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Dylan Schumaker: Difference between revisions
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imported>FlynnR13 Looking back on my first ED page, and it looks cringe as hell seeing it now. |
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Revision as of 22:18, 14 September 2021
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This person is a sick fuck!
They should never be trusted by anyone! |
Possible side-effects will include at least one of these: |
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This faggot waits for the child to make the first move in a sexual situation.
You can help by contacting Federal Authorities and alerting Chris Hansen. |
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This person has Assburgers Syndrome, so you can't say anything bad! :-( Be aware of that, you insensitive fuck. |
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This article is about a person who is under 18 years old. You can help by knocking down their self esteem, telling them to stay in school and to get off of the Internets until then. |
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Dylan Schumaker looks like it was written by pseudo-intellectual 13-year-old boys. Look out for unfunny Uncyclopedia bullshit, boring in-jokes, and angsty teen-ery. You could also add in actual humor.
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| Dylan Schumaker | |
| Nationality: | Americunt 
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| Highscore | Killed 1, mentally impared everyone else. |
| Top 50? | Far from it. |
| Mode | Single player |
| An Hero? | Incarcerated |
| Motive: | Pedophilia |
Dylan "Black Hole" Schumaker is a white trash, autistic, psychotic pedofuck who thought his whiteness would help him get away with murdering his girlfriend's 23-month-old son. Now he's in prison getting his ass torn apart by the inmate known as (in popular culture), Fleece "The Booty Warrior" Johnson. Parents: he's a great babysitter. Trust me, I know...
The Story
Last Thursday, The child's mom decided to go out partying and left her son with Dylan, her boyfriend. When she got home, she saw her son on the doorstep with red stuff smeared all over him as well as "Mommy's little doorstep" written on his right leg. Much to Ashlee's horror, she screamed her ass off and ran into the house only to see her boyfriend running around the house naked while breaking shit and sticking the TV remote up his big gapping hole (which would eventually be used as Bubba's ass to fuck off for the next 15 years). She knew he became Batshit Insane and called a Party Van on his ass so they could beat the hell out of him with nightsticks & tasers until he became a living, immobile sex doll.
Seriously, FUCK THIS SICK BASTARD!!!
In Court
—Dylan's futile attempt to break out of jail. | ||
Before Dylan was taken into the courtroom, he planed out a stage act for the verdict in an attempt to get away with murdering poor little Austin Smith, the child victim who was beaten to death with a brick because he wouldn't stop crying. After the judge discovered this, he decided to use it against Dylan to rip his ass apart even more than his (soon-to-be) prison mates ever could. Dylan decided to cry alligator tears in a pathetic attempt to gain sympathy from the verdict, but since they knew he was a fucking autistic psychopath who needed to be locked away for all eternity, they game him THIS instead.
The Verdict...
Prison Life
Dylan was sentenced to 15 years in prison. Now he's being used as the mooching butt toy for the big black inmates in hell's prison, since his previous inmates raped him so hard that he died from the copious amounts of assrape that was put into him. He never made it through the 15 years he was sentenced to.
—Bubba, Dylan's inmate. | ||
| Graded score | |
|---|---|
| Kill count: | 1/20 Everyone else involved became scarred for life |
| Accuracy: | 1/20 He bricked the poor kid in the face |
| Style: | 1/20 BABYKILLER!!! |
| Butthurt: | 20/20 Don't ever be a babysitter |
| Bonus: | 0/20 The prize: A great big ass raping by Bubba! |
| Total score: 23/100 (F) | |
Wanted Level:
___________________
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___________________
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Why don't you have a seat over there...
See Also
Links
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Dylan Schumaker is part of a series on Aspies. | [Sperg out] |
| Dylan Schumaker is part of a series on Dying Alone
[]
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|---|---|---|---|---|---|
|
Spree/One-time Killers: |
Aaron Alexis • Adam Lanza • Alex Hribal • Alyssa Bustamante • Anthony Warner • Audrey Hale • Bruce Jeffrey Pardo • Casey Anthony • Cho Seung-Hui • Devin Patrick Kelley • Dylan Klebold • Dylann Storm Roof • Eric Harris • Gerry McCann • James Holmes • Jared Lee Loughner • Jason Rodriguez • Jeff Weise • Jiverly Voong • Joe Stack • Josef Fritzl • Laaiti Ekenstéen • Mark Essex • Martin Bryant • Matthew de Grood • Matthew Murray • Matti Saari • Maurice Clemmons • Pekka-Eric Auvinen • Raoul Moat • Richard Speck • Robert Hawkins • Stephen Paddock • Tim Kretschmer • Timothy Hendron • TJ Lane • Tyler Peterson • Wade Michael Page • Woo Bum-kon |
|---|---|---|
| Career/Serial Killers: |
Academy Maniacs • Adolf Hitler • Charles Manson • Chris Benoit • Dnepropetrovsk Maniacs • Dubya • Jack the Ripper • Jeffrey Dahmer • Mao Zedong • Richard "The Iceman" Kuklinski • Ted Bundy | |
| Terrorists: |
Al Qaeda • Anders Behring Breivik • Anderson Lee Aldrich • Anton Lundin Pettersson • Dzhokhar Tsarnaev • Elliot Rodger • George Sodini • Maniacs Murder Cult • Mark Essex • Nidal Malik Hasan • Osama bin Laden • Tamerlan Tsarnaev • Ted Kaczynski | |
| See also: |
Antisocial personality disorder • Jews • Murder • Paranoid personality disorder • Pittsburgh Paint Job • Police Brutality • Sick fuck |
Dylan Schumaker is part of a series on 
|
Main Players [+] |
|---|---|
Types of CP [+] Ameriloli • Amerishota • Baby fuck • Child Modeling • Jailbait • Justin Berry • Lolicon • Shotacon • Toddlercon • Creepy Phil • WP:CP | |
V& Pedophiles [+] aediot • Alan The Panda • Anderson Lee Aldrich • Andrew Erickson • Carlos Deangelo Bell • Chris Forcand • Debra Lafave • Douglas L Payne Jr • Dwight Whorley • Dylan Thomas • Edarem • EDP445 • Gary Glitter • Jared Fogle • Jeffrey Epstein • Jerry Sandusky • John Forehand • John Mark Karr • Josef Fritzl • Joseph8276 • Ian Watkins • KK • Lisa Biron • MadThad0890 • Matthew Sammon • Michelle Lyn Taylor • Mistystuffer • MyIDIsPhat • Nathan Keefer • Nick Bate • Nikolas Cruz • Nurnberg • ohbutyouwillpet • Peter Bright • R@ygold • R. Kelly • Richard Bullis • Robert Casio • Sean Windingland • Sibe • Swirl Face • The Daytona Nine • Valis77 • Warren Jeffs | |
UnV& Pedophiles [+] Aaron Williams • Adam Lanza • Alenonimo • Alison Rapp • Amber Buttrum • Andy Maher • Angryjedi • AnimatedJames • Beefrave • Bikerfox • Bill Cosby • Britbong • CamHead • Casey Anthony • Chaosscizzors • Colonel McBadass • Comicality • Cyraxx • Cyril Smith • Dan Schneider • Doomentio • Dr DisRespect • Dream • DrossRotzank • DaddyOFive • Dahvie Vanity • Dangerman • Deeker • Didaskalos • Dynacatlovesme • Eric Ridenour • Erik Möller • Fergie Oliver • Frank Bonafede • Greg Mazujian • Greville Janner • G-Zay • Geoshea • GalaxyRailways2199 • Harrison Digfoot • Humon • Hypno • Hunter Moore • Irish282 • Isabella Loretta Janke • James Terry Mitchell Jr • JaSonic • Jerry Peet • jervaise brooke hamster • Jimmy Savile • Joey Nigro • John Patrick Rogers • Joseph Kony • Justin Berry • Justin Dabrow • Kaitlyn Hunt • Katherine Marion • Kyle Perkins • Lena Dunham • Leonard F. Shaner Jr. • LittleCloud • LtFlagger • Logansperman2 • Lucian Hodoboc • M. Chaos • Magicrich • MandoPony • Mar9122 • Michael Jackson • Mikevirus • Matrooko11 • MZMcBride • Nathanr • Neil Fox • Omegalore • Onideus Mad Hatter • Onision • Paul Walker • Pennywise • Purple Aki • Putrid • Ralph Squillace • Riverman72 • Roger Sampson • Sam DeathWalker • Sam Rassenfoss • Sarah Butts • Shane Lee • Sibe • Scientology • Sethisto • Smartschoolboy9 • Sophie Labelle • TheAmazingAtheist • Thomas Watt Hamilton • Timbox • Trap-kun • Tyciol • Uncle Grandpa • Updownmostly • Violentacrez • VonHelton • Woody Allen • W. T. Snacks • YandereDev • Young Tubers United • Ytask • Zeitgueist | |
Related Topics [] |