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Noah Esbensen: Difference between revisions

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{{MassShooter}}
{{Failsathero}}
{{Failsathero}}
{{virgin}}
{{virgin}}
{{construction}}
{{Spoiler|[[Matti Saari]] had a bastard son}}
{{Spoiler|[[Matti Saari]] had a bastard son}}
{{corner|bl|[[Image:NoahRetardupEsbensen.png|250px]]}}


{{ib|[[File:Noah-esbensen.jpg|200px]]}}
{{ib|[[File:Noah-esbensen.jpg|200px]]}}
{{Ibhead|<big>'''Noah Esbensen'''</big>}}
{{Ibhead|<big>'''Noah Taarup Esbensen'''</big>}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality:'''|[[Danish|Danifag]]&nbsp;&nbsp;[[File:MiniflagDenmark.png]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality:'''|[[Danish|Danifag]]&nbsp;&nbsp;[[File:MiniflagDenmark.png]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''[[high score|Highscore]]'''|PWned 3, fragged 7}}
{{Ibrow|'''[[high score|Highscore]]'''|PWned 3, fragged 7}}
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*Don't know jackshit about it. Can be seen in his videos. '''20-27 Damage.'''
*Don't know jackshit about it. Can be seen in his videos. '''20-27 Damage.'''
|-
|-
|
*'''Perk''': Schizo
<center>[[File:Schizophrenic.jpg|70px]]</center>
|
*Like the schizo he was, Quetiapine didn't work and started thinking that the mall visitors were zombies. <br> '''Double damages against any targets, including yourself'''
|}  
|}  
</center>
</center>
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|-
|-
! style="text-align:right;" | Butthurt:
! style="text-align:right;" | Butthurt:
|10/20 ''Butthurt in Scandinavia, especially in Denmark.''
|10/20 ''Butthurt in Scandinavia, especially in Denmark. Overshadowed by a [[Boring|totally original mass shooting in America]], as per usual.''
|-
|-
! style="text-align:right;vertical-align:top;" | Bonus:
! style="text-align:right;vertical-align:top;" | Bonus:
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|[[File:Dog vs robotnoahesbensen.mp4|500px]]
|[[File:Dog vs robotnoahesbensen.mp4|500px]]
|[[File:NoahEsbensengameplayfootage.mp4|500px]]
|[[File:NoahEsbensengameplayfootage.mp4|500px]]
|<youtube>NG9fFDMsECM</youtube><br><center>'''More gameplay footage'''</center>
|<youtube>kttdXZAMXIA</youtube><br><center>'''Chasing after people'''</center>
|<youtube>kttdXZAMXIA</youtube><br><center>'''Chasing after people'''</center>
|<youtube>KOvFs52G8RM</youtube><br>
}}
}}


== Gallery ==
<center>
<gallery>
NoahEgun.png|Gameplay footage
NoahETriggered.jpg
NoahIdontCareGirl.jpg|'''I Don't Care'''
NoahIdontCareNigger.jpg|Even niggers copycat him
</gallery>
</center>
{{clear}}
{{clear}}


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==See Also==
==See Also==
*[[Denmark]] - Where it all happened
*[[Denmark]] - Where it all happened
*[[Kongsberg Bow and Arrow Rampage|Espen Andersen Bråthen]] - Half-Dane and fellow [[schizo]] who got a better score in true viking style, wielding his mighty blade and his bow & arrow.
*[[Espen Andersen Bråthen]] - Half-Dane and fellow [[schizo]] who got a better score in true viking style, wielding his mighty blade and his bow & arrow.
*[[Matti Saari]] - Long lost father?
*[[Matti Saari]] - Long lost father?
*[[Eric Borel]] - Also went amok with a .22 made by the same guys and did way better. Maybe don't use a single-shot rifle next time, retard.
*[[Éric Borel]] - Also went amok with a .22 made by the same guys and did way better. Maybe don't use a single-shot rifle next time, [[retard]].


[[File:Noah-esbensen.jpg|thumb|center|I DONT CARE]]
{{High Scores}}
{{High Scores}}
{{An Heroes}}
 
[[Category:2022]]
[[Category:People|Esbensen, Noah]]

Latest revision as of 21:36, 16 November 2024

Noah Esbensen is yet another mediocre mass shooting article. You can help by not writing articles on every boring edgelord that goes postal and reminding the author they aren't AlGore.
Find an iPod?

This page is about an attempted an hero.

The subject of this article is a virgin with rage.


Noah Taarup Esbensen
Nationality: Danifag  
Highscore PWned 3, fragged 7
Top 50? FUCK NO
Style FPS, Single player
An Hero? Nope, v& :(

For Copenhagen, the evening of July 3 was going great, even for those at Field's Mall! Until a challenger appears, armed with psychotic rage, a shitty 22. rifle and an unsatiable lust for blood. From there a lulzy massacre, which is a very rare occasion for Denmark mind you, ensued. The challenger of this article is Noah Esbensen, a schizo Danish Adam Lanza copycat who went batshit insane after developing an immunity to quetiapine. He didn't beat Payton Gendron's feddy supermarket rampage, but was able to score slightly higher than Randy Stair.

Background

The faggot behind this premeditated attack is Noah Esbensen, a 22 year old schizophrenic retard from Denmark. While we don't know much yet, taking a glanze at his videos, we could see he left a few points to observe:

  • He uploaded shitty videos posing like Adam Lanza with guns to his head
  • He complained about the meds his doctor prescribed him being a total failure
  • He was subscribed to an epic William Atchison fanpage.

Like most white shooters nowadays, this guy was immediately labelled an alt-right extremist, and subsequently targeted by the Media and mudslime influencers. His videos didn't raise any concern for YouTube until well after the shooting, with YouTube rushing in to DELETE FUCKING EVERYTHING. Not much is known after this, as the case is still being investigated. When the fanpage found one of his subs was a killer, he began to sperg out and panic like if he was the second shooter. Media covering the shooting said there were several PWns, but instead people got met with only 3 kills and a shitty 90's style rifle.


Randy's successor

From a video a civilian took of him trolling the mall epicly. While in good vision, he didn't shoot her and chased after someone else instead.
Noah is v&

On 3 July, 2022 he finally geared up to bring a bit of joy to Scandinavia. He entered the beloved Field's mall, and began SHOOTING FUCKING EVERYTHING like a retard, ultimately killing 3 people and injuring 7 others. Several civilians with balls of steel inside the mall stayed behind to record epic gameplay footage, such as Noah screaming "It's not real!", reloading his gun, chasing after people, and walking around the place shooting at people.

After 11 minutes of shooting, the cops arrived at Field's and v& Noah, marking the end of the rampage that resulted in the current Danish High Score. Congratulations!

Loadout

Here's the loadout the fag used. Notice the fact it's a .22 rifle, and not a moderately good fucking weapon!

Class Setup
Item Accessories/Bonus
  • Primary: Anschütz Model 1807 .22lr Rifle
  • A single-shot bolt-action .22 rifle. (15~35 Damage)
  • Secondary: A gun with exposed barrel
  • Don't know jackshit about it. Can be seen in his videos. 20-27 Damage.
  • Perk: Schizo
  • Like the schizo he was, Quetiapine didn't work and started thinking that the mall visitors were zombies.
    Double damages against any targets, including yourself

Graded Score

Graded score
Kills: 3/20 A russian dude and two 17-year-olds.
Accuracy: 10/20 3 down, 7 got away. Should've used a better rifle.
Style: 8/20 Made videos before the shooting and tricked people by saying his gun was fake.
Butthurt: 10/20 Butthurt in Scandinavia, especially in Denmark. Overshadowed by a totally original mass shooting in America, as per usual.
Bonus: 12/20 Made a poor guy have a panic attack over Noah subscribing to him
Total score: 43/100 (F)
I don't care.
See full ranking


Wanted Level:
___________________

___________________


Politi


Videos

Gallery

External Links

YouTube Archive

See Also

  • Denmark - Where it all happened
  • Espen Andersen Bråthen - Half-Dane and fellow schizo who got a better score in true viking style, wielding his mighty blade and his bow & arrow.
  • Matti Saari - Long lost father?
  • Éric Borel - Also went amok with a .22 made by the same guys and did way better. Maybe don't use a single-shot rifle next time, retard.
I DONT CARE


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