping him to promote his own groups and giving him admin powers on some of her own ones (astoundingly smart move on her part, yep...) until Kyle's problems of self-esteem showed again, making him commit the fatal mistake of testing his powers of manipulation to the point where he found himself with a paid plane ticked to Honolulu to fuck a hawt woman in his trembling hands.
Of course, panic ensued. After all, Julianne is neither a pinoy nor have a dick...so he began to make hilarious demands (like paid expenses there, or a free open ticket back) until he could refuse the trip without looking too homo. And so Julianne broke their lame e-relationship.
Kyle, given how he is, instead of taking that with grace and poise, obviously went bananas at his own self-inflicted humiliation and blamed her instead.
In a pretty dicky move, he admittedly changed the passwords of three of her sites, so practically stealing them... threatened her with leaking her nudes and sexy vids and started a PR campaign accusing Julianne of stalking him (projection) being a tranny (he wished, more projection...) and a pedophile (lol, Cinema Royale here already)
Now, it's still being debated if he had the nerve to plan using ED as his personal tool of revenge from the start, of if he just jumped at the occasion. Probably the latter... he can't even keep a job, after all.
Things is: He is, admittedly, an old time ED lurker and presumably knows how it works, and how usually PARs almost never work.
He was the one who introduced Julianne to ED, at the end of their e-retardation.
And he was, by 4/9/13, fully aware of the thread about Julianne at the ED forums, and all the fuss there triggered basically because a newfag of a female Encyclopedia Dramatica FB admin had one of those ultra-bitchy territorial responses against a perceived threat that all cunts have embedded in their genes...
Then, like the almost devious rat he is, he posted a seemingly unrelated public warning (???) about a woman stalking him, who just happened to be Julianne Irace, what a coincidence! (See right side)
Predictably, the over excited Ediots bit the bait en masse and proceeded to contact Kyle, cheering in an embarrassing exhibition of naivety the gift fallen from heavens.
Kyle offered to write an article about Julianne at the first opportunity (tho later he denied that, see screencaps) and in a display of commendable swiftness, it was up by the next day, basically in its entirety.
As documented, Kyle was who leaked Julianne's nudes on first instance as revenge porn, as he boasted he would do, and in fact already did in other places, months before their arrival at ED/EDF.
And he also was the one who denied doing so and shooped an incredibly stupid "proof" about Julianne herself uploading her nudes to /b/ from her phone.
And the one who manipulated the noobiest EDiots into more sperg with kindergarten techniques, amusingly enough.
Afterwards, as one could have been guessed, now we have our charming friend Kyle boasting about his L33T trolling skills and how ED is his personal whore. And threatening others with doing the same to them.
Nope, Kyle. Bad doggie! Sit! Sit!!
First reaction to this article
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See Also
External Links
Social Media
kyle.a.perkins.7- Alternative Facebook
- His brother is a cosplaying furfaggot
- Current financial provider
kyleperkins3357
kyleperkins33572able
Arrest record
Faggotry
Resumes. If you are a potential employer of Mr. Perkins please disregards this and only look at the above content
Mail and dating
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Kyle Perkins is part of a series on Visit the Faggotry Portal for complete coverage. |
| Featured article May 9 & 10, 2015 | ||
| Preceded by Baltimore |
Kyle Perkins | Succeeded by TheRalphRetort |