Montenegro
Montenegro is not a mountain-nigger-colony, in spite of the name. It's a little Euro-African shithole Mafia State full of loose Greeks, Slavs and Albanians. They speak/argue in a mishmash of Serbo-Croatian (don't call it that or someone will shoot you in the ass!) and Albanian. They want to join the EU and NATO which is a rich source of comedy. Montenegro finally joined NATO, alright, more cannon fodder for the upcoming war with the ruskies).
"History"
Pick an empire - they all fucked Montenegro at one time or another. First the Greeks, then the Romans, then the Slavs from Serbia, then the Ottomans, then the Austrians, then it was semi-independent for a while, then the Austro-Hungarians told them what to do during WWI, then the Serbs took over again, then the Italians and the Germans showed up during World War II, then the Serb Communists. It didn't become an actual "country" with a constitution until 1905. And it wasn't actually "free" until 2006 when it finally split off from Serbia after much warfare and stupid shit (plus that pansy-ass Milosevic finally died, causing the Serb government to fall apart). Lots of Monteniggers still have a soft spot for the Serbs, which is really fucked up, however, the other half has a burning hatred for them, and lulz abound when these two groups meet. It's basically a nation of ignorant goat-fucking hillbillies, just like their Albanian neighbors. Only the Russians haven't ass-buggered Montenegro---yet.
Its capital city is currently called Podgorica (Underhilly), and has been called a shitload of names in the last 2500 years: Doclea, Duklja, Birziminium, Ribnica, Zeta, Scheisseburg, or Titograd (that last one was just to piss off the locals during the Yugoslavian era). Take your choice. Podgorica would be full of ancient and picturesque buildings except that the city was bombed to shit during WWII by the Americans after they let the Germans sodomize their fathers.
Culture
Since Montenignog was a part of other, far better polities, it has a mishmash of various qualities from Greeks, Serbians and Albanians. Montenegrin culture has a number of interesting, if not horrible, aspects:
- Svijetli Obraz (Bright Cheek) - A bioluminous growth situated where human cheeks would likely be found. The brighter it is, the better the social standing of the Montenegrin bearing it. Has to be defended constantly against any and all threats to smudge it and thus impugn his/hers/its reputation. It's an important thing in countries where most people don't have shit BUT their honor.
- 'Čojstvo i Pussybitch|Junaštvo' (Humaneness and Heroism) - This cultural relic involves Montengrins pretending that they are paragons of virtue and heroism, ostensibly to increase their own self image and social standing.
- Serdarizacija (no equivalent - translation impossible) - A tendency to aggrandize and asskiss one another, found mostly in male population. A popular Montenegrin saying goes: Ja tebe serdarom, ti mene vojvodo, a šta smo - to samo mi znamo (I call you a serdar, you call me a voevoe, but what we truly are - only we know ;)). Likely a barely-subverted homosexual atavism from the Greeks (who invented buttsecks).
- Veza (connections) - Perhaps the most important of all cultural aspects of Montenegro. Proper connections enable an average Montenegrin to soar to empyrean social heights, whereas if left to rely solely on his own dubious abilities, they would fail miserably as an individual. It is usually cultivated and nurtured for generations, and the practice is made all the more easier and acceptable due to prevailing pack/tribal mentality found in most of Montenegro.
Montenegro is also notorious for it's vast tobacco mafias, and it is a public secret that the president of Montenegro Mile Đukanović is the de facto capo di tutti capi in this joint. However, Montenegro always had a diversified industry, not relying exclusively on tobacco products. It's broad entrepreneurial repertoire includes: narcotics, weapons, human trafficking, and many more misunderstood specialties of organised crime.
Geography
How to troll Montenegrins
- Soldiers from Montenegro assisted the Serbs in committing a Lolocaust in Bosnia and Croatia during the 1990s and they don't like to talk about that.
- Tell them how ugly the prostitutes are. Even uglier than the ones in Belgrade. (And damn, Serb whores are ugly.)
- Talk about how Tito fucked them over and over while they sat around like cunts and took it.
- Ask them about what the Chetniks did to Croats and Muslims in the 1940s.
- !!!BEST ONE!!!: Ask them why their fucking country has been invaded scores of times since before the Romans came through.
- Ask where in Africa Montenegro is.
- Call them "Monten niggers". weev recommends that one. (I heard!)
- Ask why they aren't praying at a mosque.
There's a "national airline" with all of 6 aircraft, mostly cheap Brazilian Embraer jets. Sounds a bit like The Mouse That Roared, doesn't it? Think of Peter Sellers in drag, and you have the idea.
And we can't think of anything else to say about Montenegro. Blah. The Balkans really suck.
Turns out most of these trolling methods don’t work because Montenegrins are asleep 24/7 (laziest cunts in the Balkans)
See Also
External links
- Tourism site, not kidding!
- Don't bother with the TOW article, it's written by Montenegran partisans and is bullshit.
- There's a 1981 Swedish comedy about it.
