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Africa
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
This is an old revision of this page, as edited by imported>Sidecar at 21:43, 2 November 2017. It may differ significantly from the current revision.
You may be looking for AIDS. Nope, this is the right article. Definitely.
This page contains spoilers — important plot secrets and/or conclusions may be revealed. For example, HOLY SHIT the continent with the greatest natural wealth produces nothing except aids, witches, insane dictators, and a global plague of niggers!!!1
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Technically, it is also a space of spades
Ever driven through the Ghetto? Now imagine a ghetto the size of an entire fucking continent and you'll begin to understand the IRL edition of Planet of the Apes. Africa (also known as "Blackistan", "Africoon", "Assfrica", "Niggerland", "Lolfrica", "Africunt", "Aidsfrica", "Gayfrica", "Rapefrica" or "Hell") is a wretched hive of scum and villainy further south than Europe and much darker, almost completely uninhabitable where (with the exception of Egypt) Civilization has never progressed beyond primitive Stone-Age tribal shit-throwing. Africa is made mostly of dirt, AIDS, diseases, Apes, Rapes, Apes that rape, Rape of apes, Poisonous oversized grapes, Biohazard warning tape, and Homicidal dudes who escape.
It is generally accepted that the only white people found in Africa are intelligent, kind Europeans who give kittens and free textbooks to black families on a regular basis. The lunatic Africans kill them in return for their kindness. Proof.
The entire continent has never progressed at all due to the fact that it is uninhabited by actual Humans, only by niggers whose evolution never progressed beyond that of the monkey. Despite the fact that you can strike precious minerals such as diamond and Uranium anywhere you dig, the indigenous animals are too retarded to be able to comprehend Human technology and government systems, instead eating each other and/or raping chimpanzees (this is where HIV originated from). There has never been a day in African history where somebody isn't starving or a war isn't going on, or anything less than 100 children have been pwned. The only way to keep up with this high death rate is by making babies as fast possible, raping even more people and therefore spreading AIDS. Despite the whole world pouring money into it, they still can't figure how to stop raping and eating each other. And they are so stupid that instead of moving, they'd rather to walk three miles every day for water.
African Civilization is an oxymoron made up by liberal autists that have nothing better to do but wallow in nigger's shit and AIDS. African civilization is a myth made up by the American government to make niggers think that their 'friends' in Africa (That actually hate american niggers, because they are the descendants of the slave class in Africa) are smart (they are not). If you 'learn' about African civilization in history class, call your teacher out on his bullshit and say "African civilization is an oxymoron" and proceed to An Hero the entire class and yourself.
There are two wonderful jobs you can get in Africa. One is spreading AIDS, and the second is becoming a child soldier. People serving in both occupations are on average about two years old. Morons like Bono made Amerikkka give a lot of money to Africa, but it's just as shit as it's ever been. The odd celebrity will also deposit a few thousand bucks to the continent to get rid of that extra money lying around while keeping up their image to appear as though they genuinely care. Billions has been put towards the ongoing poverty over the years, yet it's still a shithole, even when basic education for farming has been introduced.
Feeling unwell? You have AIDS. But never mind, just pop along to your local witch doctor, because niggers are too dumb to build a decent medical center. They've got enough bizarre and wonderfully useless concoctions that'll most likely put you out of your misery rather than heal you of it. Tastes funny? Stop bitching! Because you know what they say, if it tastes bad it's good for you!
Frequent appointments to the Voodoo Hut may also involve having your daughter's clitoris cut off with a blunt rock. Remember girls, only men in Africa are privileged to the joy of sexual pleasure!
Africa is a place where black magic genuinely happens. It is hard for western observers to perceive the subtle ways in which magic works, but the savage is more in tune with nature's mysteries and this explains why IRL examples of witchcraft, conjuring, lycanthropy, and similar juj-ju events tend to look completely fucking stupid when filmed.
Here are some examples. Warning, do not watch if you are of a nervous disposition.
This is a bird that magically turned into a negress after flying into an overhead cable
The self-driving car - another nigger invention stolen by whitey
Some blacks participate in the human raceOh snap!Bitches gonna get raped!
Africa is a simple land of simple pleasures. These pleasures consist of eating shit you find on the ground, AIDS, rape, and rape with AIDS.
In Africa, they will eat ANYTHING. See that monkey? It's food. Oh look, a pile of cow shit! Food! If it tries to run away, the Africans will hurl spears and rocks at it until it stops moving. Some African tribes evolved the habit of kicking things to death instead. Thus, African soccer was born.
Whatever can not be eaten will be fucked. AIDS supposedly came from some bored African fucking a green monkey. Why anyone would fuck a creature that has obviously gone rotten is beyond the understanding of most civilized countries, but this is Africa - deal with it! And what is fucking when one party isn't into it? RAEP!
Africans use rape for everything - Seriously! Rape is used to cure faggots, get wimmin back into the kitchen, show how manly you are, pass the time, proper disposal for rancid monkey carcasses, and more! In fact, tribal medicine even says that raep cures AIDS. However, retards in Africa don't know that it won't work, ensuring much lulz to be spread around the continent.
Little do many know, but there is indeed a vaccine created for the AIDS virus. Too bad nobody in Africa can afford it. There are too many faggots in the Western world loaded with money to even care, dat's why they got the AIDS. Major butthurt and SLAVE pwnage.
Wild niglets perform their war-dance
A tribe that hasn't discovered fucking fire yet
African rave
Africans who have never met white people before
Moar African rave
Africans invented... brain surgery!
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Politics
If there's one aspect of modernity that the stinking cess-pit of Africa has embraced, it's military dictatorships. Present-day Africa is mainly notable for the number of Nigglers that it has produced, some of whom are so spectacularly mad and vicious that they make Saddam Hussein look like a jolly decent chap and a bit of a shrinking violet. None of Africa's tyrants has ever been overthrown by the USA, but that might be because America knows from first-hand experience that freeing niggers just isn't worth the trouble in the long run. Here is a slideshow of some of the dark continent's top-rated tyrants.
General Mobutu Sese Seko of the Democratic Republic of Congo. Full name: Mobutu Sese Seko Nkuku Ngbendu Wa Za Banga ("The all-powerful warrior who, because of his endurance and inflexible will to win, goes from conquest to conquest, leaving fire in his wake.")
•Seized power in a military coup: 1965 (deposed 1997) •Notable for: Banning state media from mentioning anyone else by name and for embezzling up to $15bn from the treasury (more than Congo's entire national debt)
Emperor Jean-Bedel Bokassa I of the Central African Republican Empire. Full title:“Emperor of Central Africa by the will of the Central African people, united within the national political party, the MESAN."
Seized power in a military coup: 1966 (deposed 1979) •Notable for: insanity, embezzlement, murder and cannibalism
General Idi Amin Dada of Uganda. Full title:"His Excellency, President for Life, Field Marshal Al Hadji Doctor Idi Amin Dada, VC, DSO, MC, Lord of All the Beasts of the Earth and Fishes of the Seas and Conqueror of the British Empire in Africa in General and Uganda in Particular." (Also, rightful King of Scotland.)
•Seized power in a military coup: 1971 (deposed 1978) •Notable for: insanity, cannibalism, murdering around half a million Ugandans, and banning state media from carrying reports about a speaking tortoise that was rumored to be prophesying his downfall
President Yoweri Museveni of Uganda
•Seized power in a military coup: 1986, still in power as of 2017 •Notable for: outlawing opposition parties until fiddling elections in 1996, 2001 (when he threatened to murder the leader of the opposition), 2006 (when he had the opposition leader arrested on a treason charge, later thrown out by the Supreme Court), and 2011 (similar shit again). The best bit? At each election, Museveni violated the constitution by using his position as commander in chief to order that the entire army had to vote for him. Along the way, there have been the usual massacres and assassinations. Being a Bible-bashing nig-nog, he is utterly obsessed with the gays, and believes that Eurofaggots are visiting Uganda to sign up new recruits. Was quite keen on two national newspapers, which promoted his anti-poofery propaganda, until they published the fact that he was planning to assassinate members of his own government, stay in office for life, and appoint his own son as his successor. So Museveni closed both newspapers and tried to make "false reporting" a criminal offense (the Supreme Court threw it out).
General Sani Abacha of Nigeria.
•Seized power in a military coup: 1993 (deposed 1998), having previously taken part in three military coups on behalf of other generals. •Notable for: embezzling an estimated $5bn from public funds and being the fourth most corrupt head of state in modern history.
President Al Hadji Yahya Jammeh of Gambia. Full title: His Excellency Sheikh Professor Alhaji Dr. Yahya Abdul-Aziz Awal Jemus Junkung Jammeh Naasiru Deen Babili Mansa, Commander in Chief of The Armed Forces and Chief Custodian of the Sacred Constitution of the Gambia (also an honorary Colonel in the Commonwealth of Kentucky)
•Seized power in a military coup: 1994 (deposed 2017 after trying to fiddle a democratic election that he had just lost) •Notable for: Massacring student protesters, commanding a special forces regiment of undercover witchdoctors, making journalists disappear without trace, curing AIDS with a secret blend of herbs and spices, making faggotry a capital offense
President Isaias Afwerki of Eritrea
•Seized power in a military coup: 1991 (still in power as of 2017) •Notable for: outlawing all political opposition parties, abolishing independent media, handing the court system over to tribal elders and witchdoctors who govern entire towns with no accountability, embarking on a ruinous on/off war with neighboring Ethiopia that has lasted 25 years and bankrupted both nations despite the only thing at stake being some bits of fucking useless desert. During a national famine, Afwerki turned down offers of food aid, saying it would make Eritreans become "lazy." He then decided that confiscating 90% of their crops would make farmers work harder. For some reason, Eritrea's population has declined a little and no economic miracle has occurred.
President Robert Mugabe of Zimbabwe
•Seized power in a military coup: failed several times as a marxistterrorist, before being democratically elected president in 1980. This was a purely symbolic role with no actual powers, so in 1987 he had himself declared the head of state, head of government, and commander-in-chief of the armed forces, in which positions he continues to this very day. •Notable for: Destroying the Zimbabwean economy by stealing farmland from white farmers (who were capable of actually managing it) and giving it to homeless niggers instead (who weren't). Suddenly, there were food shortages, 80% unemployment, inflation hit 100,000%, and life expectancy slumped to 36 for men and 34 for women. Mugabe is currently 184 years old and seems certain to achieve his cherished ambition of outliving everyone else in Zimbabwe
President Macias Nguema of Equatorial Guinea Full title: TL;DR because he kept adding stuff, such as "Unique Miracle" and "Grand Master of Education, Science, and Culture" before finally changing the national motto to "There is no other God than Macías Nguema" which pretty much covered everything
•Seized power in a military coup:Democratically elected in 1966 but abolished the constitution and all opposition political parties in 1971 and declared himself supreme ruler (deposed 1979 by his own nephew) •Notable for: insanity, murder, banning boat-fishing in case any of his subjects tried to escape (he turned the only road out of Guinea into a minefield, for the same reason), keeping the entire treasury balance in suitcases under his bed, and carrying out the lulziest assassination of all time (forcing 150 opponents into a football stadium, and having them shot on Christmas Eve by snipers dressed as Santa Claus while playing "Those Were the Days" by Mary Hopkin over the PA system)
President Obiang Mbasogo of Equatorial Guinea
•Seized power in a military coup: 1979, by deposing and murdering his uncle. (still in power as of 2017) •Notable for: being a case of "meet the new boss, same as the old boss." President Mbasogo is officially “the country’s god” with “all power over men and things.” In case anyone missed that subtlety, it has been clarified that the president “can decide to kill without anyone calling him to account and without going to hell.” What with his uncle and now him, Equatorial Guinea itself already resembles Hell, with government-sanctioned kidnapping, torture administered by the security service, casual murders conducted quite openly, and (of course) cannibalism. The discovery of oil in Equatorial Guinea has done nothing to alleviate poverty, unless you are Mbasogo himself who has amassed between $600 million and $1 billion, thank you very much.
President Hissène Habré of Chad Also Known As:"Africa's Pinochet" (explanation below)
•Seized power in a military coup: 1982, deposed 1990 (see next slide) •Notable for: the usual. Armed and financed by the USA during the Reagan administration due to his opposition to Libya. Hence the above-mentioned nickname. His luck ran out when the Gipper toddled off into retirement, and he was overthrown just two years later. Convicted in 2016 of numerous war crimes and crimes against humanity (i.e., rape, sexual slavery, torturing 200,000 people and ordering the murders of 40,000 more). Now serving life imprisonment with no parole.
•Seized power in a military coup: Deposed that guy in 1990 (still in power as of 2017) •Notable for: being in power when Chad's oil reserves were discovered and tapped in the mid-90s, leading to a flood of state income that has simply disappeared somewhere along the line. In 2005-6, Chad was voted the most corrupt nation on the entire planet. As of 2017 Chad is officially listed as a "Failed State," and is the seventh-poorest country on Earth, with 80% of the population living at subsistence level or below.
President Charles Taylor of Liberia Campaign slogan:"He killed my ma, he killed my pa, but I'll vote for him"(Trufax!)
•Seized power in a military coup: 1996, went legit by getting elected the next year (deposed 2003) •Notable for: in the words of the judge at Taylor's 2012 trial: "aiding and abetting as well as planning some of the most heinous and brutal crimes recorded in human history"; also the first head of state to be convicted of war crimes since Karl Donitz at Nuremberg. Guilty on 11 counts of war crimes (and crimes against humanity), including terrorism, sexual slavery, child conscription, pillage, rape, and murder. (No cannibalism, though.) Currently serving 50 years in England. •Fun fact: conspired with televangelist Pat Robertson to set up a mining operation and sell black market diamonds under cover of "humanitarian relief missions"
•Seized power in a military coup: Sort of. Succeeded his father as absolute monarch (and commander in chief of the army) in 1986... at the age of 14 •Notable for: being in control of everything, as in having the power to fill any government position (including that of Prime Minister) by clicking his fingers; having the power to dissolve parliament, cancel elections, and veto laws; currently having 15 wives (one of whom he kidnapped and forcibly married while she was still in school); holding annual beauty competitions of 10,000 contestants in order to choose his next wife; arbitrarily kidnapping, jailing, torturing and murdering people who annoy him; trying to force parliament to pass a law compelling the branding and sterilisation of women with HIV; eating up $60m every year in "running costs" for his ever-expanding family (while the average citizen earns $1.25 a day); and absent-mindedly pissing away 10% of Swaziland's entire GDP by building an international airport in the middle of fucking nowhere that has never been used because he lost interest halfway through
•Seized power in a military coup: 1973, stood for unopposed re-election in 1978 (and got 98.99% of the vote), 1983 (got 99.97%), and 1988 (got 99.98%). •Notable for: being a totalitarian dictator who rounded up crowds who were then forced by soldiers to worship him by singing and dancing during his rallies. Not nearly extreme enough, so he was assassinated in 1994 and replaced with a puppet president who was more enthusiastic about genocide (see next slide)
•Seized power in a military coup: was installed as acting president by a military junta, on April 9, 1994, three days after the assassination of his predecessor (overthrown himself on July 19, 1994) •Notable for: presiding over the most efficient genocide in history, with an estimated 1,000,000 niggers killed in just under 100 days
President Omar al-Bashir of Sudan
•Seized power in a military coup: 1980 (still in power, having fiddled three subsequent elections) •Notable for: overseeing a civil war that killed around 500,000 Sudanese and displaced around 2.5m more (out of a total population of 6.2m).
Currently subject to a global arrest warrant issued by the International Criminal Court in 2009, after indictment on five counts of crimes against humanity (murder, extermination, forcible transfer, torture and rape) and two counts of war crimes (pillaging and intentionally directing attacks against civilians)
•Seized power in a military coup: 1967 (died in office, 2005) •Notable for: starring as an indestructible superhero in his own state-published comic and making it compulsory reading in schools, having a troupe of 1,000 negresses who sang and danced in his praise at public appearances, and attempting to go legit by standing for election in 1993. He ran unopposed and got 96% of the vote. In 1998 he was re-elected (on a low turnout due to voters fearing for their lives after hundreds of opposition party activists were mysteriously murdered).
President Hastings Banda of Mawali Full title:"His Excellency the Life President of the Republic of Malaŵi, Ngwazi Dr. Hastings Kamuzu Banda."
•Seized power in a military coup:Became Prime Minister (not elected) when Malawi gained independence in 1964. He then rewrote the constitution and got himself elected "President for Life" in a single-candidate vote. •Notable for: As Banda himself put it: "Everything I say is literally the law." TV was illegal, books were edited by hand before sale, telephone calls were rationed and monitored (and terminated if politics was mentioned), official portraits were hung in every room (and there was a law against hanging anything at a greater height than the portrait), mail was opened and edited on an industrial scale, all adults were required to become members of Banda's political party (in a one-party state), nudity and kissing were edited out of movies before theatrical release, men were subject to enforced haircuts to ensure social decorum, you get the idea. Had four of his cabinet ministers murdered by hammering tent-pegs into their skulls and then declared they had been killed in an auto-collision.
•Seized power in a military coup: Almost. Was a member of the banned ANC Party until Apartheid was overthrown, then climbed to power during the Mandela years. •Notable for: being charged with corruption for taking R500,000 in bribes from an arms dealer (he resigned, was charged, got cronies to interfere with the prosecution, charges were overturned, reinstated, and finally dropped again); being charged with rape in 2005 (acquitted); believing that teenage mothers should have their babies abducted and be forced into education (Zuma has six wives, an estimated 20 legitimate children, seven illegitimate ones, and receives an annual total exceeding R1m for "family support" as head of state); said in 2005 he would only serve one four-year term in office but is still in power nearly a decade later and now wants one of his wives to succeed him (so that he can manipulate her and avoid corruption charges that are currently on hold);
Censorship
Book of short stories, banned in Eritrea since 2014 (Read it here: [1])
Reporting of Eritrean famine, banned 2017 (Read about it here: [2])
Surprisingly, the internet is not censored anywhere in Africa. Not-so-surprisingly, this is because only 12% of Africans have any internet access. That minority consists of people who live within a day's travel of the new-fangled"internet cafés" and can afford to spend a whole week's income just to waste 30 minutes waiting for a single .gif animation to download. (Did we mention that only 1% of Africans has access to broadband?)
In May 2012 the Council issued a formal warning to a site after a user insulted the nation's President during a forum debate, forcing the site's owners to publish an apology and undertake to prevent any further misconduct.
At present, the whole of Africa has fewer phone lines than New York City but this may change in the future. If it does, expect the phenomenon of "Eternal September" to be replaced by "Eternal Kwanzaa," in which a large amount of online activity will consist of niggers trying to put curses on their enemies by sending them the "I Love You" virus.It is furthermore estimated that by the year 3000 the entire GDP of Nigeria will be derived from 419 scams. But more optimistic forecasts estimate that most of Africa will have died of AIDS before this can happen.
Europe and Africa
Europe's relationship with Africa is something like this.
Just as the first European settlers came to America, conquered the Moors and the Indians (feather, not dot), and then enslaved Africans and robbed them of all their resources, white Americans of today will continue to keep black people as pets in cages, ghettos, and BET where, as far as the country clubs are concerned, they belong.
These retarded apes still haven't done anything to improve this country, well, with few exceptions, but those people were exceptions because their ancestors were raped by white people. All those negro preachers in the NAACP (Niggers Appreciating A Chunky Pussy) might as well take a rope and hang their own damn selves. These theories are dominant, because no black person could receive enough of an education to disprove those racist beliefs except for Martin Luther King Jr.
Foreign AIDS
Lately, a lot of whining liberals have been protesting to introduce foreign strains of the AIDS virus into the African population. Little do they know that the AIDS is an American secret weapon to destroy the dark skins and the homosexuals, mostly for Africa and their overpopulated shit holes.
Often, people will hold benefit concerts and other gay shit in the name of foreign AIDS. However, the bleeding hearts don't know this usually goes to the Jew bankers in New York instead of the fucktards in Africa. Jew bankers with foreign AIDS - HA! Serves them right.
300 Africans
Contrary to the faggot Spartans, the African 300 leader had much more trouble inspiring his troops. Simply think of him saying "Africans! Tonight, we dine in...oh wait, we don't have any food." Therefore, their end would have not been caused by a retard that looked strangely similar to that ugly bitch, but by the mere lack of cheeseburgers in their McDonald's and by failing at purification through the fucking of one-year-olds.
Moar info: Afrocentrism.
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![Book of short stories, banned in Eritrea since 2014 (Read it here: [1])](/File:Scouting_for_the_reaper_by_jacob_m_appel.jpg)
![Reporting of Eritrean famine, banned 2017 (Read about it here: [2])](/File:Eritrea_famine_-_smuggled_photo_(2017).png)
![Banned in Eritrea (Free audiobook: [3])](/File:%27my_father%27s_daughter%27_(memoir)_by_hannah_pool.jpg)
![Banned in Eritrea (Free text files here: [4] - PDF link)](/File:%27i_didn%27t_do_it_for_you%27_by_michela_wrong.jpg)
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What multiculturalist white apologists won't tell you.
What Africa looks like on Google Maps at the highest zoom level.
Obesity is a growing problem for every child in Africa.
The free press.
PonguigPeopinn presents a novel solution to the problem in Africa, only to be shouted down by indoctrinated fools.
National Flag of Africa, featuring a typical resident covered in bugs.
Africa's future flag. Take that, America!
John Cena
a wild niglet
The Lion King. Stay on the road. Keep clear of the moors. Beware the Moon, lads.
Even Jewgle doesn't know...
There are several fine universities in Africa.
AIDS is the most popular subject of comedy in Africa.
Ever compassionate, /b/ helps a starving Ethiopian child.
Poor African men save money on food by eating their own genitals.
Ripping off whitey is a beloved African tradition.
Africa has never EVER progressed.
Hi there,Welcome to Ass in the box. May I take your order sir?
A homosexual recycling and avoiding AIDS
(archive) Annual six-month-long epidemic of the bubonic plague currently rated "the severest in living memory"
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