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Jeffrey Dahmer
Jeffrey Lionel Dahmer, (May 21, 1960 – November 28, 1994), also known as the Milwaukee Monster, Jay Dee, or Dahmanator, was an American homosexual, cannibal, necrophiliac, pedophile, and serial killer. Dismembering more than 17 males since 1978, until his arrest in 1991. Some argue that Jeffery suffered from a form of schizophrenia, and this all could have been prevented if he had the right opportunities... but we at ED know that Jeffrey Dahmer, a hero who killed 13-year-old boys, fucked their bodies, and ate their dicks for breakfast, that not even a million Sigmund Freuds could have straightened this guy out. The only thing Jeffrey Dahmer ever ate besides rotting flesh and dead niggers for breakfast was peanut butter & jelly sandwiches.
Fucked-Up History
Early Life
Jeffrey Dahmer was born in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, to a father who researched chemistry, and mother who was "tense, greedy for both attention and pity", paranoid and extremely depressive, even attempting suicide once. The both of them did not pay much attention to Dahmer, but in all honesty, the mother was the prime problem and an extremely difficult pig; she would stay in bed, complain, seek constant attention from, and argue with her husband. Bringing little to no attention towards their son. But he was still said to be mentally fine, viewed as somewhat normal, even having a number of friends in elementary school. But they wouldn't last long – as the family would constantly move homes.
The only thing he liked that could still follow with him was the animals... specifically dead ones. Starting around the age of four, he became extremely intrigued in insects and dead animals, finding them beneath the house or from scavenged roadkill. Some of which he dissected and preserved in jars within a hut, as part of a collection. His farther would help him out with many of these tasks if asked, using his chemistry tips to help preserve his animals remains, thinking of it only as some sort of scientific "curiosity". One extreme time, he decapitated the carcass of a dog before nailing the body to a tree, and impaling its skull on a stick, all as a "prank" on a friend. Somehow, none of this struck Dahmer's parents as even mildly concerning, maybe they thought it was the hip new thing kids do nowadays.
By age 14, he was attending Revere High School (commonly known as Reefer High), along with many privileged products of incest such as himself, and the general potheads. He would mock and stage his epileptic housekeeper and burst into random fits of a satirical convulsion...this behavior became known as "Doing a Dahmer" at school. He had also become an alcoholic, downing a six pack of beer everyday before school. One might think others would have noticed, but he was a dumb piece of shit, he might've acted less retarded while intoxicated. Once he reached puberty he turned into a faggot, and would occasionally jack off to pictures of men. This sexual disorder became apart of his love for dissection, which would later start his necrophilia. At age 18 his father had divorced and Dahmer was left being "cared" for by his psychotic mother, but she quickly fled and abandoned him in the house for months anyway. And it was around that time he was to make his first murder.
After his graduation, he picked up a hitchhiker and convinced him to stay for a while at his place. Several hours of unsuccessful sexual responses from him would pass, so he clonked him on the head with a dumbbell, then chocked him to death with it, lol. Then he began masterbating to his corpse. And would later dissect the guy's entire body inside his basement, bury it in his garden, then dig it out several weeks later, cutting off remaining flesh and disolving it in acid. The bones however, were broken up into pieces and spread across nearby land.
After his father returned to Dahmer, he found him alone in the house, and it was at that monent he realized that his son was a complete and utter failure, and sent him to join the US Army. After like... five seconds, Jeffrey was discharged for being a pot-smoking, drunk, furry-fucking douchebag. Once discharged, Dahmer committed his second murder at the extremely classy Ohio Motel in Bath, then took the body to his home, where it was later found in the family's cellar along with other chopped off genitalia and the like.
Some other shit happened, and Jeffrey ended up living with his rather sexy grandmother. She frequently video taped him riding his pillows vigorously, and forced him to perform cunnilingus on her (much to his enjoyment) for all of YouTube to see. He remained in that paradise for six years, freeloading off Granny's retirement money, fapping in public, and running around in assless pants at state fairs. Before long, Granny got pissed off and defenestrated (lol look it up morons) Jeffie for stinking up her basement with his dead bodies and running up the Internet bill. Soon after, he whacked off a 13-year-old boy and was sentenced to one year in prison. When asked why the fuck he would do something like this, he responded to the judge:
—Jeffrey Dahmer, taken from reliable source | ||
Killing Spree
After sucking on the warden's cock, Jeffrey got released from prison, and proceeded to go around banhammering niggers and chinks IRL. At one point, one of Jeffrey Dahmer's victims went up to the police with multiple stab wounds, drugged out, and his rectum bleeding, while screaming "JESUS FUCKING CHRIST! JEFFREY DAHMER STABBED, DRUGGED, AND RAPED ME! YOU GUYS HAVE TO DO SOMETHING!" But the police didn't do a goddamn thing because no one cares about asian 13-year-old boys.
Jeffrey also enjoyed dripping acid in people's brains while they were still kind of alive in the hopes of turning them into zombies. Thanks to his extensive scientific research, we now know that there is no way to make someone halfway dead by dripping acid into their brains.
The police did eventually pull their heads out of their asses and arrest Jeffrey. This was after one of his meals escaped to the police a second time.
Photography
Dahmer Food Menu
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Graded Score
| Graded score | |
|---|---|
| Kill count: | 17/20 |
| Accuracy: | 95% 17 killed, 1 got away. |
| Style: | 20/20 Serious nutcase |
| Butthurt: | 20/20 WTF on all part |
| Needs to improve: | -5 points buried victims in a shallow grave by his house and police pulled him over |
| Total score: 95/100 (A) | |
Wanted Level:
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Vice Squad
Internet Presence
Jeffrey Dahmer was known to be one of the greatest trolls ever, assuming various usernames, such as Bribrihottie69, Kurisu_Hansen, TulipM92, and Herman_Ri_Destroyer_Of_Worlds. He lampooned many Beboers and MySpace-goers to the point that twelve victims worldwide deleted their accounts. Strangely enough, the internet helped greatly in his endeavors to lure boys to his house. Soon after trolling over 9000 sites, Jeff met up with an ole' friend at a local café so they could discuss (and later partake in) sweet, sweet buttsecks. They decided to team together to hack Swiss bank accounts and black person to attract more hot young boys. However, they had no skillz 2 pay the billz; therefore, they were neither successful in stealing mass amounts of cash, nor in trolling hot young boy booty.
These actions were soon discovered by ebaums world, and then eventually 4chan, and then the shit trickled down to the lowest of the low, /b/. Thankfully, no memes were created on Jeffrey Dahmer and his peculiar awesome lifestyle, except for the occasional mention by random fagtards who were killed soon after for being so gay. What people who dislike Dahmer fail to realize is that having sex with dead things is pretty cool.
It should also be noted his VCR(things that existed before Blu Ray)contained The Taming of Rebeca, a hardcore pron that featured a 14 yo loli getting fucked by her daddy on a toilet that is considered child pron by teh Amerikkka. [1]
Wesley Snipes is also a very big fan.
Death
After Jeffrey was sentenced to over 9000 years in prison, a cell mate of his ran at him with a wakizashi and maimed the fuck out of Dahmer which resulted in epic win. There was a huge fucking party afterwards — fireworks, cliff divers, free abortions, and double-decker brownies with chocolate sprinkles. Everyone lived happily ever after. THE END.
Influence Today
Several years later, the coke induced creators down at South Park decided that it would be hilarious to resurrect John Wayne Gacy, Dahmer, and Ted Bundy so they could star in yet another shitty episode so accurately named "Hell On Earth". The main plot (ignoring fillers) was that the serial killers had to bake a cake for Satan's halloween party down in hell. Needless to say, the episode sucked balls. Jeffie and his comrades returned to their graves once again after a serial killer brawl, and all those with brains crawled out from their hiding places and rejoiced.
Dahmer remains a legacy in Bath, Ohio. But for whatever reason he hasn't been inducted into the hall of fame, even though he's the only noteworthy person to be spawned from there. Whilst Revere High School LSD continues to produce more potential serial killers and fuck up their school for shits and giggles.
He is also widely admired by stab-happy border jumpers who persistantly use Dahmer as an excuse to hate white people, while at the same time they try to emulate their boy-crazy "honkie god." And who can blame them? The psycho cunt did love dark meat.
See Also
External Links
MySpace page- Deleted
Documentary- Comic book at Amazon.com
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Jeffrey Dahmer is part of a series on Visit the Trolls Portal for complete coverage. |
| Featured article May 27 and 28, 2023 | ||
| Preceded by McDonalds |
Jeffrey Dahmer | Succeeded by Avoiding Unwanted Attention |