Mike Chitwood
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Mike Chitwood, a.k.a. Kike Shitwood✡, is a former Florida sheriff turned full-time Internet police Gestapo man with a hate-boner for those 4chan trolls. He is a notable snowflake who launches into violent hissy fits in response to any criticism of his retarded bullshit. What separates him from most of the casuals is his intense sexual fetish for actually sending people who offend him to jail. Shitwood is basically a liberal version of the equally nasty blowhard Grady Judd and the creepy pervert Wayne Ivey. All Florida sheriffs are the modern Gestapo.
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Chitwood declares war on 4chan
Beginning in 2023, Mike Chitwood rose to e-prominence by targeting users of 4chan. It all started when the Goyim Defense League trolled the Daytona International Speedway by hanging antisemitic banners over it, causing Mike Chitwood to dis them, causing 4chan nazis to post about their fantasies to kill him (in Minecraft, of course), causing many of them to get arrested and extradited to Florida so they could ride down the escalator of shame at the Florida airport where Chitwood could greet them personally at the bottom because Chitwood likes to get the last laugh. In fact, you don’t even need to necessarily threaten Chitwood's life to get on his shitlist; people like Richard Golden only suggested somebody should kill Mike Chitwood (in a video game no less) and still got a year's worth of jail time. In an act of hypocrisy, Shitwood is trying to execute people who even criticise him. Ultimately, Mike Chitwood views it as essential to crush the First Amendment because it allegedly allowed shit like the Buffalo Supermarket Shooting to happen.
Chitwood goes after the kids
Sometime in 2018, Chitwood began arresting and perp-walking kids for posting school shooting threats online. The department also made sure to release their face doxes and powerwords as a form of punishment through public humiliation via their “Naming and Shaming” policy; forever screwing up their future prospects just for sharing edgy memes online or having a dark and sordid sense of humor. This caused much butthurt among free speech advocates and libertarians, although "tough on crime" extremists like Shitwood and his bootlickers view these extreme tactics as somehow normal because fuck human rights.
Since Shitwood and company gleefully released these kids' information to the public, we might as well cover some of them with their mugshots to boot as certificates of their badassery:
- see also: High Score#Absolute Fucking Failures
- Carlo "Kingston" Dorelli (11), Creekside Middle School
Jokingly showed off his arsenal of air soft guns, knives, swords and a hit list to his classmates through FaceTime calls, leading to his arrest on Sept. 16, 2024. Ironically, it was another 11-year-old boy that ratted him out who was involved in similar activities.
- Trinity Mack & Brayden Severance (17 & 16), T. Dewitt Taylor Middle-High
Shortly after their school broadcasted an announcement warning students that all threats would be taken seriously and could lead to arrest, Trinity posted a picture of her school laptop on Snapchat captioned with “Imma shoot up the school”, Brayden commented “Same”, then they were both arrested on Sep. 18, 2024.
- Kamden Taylor (13), Riverview Learning Center
Arrested TWICE. Once on Sept. 27, 2024, for making a threat against somebody through his PlayStation and again in Feb. 6, 2025, because the AI overlords detected something he wrote on his school computer.
Hopefully, this gives you an idea of how absolutely minute some of these kids' offenses were and how Orwellian the justice response to it is.
And here's the rest of them:
Onideus Mad Hatter Saves The Kids
Some time in 2025, the ever-prevalent lolcow, Onideus Mad Hatter, came to prominence once again after sending a death threat (if we are to use the word “threat” loosely) to Mike Chitwood and getting the whole escalator of shame treatment as a result of it. Apparently Mr. Onideus had the balls to criticise Shitwood's violent abuse of these children at taxpayer expense because their mugshots were being sourced into the paedo Wayne Ivey's AI-generated child pornography or something like that.
Gallery
See Also
- Joe Lieberman - a politician arguably even more Jewey and anti-lulz than Chitwood is. He wants you arrested just for being Goth or playing DOOM. The good news is Lie-burman is burning in hell where he belongs.
- Grady Judd - an even more violent version of Shitwood with an event bigger ego and equally obnoxious cult of personality known for stupid cringe propaganda videos. The only difference is Judd targets niggers and spics.
- Onideus Mad Hatter - one of his victims.
- Richard Golden - another one of his victims.
- Houston - home of many Shitwood copycats, from John Whitmire (aka Shitfire) to David Fleischer (who is also a paedo).
External Links so you can troll the fucker
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