Polygamy

The only one husband for three women? It's only a few!

Polygamy is the dearest wish of hikikomoris, virgin boys and married men as well as a subject of feminists' outrage. And you are dreaming about it too, of course. Do not be afraid to admit it.

Brief prehistory

Although people give birth to males slightly more than females, the picture changes with age, so generation gender composition aligns by 11-12 years, and among 18-year-olds there are only 9 men per each 10 women and in older age groups this disproportion tends to grow, that is the older a man is the more women accounts per him. In addition men go to war where they kill each other. In peacetime, the more active boys are more often victims of accidents, fights, etc than girls. Nobody remembers who first proposed polygamy as a solution of the problem of surplus widows with little children left after war, but all the participants liked it, so in peacetime men provided themselves with harems, and neither feminism nor atheism had not yet been invented. But for all that it was found that although polygamy is a good thing, but it's just the case where too good is also bad.

The first problem is to maintain all wives and all their children. This at once excluded from the number of polygamists all paupers and mortgagors. The second problem is to satisfy sexual requirements of all wives, because without it they begin to fall on each other and/or on other men. To solve the second problem eunuchs were invented, but only a few men could afford to maintain a herd of eunuchs in addition to the wives and children.

Polygamy and religion

It must be said that most religions are very supportive of polygamy.

In paganism there are two lines: one deifies flesh and therefore considers carnal pleasures as plunge into the supernatural, and the other line on the contrary opposes carnal to spiritual, considers flesh as a bad thing and teaches that to plunge into the supernatural it is obligatory to suffer. By the way BDSM is a product of this particular line.

As to atheism then, on the one hand as a separate entity it is neither for nor against polygamy, and in general it is not about that at all, but on the other hand strangely enough all countries that have chosen atheism as state ideological doctrine (USSR, China and North Korea) do not like polygamy.

This is due to the fact that unlike any religion basing supremacy of man in his family with commandment given above, atheism is based on equality of man and woman in family, and as a result of the assumption of polygamy the assumption of polyandry logically follows, but there are only a few men tempted by the opportunity to share wife with another men. Therefore, atheistic states establish monogamy as a compromise, while decriminalizing adultery, so everyone could have a paramour without a hindrance. As a result among atheists there are more faggots than polygamists.

Judaism

As the founder of Judaism - Moses - was a bigamist, so Judaism is not only permits polygamy, but in some cases it even prescribes polygamy setting levirate marriage law:

“	If brothers are living together and one of them dies without a son, his widow must not marry outside the family. Her husband’s brother shall take her and marry her and fulfill the duty of a brother-in-law to her. The first son she bears shall carry on the name of the dead brother so that his name will not be blotted out from Israel. However, if a man does not want to marry his brother’s wife, she shall go to the elders at the town gate and say, “My husband’s brother refuses to carry on his brother’s name in Israel. He will not fulfill the duty of a brother-in-law to me.” Then the elders of his town shall summon him and talk to him. If he persists in saying, “I do not want to marry her,” his brother’s widow shall go up to him in the presence of the elders, take off one of his sandals, spit in his face and say, “This is what is done to the man who will not build up his brother’s family line.” That man’s line shall be known in Israel as The Family of the Unsandaled.	„
—Deuteronomy 25:5-10

And two thirds of founders of Jewish people - Abraham, Isaac and Jacob - were also polygamists. Of the three only Isaac had one wife. Abraham after death of his wife Sarah with whom he lived during 75 years, took another wife Keturah who bore him seven children. And moreover Abraham had concubines whose number was not specified in Torah. And the first concubine - Hagar - Sarah gave him because she could not give birth a child herself. Jacob became a polygamist against his will - after he had worked for his uncle during 7 years for his wife Rachel, then after the wedding his kind uncle Laban slipped him instead of Rachel her sister Leah, and this fact Jacob discovered the next morning only. Then Leah and Rachel began competition of "who will give birth more children" and since both of them had not very good health, then they called her maids for help: Leah - Zilpah, and Rachel - Bilhah. As result, four together they hardly gave birth to Jacob 13 children - 12 founders of Tribes of Israel and one daughter. In general, these glorious daughters of Jewish people - Sarah, Leah and Rachel - sеt a good example with their worthy behavior to that modern miserable women, who at first in their youth spent money for poisoning body by contraceptives and mutilate themselves with abortions, and later spent much more money on all sorts of perversions like IVF, surrogate motherhood and so on.

In modern Judaism polygamy is not very extended because of ban on polygamy entered in the XI century by Rabbi Gershom because of a murky affair that even Jews have already forgotten. The ban did not extend to the Arab, Mountain, Central Asian and other non-European Jews as Rabbi Gershom had authority only to europenean Jews. The mentioned Jews caustic asked, why personal problems of Rabbi Gershom must interfere with their personal family happiness with two or three wives? Inspite of the fact that the ban had not been set forever but for just 1,000 years only and had already been over but it made polygamy among Jews out of fashion. Just for this reason modern secular Israel founded during this 1000-year ban does not allow polygamous marriages. But at the same time strictly adhering to rule of mutually exclusive paragraphs those Jews who have become polygamists receive Israeli citizenship without any problems, and their marriages with second and subsequent wives stand good in law with all attendant consequences.

However, in Judaism there are next restrictions on polygamy:

“	Do not take your wife’s sister as a rival wife and have sexual relations with her while your wife is living.	„
—Book of Leviticus 18:18

“	If a man marries both a woman and her mother, it is wicked. Both he and they must be burned in the fire, so that no wickedness will be among you.	„
—Book of Leviticus 20:14

So it's allowed to marry a woman and her granddaughter and/or her grandmother. And also you can troll Jews unfamiliar with Talmud by questions like these: "And what if two brothers have one wife per each and their wives are sisters of each other and a brother dies without an heir? Is it a sin if the rest brother marries sister of his wife in such a situation?" Similar question can be asked about situation, when elder brother's wife is mother of wife's younger brother.

Also Torah prohibits for a king "take many wives" (Deuteronomy 17:17) that authors of Talmud decided to interpret as "no more than 18 wives". From all appearances, they tried by this interpretation to limit the number of parasites maintained at the expense of taxpayers, but not all kings followed this interpretation.

Also worthy of note is God's diatribe against King David who had whole harem, and nevertheless made unfaithfulness to all his wives:

“	I anointed you king over Israel, and I delivered you from the hand of Saul. I gave your master’s house to you, and your master’s wives into your arms. I gave you all Israel and Judah. And if all this had been too little, I would have given you even more.	„
—2Sa 12:7,8

Christianity

“	At that time the kingdom of heaven will be like ten virgins who took their lamps and went out to meet the bridegroom. Five of them were foolish and five were wise. The foolish ones took their lamps but did not take any oil with them. The wise ones, however, took oil in jars along with their lamps. The bridegroom was a long time in coming, and they all became drowsy and fell asleep. At midnight the cry rang out: ‘Here’s the bridegroom! Come out to meet him!’ Then all the virgins woke up and trimmed their lamps. The foolish ones said to the wise, ‘Give us some of your oil; our lamps are going out.’ ‘No,’ they replied, ‘there may not be enough for both us and you. Instead, go to those who sell oil and buy some for yourselves.’ But while they were on their way to buy the oil, the bridegroom arrived. The virgins who were ready went in with him to the wedding banquet. And the door was shut. Later the others also came. ‘Lord, Lord,’ they said, ‘open the door for us!’ But he replied, ‘Truly I tell you, I don’t know you.’	„
—Gospel of Matthew, 25:1-12

At first Christianity as continuation of Judaism had nothing against polygamy too. Neither The Savior nor His Apostles never said that polygamy was a sin. The only what is written in the New Testament about polygamy is requirement to deacons, presbyters and bishops to be "husband of one wife". However, this requirement does not mean that polygamy is a bad thing, but it is set just because a pastor-polygamist has more temptation to spend church's money on himself than a monogamist. But later Christianity spreaded among heathens incorporated some heathen ideas, resulting Christianity became to teach that polygamy was a sin, Catholics forbade to their priests to marry, and Orthodoxes established a ban on marriage for bishops. That is an Orthodox priest desired to become a bishop, or, God, have mercy upon me, The Patriarch, must first divorce his wife (who has to go to a convent) and throw all their kids to her maintance, and he will all days and nights serve The Lord. As results, the Catholic Church became famous with scandals of pedophile-priests and Orthodox episcopate - with homosexual scandals. So if you are choosing between Orthodoxy and Catholicism, think what is closer to you.

If a polygamist wants to become a Catholic, the Catholic Church requires to divorce his wives except the first one. Protestants in this matter are softer to people and do not require of coming to them polygamists to divorce their wives. Although not all Protestants, of course.

Every catholic nun wears a wedding ring because she is married to Jesus Christ, making him the greatest polygamist in history. From this we deduce that Jesus is not catholic, he just likes to marry catholic girls.

Interesting facts:

• Pope Clement VII was seriously thinking about polygamy legalization to solve problem with the English King Henry VIII, but he decided nothing, and as a result of this England ceased to be a Catholic country - Henry VIII created the Church of England on the base of Catholic Church in the England becaming its head. Far-reaching consequences of this decision are well-known - long era of religious wars in Europe.
• In December 1539, Martin Luther proposed to become a bigamist to Philip of Hesse. He passed the propostion through his ambassador - Robert Barts. Luther proposed to Philip secretly marry Margaret von der Sale - one of his wife's ladies-in-waiting. Philip did it on March 4, 1540, but failed to keep the secret and when it became known Philip threatened to tell the public that he did it in accordance with Luther's advice. Then Luther told him to deny the fact of marriage, and Philip did it during subsequent investigation. However, now everybody knows the truth.
• After the Thirty Years' War population in Germany had decreased from 16-17 million to 4 million, and in 1650 in Nuremberg was announced the next:

“	As the needs of the Holy Roman Empire demand restoration of male population destroyed by sword, famine and disease, then every man in the next 10 years is allowed to marry two wives.	„

By the way human losses of the war Germany regained 100 years later only, and the Germans still remember that blessed decade.

• In Louisiana, a former French colony, and in French-speaking islands of the Caribbean it was normal to have a harem of black slaves, but the women legally were not considered as wives, though, and gave birth children openly acknowledged by their fathers (in other southern states in the U.S. for the recognition of children of slaves a man could get a black mark from the Ku Klux Klan and public contempt). Such a system named as Plaçage.

Islam

Moar info: Islam.

In Islam, the maximum number of simultaneous wives canonically should not exceed four. In according with legend, Muhammad used the following logic: one wife is not enough, two wives will quarrel and demand them to judge, that is fraught with risks, three wives will find a common language and will bend their husband, and four wives - just the ticket. It is remarkable that prophet Mohammed had in accordance with different sources from 10 to 23 wives, plus a couple of concubines. But even more remarkable is the fact that among all these wives and concubines at the time of marriage was a virgin six year old Aisha only, who Muhammad blessed when she was nine years.

If you have enough health and money you can become father of 100 children.

Polygamy and law

In the Russian Empire

When there were kings in Russia polygamy was banned too, but as you know if something is forbidden, but you really want to, then you can do it. Polygamists in Holy Russia became mainly merchants who shuttled between cities with lots of goods and dough. And since then there were neither railways nor airplanes, during the way all shopping trip participants were overtaken by semen-toxidrome. And it suggested a law loophole - the travelers had right to move about the country with a special paper ("travel permits" (rus. проезжая грамота) only, where marital status was not stated. Therefore, a good merchant married twice - first at one end of a trade route, and the second - on the other one. With the lapse of time the children grew up, started to learn merchant business from his father, and during a visit to another city suddenly surprized by presence of their brothers and sisters with whom they were not previously familiar with. Authority responded to this by adding to the special paper column "marital status", which is now in all russian passports.

In the USSR

In the Soviet Union in the early 1920s was campaign against polygamists, similar to Dekulakization campaign. Basically campaign took place in Muslim regions - in the Central Asia and in the Caucasus. Moreover, polygamists were usually wealthy citizens and Soviet government disliked wealthy citizens. Later in the Soviet Union it was impossible to become a legally polygamist, and actually it was also quite difficult because of the neighbors as informers, and because of the distribution system which did not allow an employee to have income more than fixed level. Though there were some enthusiasts of polygamy who somehow managed to maintain two families.

Song about polygyny in a soviet film:

Original text	Translation
Если б я был султан, я б имел трех жён	If I were a sultan I would have three wives
И тройной красотой был бы окружён	And enjoy every day with my second halves.
Но с другой стороны при таких делах	On another though side if I look again,
Столько бед и забот, ах, спаси аллах!	I might have lots to lose and not much to gain.
Не очень плохо иметь три жены,	It’s nice to have at least three dear wives,
Но очень плохо с другой стороны.	But on other hand it won’t be too wise.
Зульфия мой халат гладит у доски.	Zulfiya irons robes and Fatma darns socks.
Шьёт Гюли, а Фатьма штопает носки.	Guly sews, but again everything so sucks.
Три жены - красота, что ни говори,	Even though to get laid’s always “duty-free”,
Но с другой стороны тёщи тоже три.	Ha! Guess what, moms-in-law also are three.
Не очень плохо иметь три жены,	It’s nice to have at least three dear wives,
Но очень плохо с другой стороны.	But on other hand it won’t be too wise.
Если даст мне жена каждая по сто,	If I get from a wife just one hundred grams,
Итого триста грамм - это кое-что!	Then it will be three times in the total sums.
Но когда "на бровях" прихожу домой,	But when I am shit drunk, guess what happens next? -
Мне скандал предстоит с каждою женой!	Every wife makes a scene in my cozy nest.
Не очень плохо иметь три жены,	It’s nice to have at least three dear wives,
Но очень плохо с другой стороны.	But on other hand it won’t be too wise.
Как быть нам, султанам, ясность тут нужна.	What we got, the sultans, is to clarify
Сколько жён в самый раз? Три или одна?	How many we need and, of course, why?
На вопрос на такой есть ответ простой -	To each wife I would say: “Honeydews, so long.”
Если б я был султан - был бы холостой!	If I were a sultan I would live alone.
Не очень плохо совсем без жены:	It’s nice I should say to have no wives,
Гораздо лучше с любой стороны!	It’s so much better and certainly wise.

In the modern Russia

Russian orthodox poet Sergiy Nikologorskiy with his two new wives. Now arrested for pedophilia ephebophilia

Mr. Zhirinovsky began to troll respectable audience as early as the early 1990s by calling to legalize polygamy, but has not still made any progress in this regard. At the same time, all those who were willing and able to create a polygamous family, have already done it. Losers are those wives whose marriage are not officially registered - in case of divorce they can rely on alimony for children only but not on the division of property. And if they live with her husband until his death, then their children have to prove their right to inheritance in court proving their words with results of genetic examination. Thanks to feminists.

In the Caucasus, recently there are cases when an old fart sensing the newfangled trend of true Islam marries second wife who is same age as his children. It usually ends up with children of his first wife expel new one not letting their father to amuse his flaccid penis in his old age. Poligamy is also quite common in the Russian North (Arkhangelsk Oblast).

In the USA

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Question about polygamy in the United States put Mormons as early as in the XIX century when their leader Joseph Smith said that God told him to become a polygamist. He decided that 30 wives would be quite enough to fulfill the God's will, and trolled respectable Pindoses by reference to the fact that he had right on polygamy in accordance wiht the First Amendment to the U.S. Constitution. In answer to this claim americunts took Edmunds-Tucker Act in accordance with which all property of confessions preaching polygamy was confiscated in favor of the federal budget and all members of such denominations were deprived of right to vote even if they were monogamists. This caused split among the Mormons resulted the fact that bulk of Mormons refused polygamy, and only a few true Mormons continued to fulfill the God's will.

Also Pindoses took law according to which American citizenship cannot be given to person who just says that polygamy is not a sin. So if you want to get U.S. citizenship, don't even think to tell an official U.S. immigration service about content of this article.

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  Mormon Kody Brown with his wives
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  Saint family on tv-show «Sister Wives»
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  Children play
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  family idyll
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  2010 year - there were 3 wives only

In the photo above is Kody Brown - husband of four wives and father of 16 children. Utah's authorities began to bait for polygamy him and all his family after they took part on the TV show «Sister Wives» - this retrograde state still consideres polygamy as a criminal offense, although in the Soviet Union polygamy ceased to be a crime in 1966. As a result, the family moved to Nevada and continued to troll Utah's authorities by applying a sue to overturn the criminal prosecution for polygamy. And indeed - why faggots are allowed to live together as ten men and it is not a crime, and at the same time polygamy is a crime?

Kody Brown grew up in an ordinary family. His parents were not Mormons. But in his youth he met Mormons-fundamentalists and decided that being a Mormon it's cool, stylish and fashionable. Among Mormons he found his first wife - Mary. She was born and grew up in a polygamist's family so she liked the idea of polygamy - even before her marriage she decided that her husband would also gave several wives and after the wedding she suggested that her husband should marry her best friend - Janelle. Janelle was also a Mormon but from another direction where polygamy was prohibited. But Mary managed to set her on the right path and Janelle agreed to become Kody's second wife. Kody did not mind. The third wife of Kody - Christine - just like Mary was dreaming about a polygamous family as she grew up in precisely this. Moreover, the girl wanted to be exactly third wife.

That's what she said about it:

	“	I never wanted to be a first wife or a second wife. I, in fact, only wanted to be a third wife. I’m not even kidding.	„
	—Christine Brown

Christine is a very pretty girl and she never had lack of suitors. However, all of them wanted her to be their only wife and therefore they were refused.

But when such an offer came from Cody, and more specifically from Cody, Mary and Janelle then Christine immediately said "yes".

Modern times 

In a poygamous culture, when a man's wife becomes too old to bear children then if he is rich enough he takes a newer, younger, hotter wife. He is, however, obliged to maintain his previous wives and his children by them. In this light, the modern practise of serial marriages, alimony for divorced wives and child support is modern polygamy, pure and simple.

Polygamy is part of a series on Sex Visit the Sex Portal for complete coverage.

Featured article November 20 & 21, 2013
Preceded by World of Tanks	Polygamy	Succeeded by John F. Kennedy