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Bayeux Tapestry: Difference between revisions

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[[Image:Bayeuxllllc.jpg|thumb|55px|left]]
[[Image:Bayeuxllllc.jpg|thumb|55px|left]]
[[Image:Midevil.jpg|thumb|From one-liners...]]
[[Image:Midevil.jpg|thumb|From one-liners...]]
[[Image:Whathappened2jack.jpg|thumb|...to [[Jacknstock|hilarious narratives]]...]]
[[Image:Whathappened2jack.jpg|thumb|...to [[Jacknstock|hilarious narratives]]...]]
[[Image:Ihathherduliekestmudkipz.jpg|thumb|...to declarations of [[Mudkips|liek]]...]]
[[Image:Ihathherduliekestmudkipz.jpg|thumb|...to declarations of [[Mudkips|liek]]...]]
[[Image:Historicnathan.jpg|thumb|...to [[Nathanr|sordid tales]].]]
[[Image:Historicnathan.jpg|thumb|...to [[Nathanr|sordid tales]].]]
[[Image:Doods.jpg|thumb|Thou hast been pwn-ed!]]
[[Image:Doods.jpg|thumb|Thou hast been pwn-ed!]]
[[Image:Dtmb Medieval.jpg|thumb|[[Don't Taze Me Bro|...for non-lethal weapons.]]]]
[[Image:Dtmb Medieval.jpg|thumb|[[Don't Taze Me Bro|...for non-lethal weapons.]]]]
 
[[Image:Bayeux911.jpg|thumb|...and [[9/11|NEVAR FORGETTING!]]]]
[[Image:Dollartapes.jpg|thumb|[[I go chop your dollar|And epic tales of cunning bandits!]]]]
[[Image:Dollartapes.jpg|thumb|[[I go chop your dollar|And epic tales of cunning bandits!]]]]
[[Image:Bayeux911.jpg|thumb|...and [[9/11|NEVAR FORGETTING!]]]]


'''The Bayeux Tapestry''' is a very large piece of embroidered fabric, more than 70 meters [[Longcat|long]] and only half a meter wide (that's about 230 feet long and 20 inches wide, for the [[Americunts]] in the house). It was created in the late 11th century to document the leading tapestry [[memes]] of the time, most of which were remarkably similar to the internets memes of our modern day, as well as the events leading up to the invasion of [[England]] by William the [[Bastard|Conqueror]], Duke of [[France|Normandy]] in [[9/11|1066]].
'''The Bayeux Tapestry''' is a very large piece of embroidered fabric, more than 70 meters [[Longcat|long]] and only half a meter wide (that's about 230 feet long and 20 inches wide, for the [[Americunts]] in the house). It was created in the late 11th century to document the leading tapestry [[memes]] of the time, most of which were remarkably similar to the internets memes of our modern day, as well as the events leading up to the invasion of [[England]] by William the [[Bastard|Conqueror]], Duke of [[France|Normandy]] in [[9/11|1066]].


== The Battle of Hastings ==


== The Battle of Hastings ==
The Tapestry contains hundreds of images, divided into scenes, each describing a particular meme or historical event. The scenes are [[Series of tubes|joined into a linear sequence]], allowing the viewer to "read" the entire [[fan fiction|story]], starting with the first scene and progressing to the last. However, because at some point in the past thousand years it was cut up into numerous sections, no-one is really sure what the correct sequence actually was. In the final analysis, it doesn't really matter. We know that the English lost because most of the army was out [[buttsecks|mucking around]] in [[Scotland]] and [[FGSFDS|Wales]], and Harold of England's forces were mostly [[rednecks|local farmers]] he [[rape|forced into service]] for a six-week period before [[Goofy Time|harvest-time.]]
The Tapestry contains hundreds of images, divided into scenes, each describing a particular meme or historical event. The scenes are [[Series of tubes|joined into a linear sequence]], allowing the viewer to "read" the entire [[fan fiction|story]], starting with the first scene and progressing to the last. However, because at some point in the past thousand years it was cut up into numerous sections, no-one is really sure what the correct sequence actually was. In the final analysis, it doesn't really matter. We know that the English lost because most of the army was out [[buttsecks|mucking around]] in [[Scotland]] and [[FGSFDS|Wales]], and Harold of England's forces were mostly [[rednecks|local farmers]] he [[rape|forced into service]] for a six-week period before [[Goofy Time|harvest-time.]]


== Fail becometh Win ==
== Fail becometh Win ==
Thus, the scarecrow English team got their asses kicked by the feet and swords of the heavily armored knights of French Normandy - the Normans were Vikings from Norway, who had moved to France for the tax advantages - but surprisingly, they grew to be very happy about the aftermath of the invasion. For one thing, thousands of [[Yuppie|rich Frenchies]] swarmed over and built up a bunch of luxurious castles, cruised around the countryside in their shiny oxcarts on the weekends, [[beer|mead]]-tasting, and the local people realized that these rich assholes actually spent a lot of money on expensive shit, so there were lots of opportunities for commerce. Soon it became cool for the local people to mince around practicing their French, and the old-fashioned Anglo-Saxon grunting noises they used to have as language didn't sound so good anymore. Eventually, the French and Anglo-Saxon sort of blended, and eventually became [[Internets English|the language we all know and love]] today.
Thus, the scarecrow English team got their asses kicked by the feet and swords of the heavily armored knights of French Normandy - the Normans were Vikings from Norway, who had moved to France for the tax advantages - but surprisingly, they grew to be very happy about the aftermath of the invasion. For one thing, thousands of [[Yuppie|rich Frenchies]] swarmed over and built up a bunch of luxurious castles, cruised around the countryside in their shiny oxcarts on the weekends, [[beer|mead]]-tasting, and the local people realized that these rich assholes actually spent a lot of money on expensive shit, so there were lots of opportunities for commerce. Soon it became cool for the local people to mince around practicing their French, and the old-fashioned Anglo-Saxon grunting noises they used to have as language didn't sound so good anymore. Eventually, the French and Anglo-Saxon sort of blended, and eventually became [[Internets English|the language we all know and love]] today.


== But the memes ==
== But the memes ==
This is where a study of the memes becomes imperative, as their appearance on the [[Internet]] is not only instructive from the historical point of view, but also helps to illuminate the meaning of a whole range of memes. The past is mostly a bad memory, and the future is uncertain, but the memes of the Bayeux Tapestry provide for the internets a precise and ancient mirror of today.
This is where a study of the memes becomes imperative, as their appearance on the [[Internet]] is not only instructive from the historical point of view, but also helps to illuminate the meaning of a whole range of memes. The past is mostly a bad memory, and the future is uncertain, but the memes of the Bayeux Tapestry provide for the internets a precise and ancient mirror of today.


== How to make ==
== How to make ==
A Bayeux Tapestry for any drama or meme can be created with a '''Historic Tale Construction Kit''', a magical place that can be used to illustrate anything.
A Bayeux Tapestry for any drama or meme can be created with a '''Historic Tale Construction Kit''', a magical place that can be used to illustrate anything.


===[[Skillz]] to write [[furries|tales]]===
===[[Skillz]] to write [[furries|tales]]===
*Use ye olde [[English]]. For example instead of "[[your mom|Yo mother]] is a [[whore|hoe]]," you could say "Thy mater maketh her [[money|wealth]] upon her back."
*Use ye olde [[English]]. For example instead of "[[your mom|Yo mother]] is a [[whore|hoe]]," you could say "Thy mater maketh her [[money|wealth]] upon her back."
*Fit as many [[people]] into each frame as possible.
*Fit as many [[people]] into each frame as possible.
Line 38: Line 35:


===Topics===
===Topics===
When [[Jacknstock|on the internet drama hath taken place and the affairs all a huggermugger]], generally the fray canst be summarized in a great tale. Tis shall serve two purposes: Firstly, it shall produce [[lulz|great mirth]] for the [[Special:Listusers|onlookers of the fray]]; secondly, the situation shall be told to the tardy masses.
When [[Jacknstock|on the internet drama hath taken place and the affairs all a huggermugger]], generally the fray canst be summarized in a great tale. Tis shall serve two purposes: Firstly, it shall produce [[lulz|great mirth]] for the [[Special:Listusers|onlookers of the fray]]; secondly, the situation shall be told to the tardy masses.


Topics regarding the intrigues of the Court are can also serve for much [[lulz|amusement]], but thou wouldst do well to make use of ye olde English. For example, "lol, [[bush]] [[suck]]s" shall become "Thy king's engagement in [[Fetish|questionable activity]] doth stir in me great mirth."
Topics regarding the intrigues of the Court are can also serve for much [[lulz|amusement]], but thou wouldst do well to make use of ye olde English. For example, "lol, [[bush]] [[suck]]s" shall become "Thy king's engagement in [[Fetish|questionable activity]] doth stir in me great mirth."


== Links ==
== Gallery ==
*[[Circumlolcution]]
*[http://bayeux.datensalat.net/ Historic Tale Construction Kit]
*[http://p210.ezboard.com/flakesideviewfrm8.showMessage?topicID=2553.topic All Your Base]
*[http://www.bbc.co.uk/history/british/normans/bayeux_tapestry_gallery.shtml Bayeux Tapestry]


{{cg|Ye Olde Gallerie|bayeuxgallery|center|<gallery>
{{cg|Ye Olde Gallerie|bayeuxgallery|center|<gallery>
Image:12_years_olde.png
File:12_years_olde.png
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File:Overnynethousands.jpg|[[Over 9000]]
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File:Shiningpidgey.jpg
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File:Belair bayeux.jpg|[[The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air]]
</gallery>|<gallery>
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File:HSM.jpg
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File:Chargethmahlaza.jpg|IMMA CHARGIN MAH LAZER
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File:Olden Days U Wot M8.jpg|[[U WOT M8|U wot, knave?]]
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File:Dollartapes.jpg
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File:Bayeuxkillit.jpeg
Image:Bayeuxwtc.jpg
File:Bayeuxbroccolidog.jpg
Image:Bayeux07thJuly.jpg
File:Bayeuxwtc.jpg
Image:BayeuxORLYYARLY.jpeg
File:Bayeux07thJuly.jpg
Image:Bayeuxrule34.jpg
File:BayeuxORLYYARLY.jpeg
Image:Bayeaufaggottree.jpg
File:Bayeuxrule34.jpg
Image:Noonelikesyou.jpg
File:Bayeaufaggottree.jpg
Image:Buy a Dog Tapestry.PNG
File:Noonelikesyou.jpg
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Image:Pwny.jpg
File:Thoufailethit.jpg
Image:Bayeux zerg rush.jpg
File:Pwny.jpg
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File:Bayeux zerg rush.jpg
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File:Covertom.jpg
Image:Omganhero.jpg
File:Whistled cab bayeux.JPG
Image:Battletaddes.jpg
File:Omganhero.jpg
Image:Personal_army.jpg
File:Battletaddes.jpg
Image:Shiny.jpg
File:Personal_army.jpg
Image:Thouhastwronglydoneit.png  
File:Shiny.jpg
Image:Hold_thy_tongue_judge.jpg
File:Thouhastwronglydoneit.png  
Image:Bayeux tapestry za warudo.jpg
File:Hold_thy_tongue_judge.jpg
Image:Bayeauxbarrelroll.JPG
File:Bayeux tapestry za warudo.jpg
Image:Bayeauxchrishansen.JPG  
File:Bayeauxbarrelroll.JPG
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Image:Medievalproxies.jpg
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Image:bayeux_lion.jpg
File:BAYEUXFISTON!.PNG
Image:Hammer_of_ban.jpg
File:bayeux_lion.jpg
Image:Whereswaldoold.jpg
File:Hammer_of_ban.jpg
Image:Alle_thy_base.jpg|[[All your base|Alle thy base hath come into oure possession.]]
File:Whereswaldoold.jpg
File:Alle_thy_base.jpg|[[All your base|Alle thy base hath come into oure possession.]]
File:In Thine Base.jpeg
File:In Thine Base.jpeg
Image:Nay Thou.JPG
File:Nay Thou.JPG
Image:Longcatbeofgreatlength.jpg|[[longcat|Indeed]]
File:Longcatbeofgreatlength.jpg|[[longcat|Indeed]]
Image:Ted stevens bayeux.png
File:Ted stevens bayeux.png
Image:TheWorldDothEndethWithThou.png  
File:TheWorldDothEndethWithThou.png  
Image:Scilence-thy-self-titty-monster.jpg
File:Scilence-thy-self-titty-monster.jpg
Image:Thisbeashop.jpg|[[This Looks Shopped|I can tell from some of the stitching.]]
File:Thisbeashop.jpg|[[This Looks Shopped|I can tell from some of the stitching.]]
Image:BayeuxTapestrySpy.jpg
File:BayeuxTapestrySpy.jpg
Image:Captureththyflag.jpg
File:Captureththyflag.jpg
Image:Bayeux2girls1cup.jpg
File:Bayeux2girls1cup.jpg
Image:Bayeuxdoublenigger.jpg
File:Bayeuxdoublenigger.jpg
Image:Idk bff jill.jpg|[[IDK, my BFF Jill?|The Companion I most Prefer.]]
File:Idk bff jill.jpg|[[IDK, my BFF Jill?|The Companion I most Prefer.]]
Image:Lordes.jpg|[[Gentlemen]]
File:Lordes.jpg|[[Gentlemen]]
Image:Yonder spye.jpg
File:Yonder spye.jpg
Image:Buzzkillingbayeux.jpg|[[Buzzkilling]] Tapestry
File:Buzzkillingbayeux.jpg|[[Buzzkilling]] Tapestry
Image:Gametapestry.jpg|[[The Game|O shiiit]]
File:Gametapestry.jpg|[[The Game|O shiiit]]
Image:Gaeme.gif|[[The Game|Oh, and...]]
File:Gaeme.gif|[[The Game|Oh, and...]]
Image:BayeuxRoll.gif
File:BayeuxRoll.gif
Image:F40PH tapestry.png|[[F40PH]]
File:F40PH tapestry.png|[[F40PH]]
Image:killitwithfire.jpg|[[KILL IT WITH FIRE]]
File:killitwithfire.jpg|[[KILL IT WITH FIRE]]
Image:Bayeux-starcraft.png|[[Additional Pylons]]
File:Bayeux-starcraft.png|[[Additional Pylons]]
Image:Bayeux-userwasbanned.png|<font color=red><b>(USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS TAPESTRY)</b></font>
File:Bayeux-userwasbanned.png|<font color=red><b>(USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS TAPESTRY)</b></font>
Image:Bayeux-big-deal.jpg
File:Bayeux-big-deal.jpg
Image:Tapestry goatse wrong.png
File:Tapestry goatse wrong.png
Image:Bayeux jenkins.jpg
File:Bayeux jenkins.jpg
Image:STFU_NOOB_Bayeux.jpg
File:STFU_NOOB_Bayeux.jpg
Image:Bayeuxpokemans.PNG|[[Pokémon|Pokemans]]
File:Bayeuxpokemans.PNG|[[Pokémon|Pokemans]]
Image:Dysmotivators.JPG
File:Dysmotivators.JPG
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File:Madagascar_Bayeux.JPG
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File:Lake'th closed.jpg
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File:Drakeride.JPG
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File:Howdidst.JPG
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File:Arrivedeth.JPG
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File:Pretty brave sire.JPG
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File:Bayeux_maiden.JPG
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File:Bayeux immaletyoufinish.jpg
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File:Bayeuxpimpmyhorse.png
Image:Bayeuxitsatrap.png
File:Bayeuxitsatrap.png
Image:Bayeaux-911.jpg
File:Bayeaux-911.jpg
Image:Verilyhoratio.jpg|[[CSI|Lord Horatio of Caine]]
File:Verilyhoratio.jpg|[[CSI|Lord Horatio of Caine]]
File:TapestryFriday.png|I see yon [[Rebecca Black|undecided wench]]!
File:TapestryFriday.png|I see yon [[Rebecca Black|undecided wench]]!
File:Bayeaux ISee.jpg|[[I See What You Did There|I Hath Seen What Thou Hast Done There!]]
File:Bayeaux ISee.jpg|[[I See What You Did There|I Hath Seen What Thou Hast Done There!]]
Line 185: Line 180:
File:Bayeaux In Thy Base.jpg|[[I Am In Your Base Killing Your D00ds|In Thy Base, Killing Thy Warriors!]]
File:Bayeaux In Thy Base.jpg|[[I Am In Your Base Killing Your D00ds|In Thy Base, Killing Thy Warriors!]]
File:Bayeaux Milkshake.jpg
File:Bayeaux Milkshake.jpg
</gallery>}}
File:Pomf2.png|[[Pomf =3]]
File:Ihathcometh.png
</gallery>}}<br>


== See also ==


{{Britfags}}
* [[Circumlolcution]]
 
== External links ==
 
* [http://bayeux.datensalat.net/ Historic Tale Construction Kit]
* [http://p210.ezboard.com/flakesideviewfrm8.showMessage?topicID=2553.topic All Your Base]
* [http://www.bbc.co.uk/history/british/normans/bayeux_tapestry_gallery.shtml Bayeux Tapestry]
* [https://archive.org/details/bayeuxtapestry00fowk As a book]




{{Britfags}}
{{Language}}
{{Language}}
{{ytmnd}}
{{ytmnd}}
{{memes}}
{{memes}}
{{lulzhistory}}
{{lulzhistory}}
{{Timeline|Featured article September 8, [[2007]]|[[The Anti-ED Club]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[Vanessa Hudgens]]}}
{{Timeline|Featured article September 8, [[2007]]|[[The Anti-ED Club]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[Vanessa Hudgens]]}}


[[Category:Internets Phenomena]]
[[Category:Internets Phenomena]]
[[Category:Memes]]
[[Category:Memes]]
[[Category:Softwarez]]
[[Category:Chans]]
[[Category:Chans]]

Latest revision as of 08:46, 22 May 2021

From one-liners...
...to hilarious narratives...
...to declarations of liek...
...to sordid tales.
Thou hast been pwn-ed!
...for non-lethal weapons.
...and NEVAR FORGETTING!
And epic tales of cunning bandits!

The Bayeux Tapestry is a very large piece of embroidered fabric, more than 70 meters long and only half a meter wide (that's about 230 feet long and 20 inches wide, for the Americunts in the house). It was created in the late 11th century to document the leading tapestry memes of the time, most of which were remarkably similar to the internets memes of our modern day, as well as the events leading up to the invasion of England by William the Conqueror, Duke of Normandy in 1066.

The Battle of Hastings

The Tapestry contains hundreds of images, divided into scenes, each describing a particular meme or historical event. The scenes are joined into a linear sequence, allowing the viewer to "read" the entire story, starting with the first scene and progressing to the last. However, because at some point in the past thousand years it was cut up into numerous sections, no-one is really sure what the correct sequence actually was. In the final analysis, it doesn't really matter. We know that the English lost because most of the army was out mucking around in Scotland and Wales, and Harold of England's forces were mostly local farmers he forced into service for a six-week period before harvest-time.

Fail becometh Win

Thus, the scarecrow English team got their asses kicked by the feet and swords of the heavily armored knights of French Normandy - the Normans were Vikings from Norway, who had moved to France for the tax advantages - but surprisingly, they grew to be very happy about the aftermath of the invasion. For one thing, thousands of rich Frenchies swarmed over and built up a bunch of luxurious castles, cruised around the countryside in their shiny oxcarts on the weekends, mead-tasting, and the local people realized that these rich assholes actually spent a lot of money on expensive shit, so there were lots of opportunities for commerce. Soon it became cool for the local people to mince around practicing their French, and the old-fashioned Anglo-Saxon grunting noises they used to have as language didn't sound so good anymore. Eventually, the French and Anglo-Saxon sort of blended, and eventually became the language we all know and love today.

But the memes

This is where a study of the memes becomes imperative, as their appearance on the Internet is not only instructive from the historical point of view, but also helps to illuminate the meaning of a whole range of memes. The past is mostly a bad memory, and the future is uncertain, but the memes of the Bayeux Tapestry provide for the internets a precise and ancient mirror of today.

How to make

A Bayeux Tapestry for any drama or meme can be created with a Historic Tale Construction Kit, a magical place that can be used to illustrate anything.

Skillz to write tales

Topics

When on the internet drama hath taken place and the affairs all a huggermugger, generally the fray canst be summarized in a great tale. Tis shall serve two purposes: Firstly, it shall produce great mirth for the onlookers of the fray; secondly, the situation shall be told to the tardy masses.

Topics regarding the intrigues of the Court are can also serve for much amusement, but thou wouldst do well to make use of ye olde English. For example, "lol, bush sucks" shall become "Thy king's engagement in questionable activity doth stir in me great mirth."


See also


Bayeux Tapestry
is part of a series on

The British
The Pride of Britain [-+]
Our Rich Cultural Heritage [-+]
The United Kingdom [-+]
Bayeux Tapestry is part of a series on Language & Communication
Languages and Dialects • Grammar, Punctuation, Spelling, Style, and Usage • Rhetorical Strategies • Poetry • The Politics of Language and Communication • Media • Visual Rhetoric
Click topics to expand
Bayeux Tapestry
is part of a series on
YTMND

[YES, YES!PUNCH THE KEYS FOR GOD'S SAKE]

Bayeux Tapestry is part of a series on

Memes

Visit the Memes Portal for complete coverage.
Bayeux Tapestry

is part of a series on

The History of The Lulz

[Shut UpSing Me The Song Of My People]


In Chronological Order


399BC: First recorded troll-banning
0AD: Knock knock! Who's there? It's Jesus, LOL
571: Birth of Muhahahahahammed
600: Blood orgies
1077: Invention of the meme archive
1100: DEUS VULT!
1337: Start of the Hundred Years War
1492: The Americas are culturally enriched
1573: Tycho doesn't invent the funny webcomic
1605: Guy Fawkes invents terrorism.
1789: The beret is mightier than the crown
1801: Invention of the Triforce
1850: World's first OH EXPLOITABLE image
1865: End of the Nigger Market
1877: Trolling world record broken
1888: First successful mixing of hookers and lulz
1914: World War 1
1927: Teh f1rst sk00l sh00ting
1939: World War 2
1944: The Lollercaust doesn't happen
1945: "Nag? Naga? Well... it's nagonna be there tomorrow that's fore sure." - Harry S Truman
1948: Best Korea is founded (along with Good Korea)
1955: America gets BTFO
1960: Awesomeness of swords discovered
1963: CIA did JFK
1987: First televised An Hero
1993: World Wide Web becomes available, Waco
1999: Counter Strike played IRL
2000: End of teh world due to computer errors.
2001: Bush, Saudis, and Jews do WTC
2004: ED founded
2005: Katrina and 7/7
2007: Cho Seung-Hui becomes the King of School Shooters
2011: Utoya Island Swimming School is opened
2013: ISIS founded
2014: Beta Uprising begins
2015: Paris Attacks
2016: Donald Trump is elected president of the United States. (For the lulz.)
2017: Country music is back
2019: First livestreamed kebab removal
2024: Healthcare rage done right

Featured article September 8, 2007
Preceded by
The Anti-ED Club 		Bayeux Tapestry Succeeded by
Vanessa Hudgens
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