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Alabama: Difference between revisions
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{{warning|SWEET HOME ALABAMA!}} | |||
[[Image:AlabamaFlag.jpg|thumb|Flag of Alabama]] | [[Image:AlabamaFlag.jpg|thumb|Flag of Alabama. The 'x' means [[DO NOT WANT]]!]] | ||
[[Image:ZAlabama-2.jpg|thumb|This has to be shopped.]] | [[Image:ZAlabama-2.jpg|thumb|This has to be shopped.]] | ||
[[Image:AlabamaFan.jpg|thumb|Yeah, that's more like it.]] | [[Image:AlabamaFan.jpg|thumb|Yeah, that's more like it.]] | ||
'''Alabama''' was accidentally by a family of [[Europe]]ans lost in the wilderness. Lacking better means of passing the time while awaiting rescue, they started a good ol' fashioned family orgy. Sadly, help never came. Centuries later, the region has become an amalgamation of brother-cousins continuing with [[incest|tradition]], and a surprisingly high number of [[niggers|upstanding black folk]]. | '''Alabama''' was accidentally founded by a family of [[Europe]]ans lost in the wilderness. Lacking better means of passing the time while awaiting rescue, they started a good ol' fashioned family orgy. Sadly, help never came. Centuries later, the region has become an amalgamation of brother-cousins continuing with [[incest|tradition]], and a surprisingly high number of [[niggers|upstanding black folk]]. | ||
Alabama's predominant exports are [[incest|family entertainment]], [[shit|mud]], [[abortion]]s, [[Rape|pigs]] and [[MySpace|illiteracy]]. Much like the entirety of the south, excessive in-breeding has led to rampant retardation, the popularity of [[NASCAR]], and ugly-ass bucktoothed bitches. | Alabama's predominant exports are [[incest|family entertainment]], [[shit|mud]], [[abortion]]s, [[Rape|pigs]] and [[MySpace|illiteracy]]. Much like the entirety of the south, excessive in-breeding has led to rampant retardation, the popularity of [[NASCAR]], and ugly-ass bucktoothed bitches. | ||
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*Recreational creation and use of [[meth|crystal meth]] (Although not at the same rate as [[New Mexico]].... yet.) | *Recreational creation and use of [[meth|crystal meth]] (Although not at the same rate as [[New Mexico]].... yet.) | ||
*[[Death penalty|Executing]] [[Niggers|criminals]] | |||
*Lynching [[Niggers]] | *Lynching [[Niggers]] | ||
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*If black, Killin' duh whyte man | *If black, Killin' duh whyte man | ||
<center>< | * [[Incest|Fucking your family members]] | ||
{|style="margin: auto;" | |||
|<center><dailymotion>x2uqk4f</dailymotion></center> | |||
|} | |||
{{quote|Everyone who done see the leprechaun say YAY!|Upstanding Alabamian youth}} | {{quote|Everyone who done see the leprechaun say YAY!|Upstanding Alabamian youth}} | ||
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==Government== | ==Government== | ||
The most famous Alabama governor was George Wallace who managed to pull the amazing feat of trolling both [[Negros]] and the [[KKK]] by promising "segregation now, segregation tomorrow and segregation forever" while also putting a whole bunch of blacks in government. [[for great justice|Then he got shot and turned into a cripple]]. No other Alabama governor has been able to pull off this since, so most governors will stick to trolling either the jungle bunnies or the Klan, but not both. All Alabama governors do enjoy to troll [[fags]] and [[lesbians]] as both white and black Alabamians agree that [[homos]] piss | The most famous Alabama governor was George Wallace who managed to pull the amazing feat of simultaneously trolling both [[Negros]] and the [[KKK]] by promising "segregation now, segregation tomorrow and segregation forever!" while also putting a whole bunch of blacks in government. [[for great justice|Then he got shot and turned into a cripple]]. No other Alabama governor has been able to pull off this since, so most governors will stick to trolling either the jungle bunnies or the Klan, but not both. All Alabama governors and judges do enjoy to troll [[fags]] and [[lesbians]] as both white and black Alabamians agree that [[homos]] piss off the almighty God. | ||
{|style="margin: auto;" | |||
<center><youtube>4RZ4G251WR4</youtube></center> | |<center><youtube>4RZ4G251WR4</youtube></center> | ||
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{{quote|You know, 300,000 nigger voters is mighty hard to overcome.|George Wallace}} | {{quote|You know, 300,000 nigger voters is mighty hard to overcome.|George Wallace}} | ||
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*[[Slut|Courtney Cox]] | *[[Slut|Courtney Cox]] | ||
*[[Paul Fetch]] | *[[Paul Fetch]] | ||
* Forrest Gump | |||
*[[Natalee Holloway]] - Also a state export | *[[Natalee Holloway]] - Also a state export | ||
*Harper Lee | *Harper Lee | ||
*[[Flea Market Montgomery|Sammy Stephens]] | *[[Flea Market Montgomery|Sammy Stephens]] | ||
*[[Amy Bishop]] | *[[Amy Bishop]] | ||
*[[Jimbo Wales]] | |||
*[[cripple|Hellen Keller]] | *[[cripple|Hellen Keller]] | ||
*[[Tim James]] | *[[Tim James]] | ||
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*[[Hurricane Katrina|Yell LSU rules.]] | *[[Hurricane Katrina|Yell LSU rules.]] | ||
*Become a NASCAR- and beer-hating Black [[Mexican]] homosexual. | *Become a NASCAR- and beer-hating Black [[Mexican]] homosexual. | ||
*Refuse to attend the lynching | *Refuse to attend the lynching. | ||
*Oppose the [[death penalty]]. | |||
*Make fun of George Wallace or Roy Moore. | |||
*Say that you're glad the South lost the war. | *Say that you're glad the South lost the war. | ||
*Say you think gays should be allowed to get married. | *Say you think gays should be allowed to get married. | ||
*Say guns should be banned. | *Say [[guns]] should be banned. | ||
*Get an [[abortion]]. | *Get an [[abortion]]. | ||
*Wear a condom. | *Wear a condom. | ||
*Don't marry your sister | *Don't marry your sister. | ||
==See Also== | ==See Also== | ||
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*[[Condoleeza Rice]] | *[[Condoleeza Rice]] | ||
*[[Flea Market Montgomery]] | *[[Flea Market Montgomery]] | ||
*[[Tim James]] | *[[Tim James]] | ||
{{Unitedstates}} | {{Unitedstates}} | ||
{{niggers}} | |||
[[Category:Locations]] | [[Category:Locations]] | ||
Latest revision as of 00:05, 12 June 2024
|
Warning! SWEET HOME ALABAMA! |
Alabama was accidentally founded by a family of Europeans lost in the wilderness. Lacking better means of passing the time while awaiting rescue, they started a good ol' fashioned family orgy. Sadly, help never came. Centuries later, the region has become an amalgamation of brother-cousins continuing with tradition, and a surprisingly high number of upstanding black folk.
Alabama's predominant exports are family entertainment, mud, abortions, pigs and illiteracy. Much like the entirety of the south, excessive in-breeding has led to rampant retardation, the popularity of NASCAR, and ugly-ass bucktoothed bitches.
Getting to Know Alabamians
Alabamians are an interesting sub-species of Americans that managed to escape the euthanasia of the 1930s. They are almost as fond of their state as they are of lynchings.
Alabamians, butthurt at being utterly ignored during the Civil War, have decided to show their mean parents just how angst-ridden they are, by achieving the lowest SAT scores and highest rate of teenage pregnancy in the nation.
Alabamians love moonshine enough to invent sports like Nascar and the mullet toss as reasons to throw back a brew. The common stereotype of Alabamian men beating their wives is utterly untrue, as spousal abuse is far too much work for the average Alabamian.
Another fun pasttime of Alabamians is hunting. Hunting is a sport where a fat, aging redneck will sit in terrible weather conditions for days on end with a gun just to feel the thrill of taking a life. Many feel this is a poor substitute for the old jigaboo hunt, now outlawed by Big Government.
Mulattos be forwarned: Racial impurity is heavily frowned upon in the great state of Alabama and with good reason, the black race when given a chance will always try to destroy the Nobel white race.
—Uncle-daddy Roger, reciting the Alabama State Motto | ||
Also noted is that most Alabamians are members of the Alabama Crimson Tide cult. This cult is quite a dangerous group who will resort to eco-terrorism when backed into a corner. They are an ignorant and uncivilized group. The education system has degraded to a point where basic math is now of no relevance to them. They are commonly known to add more than really exists, as the case with national titles. They are entitled and pompous and through years of genetic experimentation with family members, most have been bred to throw common sense out the window.
Culture
See Rednecks
- Whine about Big Gub'mint (While leechin' off da well fare)
- Bitch because your dis'bil'ty check hasn't arrived
- Pro Bass Shops and gun shops on every street corner - Sport and hunting supplies is like coffee is to Seattle.
- Using lead drinking apparatus (hence their slurred speech and below average IQ's)
- Recreational creation and use of crystal meth (Although not at the same rate as New Mexico.... yet.)
- Lynching Niggers
- If black, Killin' duh whyte man
—Upstanding Alabamian youth | ||
Government
The most famous Alabama governor was George Wallace who managed to pull the amazing feat of simultaneously trolling both Negros and the KKK by promising "segregation now, segregation tomorrow and segregation forever!" while also putting a whole bunch of blacks in government. Then he got shot and turned into a cripple. No other Alabama governor has been able to pull off this since, so most governors will stick to trolling either the jungle bunnies or the Klan, but not both. All Alabama governors and judges do enjoy to troll fags and lesbians as both white and black Alabamians agree that homos piss off the almighty God.
—George Wallace | ||
—George Wallace, realizing his mistake | ||
Economy
Alabama's exports include the following Southern staples:
- Bacon fat
- Bestiality
- Country music
- Cotton
- CP
- Crystal Meth
- Dirt
- High-quality, space-grade rockets and computer equipment
- Incest
- Peanuts
- Shrimp-It's the fruit of the sea, You can barbecue it, boil it, broil it, bake it, saute it. there's shrimp-kabobs, shrimp creole, shrimp gumbo. Pan fried, deep fried, stir-fried. There's pineapple shrimp, lemon shrimp, coconut shrimp, pepper shrimp, shrimp soup, shrimp stew, shrimp salad, shrimp and potatoes, shrimp burger, shrimp sandwich. that's about it.
Alabama's imports
Famous Alabamians
- Truman Capote
- Courtney Cox
- Paul Fetch
- Forrest Gump
- Natalee Holloway - Also a state export
- Harper Lee
- Sammy Stephens
- Amy Bishop
- Jimbo Wales
- Hellen Keller
- Tim James
Language
In order to pass through Alabama with your life intact, it is necessary to learn the language. While officially English, it will undoubtedly be unlike anything you have ever heard spoken.
Transcript of a conversation from two near-simian humanoids in Alabama:
Inbred #1: WHAR YEW FREM BOWAH?
Inbred #2: FIME FREM HALLAH BAMMAH BOWAH!
Inbred #1: (...) UH...WHAR YEW SAIT YEW FREM BOWAH?
Inbred #2: BOWAH HAIZE FREM HALLAH BAMMAH BOWAH!
Inbred #1: HAH SAIT WHAR DAH HEYAL YEW BE FREM BOWAH!
Inbred #2: HAH SAIT HAIZE FREM HEW HEW HEW HEW HEW! HUH HUH HUH HEW! HUH HUH HUH HEW! HUH HUH HUH HEW!
Inbred #1: WHULL WHAH DAH FUHK HAINT YEW SAIT SO BOWAH!
To speak the language, it is necessary to imagine yourself as a retard, but not just any retard. You need to imagine yourself as the mongoloid the other Aspies at the group-home beat up for sounding like a faggot. If you can master this, you will be half way to sounding like a real Alabamian.
Education in Alabama
Education is largely nonexistent in Alabama. Everything one needs to know can be found in the gospel and old episodes of Jerry Springer. College is frowned upon as many who leave out to school, never return home to fulfill the obligations to their sixteen children and sister-wife Bobby Lee.
Trolling Alabama
It is very easy to troll Alabama.
- Put on black face.
- Yell LSU rules.
- Become a NASCAR- and beer-hating Black Mexican homosexual.
- Refuse to attend the lynching.
- Oppose the death penalty.
- Make fun of George Wallace or Roy Moore.
- Say that you're glad the South lost the war.
- Say you think gays should be allowed to get married.
- Say guns should be banned.
- Get an abortion.
- Wear a condom.
- Don't marry your sister.
