- Portals
- The Current Year
- ED in the News
- Admins
- Help ED Rebuild
- Archive
- ED Bookmarklet
- Donate Bitcoin
Contact an admin on Discord or EDF if you want an account. Also fuck bots.
Noah Esbensen: Difference between revisions
imported>Hipcrime category |
No edit summary |
||
| (13 intermediate revisions by 5 users not shown) | |||
| Line 1: | Line 1: | ||
{{MassShooter}} | |||
{{Failsathero}} | {{Failsathero}} | ||
{{virgin}} | {{virgin}} | ||
{{Spoiler|[[Matti Saari]] had a bastard son}} | {{Spoiler|[[Matti Saari]] had a bastard son}} | ||
{{corner|bl|[[Image:NoahRetardupEsbensen.png|250px]]}} | |||
{{ib|[[File:Noah-esbensen.jpg|200px]]}} | {{ib|[[File:Noah-esbensen.jpg|200px]]}} | ||
{{Ibhead|<big>'''Noah Esbensen'''</big>}} | {{Ibhead|<big>'''Noah Taarup Esbensen'''</big>}} | ||
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality:'''|[[Danish|Danifag]] [[File:MiniflagDenmark.png]]}} | {{Ibrow|'''Nationality:'''|[[Danish|Danifag]] [[File:MiniflagDenmark.png]]}} | ||
{{Ibrow|'''[[high score|Highscore]]'''|PWned 3, fragged 7}} | {{Ibrow|'''[[high score|Highscore]]'''|PWned 3, fragged 7}} | ||
| Line 50: | Line 52: | ||
*Don't know jackshit about it. Can be seen in his videos. '''20-27 Damage.''' | *Don't know jackshit about it. Can be seen in his videos. '''20-27 Damage.''' | ||
|- | |- | ||
| | |||
*'''Perk''': Schizo | |||
<center>[[File:Schizophrenic.jpg|70px]]</center> | |||
| | |||
*Like the schizo he was, Quetiapine didn't work and started thinking that the mall visitors were zombies. <br> '''Double damages against any targets, including yourself''' | |||
|} | |} | ||
</center> | </center> | ||
| Line 94: | Line 101: | ||
|[[File:Dog vs robotnoahesbensen.mp4|500px]] | |[[File:Dog vs robotnoahesbensen.mp4|500px]] | ||
|[[File:NoahEsbensengameplayfootage.mp4|500px]] | |[[File:NoahEsbensengameplayfootage.mp4|500px]] | ||
|<youtube>kttdXZAMXIA</youtube><br><center>'''Chasing after people'''</center> | |<youtube>kttdXZAMXIA</youtube><br><center>'''Chasing after people'''</center> | ||
|<youtube>KOvFs52G8RM</youtube><br> | |||
}} | }} | ||
== Gallery == | |||
<center> | |||
<gallery> | |||
NoahEgun.png|Gameplay footage | |||
NoahETriggered.jpg | |||
NoahIdontCareGirl.jpg|'''I Don't Care''' | |||
NoahIdontCareNigger.jpg|Even niggers copycat him | |||
</gallery> | |||
</center> | |||
{{clear}} | {{clear}} | ||
| Line 105: | Line 121: | ||
==See Also== | ==See Also== | ||
*[[Denmark]] - Where it all happened | *[[Denmark]] - Where it all happened | ||
*[[ | *[[Espen Andersen Bråthen]] - Half-Dane and fellow [[schizo]] who got a better score in true viking style, wielding his mighty blade and his bow & arrow. | ||
*[[Matti Saari]] - Long lost father? | *[[Matti Saari]] - Long lost father? | ||
*[[ | *[[Éric Borel]] - Also went amok with a .22 made by the same guys and did way better. Maybe don't use a single-shot rifle next time, [[retard]]. | ||
[[File:Noah-esbensen.jpg|thumb|center|I DONT CARE]] | |||
{{High Scores}} | {{High Scores}} | ||
[[Category:2022]] | [[Category:2022]] | ||
[[Category:People|Esbensen, Noah]] | [[Category:People|Esbensen, Noah]] | ||
Latest revision as of 21:36, 16 November 2024
 |
Noah Esbensen is yet another mediocre mass shooting article. You can help by not writing articles on every boring edgelord that goes postal and reminding the author they aren't AlGore. |
|
| |
|---|---|
| Noah Taarup Esbensen | |
| Nationality: | Danifag 
|
| Highscore | PWned 3, fragged 7 |
| Top 50? | FUCK NO |
| Style | FPS, Single player |
| An Hero? | Nope, v& :( |
For Copenhagen, the evening of July 3 was going great, even for those at Field's Mall! Until a challenger appears, armed with psychotic rage, a shitty 22. rifle and an unsatiable lust for blood. From there a lulzy massacre, which is a very rare occasion for Denmark mind you, ensued. The challenger of this article is Noah Esbensen, a schizo Danish Adam Lanza copycat who went batshit insane after developing an immunity to quetiapine. He didn't beat Payton Gendron's feddy supermarket rampage, but was able to score slightly higher than Randy Stair.
Background
The faggot behind this premeditated attack is Noah Esbensen, a 22 year old schizophrenic retard from Denmark. While we don't know much yet, taking a glanze at his videos, we could see he left a few points to observe:
- He uploaded shitty videos posing like Adam Lanza with guns to his head
- He complained about the meds his doctor prescribed him being a total failure
- He was subscribed to an epic William Atchison fanpage.
Like most white shooters nowadays, this guy was immediately labelled an alt-right extremist, and subsequently targeted by the Media and mudslime influencers. His videos didn't raise any concern for YouTube until well after the shooting, with YouTube rushing in to DELETE FUCKING EVERYTHING. Not much is known after this, as the case is still being investigated. When the fanpage found one of his subs was a killer, he began to sperg out and panic like if he was the second shooter. Media covering the shooting said there were several PWns, but instead people got met with only 3 kills and a shitty 90's style rifle.
Randy's successor
On 3 July, 2022 he finally geared up to bring a bit of joy to Scandinavia. He entered the beloved Field's mall, and began SHOOTING FUCKING EVERYTHING like a retard, ultimately killing 3 people and injuring 7 others. Several civilians with balls of steel inside the mall stayed behind to record epic gameplay footage, such as Noah screaming "It's not real!", reloading his gun, chasing after people, and walking around the place shooting at people.
After 11 minutes of shooting, the cops arrived at Field's and v& Noah, marking the end of the rampage that resulted in the current Danish High Score. Congratulations!
Loadout
Here's the loadout the fag used. Notice the fact it's a .22 rifle, and not a moderately good fucking weapon!
| Class Setup | |
|---|---|
| Item | Accessories/Bonus |
 |
|
 |
|
 |
|
Graded Score
| Graded score | |
|---|---|
| Kills: | 3/20 A russian dude and two 17-year-olds. |
| Accuracy: | 10/20 3 down, 7 got away. Should've used a better rifle. |
| Style: | 8/20 Made videos before the shooting and tricked people by saying his gun was fake. |
| Butthurt: | 10/20 Butthurt in Scandinavia, especially in Denmark. Overshadowed by a totally original mass shooting in America, as per usual. |
| Bonus: | 12/20 Made a poor guy have a panic attack over Noah subscribing to him |
| Total score: 43/100 (F) | |
Wanted Level:
___________________
|
___________________
|
Videos
Previous Video | Next Video
Gallery
-
Gameplay footage -
-
I Don't Care -
Even niggers copycat him
External Links
See Also
- Denmark - Where it all happened
- Espen Andersen Bråthen - Half-Dane and fellow schizo who got a better score in true viking style, wielding his mighty blade and his bow & arrow.
- Matti Saari - Long lost father?
- Éric Borel - Also went amok with a .22 made by the same guys and did way better. Maybe don't use a single-shot rifle next time, retard.
