Brenda Ann Spencer

Brenda Ann Spencer (a.k.a. The Garfield Killer) was an edgy teenage lesbian whose daddy made the brilliant decision to buy her a rifle for her 16th birthday despite the fact that he had been molesting her for years. On Monday, January 29, 1979, finally fed up with years of abuse and high as fuck on PCP, Brenda decided to take out her brand-spanking-new Ruger and end her life in style. Being too much of a fucking pussy to just blow a hole in her daddy's head and feeling that it would be too heterosexual to stick the barrel of a gun in her mouth, Brenda instead decided that she would get the police to do the job for her.

Seeing as she lived directly across from Cleveland Elementary School in San Diego, Brenda decided that the fastest way to get the cops to blow her brains out would be to snipe some tots from the comfort of her bedroom. Unfortunately, despite managing to kill both the school principal and custodian, Brenda had neglected to factor in the fact that the police in Commiefornia would be too fucking soft to shoot a 16-year-old white bitch even if she was shooting directly at children and cops. After being arrested and asked why she did it, Brenda responded with the unforgettable phrase "I don't like Mondays."

Despite utterly failing to kill herself and still being alive to this day, Brenda Ann Spencer did succeed in making school shootings popular again following a 50 year hiatus since Andrew Kehoe decided to blow up a fucking elementary school in 1927. While Brenda's high score of 2 kills is absolutely horrible, she still managed to beat out ED's own William "AlGore" Atchison in pretty much every category. How's it feel getting your dead arse kicked by a fucking 16-year-old girl, Willie?

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