- Portals
- The Current Year
- ED in the News
- Admins
- Help ED Rebuild
- Archive
- ED Bookmarklet
- Donate Bitcoin
Contact an admin on Discord or EDF if you want an account. Also fuck bots.
Michael Kenneth McLendon
|
| |
|---|---|
| Michael Kenneth McLendon | |
| Born | September 19, 1980 |
| Died | March 10, 2009 (aged 28) |
| Nationality: | Americunt 
|
| Highscore | Killed 10, injured 6 |
| Top 50? | No |
| Style | FPS, Single player |
| An Hero? | Yes |
Michael Kenneth McLendon was a notorious basement dweller and redneck hillbilly NEET who decided to play Redneck Rampage IRL by committing the 2009 Geneva County Massacre in which he initiated a massive pwnage through the cities of Kinston, Samson, and Geneva with his kool tactical Airsoft gunz. In other words, IT'S NERF OR NOTHING!
Perpetrator
The hillbilly in question responsible for this horrible tragedy was 28-year-old Michael Kenneth McLendon of Kinston, Alabama, who was reportedly living in his mother's basement at the time of the shooting. Born in 1980, his parents would divorce and he was sent to live with his aunt and uncle, where they most likely taught him to live by 5 principles:
- God
- Country Girls
- Beer
- Guns
- And most importantly: GUNNNZZZZZ!
He was reportedly a "straight-A student" in school and was your typical quiet psychopath, which is no wonder considering most rednecks are violent psychotic sociopaths. He was reportedly unmarried and worked a number of short-lived jobs such as a worker at a sausage factory, a cop (but he failed basic training after a week and a half), and a worker at Reliable Products. Geneva County was undergoing an economic recession in the years before the massacre, so it's honestly a fucking miracle that this evil vile redneck1111!!!! even managed to find a job in the first place. He also tried to apply for the Marines, but much like his attempt at law enforcement, he failed to apply, probably because they knew he was a drunken gun nut who liked to hit on teh wimminz. Soon Mikey begin to stockpile on weapons and ammunition believing teh evil American government was going to take away our gunz and shiet!! Haha, no. He's just a typical redneck.
Shooting
| Class Setup | |
|---|---|
| Item | Accessories/Bonus |
 |
|
|
|
 |
|
 |
|
On March 10th, 2009, our boy Mikey decided to go on a fit of drunken redneck rage by gathering his stockpiled weapons and ammo, killing his mother, and burning the interior of the safehouse. To prove to you how much of a "vile evil redneck psycho!!!11" he was, he also killed their 3 dogs! THINK OF THE CHILDREN!!! Michael then drove to his uncle's house, where he ambushed his uncle, 2 cousins, a neighbor, and the neighbor's infant daughter. The aunt, however, got away and escaped unharmed, and the infant managed to survive her gunshot wounds. Mikey then went next door and killed his maternal grandma because her homemade cookies tasted like shit! McLendon then got back in his car and started to drive around, shooting people from his car GTA4 style. He then drove up to a gas station, where he fired rounds and killed an attendant. Afterwards, he killed a motorist who drove past him and killed some other dude as he tried to escape, but was obviously no match for Killbilly! He then got back in his car and drove onto a highway, where his wanted level raised to 4 stars as he continued to shoot at other people while the police were on his ass. During the chase, police tried to do a PIT maneuver on him, but he ensured them moar lulz by shooting and wounding an officer. He then arrived at his old workplace and ran inside, where he then engaged in a shootout with the pigs, but as expected from a hillbilly, he hits no one. Realizing he's fucked and he's got no escape, he offs himself with one final shot to the head. The lulz was so high in Geneva County that federal troops were called in to guard the streets of Samson. Apparently, it was a violation of some protocol, but who cares, amirite?
Aftermath
As said earlier, a FUCKTON of ammo was found in his car, which made some think he was planning on killing a helluva lot more. If this is the case, he obviously failed, because the high score holder in America at the time was Cho Seung-Hui, with 32 kills. That's pretty impressive for a b- I MEAN Azn!
Now, you think there would be a massive uproar for gun control, right? Well, YOU'RE WRO- Just kidding. Yes, obviously, there was, because America, but this shooting was ultimately ignored because mass shootings are too common, so NOBODY gave a shit except Alabamians. On the other hand, however, Michael managed to get the high score in Alabama! So that means to you, Mikey, YOU WIN!
The next day, on the 11th, 17-year-old Tim Kretschmer went amok in die Schule auf Deutschland, racking up 15 kills and coming close to dethroning Robert Steinhäuser, who was just one kill ahead of him. The German media tried to blame the Geneva County Massacre for Tim's actions, thinking he was inspired by it. Well, spoiler alert, HE WASN'T!
Motive
Believe it or not, some people think Mikey went amok because of a family argument over a Bible! Yeah, this just shows you how some Christians are hypocritical. Love thy neighbor MY ASS! MOAR LIKE KILL THY NEIGHBOR!
However, police and family members also suspected that he was pissed because he failed at life, and so he decided to just end it. At the home, police found a handwritten list of co-workers and supervisors who he perceived wronged him. Before his chimp-out, he also complained that his mother's family was not supporting her, which suggests that he was a mama's boy. He also had a suicide note in which he stated that he and his mother "suffered enough".
Graded Score
| Kill count: | 10/20 Injured 6 |
|---|---|
| Accuracy: | 12/20 40% accuracy rating |
| Style: | 13/20 Redneck Rampage (2009 Remaster) |
| Butthurt: | 20/20 Worst mass shooting in Alabama, gave Geneva County PTSD |
| Bonus: | 15/20 Hillbilly chimpout |
Wanted Level:
National Guard
See Also
- Virginia Tech Massacre
- Tim Kretschmer
- Jiverly Wong
- Charles Whitman
- Neo2001 - Original creator of this article
External Links
