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Kindle

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A small minority of students BEND the rest of the country TO THEIR WILL.

The Kindle e-book reader is a DRM infested piece of shit that allows a person to pay to download books and then have them remotely deleted by Amazon for no reason. The Kindle is also a travesty of civil rights violations because the damn thing cannot be operated by blind people. Because of this, books themselves have also been targeted as a violation of the Americans with Disabilities Act. People who use the device are referred to as Kindle Fiddlers.

The Story

Recently, several universities around the country attempted to step into the 21st century by adding the Kindle as part of their curriculums. There were not many classes involved, but the rewards could be great:

  • cheaper books for students
  • less hassle for teachers
  • greater flexibility concerning course material
  • greatly reduced waste and environmental impact due to the fact that no paper would be used

Everything seemed to go well. The students were happy with their Kindles and the universities were happy because this was obviously a giant leap forward technologically speaking, but whoa there fella...suddenly somebody had to bring this great idea to a screeching halt.

The Blind

File:Kindle keller.jpg
Hellen Keller didn't need text-to-speech because she was badass...oh wait, she couldn't hear either.

It seems that blind people cannot turn on a Kindle device because…well, because they are blind. This small fact doomed the Kindle in the classroom and ended the program. Since blind people can’t turn on a Kindle, the Kindle violates the Americans with Disabilities Act, and thus are violating Americans civil rights. The Obama administration immediately filed suit to stop the process.

Additionally, one has to wonder why simple books themselves are not outlawed at the same time, as they too cannot be operated by blind people either, and thus violate the same law.

Other things blind people cannot operate, and thus are illegal under the ADA:

Theories

He who controls education, controls culture...

Why did the Obama administration file suit to have the Kindle removed from university classrooms? Despite the fact that people think that Obama is white-knighting for the blind, the real reason is money. But wait, how can the federal government lose money in this process, since they weren’t involved on any level with the Kindle program? There are several theories, let’s take a look:

  • Teachers (and ultimately the teachers union) will earn less money because Kindle e-books are much cheaper than real paper books. Since many teachers publish their own books for use during their classes, they stand to make significantly less each school year.
  • The whole system is set up to use costly published paper books. Upsetting this balance will lead to job loss and less revenue for colleges. This will have a negative effect on taxes collected from schools.
  • Public schools will have to follow suit. Once universities make this sort of thing mandatory, local, government run schools will have to implement e-readers as well. A costly and time consuming endeavor.
  • TINFOIL HAT THEORY – A great deal of control is exerted over students nationwide through the control of textbooks. Since the government pretty much decides which books students will receive, they can dictate what they are actually learning. Since e-book publishing can lead to loss of this control, the whole idea had to be tossed out the window. Both progressives and conservatives understand the basic idea that “he who controls education, controls the culture.”

Where Do We Go?

Until blind people can turn on a device as simple as an mp3 player, we are gonna be stuck using paper books in schools. Stuck, that is, until somebody else figures out that paper books themselves are violating the ADA and we begin burning those too.

Transcript

Here is the full transcript of the Letter from Department of Justice & Department of Education to College & University Presidents on Electronic Book Readers just in case you feel the need to read it:

[[Cool story bro.][Full Transcript]]


See Also

External Links

Kindle is part of a series on Language & Communication
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