Afghanistan
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KNELT TO THE TALIBAN GIGACHAD |
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This article is paid for by taxpayers like you. Thanks, America. |
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| Afghanistan | |
| Name | Islamic Emirate of Afghanistan د افغانستان اسلامي امارت (Pasto) امارت اسلامی افغانستان (Dari) |
| National Anthem | Da da Batorano Kor |
| Motto | لا إله إلا الله، محمد رسول الله |
| Goverment | Islamic Theocracy Emirate |
| Capital | Kabul |
| Independence Day | August 15, 2021 |
| Leader | Hibatullah Akhundzada (Supreme Leader) |
| Ethic Groups | Majority: Pashto, Tajik Minority: Hazara, Aimaq, and Turkic Peoples |
| Currency | Afghan Afghani |
| Religion | Islam (Almost all of them) Very tiny non-Muslim minorities |
| Population | 40 Million |
The Islamic Emirate of Afghanistan, also known as Talibanistan is the actual Land of the Free, Home of the Brave, and the Birthplace of Toxic Masculinity unlike the fat-ass godless America who are invading them LOL defeated and they were the culprit of the mess in the country! The country is inhabited by Pro-patriarchy masculine gigachad mujahideen who are strong enough to kick the US invaders out from the country thanks to their strong faith in Islam and rejects feminism, secularism, and other liberal ideas entirely.
Afghanistan is also known as the "Graveyard of Empires", America being its latest victim. Various empires throughout history have been unable to defeat these brave poor farmers such as the Bri'ishs, and the Soviets.
The official currency unit is the goat. one goat being convertible into one six-year-old child bride on the open market.
History
Despite being named Afghanistan, Afghanistan is the home of the Pashtuns, also known as the distance relative of Germans 卐. Afghanistan was created by the ejaculation of Bill Nye (as he whacked off to the remembrance of the time he nailed Soledad O'Brien) that landed on an unknown dry mildew growing on donkey shit.
Afghanistan's history is like one long, brutal "keep out" sign that everyone ignores. It starts with Alexander the Great showing up like he's on a world tour, thinking he can just waltz in and take over. Spoiler: He couldn't. Fast forward, and you’ve got a parade of empires—Mongols, Persians, Mughals—all trying to claim the place like it’s prime real estate, but nobody can hang onto it for long. When Russian and British Imperialism hit Central Asia (the Great Game), the whole place became United Kingdom's bitch. However, Afghanistan was the only country that pwned the British invaders and every other empire that has attempted to rape them except the U.S./Canada but the only reason why they didn't is because they used them to kick out Osama bin Laden and friends No. After that, they plan on turning back into what they were before; a narco-terrorist shithole who's only contribution to the world is decent heroin, innovations in buttrape, and lousy taxi drivers. A country that, if it weren't for everyone carrying an AK-47, would look very much like it did in the 12th century.
Afghanistan is also home of the true and real Aryans, not the trailer trash white people you see in North America or the cavebitch skinhead wannabes in Europe. Afghanistan was also known as Aryana, a state of Persia before they separated due to religion and Arabs conquering them in the chest. The true Aryans are the Pashtuns and Tajiks, but the Mongolian left overs called "Hazaras" are common chinks with a little bit of other merged into their genome. Recently they have been enjoying freedom from their former Pashtun masters who enslaved them.
In recent history, Osama Bin Laden fell in love with the country and took it over with his Taliban. A month before 9/11, the Afghan Army was planning to attack the US with its mujahideen, but it failed hard. One month later they blew up the World Trade Center (everyone knows Jews did WTC, not Muslims). Butthurt, the US declared war on Afghanistan. After years of looking for Bin Laden, the Americans got tired but remained "devoted" to the cause by leaving the Canadian army in charge. The Canadians have since then installed peace and order and rule over the country from their dark and untakeable fortress in Kandahar Airbase, where they enjoy playing cards, torturing prisoners and playing hockey.
Reoccupied by the Taliban
As of 2021, after the withdrawal of U.S. forces, the Taliban quickly planted their flag in most major Afghan cities, the capital, Kabul, was also eaten. It was only a matter of time before Afghanistan becomes a Sharia theocracy again, given the trend of the previous Islamic Republic leaders slowly leaving the country to run.
Recap
- Nothing happens
- Nothing happens
- Nothing happens
- Arab Muslims willingly convert them from Buddhism to Islam, then in turn the now-converted Afghans raeped their Pajeet counterparts
- Nothing happens
- Nothing happens
- Nothing happen
- British come
- ONE British leaves (Seriously!) (+16,500 killed
or wounded) - British come
- British leave (+1,630 killed or wounded)
- British come
- British leave (+1,751 killed or wounded )
- Afghanistan is a monarchy
- Afghanistan goes atheist/communist
- Pashtuns get butthurt
- Mujahideen forms with US help to fight communism
- Soviets come
- Soviets leave (+67,000 killed or wounded)
- Kabul falls to the mujahideen. A Pashtun and a Hazara get butt hurt and fighting ensues.(90% of the population in Kabul die).
- Mujahideen evolved into Taliban to fight Western influence
- Taliban start leading country based off Islamic law
- Americans come in, kill current leaders and appoint a puppet president
- But in order to make the puppet legal, they stage an election and he wins with 55%.
- Next election noone who voted before shows up, quarter of all votes get discarded, millions of votes get added, ballot box intimidation... and the puppet wins with 90%
- But in order to make it seem more legitimate, there is a reelection... in which the opponent is forced to back out
- US loses massive amounts of money by first funding the terrorists and then fighting them
- Taliban pyrrhic victory
- ????
- Profit! (for the jews)
Where is the fucking profit?
Demographics
Afghanistan contains about 29.8 million people with beards and turbans on their heads, and a few confused lost wiggers. Afghan women all have to wear oversized binbags, although whether this is due to the Islamist attitude of the populace or the general fugliness of the women is debated.
They have dozens of ethnic groups including the pashtuns, hazaras (chinks), Tajiks and Uzbeks (Chinks)
In Godwin's Law, Afghanistan is the origin of the Aryan race, as proved by this one little white girl from Afghanistan. Historically, the Aryans invaded early civilization on the Indus Valley and asspwned the dark skinned yet ironically more intelligent inhabitants, giving them the Vedas and the Indo-European influenced language. If you are wondering why, if those dark skinned people were so intelligent, they got utterly pwned; shut up you racist.
Geography
The terrain of this country is lots of mountains and landlocked. the civilians turn into werewolves at night and raep outsiders in the ass. An Afghan feminazi bandit described Afghanistan's terrain as:
- Dirt
- Caves
- Dirt
- More dirt
- Your Mom
- Opium fields
- Lots of Humvees
- Dead Marines
- Caves
- Talibans corpses, both in the land and in the caves too
- Mass graves
- Over 9,000 at least 100 years old Soviet tanks
- Caves
- Landmines
- Caves
- Even moar dirt
Leaders
The only known leader of Afghanistan that was known until now was Osama bin Laden, who is most known for being a local and American hero and humanitarian. In 2001, he was agonizingly framed for masterminding 9/11. Laden was later ruthlessly murdered in the attack of the NATO as he tried to save his fellow humans from the evils of western imperialism. When his death was confirmed, the country bowed down to the Canadian lead invader forces. Since then, the provisional dark emperor claimed the country in the name of Zionist-occupied Goverment.
Since the fall of the Islamic Republic, Taliban Emir and Mullah, Hibatullah Akhundzada has led the country with his Sharia-ruling theocracy.
Infastructures and Technologies
Until somewhere in 2010s, there were no telephones or internets in Afghanistan, and most people rely on smoke signals for communications. Families that are rich enough have a camel, horse or even flying carpet to visit family across the country. But since one place in this masculine country is as based as any other, not much travel takes place.
Afghans? in my internets?
It's more likely than you think. Just look at the following websites taken over by the Afghans. They all redirect to some low budget Persian Afghani music videos. It may be many different videos, or all the same one. We really can't tell.
Behold the fearmsome soldiers of the taliban.
- http://www.futabachannel.com
- http://www.futabachannel.net
- http://www.futabachannel.org
- http://www.tokyohood.com
- http://www.sexymuch.com
- http://www.vandalize.us
- http://www.killthisfaggot.com
- http://www.newfag.net
- http://www.newfag.org
- http://www.iccfunds.com
- http://www.nexwiki.com
- http://www.nexwiki.org
- http://www.dollarmuch.com
Add more if you see any. We don't know whats going on but it is pretty scary.
Taliban Copypasta
"What the fuck did you just fucking say about Allah, you little infidel? Ill have you know I finished top of my group in the Taliban training camp, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on the US military, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in hostage taking and I'm the top mujahideen in the entire world. You are nothing to me but just another kafir. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on Allah’s Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, faggot, As we speak I am contacting my secret network of mujahideen across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, infidel. The storm that wipes out the blasphemous little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be in the Centre of Mecca, during prayer time, and I can stone you in over 40 ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in Taliban army, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Taliban and Al-Qaeda and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of Allah’s creation, you kafir. If only you could have known what haram retribution your little clever comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the jizyah. wallahi, I will shit my wrath all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, Kuffar."
Famous Afghan exports
- The Afghan Hound
- The Afghan Coat
- The Afghan Whigs
- Afghan wigs
- Afghan Carpets
- The Afghan Afghani, the official currency of Afghanistan
- The Afghan Snowball
- Afghan Goo
- Afghan Kalashnikovs
- Afghan Pipeline
- Afghan Tea-bag
- Afghani Sauna
- Afghanistan Skunk
- Afghanistan Haze
- Afghanistan Slurpee
- Afghanistanimation
- Assortments of firearms left by Americunt soldiers.
- Dead American troops
- Opium
- Dead Hajjis
- Faggots in denial
Human rights violationsIt is also human right too, you fucking libtards!!- Afghan terrorism
How to Troll an Afghan
Because of the emergence of Taliban Memer Malang Khostay during 2021 Taliban takeover, and some of the alt-righters even praised it, sadly we cannot troll them anymore, so here is some wholesome good shit of the Taliban enjoying stuffs like what normal human being do.
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Gallery
See Also
- Asia
- China
- Iran
- Islam
- Pakistan
- Tajikistan
- Mujahideen Video
- Turkmenistan
- Uzbekistan
- Holland - their government fell because of Afghanistan debates.
- Kyrgyzstan
- K-Pop Stans
External Links
- Twitter account of IEA's Public Relations Department
- Official website of Islamic Emirate of Afghanistan
