Albania
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This race needs a serious clean up Somebody should do something about it. |
Albania (also known as "Shqipëria", Mexico of Europe or "Ass-Pirates Of The Adriatic") is a socialist republic in the Balkans. Albanians, also called Assbians, Assbanians, Analphabetians, Analbanians or Vaginalbanians (in Albanian: Shiptards - referring to the "shit eating retards" custom of the Illyrians, a people the Albanians exterminated long ago) are multitalented people, adept at a multitude of professions: prostitution/sex slavery, drug trafficking, general crime and more prostitution. They often claim descent (since, at least, Enver Hoxha's communist dictatorship) from the Atlanteans and occasionally Illyrians, a gang of Adriatic butt-pirates who lived with the Celts, ancestors of modern alcoholics, until the latter told them to GTFO to the western Balkans (both later got pwnt by the Romans). They are also adept at war through relentless immigration. Albanians are often claimed as the only "people" north of Antarctica not filled with a burning hate for Americans. In fact, they love Murricans so much as to borrow their watches as souvenirs.
History
Like their shithead cousins in Kosovo and Montenegro, Albania has been invaded by everyone at one time or another. Various Greek tribes, then the Romans, then Bulgarian Slavs, then the Serbs came in and destroyed almost everything the others left in 1355. Inevitably the Ottomans showed up and for the next 500 years they tried to assraep all the Xtians. Did a great job too, by 1912 it was an all-Islam state.
While the Turks were trying to conquer the Byzantine Empire and the rest of that shithole called the Balkans, they passed thru the "Caucasus" mountains (which weren't the actual Caucasus but then who can accuse the Turks of intelligence?), and they noticed a gang of hillbillies who enjoyed incest and were sexually attracted to goats: today's Albanians. The sore-dicked Turks needed some women to rape and someone to carry their shit, so they decided that these hicks could be helpful. They enslaved them and brought them to the Balkans where they became land thieves; and they are still doing it today.
1912 was when the ignorant peasants declared "independence"....and promptly started to fight over power. So when the Axis showed up in WWII, the locals did the full goatse for their invaders. Any old monuments not destroyed by the Turks were bombed to pieces halleluja. During the war the Albanians were best buds with the Italians and Germans. Without a doubt, this is a strange occurrence, as the Albanian combination of greed, savagery, and hideousness should have made them ol' Addie's primary target. The invaders did nothing for them.
After the war Commies took over, and installed a really weird atheist dictator with three penises called Enver Hoxha. He was a paranoid Stalin-style asshole who supposedly slaughtered more than 10% of the country's population in "political purges". That mess finally fell apart in 1991 and the country went back to its normal state--constant low level civil war. Plus general crime, whoring and idiocy.
—K3nt3tsu | ||
Culture
Currently Albania is a vigorous supporter of Kosovo's independence, because countries living on American welfare and having the lowest GDP in Europe, must be best buddies. The only difference between Albanians and Mexicans, is that Mexicans work and smell better.
The only famous Albanian the world can think of is Mother Teresa of Calcutta, who, ironically enough, is the only Christian Albanian since the fifteenth century, as the rest of them adopted Islam since they became the Turks' bitches— an event they still take pride in.
However, it should be noted that TOW's list of famous Albanians [1] clearly shows that there are actually two Albanians who are scientists and four of them who are doctors. Great!
Famed murderer, rapist and war criminal Hashim Thaçi is an Albanian hero. In order to promote such virtues, Albanians have recently signed O. J. Simpson as ambassador to Kosovo.
Famed actor and comedian John Belushi was of Albanian descent, but unlike most Albanians, he was of a healthy weight and enjoyed cocaine by the pound and whiskey by the gallon. His memory lives on in the hearts of Blues Brothers and Animal House fans and is desecrated on DevianTART by DrMusic2 on a daily basis. Poor John. Other famous Albanians are the annoying Singer and Model Rita Ora and the pornographic actress Breanne Benson.
Economy
Before what was known as "The Global Financial Crisis", Albania was one of the fastest growing money machines in Europe! Every body get down! They got a normal yearly growth rate of 6% and poor people started to feel a bit better for it. Despite this, after 2008: the average growth rate fell to 3%; which made problems with their economy, basically. It also meant they couldn't buy access to urinals in urban areas, where you must pay to use the urinals: you know there's something wrong when you can't access the piss-machine
At the moment; the only pudding they can afford is the "skin" that mounts a rice pudding, when what they really need is ice-cream investments. As they are now not so well off, they probably need to make an ice-cream factory if they don't want to witness the downfall of the "A". It's more difficult than it sounds, because making ice-cream requires icing the cream.
Their situation has become a miniscule ammount worse between 2012 and 2013; where their growth rate dropped even further and further and further and further.
In 2014: it picked back up to 2.1%; and was followed by an increase in spending money privately, can't say what on as they were spending it privately; but if you're spending money on a private thing then it's probably nuclear weapons. Hasn't everyone got enough of them already? Haven't you seen any Nuclear War films?... They're classic! They made me go insane but they're classic!
It's expected to get back to 3% in 2015; " I don't think it's going to happen". It's expected to stay below their potential growth rate. End of.
Farming and stuff remains very important to this tribe (government). Without it, they would not have 22% of their GDP annually; and represents half of their total employment. Many problems face this sector: small farms, earthquakes, bad building work, limitations in the market, not enough access to credit and grants, and not enough rural places to create farms. Perhaps it's time to start over. Everyone lower their borders.
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Albanians entering Kosovo -
Albanians leaving Kosovo -
Albania's best of the best coming home from the war in Kosovo -
Albanian soldiers are reunited with their families after the Kosovo war.
Albanians borrowing typical Texan farmer's watch
Niggas know technology
Gallery
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Miss Albania and her penis -
just another day in the Albanian Parliament -
Albanian cuisine -
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Inbreeding is bad, mmmkay? -
Rita Ora, the hottest woman in Albania, and her bad teeth
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The Albanian Army tank corps prepares to go to Kosovo again
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Albania's national delicacy of choice.
