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{{MassShooter}}
{{Failsathero}}
{{Failsathero}}
{{virgin}}
{{virgin}}
{{construction}}
{{Spoiler|[[Matti Saari]] had a bastard son}}
{{corner|bl|[[Image:NoahRetardupEsbensen.png|250px]]}}
 


{{ib|[[File:Noah-esbensen.jpg|200px]]}}
{{ib|[[File:Noah-esbensen.jpg|200px]]}}
{{Ibhead|<big>'''Noah Esbensen'''</big>}}
{{Ibhead|<big>'''Noah Taarup Esbensen'''</big>}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality:'''|[[Danish|Danifag]]&nbsp;&nbsp;[[File:MiniflagDenmark.png]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality:'''|[[Danish|Danifag]]&nbsp;&nbsp;[[File:MiniflagDenmark.png]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''[[high score|Highscore]]'''|PWned 3, fragged 7}}
{{Ibrow|'''[[high score|Highscore]]'''|PWned 3, fragged 7}}
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{{Ibrow|'''[[An Hero]]?'''|Nope, [[v&]] :(}}
{{Ibrow|'''[[An Hero]]?'''|Nope, [[v&]] :(}}
{{Ibend}}
{{Ibend}}
For [[Denmark|Copenhaven]], the evening of July 3 was going great for everyone. Even for those at Fields Mall! Until a new challenger, with shitty shooting, shitty loadout, and [[Disregard that, I suck cocks|sucking cocks at everything he'd wanted to achieve in life]], entered the front door to Fields. From there a lulzy massacre, with not many kills, was activated and ready to execute. The challenger of this article is '''Noah Esbensen''', a schizofag [[Danish]] [[Adam Lanza|Adam Lanza copycat]] who went batshit in the own footsteps of our fellow [[AlGore]], [[Epic win|and managed to a better highscore than the fag]]. This obviously doesn't get over [[Payton Gendron]]'s feddy supermarket rampage but it does get over [[Randy Robert Stair]]'s.
For [[Denmark|Copenhagen]], the evening of July 3 was going great, even for those at Field's Mall! Until [[a challenger appears]], armed with psychotic rage, a shitty 22. rifle and an unsatiable lust for blood. From there a [[lulzy]] massacre, which is a very rare occasion for Denmark mind you, ensued. The challenger of this article is '''Noah Esbensen''', a [[schizo]] [[Danish]] [[Adam Lanza|Adam Lanza copycat]] who went [[batshit insane]] after developing an immunity to [[Drugs|quetiapine]]. He didn't beat [[Payton Gendron]]'s feddy supermarket rampage, but was able to score slightly higher than [[Randy Stair]].


== Background ==
== Background ==
The faggot behind this premeditated attack is Noah Esbensen, a 22 year old schizophrenic retard from Denmark. While we don't know much yet, taking a glanze at his videos, we could see he left a few points to observe:
The faggot behind this premeditated attack is Noah Esbensen, a 22 year old schizophrenic retard from Denmark. While we don't know much yet, taking a glanze at his videos, we could see he left a few points to observe:
* He uploaded shitty videos posing as Adam Lanza killing himself
* He uploaded shitty videos posing like Adam Lanza with guns to his head
* He complained about the meds his doctor prescribed him to not be a total failure
* He complained about the meds his doctor prescribed him being a [[Epic fail|total failure]]
* He was subscribed to an epic [[William Atchison]] fanpage.
* He was subscribed to an epic [[William Atchison]] fanpage.
Like most shooters nowadays, this guy was an alt-right extremist, and apart of far-right movements targeted by the [[Media]] and [[Goy]]. The shooter's videos did raise an eye from some of his subscribers, but he couldn't care less, tricking people with the famous "The gun is airsoft" statement everyone says to their parents when they wanna do a massacre of lulzy proportions. Not much is known after this, as the case is still being investigated on. When the fanpage found one of his subs was a killer, he began to sperg out and panic like if he was the second shooter. Media covered the shooting shitly, saying that there were many PWns, but instead people got met with 3 kills and a shitty 90's style rifle.
Like most [[white]] shooters nowadays, this guy was immediately labelled an [[alt-right]] extremist, and subsequently targeted by the [[Media]] and [https://twitter.com/hoaxeye/status/1543866100814856192 mudslime influencers]. His videos didn't raise any concern for [[YouTube]] until well after the shooting, with YouTube rushing in to [[DELETE FUCKING EVERYTHING]]. Not much is known after this, as the case is still being investigated. When the fanpage found one of his subs was a killer, he began to sperg out and panic like if he was the second shooter. Media covering the shooting said there were several PWns, but instead people got met with only 3 kills and a shitty 90's style rifle.




== Randy's successor ==
== Randy's successor ==
[[File:Schizo-Noah.jpg|200px|thumb|left|An image a civilian took of him trolling the mall epicly. While in good vision, she didn't shoot her and went away screaming.]]
[[File:Schizo-Noah.jpg|200px|thumb|left|From a video a civilian took of him trolling the mall epicly. While in good vision, he didn't shoot her and chased after someone else instead.]]
On 3 July, 2022 he finally geared up to bring a bit of joy to Europe, Scandinavia atleast. He entered the beloved Fields mall, and began [[FUCKING EVERYTHING|SHOOTING FUCKING EVERYTHING]] like a retard, he killed 3 people and injured 7. This attack was so lulzy but so failed. A civilian was in good vision, but he kept screaming and going forward, like if people aren't gonna have so fucking common sense. Nonetheless, this brought joy to some of our fellow Danish frienz. For one, he had a shitty loadout so his kill count is kinda excused, unlike [[Randy Robert Stair|Randy]]'s, which shotgun's was perfect for an attack like this, so you lose, Tranny Phanton. After 11 minutes he was arrested by the police, and unlike those little shits at Uvalde, actually acted in the line of duty. Great job!
[[File:Esbenv&.png|thumb|Noah is [[v&]]]]
 
On 3 July, 2022 he finally geared up to bring a bit of joy to [[Scandinavia]]. He entered the beloved Field's mall, and began [[FUCKING EVERYTHING|SHOOTING FUCKING EVERYTHING]] like a [[retard]], ultimately killing 3 people and injuring 7 others. Several civilians with [[Duke nukem|balls of steel]] inside the mall stayed behind to record epic gameplay footage, such as Noah screaming "It's not real!", reloading his gun, chasing after people, and walking around the place shooting at people.


After 11 minutes of shooting, the cops arrived at Field's and v& Noah, marking the end of the rampage that resulted in the current Danish [[High Score]]. [[Winnar|Congratulations!]]
== Loadout ==
Here's the loadout the fag used. Notice the fact it's a .22 rifle, and not a moderately good fucking weapon!
{|class="wikitable" width="40%"
!colspan="2"|Class Setup
|-<!-- FUCK THE IRS-->
!Item
!Accessories/Bonus
|-
|
*'''Primary''':  Anschütz Model 1807 .22lr Rifle
<center>[[File:GTA4IconsBoltActionSniper.png|110px]]</center>
|
*A single-shot bolt-action .22 rifle. ('''15~35 Damage''')
|-
|
*'''Secondary''': A gun with exposed barrel
<center>[[File:GTA4IconsCZ75Pistol.png|110px]]</center>
|
*Don't know jackshit about it. Can be seen in his videos. '''20-27 Damage.'''
|-
|
*'''Perk''': Schizo
<center>[[File:Schizophrenic.jpg|70px]]</center>
|
*Like the schizo he was, Quetiapine didn't work and started thinking that the mall visitors were zombies. <br> '''Double damages against any targets, including yourself'''
|}
</center>


== Graded Score ==
== Graded Score ==
Line 34: Line 68:
|-
|-
! style="text-align:right;" | Kills:
! style="text-align:right;" | Kills:
|3/20 ''3 mudslimes''
|3/20 ''A russian dude and two 17-year-olds. ''
|-
|-
! style="text-align:right;vertical-align:top;" | Accuracy:
! style="text-align:right;vertical-align:top;" | Accuracy:
|10/20 ''Couldn't shoot anyone expect 10'' <br />  
|10/20 ''3 down, 7 got away. Should've used a better rifle.'' <br />  
|-
|-
! style="text-align:right;" | Style:
! style="text-align:right;" | Style:
|8/20 ''European Adam Lanza copycat with an Atchison twist!''  
|8/20 ''Made videos before the shooting and tricked people by saying his gun was fake.''  
|-
|-
! style="text-align:right;" | Butthurt:
! style="text-align:right;" | Butthurt:
|10/20 ''Butthurt in Europe, especially in Scandinavia.''
|10/20 ''Butthurt in Scandinavia, especially in Denmark. Overshadowed by a [[Boring|totally original mass shooting in America]], as per usual.''
|-
|-
! style="text-align:right;vertical-align:top;" | Bonus:
! style="text-align:right;vertical-align:top;" | Bonus:
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<br>
<br>
{{CustomWantedLevel|3|[[File:Politi.png|200px]]|Politi}}
{{CustomWantedLevel|3|[[File:Politi.png|200px]]|Politi}}
==Videos==
{{videoframe|Vidyas|background-color: #D3D3D3;|font-weight: bold;
|[[File:I don't care.mp4|500px]]<br>'''[[DO IT FAGGOT]]'''
|[[File:I don't care (1).mp4|500px]]<br>'''[[DO IT FAGGOT]]'''
|[[File:I don't care (2).mp4|500px]]<br>'''[[DO IT FAGGOT]]'''
|[[File:I don't care (3).mp4|500px]]<br>'''[[DO IT FAGGOT]]'''
|[[File:Dog vs robotnoahesbensen.mp4|500px]]
|[[File:NoahEsbensengameplayfootage.mp4|500px]]
|<youtube>kttdXZAMXIA</youtube><br><center>'''Chasing after people'''</center>
|<youtube>KOvFs52G8RM</youtube><br>
}}
== Gallery ==
<center>
<gallery>
NoahEgun.png|Gameplay footage
NoahETriggered.jpg
NoahIdontCareGirl.jpg|'''I Don't Care'''
NoahIdontCareNigger.jpg|Even niggers copycat him
</gallery>
</center>
{{clear}}
==External Links==
[https://archive.ph/Ibpk5 YouTube Archive]
==See Also==
*[[Denmark]] - Where it all happened
*[[Espen Andersen Bråthen]] - Half-Dane and fellow [[schizo]] who got a better score in true viking style, wielding his mighty blade and his bow & arrow.
*[[Matti Saari]] - Long lost father?
*[[Éric Borel]] - Also went amok with a .22 made by the same guys and did way better. Maybe don't use a single-shot rifle next time, [[retard]].
[[File:Noah-esbensen.jpg|thumb|center|I DONT CARE]]
{{High Scores}}
[[Category:2022]]
[[Category:People|Esbensen, Noah]]

Latest revision as of 21:36, 16 November 2024

Noah Esbensen is yet another mediocre mass shooting article. You can help by not writing articles on every boring edgelord that goes postal and reminding the author they aren't AlGore.
Find an iPod?

This page is about an attempted an hero.

The subject of this article is a virgin with rage.

This page contains spoilers — important plot secrets and/or conclusions may be revealed. For example,
HOLY SHIT Matti Saari had a bastard son!!!1


Noah Taarup Esbensen
Nationality: Danifag  
Highscore PWned 3, fragged 7
Top 50? FUCK NO
Style FPS, Single player
An Hero? Nope, v& :(

For Copenhagen, the evening of July 3 was going great, even for those at Field's Mall! Until a challenger appears, armed with psychotic rage, a shitty 22. rifle and an unsatiable lust for blood. From there a lulzy massacre, which is a very rare occasion for Denmark mind you, ensued. The challenger of this article is Noah Esbensen, a schizo Danish Adam Lanza copycat who went batshit insane after developing an immunity to quetiapine. He didn't beat Payton Gendron's feddy supermarket rampage, but was able to score slightly higher than Randy Stair.

Background

The faggot behind this premeditated attack is Noah Esbensen, a 22 year old schizophrenic retard from Denmark. While we don't know much yet, taking a glanze at his videos, we could see he left a few points to observe:

  • He uploaded shitty videos posing like Adam Lanza with guns to his head
  • He complained about the meds his doctor prescribed him being a total failure
  • He was subscribed to an epic William Atchison fanpage.

Like most white shooters nowadays, this guy was immediately labelled an alt-right extremist, and subsequently targeted by the Media and mudslime influencers. His videos didn't raise any concern for YouTube until well after the shooting, with YouTube rushing in to DELETE FUCKING EVERYTHING. Not much is known after this, as the case is still being investigated. When the fanpage found one of his subs was a killer, he began to sperg out and panic like if he was the second shooter. Media covering the shooting said there were several PWns, but instead people got met with only 3 kills and a shitty 90's style rifle.


Randy's successor

From a video a civilian took of him trolling the mall epicly. While in good vision, he didn't shoot her and chased after someone else instead.
Noah is v&

On 3 July, 2022 he finally geared up to bring a bit of joy to Scandinavia. He entered the beloved Field's mall, and began SHOOTING FUCKING EVERYTHING like a retard, ultimately killing 3 people and injuring 7 others. Several civilians with balls of steel inside the mall stayed behind to record epic gameplay footage, such as Noah screaming "It's not real!", reloading his gun, chasing after people, and walking around the place shooting at people.

After 11 minutes of shooting, the cops arrived at Field's and v& Noah, marking the end of the rampage that resulted in the current Danish High Score. Congratulations!

Loadout

Here's the loadout the fag used. Notice the fact it's a .22 rifle, and not a moderately good fucking weapon!

Class Setup
Item Accessories/Bonus
  • Primary: Anschütz Model 1807 .22lr Rifle
  • A single-shot bolt-action .22 rifle. (15~35 Damage)
  • Secondary: A gun with exposed barrel
  • Don't know jackshit about it. Can be seen in his videos. 20-27 Damage.
  • Perk: Schizo
  • Like the schizo he was, Quetiapine didn't work and started thinking that the mall visitors were zombies.
    Double damages against any targets, including yourself

Graded Score

Graded score
Kills: 3/20 A russian dude and two 17-year-olds.
Accuracy: 10/20 3 down, 7 got away. Should've used a better rifle.
Style: 8/20 Made videos before the shooting and tricked people by saying his gun was fake.
Butthurt: 10/20 Butthurt in Scandinavia, especially in Denmark. Overshadowed by a totally original mass shooting in America, as per usual.
Bonus: 12/20 Made a poor guy have a panic attack over Noah subscribing to him
Total score: 43/100 (F)
I don't care.
See full ranking


Wanted Level:
___________________

___________________


Politi


Videos


DO IT FAGGOT

DO IT FAGGOT

DO IT FAGGOT

DO IT FAGGOT


Chasing after people


Previous Video | Next Video

Gallery

  • Gameplay footage
    Gameplay footage
  • I Don't Care
    I Don't Care
  • Even niggers copycat him
    Even niggers copycat him

External Links

YouTube Archive

See Also

  • Denmark - Where it all happened
  • Espen Andersen Bråthen - Half-Dane and fellow schizo who got a better score in true viking style, wielding his mighty blade and his bow & arrow.
  • Matti Saari - Long lost father?
  • Éric Borel - Also went amok with a .22 made by the same guys and did way better. Maybe don't use a single-shot rifle next time, retard.
I DONT CARE


 Noah Esbensen is part of a series on Are You Ready? [GAME OVERInsert Coin] Go!
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