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User:Hipcrime/kr rewrite
Kyle Rittenhouse is an expert marksman and lifeguard, who was charged and acquitted of the murders of a wife beater, a pedophile, and of disarming a burglar during a riot in Kenosha, Wisconsin. All of this is unacceptable behavior because of our values and our democracy, and our tranny armies. Due to the intentional accidental murder of all around angels Joseph "JoJo" Rosenbaum✡, Anthony "Choke that shiksa" Huber✡, the sinister Kyle Rittenhouse, Second Amendment fanboy, was acquitted of the slaying and maiming of these Antifa-affiliated rioters during the Summer of Love, 2020.
Like many a strapping, idealistic young American male, Kyle Rittenhouse was raised to be a helper. Unlike you, he actually got off his ass and did something about the destruction of his country by leftist faggots and welfare recipients. He brought along a racist rifle, which he used to racistly murder two fellow whites, and maim a third white person, because he is a mean racist who must be stopped so that Western values can be spread like AIDS.
On August 25, 2020, when Rittenhouse heard that a rampaging mob of niggers and Antifa deviants were on their way to downtown Kenosha, Wisconsin planning to loot and burn the property of black business owners who were probably racists anyway, in order to avenge the shooting of unarmed nigger criminal Jacob Blake, Kyle Rittenhouse grabbed his indispensable tool of white supremacy — his AR-15 — and headed to Kenosha to protect the property of a racist Greek car dealer who deserved to lose it all to a bunch of coddled niggers and faggots because he is a racist.
After being attacked, chased, and threatened, Rittenhouse blasted through two Antifa faggots and blew the bicep off a third while doing an awesome ninja barrel roll and maintaining full control of his AR-15 throughout the maneuver—yes, firing off three shots each of which hit their targets while he was rolling. This could only be explained by Rittenhouse's constant use of violent videogames which are also all racist.
Rittenhouse’s perfectly executed, reality-bending, Matrix-style killshots would've been doubted by everyone if they were not caught on video. Fortunately for domestic terrorist, racist, and Jew remover, this footage would be utilized by a racist jury to acquit him. Such a deft maneuver has never been equaled by anyone—fearsome warriors such as the Navy Seals (racist), the Green Berets (also racists), and the U.S. Army’s Delta Force (omg supar racists!) are absolute pikers compared to 17-year old Rittenhouse’s combat readiness and agility and operational ferocity in Kenosha, which was honed by racist and violent videogames that are contrary to our values and our democracy which are all also racist.
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Rittenhouse’s epic deeds elevated him instantly to the level of God Among Men, an Epic Hero equal to Achilles and Odysseus, a folk hero on the level of Paul Bunyan, a bringer of good news on the level of Jesus Christ, and a master of self rivaling the Buddha.
Unfortunately, America has been all but overtaken by cultural marxist faggotry. As such, prosecutors in Kenosha attempted to send Saint Kyle down the river for defending America from rampaging criminals, niggers, kikes and race-traitors. The odds were daunting. Indeed, Kyle faced off against half an entire country overtaken by cultural marxist brainwashing; this included their propaganda outlets, a demonstrably corrupted FBI, and the Biden regime itself. And yet, Kyle WON! Biden’s attempts to sniff yet another minor were thwarted by the power of truth and (ironically) the prosecution’s incompetence. Such was the prosecution’s blundering that some suggested Saint Kyle expertly planted a mole in the demonic legions to ensure their defeat in court. Regardless, this American hero has been acquitted and freed to do what he does best: killing commies. Should we all be brave enough to follow his example.
Gallery
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Fan art -
Anthony Huber -
Joseph Rosenbaum -
Fan art -
Gaige Grosskreutz -
Binger BTFO'd -
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One thing’s for sure—the Ritt don’t quit -
Please don't cry, LeBron -
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Burn baby burn
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Kenosha Kid
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One of many tributes to Rittenhouse -
Good riddance to these guys. -
Cry more Antifa—our boy was acquitted. -
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Kyle exits the courthouse after being fully acquitted -
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Rittenhouse was a brony -
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The proper response to "he crossed state lines!"
See also
- Antifa
- George Zimmerman - Also not guilty or white.
- Riots
- Wisconsin
