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Kobe Bryant: Difference between revisions

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<big><b><font color="#0000FF">WARNING!</font></b></big>
<big><b><font color="#0000FF">WARNING!</font></b></big>
This article contains <b>Niggas</b>!</div>|2=Blacksrelax.jpg|3=100px|4=#FFCC00|5=300px|6=0px|7=2px solid Black|8=0px}}
This article contains <b>Niggas</b>!</div>|2=Blacksrelax.jpg|3=100px|4=#FFCC00|5=300px|6=0px|7=2px solid Black|8=0px}}
 
{{corner|bl|[[File:rape.gif]]}}
[[Image:Lebrongay.jpg|300px|thumb|O rly?]]
[[File:Kobe_autopsy.png|thumb|SHEEEEIT]]
[[File:Kobe FABULOUS2.jpg|250px|thumb|O rly?]]
[[Image:Kobegonnarapeu.jpg|thumb|You gonna get...well, you know.]]
[[Image:Kobegonnarapeu.jpg|thumb|You gonna get...well, you know.]]
[[Image:Kobe seduces.jpg|thumb|right|Some experts believe Kobe got off the hook due to his uncanny ability to win people over by slapping them in the face with his nuts.]]
[[Image:Katelyn faber globe.jpg|thumb|There goes that whole secret identity thing.]]
[[Image:Katelyn faber globe.jpg|thumb|There goes that whole secret identity thing.]]
[[Image:Kobe bryant press.jpg|thumb|See? He LOOKS really sorry.]]
[[Image:Kobe bryant press.jpg|thumb|See? He LOOKS really sorry.]]
[[Image:Kobe demotivator.jpg|thumb|Ms. Faber wasn't the only one to benefit financially from the incident]]
[[Image:Kobe demotivator.jpg|thumb|Ms. Faber wasn't the only one to benefit financially from the incident]]
'''Kobe Bryant''' is a typical uppity-ass [[nigger]] and all-star NBA Basketball player for the Los Angeles Lakers who looks like a Doberman Pinscher. He spent a large portion of his childhood in Italy where his father was playing professionally, which automatically made him a [[guido]][[faggot]]. He returned to the states to play high school basketball, where he was instantly hailed as the boss nigger and acquired via trade by the Lakers. In 2003, while rehabilitating from knee surgery at a [[Colorado]] Spa, Bryant had consensual sex with a white woman and then [[rape|raped]] her [[in the ass]].


'''Kobe Bryant''' was a [[typical]] uppity-ass [[nigger]] and all-star NBA Basketball player for the Los Angeles Lakers who looked like a Doberman Pinscher. He spent a large portion of his childhood in Italy where his father was playing professionally, which automatically made him a sophisticated mulatto [[guido]][[faggot]]. He returned to the states to play high school basketball, where he was instantly hailed as the boss nigger and acquired via illegal labor practices by the Lakers. In 2003, while rehabilitating from knee surgery at a [[Colorado]] spa, Bryant had consensual sex with a white woman and then [[rape|raped]] her [[in the ass]]. Fortunately, [[God]] [[Lulzy|got off his ass and decided to kill him and his child niglet in a plane crash on January 26, 2020.]]
[[image:Mmbarbecue.png|left|thumb|let's have some yummy bbq yo]]
==Rape Ape==
==Rape Ape==
Kobe was arrested and interrogated by police and then released back into the wild where he scored a team high 28 points and added 7 rebounds in the [[Gay|Laker]] victory.  The spa incident looked like an open and shut case for the prosecution because the victim was a [[white]] wiminz and Bryant was an oogily-boogily nigger.   
Kobe was arrested and interrogated by police and then released back into the wild where he scored a team high 28 points and added 7 rebounds in the [[Yankees|Laker]] victory.  The spa incident looked like an open and shut case for the prosecution because the victim was a [[white]] wiminz and Bryant was a big, oogily-boogily nigger.  However, the [[victim|accuser]], whose identity was to remain super-secret, turned out to be [[batshit insane]] and a likely [[Slut|nymphomaniac]]. In short, it turned out that Kobe had raped a [[whore]], which is petty theft in Colorado- a class 1 petty offense. The victim refused to testify against Kobe out of fear of revealing her identity and the fact that she was a total [[skeezer]]. That didn't really matter, though, as her [[powerword|real name]], Katelyn Faber, and her [[n00dz|pictures]] were already well known on the internets.   


==Almost, Almost-Rape==  
Ebony and ivory eventually agreed to an out-of-court settlement; Kobe hoping not to go to jail and suffer the ironic fate of being buttraped by the [[Ku Klux Klan|White Kingdom]], and Faber hoping to get a shitload of unearned money from a hard-working black man.
The [[victim|accuser]], whose identity was to remain super secret turned out to be [[batshit insane]] and a likely nymphomaniac. In short, it turned out that Kobe had raped a [[whore]] (which is pretty much theft). The victim refused to testify against Kobe out of fear of revealing her identity and the fact that she was a total [[skeezer]]. That didn't really matter though, as her [[powerword|real name]], Katelyn Faber, and her [[n00dz|pictures]] were already well known on the internets.
 
==The Settlement==
As compensation for the rape, Kobe agreed to pay the [[whore|victim]] for her services, scored 81 points in a basketball game, and tacked on a predictable ape-ology:
 
{{Quote|"Although I truly believe this encounter between us was only [[almost raped|almost rape]], I recognize now that she did not and does not view this incident the same way I did. If I had known better I still would have just raped her but I probably would have only [[I did it for the lulz|done it for the lulz]]."|Kobe Bryant|[http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/news/story?id=1872928]}}
 
After the incident, Bryant was dumped from his endorsement deals and had to give a lulzy press conference where he pretended to cry and say he loved his wife for reals despite all the [[rape|raping]], [[rape|rapes]] and [[rape]].


It is quite unfortunate that the case never went to trial as lulzy details of the encounter would have been made public record. Details such as:
It is quite unfortunate that the case never went to trial as lulzy details of the encounter would have been made public record. Details such as:


* This wasn't the first time Kobe had cheated on his wife and he bragged to the police about getting away with numerous extramarital affairs.
* This [[Duh|wasn't the first time Kobe had cheated on his wife]] and he bragged to the police about getting away with numerous extramarital affairs.
* The victim had semen from [[at least 100]] different men on her underwear at the time of the rape.
* The victim had [[semen]] from [[at least 100]] different men on her underwear at the time of the rape.
* Bryant had to choke a bitch during the rape because of his injured knee.
* Bryant had to choke a bitch during the rape because of his injured knee.
* It was consensual sex until Kobe decided to [[Stick it in her pooper|stick it in her ass]].
* It was consensual sex until Kobe decided to [[Stick it in her pooper|stick it in her ass]].


==The Settlement==
==Tips from the Big Man==
As compensation for the rape, Kobe agreed to pay the [[whore|victim]] for her services, score 81 points in a basketball game, and tack on a [[typical]] nigger apology:
During the investigation, Kobe told police that "he should have done what Shaq does ... that Shaq would pay his women to [[STFU|not say anything]]" and that Shaq already had paid up to $1 million "for situations like this." [http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6134411/] Shaq, disappointed in Bryant's inability to take good advice, promptly deleted Kobe from his buddy list then raped 3 [[Philippines|Filipinas]] to spite him. Kobe and the Love-Shaq have since reconciled their differences in order to continue making'' '''millions of dollars''''' from advertising a '''''fucking shoe''''' manufactured by repressed Chinese faggots.




{{Quote|"Although I truly believe this encounter between us was only [[almost raped|almost rape]], I recognize now that she did not and does not view this incident the same way I did. If I had known better I  still would have just raped her but I probably would have only [[I did it for the lulz|done it for the lulz]]."|Kobe Bryant|[http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/news/story?id=1872928]}}
==Videos About Rape==


After the incident, Bryant was dumped from his endorsement deals and had to give a lulzy press conference where he pretended to cry and say he loved his wife for reals despite all the [[rape|raping]], [[rape|rapes]] and [[rape]].
.<center>
 
{{fv|youtubevids|background-color: #D7D7E0;|font-weight: bold;|
==Tips from the Big Man==
During the investigation, Kobe told police that "he should have done what Shaq does ... that Shaq would pay his women to [[STFU|not say anything]]" and that Shaq already had paid up to $1 million "for situations like this." [http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6134411/] Shaq, disappointed in Bryant's inability to take good advice, promptly deleted Kobe from his buddy list then raped 3 [[Philippines|Philippine]] women to spite him. Kobe and the Love-Shaq have since reconciled their differences in order to continue making millions of dollars from advertising to repressed Chinese faggots.


<youtube>HFgjZ-rI8ZY</youtube>|<youtube>HkjYfetLLZQ</youtube>}}
</center>


==Gallery==
==Gallery==
Line 42: Line 51:
Image:The bitch wanted it.jpg
Image:The bitch wanted it.jpg
</gallery>|<gallery>
</gallery>|<gallery>
Image:Kobe-bryant-and-shaquille-oneal.jpg|Just Married...
<!>Image:Kobe-bryant-and-shaquille-oneal.jpg|Just Married...<!>
Image:2004 Pistons.jpg|Somebody had to break up the [[buttsecks]].
<!>Image:2004 Pistons.jpg|Somebody had to break up the [[buttsecks]].<!>
Image:Itsovershaqkobe.jpg|The day he got  divorced. Kobe liked it [[in the ass]].
<!>Image:Itsovershaqkobe.jpg|The day he got  divorced. Kobe liked it [[in the ass]].<!>
Image:IQ.jpg| The year where he got a number to match his IQ!
<!>Image:Kobe Pau .jpg|Re-Married for more [[buttsecks]].<!>
Image:Kobe Pau .jpg|Re-Married for more [[buttsecks]].
<!>Image:Epicpwnage.jpg|Great year for Kobe!<!>
Image:Epicpwnage.jpg|Great year for Kobe!
Image:Kobe seduces 2.png
Image:Kobe-4.jpg|[[Fag]]
Image:Kobe-4.jpg|Secret [[Raghead]]?
Image:Shaq to Boston.jpg|Kobe's thinking "Bitch, oh no you didn't!"
<!>Image:Shaq to Boston.jpg|Kobe's thinking "Bitch, oh no you didn't!"<!>
</gallery>|0}}
</gallery>|0}}
==Videos About Rape==
{{clear}}
<center>
'''Shaq and the Super Lakers'''
<youtube>HkjYfetLLZQ</youtube>
<br><b>Would you like to [[cum|come]] up to my hotel room later and get [[Rape|my autograph]]?</b></center>


==See Also==
==See Also==
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* http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/0810042kobe1.html  The indictment
* http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/0810042kobe1.html  The indictment
* http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/news/story?id=1872928  Kobe's bullshit apology
* http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/news/story?id=1872928  Kobe's bullshit apology
{{Afro}}
{{Afro}}
{{rapeseries}}
{{Timeline|Featured article June 22 & 23, [[2013]]|[[Asalieri]]|[[{{PAGENAME}}]]|[[Paula Deen]]}}
[[Category:2020]]
[[Category:People|Bryant, Kobe]]
[[Category:People|Bryant, Kobe]]

Latest revision as of 21:38, 4 April 2024

WARNING!

This article contains Niggas!
SHEEEEIT
O rly?
You gonna get...well, you know.
Some experts believe Kobe got off the hook due to his uncanny ability to win people over by slapping them in the face with his nuts.
There goes that whole secret identity thing.
See? He LOOKS really sorry.
Ms. Faber wasn't the only one to benefit financially from the incident

Kobe Bryant was a typical uppity-ass nigger and all-star NBA Basketball player for the Los Angeles Lakers who looked like a Doberman Pinscher. He spent a large portion of his childhood in Italy where his father was playing professionally, which automatically made him a sophisticated mulatto guidofaggot. He returned to the states to play high school basketball, where he was instantly hailed as the boss nigger and acquired via illegal labor practices by the Lakers. In 2003, while rehabilitating from knee surgery at a Colorado spa, Bryant had consensual sex with a white woman and then raped her in the ass. Fortunately, God got off his ass and decided to kill him and his child niglet in a plane crash on January 26, 2020.

let's have some yummy bbq yo

Rape Ape

Kobe was arrested and interrogated by police and then released back into the wild where he scored a team high 28 points and added 7 rebounds in the Laker victory. The spa incident looked like an open and shut case for the prosecution because the victim was a white wiminz and Bryant was a big, oogily-boogily nigger. However, the accuser, whose identity was to remain super-secret, turned out to be batshit insane and a likely nymphomaniac. In short, it turned out that Kobe had raped a whore, which is petty theft in Colorado- a class 1 petty offense. The victim refused to testify against Kobe out of fear of revealing her identity and the fact that she was a total skeezer. That didn't really matter, though, as her real name, Katelyn Faber, and her pictures were already well known on the internets.

Ebony and ivory eventually agreed to an out-of-court settlement; Kobe hoping not to go to jail and suffer the ironic fate of being buttraped by the White Kingdom, and Faber hoping to get a shitload of unearned money from a hard-working black man.

The Settlement

As compensation for the rape, Kobe agreed to pay the victim for her services, scored 81 points in a basketball game, and tacked on a predictable ape-ology:

   
“ 		 
"Although I truly believe this encounter between us was only almost rape, I recognize now that she did not and does not view this incident the same way I did. If I had known better I still would have just raped her but I probably would have only done it for the lulz."
  		„
  		 

—Kobe Bryant

After the incident, Bryant was dumped from his endorsement deals and had to give a lulzy press conference where he pretended to cry and say he loved his wife for reals despite all the raping, rapes and rape.

It is quite unfortunate that the case never went to trial as lulzy details of the encounter would have been made public record. Details such as:

Tips from the Big Man

During the investigation, Kobe told police that "he should have done what Shaq does ... that Shaq would pay his women to not say anything" and that Shaq already had paid up to $1 million "for situations like this." [1] Shaq, disappointed in Bryant's inability to take good advice, promptly deleted Kobe from his buddy list then raped 3 Filipinas to spite him. Kobe and the Love-Shaq have since reconciled their differences in order to continue making millions of dollars from advertising a fucking shoe manufactured by repressed Chinese faggots.


Videos About Rape

.

Previous Video | Next Video

Gallery

  • The mugshot.
    The mugshot.
[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

See Also

External Links


[WatermelonsFried Chicken]
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Kobe Bryant
is part of a series on
Surprise Sex

Forms of Rape

Almost Rape 💔 Asking for it 💔 Ass Rape 💔 Baby Rape 💔 Cæk Ræp 💔 Cyber Rape 💔 Date Rape 💔 Ear Rape 💔 Fart Rape 💔 Gay Rape 💔 Prison Rape

Rapey Shit

Battle Raper 💔 Campus Rape Epidemic 💔 Clarissa 💔 Here Comes The Airplane 💔 Netorare 💔 Rape Checklist 💔 Rape Clock 💔 Rape culture 💔 Rape Day 💔 Rape dollars 💔 Raped Statistics 💔 Rape Kit 💔 RapeLay 💔 rape.sh 💔 RapeX 💔 Raping Little Suzy 💔 Sharking 💔 Stealthing 💔 You Gonna Get Raped

[No means no!Moar ræp plox!]

Featured article June 22 & 23, 2013
Preceded by
Asalieri 		Kobe Bryant Succeeded by
Paula Deen
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