Islam

Not to be confused with Terrorism. (even thought the actual terrorists were secularists and America, but it is definitely to be associated with it.)

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Proof that Islam is the religion of peace, and that Muhammad is the one true prophet.
Islam
Name	Deen Al-Islam
Founded	Mecca, 7th century
Central Figures	Allah Prophet Muhammad
Theology	Abrahamic Monotheism
Enclosed Instruction Book	The Holy Qur'an Sunnah (The Prophet's saying, daily activity and action.) Sharia
Holy Places	Mecca, Saudi Arabia Medina, Saudi Arabia Jerussalem, Palestine, Future Islamic Caliphate
Sects	Sunnis (Hanbali, Hanafi, Maliki, and Shafi'i) Shi'ites Ibadis Sufis Ahmadiyyas hell no, they are infidels.
Followers	1.8 Billion

British Mujahideen soon to destroy America. (not really, we're actually still dealing with Jews & American's favorite holiday 9/11)

Muslim Children Pimp Islamic Ruler

Juhayman or Akadawa (Mohammed Bin Sultan Alqassimi) once captured in Mecca siege then bailed to Sharjah due to Riyadh mayor ties with Mossad.

OH SHIII---

	“	"O you who have believed, do not take the Jews and the Christians as allies. They are [in fact] allies of one another. And whoever is an ally to them among you - then indeed, he is [one] of them. Indeed, Allah guides not the wrongdoing people."	„
	—Qur'an 5:51

	“	"Islam to a man is like rabies to a dog."	„
	—Winston Churchill ever said something sort of like this.

Previous Quote | Next Quote

Islam^☪ (Better known as these nicknames: Pisslam, Kebab, Suicide and literally any other lulzy nicknames for it) is a religion followed by Pro-patriarchy masculine gigachads and hygienic sand niggers who choose to stick to 8th century practices and customs, not because the religion itself being backward and outdated, but because the world becoming insane as time "progresses". The people who are enlightened enough to follow Islam are called Muslims, also known as Mudslimes, Terrorists, Muzzies, Mohammedans, etc. Indons shore niggers are the largest followers of the religion by country.

The religion was founded by a masculine warrior, gigachad and falsely accused pedophile Prophet Muhammad (ﷺ) (born April 20, 571 AD). Those voices told Muhammad that his religion is a continuation of Judaism and Christianity and those who followed these outdated religions should be upgraded or pay a tax called "Jizzyah" to continue living as non-Muslims. Since he forgot about Zoroastrianism, he apparently thought that his religion was the third and final in the Abrahamic trilogy, and being the third, it is inevitably the most based of the three. However, the truth is that, as you would see in the Hajj pilgrimage on Mecca with everyone kissing the "black stone" that Abraham supposedly found, Islam is truly about the worship of an alien meteorite that crashed in this world which just happened to be found by Abraham. the religion has invaded many countries all of which are run by Muslim fanatics who spend all day reading the Qur'an.

Muslims follow a based-on-facts fairy tale book called The Holy Qur'an, which is a slightly less lengthy version of Hitler's Mein Kampf. The only difference is that it contains a somewhat more descriptive account of the Muslim's annihilation of those infidels who dared to opposes their religion, primarily on Muhammad's part. Islam is also distinct from Christianity and Judaism because it has its own system of mind control known as "Five Pillars": Allah and Muhammad, 5 Times Praying, Charity, Starving, and Worshipping a black stone, All of which are considered obligatory for all Muslims because it is Allah's will to take advantage of anyone else when they pound their head into the earth five times a day and don't eat for one entire month.

Under Islam, if you have heretical independent thought, being a faggot and tranny, not covering their whole bodies (for women), masturbating publicly, having sex outside for marriage, eating and drinking haram foods and beverages, watching porn, and having other haram stuffs, you will be stoned to death, which are fucking cool and agreeable. Islam specialized in male suicide bombers, They are promised 72 virgins for their saintly death fighting the infidels, when vast majority of them arrives to hell, and to their surprise they are given 72 male virgins who will rape them throughout eternity.

However, Islam may well be an honest continuation of God's word, that is if God is great, Whether by suicide bomb or an heroic murder spree, through making threatening phone calls or through biological, chemical, and/or nuclear terrorism, Islam is well-situated to trolling humanity (mainly Secularists, Nationalists, other "-ists", whole western society, and other man-made ideologies) to certain death.

Liberals such as Social Justice Warrriors claim that Islam is Arabic for "Peace" and therefore Islam literally means the "Religion of Peace" (even cuckservatives such as W believe in this shit) when in fact this is all wrong. Islam is directly translated to "submission", that is to the will of God. it just happened that the Arabic word "Islam" sounded like "al-salaam" which is the actual word for Peace, but for retarded liberals, they sounded the same and therefore just as good. This means they have to stand towards Mecca, kneel their head into the earth and point their arse to the sky, Then they must scream "Allahu Akbar!" and explode on the nearest Jew, Christian, Atheist, or other infidels so that they can go to Heaven and be rewarded with 72 virgin trads.

In one of the most rage-inducing instances of getting triggered ever, Islam is also loved by Social Justice Warriors everywhere because it's "exotic", and that tickles their twats, when the religion is actually complete and total opposite of everything that liberalism stands for, and more closer to Traditional Christian values than liberalism. However, it doesn't matter because we all know Social Justice Warriors are masochists who have zero comprehension of logic and are enjoying the rape anyway, just ask Angela Merkel or anyone from Sweden.

Once you hear the word "Allahu Akbar" then run the fuck away as quickly as you can!

History of "The Religion of Peace and Tolerance™"

liberals vs muslims

Islam was founded when a gigachad masculine warrior and falsely accused pedophile from Mecca named Muhammad was fleeing from Quraysh police when he was exposed by Ancient Sasanian Chris Hansen for his marriage to 9 years old Aisha binti Abu Bakr (this was normal back then!). While hiding in a cave and starving due to the false accusation, he somehow discovered Fanfiction.net and had the bright idea of entertaining himself by plagiarising two famous novel created by Jews and Christians known as the Torah and the Bible. He couldn't resist massive desire, putting overpowered idealized Gary Stu of himself being pals with Jesus who will inevitably join into Muhammad's myriad world of masculine fetishes such as obeying the law, patriarchy misogyny, and Jihad; His own take of crusade for anyone he doesn't personally like especially "infidels" (called "Kafir" in Arabic language), a fancy way of saying non-Muslims.

Proud of his literary masterpiece, Muhammad went to Medina, then-Jewish city, and attempted to seek sponsorship from the rich Jews there to publish his work but once the Jews realised that this was copypasted, they sued Muhammad for Copyright Infringement and permabanned him from Judaism forever. still,  due to his Unwarranted Self-Importance, Muhammad never learned his lesson. Like Chris-chan putting his archenemy Mary Lee Walsh in his fanfic as the primary villain, Muhammad instead blamed the Jews for all the butthurt he suffered in his failure of a life and cast them as the primary villains of the story who want to troll him into being forever alone and prevent him in his Love Quest, explaining why such a blatant ripoff of Judaism had become so full of Mein Kampf-level Anti-Semitism from then on.

One may expect such bad fanfiction to fail and should have been lost forever in the anals of history, but that's not the case, it created so much drama that it quickly became the centre of attention especially in the boring desert life of the Arabs. Numerous Furries took pity on the aspie and, in a shitstorm that can today be only observed on 4chan and Tumblr, overran Medina's Jewish demographic with forced memes such as "MUH JIHAD" and "MUH 72 VIRGINS" until they gassed the kikes to death by the sheer lethality of their combined B.O. After Medina was burned to be Jew-free, Muhammad turned his attention to his other archenemy: the ruling Quraysh of Mecca who trolled him in the past. The Hijra, the start of the Muslim Calendar, was perhaps the greatest moment of Mass Sperging in Ancient History, as Muhammad and his legions of butthurt Arabs burned and pillaged Mecca, smashed its pagan idols, tortured and executed the Quraysh, and had complete free time with all the women and children. Completing his conquest, he placed his own equivalent of a Sonichu medallion (which he claimed was a meteorite) onto Mecca's central house of worship, the Kaaba, and from now on made everybody in his community submit to it forever by smashing their head into the ground to make their brains get temporary Autism in emulation of Muhammad's. Thus Islam was born. As the religion spread, a bunch of Arabs built a shitty raft in search of more gigachads on convert to Islam, these Arab visited the Malay Archipelago and taught the shore niggers the values of Islam. Now 1.8 billion gigachads follow it.

Golden Age of Islam

The Gypjak Mosque in Turkmenistan, known for it's large Penises, it gives most Muslim's a powerful boner.

The Reza-Shrine in Iran, being the largest, is known-for it's high-tourism and attendance rate from Japanese People.

Even in the Middle East, history has nearly forgotten that Islam once had a Golden Age when they were millennia ahead of the batshit crazy God-fearing fucktards of Europe, until a necromancer named Wahhabi cast an evil spell on them that sent all their mojo out of Ottomanland forever. They didn't just drink water, they bred some of the finest "kif" (that's actually pot) and used opium and atropine to get people so thoroughly fucked up they did allow mad medieval scientists to do cataract surgery on them. They invented missiles, torpedoes, and manned rockets, ultimately culminating in the flying carpet, which was just the shit until the Wahhabis stole them all and flew them into buildings to put those druggie Sufi unbelievers back in their place.

In reality, every great country conquered by Islam went actually advanced, at least better than the current state of the "civilized" West, including Spain, Portugal, India, Iran, and Afghanistan.

Muslim world had greatly contributed to humanity, so Without Islam, then who the fuck invented scientific method and civilized the Europe in the first place, Atheists?

Varieties of Islam

Early on, Islam suffered a schism and sect divisions much in the same way that Christianity and 4chan did:

• Sunnis: The True and honest as well orthodox Muslims who believe in Qur'an and Prophet's saying and acts called "Sunnah", hence the sect's name. also the largest sect of followers of the religion.
• Shi'ites: Believe something that's stupid in a slightly different way and who mostly live in Iran. This all dates back to an edit war on Wikipedia sometimes in the 7th century, regarding whether Ali was notable enough to include in the article. According to Sunnis, Shi'ites aren't Muslims, as the sect was founded by a Yemenite Jew. this sect is notorious for its contact marriage, taqiyyah (which Christcucks and Apeists uses the term for refer Muslims as a whole for "lying and deceit"), having unhealthy obsession with Ali ibn Abu Thalib and Muhammad's family (called "Baww-lulz Bait") while hating most of Muhammad's buddies but Ali, Persian chauvinism, and many other nonsensical heretical shit that Sunnis don't have.
• Ibadis: Decended from a sect that declared other kind of Muslims as "infidel" when disagreeing with them, otherwise it is same shit as Sunnis.
• Sufists: Pulls together the pseudo-profundity of Buddhism and the OCDs and unwarranted self importance of Islam to add, yet more items to the long-list of things that annoy Muslims.

Other Varieties and Related to Islam

• Ahmadiyyah: Founded by Mirza Ghulam Ahmad, some Pakistani whose at end of his life, he died in a Toilet while taking a shit. followers of this sect believe there is a prophet and messenger after Muhammad, and they believe the founder is both appointed as Jesus and Mahdi. because of it, Sunnis declared them as Infidels.
• Din-i Ilahi: Islam, Zoroastrianism, Hinduism, Christianity, and Jainism put into blender to creating it. was the state religion of Mughal Empire under Akbar the Great for a short period of time.
• Baha'i Faith: Islam, Christianity, and Buddhism altogether put into Blender. because of their heresy, the followers of this faith ironically are being persecuted even in its birthplace, Iran lol.
• Yazidism: Yazidis's ethnic religion. they worships the Sun like Shintos instead of the black cube in Mecca and have their own place of pilgrimage. Yazidists prays 5 times a day like regular Muslims, and their central figures revolves around God and 7 holy beings of angels.
• Druze: The Ethnic religion of Arab Druzes and the bastard child of Shia Islam after having orgies with Ancient Greek Philosophical beliefs, Christianity, Buddhism, Hinduism, and Zoroastrianism.

Islamic Beliefs

The Five Pillars of Islam

1. Recognize Allah as the only God of the universe, and Muhammad as his last prophet and MSN messenger.
2. Pray five times a day to Allah by bashing your head into the ground (causing mental retardation) and jamming your arse into someone else's face like a cow in heat.
3. As Muslims are a slave to the religion and Allah, then pay a tax for the poor and need.
4. Starve yourself until death at one special Islamic month.
5. Go to Mecca and worship a black meteorite apparently sent by Allah.

About Muslims

Muslims are a funny type of people similar to Jawas, except that unlike the enlightened Jawas, they live according to a ridiculous religious tradition. Although many of them feel it gives their meaningless lives some purpose, all it clearly does is prove how enlighted they are.

When you properly pray to Allah, He rewards you with some nice buttseck from his Angels.

Muslims are easily offended when you say something bad about their religion, and are- wait, what the fuck, did they just defeated American Army in Afghanistan, as well mocking 9/11, Christians, Conservatives-Liberals, Secularism, etc;??!?! shit, they're into us.

Some argue that people convert to Islam because they are totally incapable of running their own lives and miss the good old days in the hugbox with mommy and daddy running their shit with an iron fist and a lot of rules. The majority of Muslims believe the world is against them and feel that their way of living is the only way. In their free time they like fapping to the Qur'an, making bombs, beating their wives, shooting shit with ridiculously out of date guns and killing as many infidels as possible.

Since Muslims cannot eat pork, have sex outside marriage, drink, do drugs, freely express themselves, or have any haram fun whatsoever, they are left alone to think of plans to bring vengeance upon the infidels. In fact, Muslims invented fencing (the art of poking people with long, stiff sticks) as a way to release sexual energy, because the women are practically ghosts, in many ways, with a large exception of being able to be physically pwned.

Many Muslims enjoy copious amounts of anal sex during their upbringing before being introduced to to the fact that faggots are right on par with Jews and cartoonists. these Muslims should be executed by stoning them to death for committing faggotry.

Arabs are tops at social skills, so beware, Muslims can ask you to donate to orphans, but instead send the money to terrorist families.

Muslims must pray an excessive amount of the time to Allah because he's such a huge attention whore: “I have created not the jinn and men except that they should worship Me" - somewhere in the Qur'an - Chapter 51, verse 56 to be exact. In other words, Allah was an attention whore before attention was invented.) He then created the Universe and us so that we could talk to him 27 times day, just to tell him that he's a pretty cool guy. It's basically like having your mom calling you on your cellphone every hour of the day. They often use their religion's prayer time as a way of getting special treatment, the likes of which followers of other religions would never get.

Muslims carry ceremonial bombs strapped to their chests as commanded by Allah. Another example of this would be Muslim students expecting their courses at university to be moved to another day during Muslim holidays, all so they can recite religious gibberish in their chattering monkey accents for an unknown amount of time.

Prophet Muhammad

Moar info: "Prophet" Muhammad.

Muhammad was part Jesus, part Genghis Khan and part moralfag. He was often credited for uniting the Middle East through the spread of Islam but it was mainly because of his policy of conversion or jizz to those he conquered.

Muhammad started his life as a merchant and taxi driver, but soon figured out that selling people his belief was a lot more profitable than selling dates and slurpees. He wrote some fact-based poetry about his conversations with God on his Fanfiction.net and added tons of friends looking for arbitrary rules to run each and every aspect of their lives.

Anything that Muhammad said are undeniable facts, which are also the bases of Sunni Hadiths, but what if what he did said turned out to be false? it is weak and or fabricated, of course!

Muhammad was a gigachad masculine warrior who is falsely accused of pedophillia, because pedophillia didn't exist back then until industrial revolution and that's a fact! doesn't help that there is no condemnation of pedophillia in the bible at all. Muslims are following his actions, what he said, and his daily life. because of his masculinity and being a gigachad, and being emulated as the perfect example for Muslims altogether with strong belief of Allah, that's how the Taliban successfully pwned the US invaders, and even having their equipments seized to the Taliban, as well exposing who are the actual terrorist.

After turning his fact-based Fanfiction.net into a magic book, titled "The Qur'an", Muhammad was able to convince a bunch of other gigachads that he was God's prophet. Then he did what any other man would do when he gets that kind of power: acquire a lot of worthless sand and kill lots and lots of people. This fairy tale book that Muslims read from is also full of continuity issues, the worst saying the universe was created by Allah in 6 days, and then in a later text, 8 days. (no, really)

Taqiyyah

Muslims have a secret art called "taqiyyah", which they use to infiltrate into the leftist-liberal self-hating white environment. Generally, it means lies, deceit, victim game or menace, all used to promote Islam. Shi'ite Muslims are known for the usage of this secret art.

Funnily enough, Christians, althogether with Zionists Jews are actually likes to deceive more than Muslims, as evidenced on their pro-Israel stances or their western medias bias on their coverages of Muslims. it doesn't help that even in the Bible, Christians can also lie and deceit too, for Christ. (Philippians 1:18 and 1 Corinthians 9:19-23)

Even Atheists can also lie too by claiming there is nothing wrong with homosexuality and anal sex is fine when done right. if they said so, then why the fuck it causes incontinence and spreads STDs even more than heterosexual sex? if anal sex is fine when doing it right, then are the majority of the faggots learned it that way?

So the conclusion is, Taqiyyah is not unique to Islam, it is present on other religions and Atheism too!

Sharia

Instruction manual on how to stone a woman.

Islam's own set of religious rules, based off the Qur'an and the hadiths. basically Judaism's Halakkah version 2.0, but Halal instead of Kosher and no longer Anti-Gentiles. Muslims are obligated to establish it publicly in their countries, otherwise it means against the wills of Allah and becoming a secular Muslim, or in the worst case: kicked off from the religion and becomes an apostate infidel. Out of all Muslims countries in the world, only Afghanistan under Taliban government practices Sharia properly, while most other Muslim countries do practices Sharia too, albeit mixing it a bit with three cancers called Secularism, Democracy, and Liberalism.

Sharia is also successful in telling women to go back to kitchen because man and woman aren't the same and they have their own designated traditional gender roles, and Muslim women who attempt going out of kitchen will be executed for adultery.

These are examples of punishments if you asking for it in a Sharia-applied Muslim country, and it's super effective at preventing more crime rates:

1. Raep: Lashes 100 times if not married, or stoning to death if married.
2. Murder: The perpetrator is executed in the same way how they murders the victim. also known as Qisas.
3. Homosexuality and Faggotry/Pedophilia: Stoning to death, thrown from roof of an higher building, or any other cool execution methods like this.
4. Thievery: Any hands are cutted off for avoiding stealing things over and over again.
5. Goatfuckery/Pokephillia: Kill both the person and the animal who have committed sex with each other. little known that "goatfucker" means "greatest of all time, fucker!"
6. Apostasy: If any Ex-Muslims did actually cross the line, then they deserves to be killed.
7. Blasphemy: Desecretating the religion for lulz warrants execution and Outrage Culture, because Muslims actually stands for their religion, unlike Christians who barely defend Jesus from blasphemy by the evil liberals and faggots.

And many moar.

You can enjoy the public Danganronpa sharia execution. just take a seat, and eat an halal popcorn to witness the Sharia-fearing Monokumas applying Qisas to the nasty criminal, upupupupu!!!

Due to its harsher punishements, Sharia Law is notorious for being barbaric, backward, and outdated. Human Right Activists and even Christians condemn the law and call its execution method "human rights violation", but first of all, why the sudden condemnation? what human rights? and worst of all, what the hell they're defending on? to sums it up, they're unaware that they actually defends vile nasty criminals like rapists, murderers, etc; when these criminals deserves to be harsly executed using that method, and because of them defending criminals, this makes them a criminal apologists for sure.

Halal and Haram

There are some forbidden things in Islam, called Haram: unislamicically slaughtered foods, porks, alcohols, nutmegs, girls getting an education. However Islam ain't that bad of a religion and has permitted things too, called Halal: rich Muslims can have up to 4 wives, and all wives must follow the man, not the other way around as in the "civilized" west. A Muslim can beat his wife if she is not obeying him, just don't harm the face. Woman having a headache when you want to do it is also counted as haram in Islam, And best of all, Michael Jackson is allowed. However violent verses of holy Qur'an can make you flood all your minds with some anger.

Drinking camel piss is halal, apparently because it many benefits that it can defeats diseases, as well Muhammad even said so, WHAT.

Jihad

An American Muslim

Jihad for Dummies, Also by Muhammad.

Jihad means struggle, and is the Islamic equivalent of Crusade. Any Muslims who tells you otherwise is lying. Islamic leaders are known to "put a jihad" on anybody for any reason in any location at any time. A single butthurt Mufti may control his temper enough to only declare a fatwa.

In a 1991, a Japanese man was killed for translating Salman Rushdie's "The Satanic Verses" into Japanese, along with numerous others involved in the book's publication and distribution (see TOW for more).

Muslims are required by their religion to use Jihad as an excuse to be an IRL troll. They are known to generate serious drama and get worldwide media attention by blowing themselves up next to Jews and pretty much anyone who doesn't smell as badly as they do.

How to Jihad as recorded by those Suicide Bombers:

1. Pray to Allah and mack the wife around one last time.
2. Strap bomb to self.
3. Stand around any infidels.
4. ????
5. VIRGINS!!! leaving behind the tented biatch you slapped in step 1, who can never remarry and is supposed to get the lulz about what you did.

After dying, Muslims celebrate with 72 virgins in "paradise" (actually hell). If all are female and or not gay/animals is a matter of debate. They are surrounded by prepubescent boys "like scattered pearls" and get to smoke all the Weed they like, drink beer, eat falafel, couscous and other inedible foods and hang out with tons of dark-eyed bitches in burkas (see burka porn in Islamic Emporium gallery) beyond the gates of "Heaven". White men on the other hand have dicks shoved into their mouths and are fucked repetitively with spike poles.

No, seriously, if you blows yourself up, it count as killing yourself, which is strongly prohibited and if you do, you will ended up doing it all over again forever infinitely in hell.

According to CSPI, over the 1400 years Islamists in the name of Muhammad had killed around 270 millions infidels. This is 193 000 dead infidels in a year. Adolf Hitler hearing these numbers went into deep depression and finally committed suicide. not enough jews.

Islamo-Dickshitionary/Muslimspeak

These are Arabic phrases that Muslims are usually speaks and equivalent to the ones used at western society and or the internet:

1. Inshaallah: "Allah willing." literally Arabic version of Crusader phrase Deus Vult.
2. Mashaallah: "Allah has willed it." When something that is great happens, and it makes you happy, and gratefull of Allah.
3. Subhanallah: "Glory be to Allah."
4. Alhamdulillah: "Praise to be Allah." you can use this phrase and it fit perfectly in lulzy situation.
5. Astaghfirullah: "I seek the forgiveness of Allah". when you witness something disgusting and or blasphemous. its the Islamic equivalent of Christians saying "Jesus Christ!" when disgusted or offended.
6. "Allahu Akbar": "God is great". When you witness something great by Allah or you did suicide bombing yourself.
7. Jahil: means ignorant or dumbass.
8. Kafir: means Infidel.
9. Munafiq: means hypocrite.
10. Mushrik: means worshipping other deity than the one and only Allah.
11. Jihad: means struggle or crusade. self explanatory.
12. Halal: Permitted
13. Haram: Forbidden
14. Makruh: Nobody give a shit

What Are Muslims Person looks like

Men

Muslim men can easily be spotted even in the most civilized society: they sport stylish dishrags wrapped around their cavernously empty heads, wear sandals even in the winter, and walk around in pajamas. Being Arabs, they are unfailingly lazy and do not contribute positively to society, but instead of being middle eastern in appearance they are instead the colour of a burrito brown. Physically, ragheads have aquiline noses and prodigious amounts of hair growing in every part of their body and indeed out of every major orifice. Their monobrows are startlingly reminiscent of two caterpillar moths trying to eat each other. Young silicon dioxide negroes only concession to being modern is that they get very drunk and fuck white women.

Women

A Muslim girl on a normal day.

Muslim Women are forced to wear ridiculous beekeeper outfits that make them look like ninjas in public because heterosexual males cannot stand the sight of them. These ghost costumes do however, aid in distinguishing the gender of the wearer, and are thus entirely necessary in Muslim countries. When they aren't wearing bedspreads, these luscious ladies resemble little more than female wookiees. It is not uncommon for husband and wife to share the same facial razor. At least, Muslim womens are clean and least slutty than typical western woman who are free thanks to feminism.

Becoming a Muslim

Now you may wonder, why do people converts to Islam? There are many good reasons, For instances:

• They promised you a Paradise ten virgin starter package.
• You can go to Kewl Schewl and learn how to make Big Bomz out of fireworks and propane and urea fertilizer.
• Islam is all about factz bitches!! it us actually Pro-science while you Atheists trashes religion and have teh balls to be "Pro-Science"!!11!
• They were depressed fucks before.
• They're intelectual who are into science and academical stuffs.
• Sharia Law is based and cool!!

To become a Muslim, honest recitation of "Shahadah" in Arabic is required. Infidels wishing to convert to Islam do so by a public recitation of creed: "There is no god but Allah, and Muhammad is his sexy bitch", in Arabic: "Assahdu Ala Illaha Illalah, wa Ashaduanna, Muhammadarrosulullah.", then follows the five pillars of Islam and presto! now you're a full fledged Muslim.

When converting to Islam, your past sins will resets to zero, unless if you still did it even after conversion, Allah will give you a warning at all.

How to get into heaven

In Islam, you get into heaven on a points system. If you lived your life Islamic enough, most of the time, well, Allah is merciful, Allah is forgiving, slipping up occasionally is fine provided your balance comes out positive. The difficulty, of course, is that Allah doesn't email you a quarterly report. You can never really be sure, you know? It's always wiser to be more islamic than less. You never know what your balance really is.

Unless you are a secular 25-year-old man who has lived in the west and not followed Islam during that time. Eating pork, not praying five times a day, looking at western women and jerking off. In that case, you are pretty certainly destined for hell. If only there was some way to make those points up! If only there was a cheat code that would raise your "being Islamic" score above the magic threshold!

Happily for you, there is. The Qur'an and every significant Islamic scholar agree that killing some infidels, Jihad, will do the trick. You can be a drug-smoking pork-eating completely westernised sinner, but if you can top a few christians then that will almost certainly put you back in positive territory. You get more points for that than for anything else. Naturally you cant *really* be sure, so the best plan is to kill as many infidels as possible before the police shoot you. Those spree-killing "lone wolf" moslems are all terrified of hell, desperate to kill as many christians as they can before they are brought down, desperate to make those points up.

So, if you know a Moslem dude who is an ok sort of guy, not a fanatic or anything, and he goes on holiday to the old country and comes back all newly serious about his religion - be warned. That's the profile of a man who is going to commit Jihad. Happens all the time. Stay out of line of fire. Report him to the FBI. It will accomplish nothing, of course, but you did what you could.

Idiotic Islamic Antics

Vaccination Ban

Do you know Andrew Wakefield? Well in 2018, the debate is over and it has been said that HOLY SHIT VACCINES DON'T CAUSE AUTISM, but it was only said as it as the Liberals hacked the documents. Andrew was pwned and told to GTFO of the UK and North Amerimutt so he went for his third plan, go to the Islamic Empire and tell them that vaccines contain pork and autism. Andrew told the sultans that vaccines are evil and he was a defector from "evil" Europe who wanted to save the niggers from pork, and as expected, they believed him. Andrew was happy as 1.8 billion butthurt, Arabs are now giving him free moolah to say thanks. As stated before, its very easy to take advantage of racially inferior Mudslimes who bash their heads in the earth 5 times a day.

As a result, Measles, Mumps and German Measles are growing in full force in the Islamic Empire.

Allah™

Malaysian Muslims have brought a legal case in the Court of Allah™ under the Law of Allah™ to make the trade-name “Allah™” copyright of the Only True Religion of Allah™, Insha'Allah™ [1]. Muslim Internet Lawyers have sent Cease and Desist notices wrapped around firebombs to various Christian churches in Kuala Lumpur. Allah™-lujah! ﷲ

Guinea Pigs

Once again, the Malaysians are at it again, getting butthurt over trivial horseshit. Malaysian Muslims are extremely upset over a girl holding 2 guinea pigs, just because Guinean pigs have "pig" in their name and are now burning flags and stocking up on heavy artillery to eradicate the infidels. Also, they are made angrier over the fact hot dogs have "dog" in their name.

Islam In Modern Society

The Ultimate Moralfags

A great Muslim tradition in Western countries is to complain about how everything offends their religion; and despite the fact that Western civilization operates on democracy, those in charge will do everything and anything to appease them, lest they ALLAH ACKBAR an entire district. Some of the many Muslim complaints are listed below:

1. Personal clothing: Muslims have no qualms about coming to non-Muslim countries, but according to the Qur'an, any woman who exposes even an atomic particle of her own body (such as wearing a bikini) are Asking for it and thus have a legal sanction to be raped. Sweden learned it the hard way.
2. The Holocaust: Despite the fact that diaper-heads everywhere consider der jude to be some kind of hybrid between Satan, Captain Hook and Scrooge McDuck (the latter title is accurate); they for reasons which differ from Muslim to Muslim (fabrication is like that) find the Holocaust offensive. It has been V& from being taught in the UK, and although the English pussies are pansy enough to get scared by 3 letters from a concerned mother it will not be long until the other dominoes fall.
3. Treating Women and Homosexuals as People: As far as the Muslims are concerned, scrotum and humanity go hand in hand. Muslims dictates that all homosexuals should be killed and that women should go about the place clad in a duvet cover. Christians may agree with fags should be killed but because they're sucking off secular-liberal dick for opposing Islam they instead condemn Islam's cool an well-deserving homophobia. and although given the physical appearance of Middle Eastern women, this can be justified.
4. Americans et al: Muslims, likely irritated that their entire country resembles an overused kitty litter pan, detest white people for reasons which basically translate to "having money, rational thinking, and religious tolerance".
5. Religion, excluding theirs: Muslims come to multicultural countries and complain about the dominant religion, despite the fact that if someone from that country did that in a Muslim country they would be put to death. This basically involves saying Christmas is offensive; but like all other Muslim complaints the reason for this is to the tune of "ALLAH DON'T PISS ME OFF OR MY HUSBAND WILL BLOW YOU UP!"

Lulz

Muslim fucktards can't get their head around the fact that holocaust denial is only illegal in Germany and Austria and even then the punishment is usually only a small fine. But no you go ahead and keep comparing the fining of a holocaust denier in Germany to Muslim lynch mobs beheading people and burning down embassies because someone in a small newspaper refused to submit to the retarded taboos of a religion and culture that they don't even belong to... Nice Job!. Actually even questioning the Sex Million figure is a imprisonable crime in every European nation, plus Canuckistan and of course Kike Reich.

It is a well known fact that Muslims have no sense of humor due to their denial of the lulzy epic trolling known as the Lollercaust. However, Muslims have become easy prey for trolls worldwide, due to the fact that you could draw a stick figure labelled "Muhammad" with his cock out masturbating in the face of a donkey, and it would be equally offensive as a stick figure labelled "Muhammad" mowing his lawn. Israel, Denmark, Medieval Catholics, and Salman Rushdie are the undisputed kings of pwning Islam. The only notably lulzy thing Islam has ever been accused of is 9/11 but that doesn't count because everyone knows that JEWS DID WTC.

Oh wait, if Muslims did have sense of humor, then their lulz would be fighting back against both Liberals and Conservatives, as well Faggots and Trannies, Feminazis, and the whole West by using their own Islamic memes, which consist of Wojak, Pepe The Frog, Chad, Political Cartoons, and many other memes, as evidenced by the Muslim Twatter and most notably, Taliban memer and shitposter Malang Khostay.

Stereotyping

Muslims are widely believed to be violent insane wife-beating intolerant fuckwad terrorist. Those who disapprove of stereotyping argue that the media doesn't do enough to document all the good thing] that Muslims do in the world. But those people are dead wrong. In fact, the media has never reported anything of that sort and probably never will because there is nothing to report.

Islam, Fuck Yeah!

Muslims also get a bad reputation because they are currently at war with at least a dozen countries in the world including the United States and its NATO allies. For people living in these countries, it is common knowledge that all Muslims are evil terrorists, that they believe in a false deity and that they deserve to have their oil stolen from them for environmental destruction and profit. after the Taliban defeated the US army in 2021, turns out the actual terrorists all time are the United States and its allies while going home with their shameful defeat, and their military equipment deserve to be taken away and now owned by the Taliban.

Not intolerant of Christianity shock

Crusaders have been putting about the blasphemous rumour that Muslims want to kill all Christians. A classic example, ten eye doctors were recently killed in Afghanistan and the Western Satanic Press claimed that the Taliban had executed them for being Christian missionaries. This of course is untrue. The doctors were killed for practicing medicine incompatible with 7th century Saudi Arabia. It's Allah in a day's work for the Taliban!

List of Famous Muslims

Politicians

• "Prophet" Muhammad
• Barack Hussein Obama
• Malcolm X
• Osama Bin Laden
• Saddam Hussein
• Muammar Gaddafi

Musicians

• Bizarre, who enjoys eatin' hot dogs, readin' the Holy Qur'an, while he's on the John.
• Cat Stevens
• Flavor Flav
• ODB
• Snoop Dogg
• Philip Glass

Actors

• Dave Chappelle
• Happy Negro
• Mr. T

Athletes

• Iron Sheik
• Lew Alcindor (AKA Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, AKA كريم عبد الجبار)
• Mike Tyson
• Andrew Tate (since 2021)

Random Douchebags

• Jew (just couldn't decide)
• Murat Kurnaz
• Anjem Choudary

Fictional characters

• Aladdin
• Morgan Freeman out of Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves
• Farfour Mouse
• Ganondorf (from The Legend of Zelda)

God

• The one and only Allah Almighty.

Islamic Media

Islamic Manga

One of favorite pastime of a Muslim painter is to draw Muslim characters in manga-style. One of this example is fullwhitemoon aka Nayzak who draws kawaii characters, including kawaii muslima teacher (who needs a hard infidel cock to be inserted in her vagina) who gives lessons to infidels in understandable manner. Though being a lazy fucktard managed to produce only 4 parts so far. (LOL Comments Disabled!)

Donate money towards construction of a mosque in japan! If you donate $1000 towards the construction of the mosque,you get the "alluhu ackbar package"

Drama-generating Techniques

1. Question the Qur'an.
2. Draw Prophet Mohammad. If you drew him, take the drawing to the Mosque for a bonus point to show to all the Muslims there
   • Better yet, draw Muhammad porn.
3. Call Mohammad a pedophile because of his marriage to Aisha.
4. Tell them that you doubt Mohammads Historicity.
5. Call them a Muzzie, Terrorist, Kebab, and other lulzy nicknames for them.
6. Ask them why they love Terrorism and Sharia law.
7. Ask them if they have bombs underneath their clothes
8. Questions them if they said Islam is a religion of peace, then questions them how the religion spreads.
9. Tell them they stink and ask if that was supposed to be used for bio-terrorism
10. Say that South Park is the best show ever
11. Show yourself up as degenerate in front of Muslims.
12. Bring a feminist (WARNING: Will result in apocalyptic-scale biowarfare between the two)
13. "Israel was there first".
14. Inform the Non-Arab Muslims that Islam was primarly the Ideology of Arab Imperialism
15. Ask if praying is a polite way of meaning jacking off
16. Say them that you are an Atheist or an Agnostic.
17. Vote for Donald Trump
18. Bring a Serbian friend
19. Make Thalmor memes to badmouth the worship of Allah.
20. ???
21. PROFIT!!!

WARNING: Exercise extreme caution when trolling Muslims because if they raeg they have 72% probability of exploding

Looking for trolling Christians instead? click here.

Muslims Standing Up for Their Beliefs

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  FUCK AHOK!
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  ISLAM WILL DOMINATE THE WORLD
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  EXTERMINATE THOSE WHO SLANDER ISLAM
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  The Muslims of Sweden are holding a happy demonstration to thank the Swedes. How grateful!

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  Gays and Muslims unite!
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  LIBERALS AND GAYS GO TO HELL!
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  A peace-loving Islamic display of tolerance]]
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  Behead those who insult Islam!
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  9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11
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  YOU DUTCH BASTARDS BETTER FOLLOW THE SHARIAH!
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  A holy Jihad to exterminate all the Chinese living in the Malay Archipelago
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  WHY U TROLL ALLAH!
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  BE PREPARED FOR THE REAL HOLOCAUST!
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  ISLAM IS TOTALLY NOT VIOLENT!
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  HOW DARE PEOPLE MAKE FUN OF ISLAM!
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  DEATH TO ALL JEWS
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  U TROLL ALLAH? WE KAMIKAZE YOUR HOUSE!
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  IF YOU SLANDER ISLAM, I WILL KILL YOU!
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  MAY ALLAH MAKE A MUSHROOM CLOUD ON ISLAM
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  ME AND MY SON WILL KILL THE INFIDELS!
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  EXTERMINATE THE AMERICAN INFIDELS
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  BUTCHER THOSE WHO MOCK ISLAM!
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  If you troll Allah, we will bomb your house!
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  No democracy, we just want Islam!
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  Fuck you Trump!
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  INCINERATE THE CHRISTIANS!
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  AAAAUGH! IF YOU MOCK ISLAM, WE WILL SLAUGHTER YOU!
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  Islam is love, Islam is life
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  Chinese Christian Governor!? NO FUCKING WAY!
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  THIS MOVIE IS RACIST! LETS GO ON A RAMPAGE! ALLAHU ACKBAR!!!
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  HOW DARE YOU MAKE FUN OF OUR PEACEFUL RELIGION!
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  AUSTRALIA LIKES JEWS!? THEY MUST DIE!
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  WE HATE DONALD TRUMP!
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  AUSTRALIA IS THE CANCER! ISLAM IS THE WAY!
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  ERADICATE THE NONBELIEVERS!
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  EUROPE! YOU WILL COME CRAWLING WHEN THE MUJAHIDEEN COME ROARING!
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  FREEDOM GO TO HELL!!!
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  ALLAHU ACKBAR!
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  ALLAHU ACKBAR!
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  ALLAHU ACKBAR!
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  ALLAHU ACKBAR!
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  ALLAHU ACKBAR!
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  ALLAHU ACKBAR!
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  ALLAHU ACKBAR!
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  ALLAHU ACKBAR!
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  ALLAHU ACKBAR!

Gallery

Islam Emporium About missing Pics

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  Submission to Allah means showing him your tits.
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  Habeeb it.
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  An elite mujahideen fighter ready to drive the western, Isreali, capitalist, decedent, pig dogs from Muslim holy lands
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  Hamas
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  If Muhammad can have a 9 year-old wife, why can't I?
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  Muhammad the Pig
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  Muhammad sure has put on a lot of weight recently.
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  INFIDELS
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  Americans get revenge for 9/11
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  Emo Muslims, the Shi'ites.
• File:Trump Supporter VS Towlheads.jpg
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  Researchers have isolated several chromosome fragments from a hair of the Holy Beard of Muhammad. They then inserted these genes into pigs, and have been measuring the resulting changes in facial features. They hope this will produce the first evidence-based graphical representation of Muhammad evar. Little did they know they they didn't actually have to do anything in the first place.
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  Muhammad and "friend".
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  Muhammad with his 6-year-old wife who looks unwilling to me.
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  Muhammad Bear.
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  Mansecks Muhammad.
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  Guro Muhammad.
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  Gamer Muhammad.
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  Bad dog!
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  Fun fact: all redheads are secretly muslims, another reason to not to trust these soulless bastards
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  Bitches don't know Muhammad
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  Muhammad bears a striking resemblance to Sceptre
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  Moar Muhammad.
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  Muhammed in Heaven.
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  Muhammad: The father of terrorism
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  Muhammad <3 Bush
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  Muhammad <3 Animals
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  Muhammad <3 Jesus
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  Muhammad in EverQuest II.
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  The true reason Muslim women wear burkas
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  One of Mohammad's lesser known wives, Wilbur
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  Fuck allah.
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  The Qur'an has many uses
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  Some typical Islamists
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  Typical Arab swimsuit models
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  It's ok unless your hair is covered
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  Jewish(?) feminist IRL trolls
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  BURKA PORN
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  Arab women like to wear headscarfs all the time
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  Arab Teen sucks the Cock of a Frenchmen
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  With sharia law you're pretty much expected to rape women! ^-^
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  A typical Muslim
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  A typical Muslim cat
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  Worship Muhammad motherfucker!
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  Parody of an old TV show
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  Muhammad's shlong points only towards kids
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  Getting stoned is a popular recreational activity among Muslims, especially with certain demographics
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  This is why ragheads are evil
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  Fuck Raptor Jesus
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  What Muslim kids want for Ramadan.
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  A winnar is Muhammad
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  A butthurt Muslim
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  Muslims love animals.
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  Muslims get down on Friday.
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  What does the Muslim society achieves? nothing.

more images

Videos

Previous Video | Next Video

Music

In Islam, depending on the rulesets, music is forbidden because it is fun. But, if Islam were to have a theme tune, it'd be this...

See Also

Central Figures

• Allah / God
• "Prophet" Muhammad

Muslim Countries and Region

• Afghanistan
• Pakistan
• Iraq
• Middle East
• Saudi Arabia
• Turkey
• Yemen
• Syria

Islamophobia Stuffs for Lulz

• South Park
• Burn a Koran Day
• Muhammad cartoons
  • Everybody Draw Mohammed Day
• Muslim Dating Sites

Peoples

• Osama Bin Laden
• Anjem Choudary
• Salman Rushdie
• Revolution Muslim
• Thunderf00t
• fouseyTUBE

Islamic Millitant Groups And Events

• Terrorists
• Taliban
• ISIS
• Al-Qaeda
• Death to all Juice
• Defense Industries Organization
• 9/11
• Fort Hood Massacre

Misc

• Religion
• Atheists
• Christianity
• Jews

External Links

Lulzy Stuffs

• Sunnah.com: Central site of what Muhammad has said and his daily activity
• Muslim Skeptic: Intelectual Muslim Site. basically The Religion of Peace, but opposite way.
• Archive of the Denmark cartoons of Mohammad that started a new jihad
• The Religion of Peace: Documentation of Muslims where they did nasty things
• Search engine for Muslims. Very useful for lulz.
• Muslimspace.com: Social networking site for Muslims and vast repository of burka porn

YouTube

• Cure 4 Atheism
• IslamPlanet

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Featured article May 31, 2017
Preceded by Terrorism	Islam	Succeeded by BlueCatRiolu