Herman Cain

STEP THE FUCK OFF! Herman Cain looks like shit but it is NOT a {{crapstub}}. It is a work in progress! If you require assistance beefing up this article, then hit up the experts on our IRC.

This man wants to be president.

It's no secret that the GOP doesn't want a nigger in the White House. Seeing the brotha man take control of the Jewnited States of Americunts in January of '08 brought many a tear to the white man, to the point where they took to the streets, waved guns around, and threatened a Civil War if Obama didn't move to the back of the White House and let a real American take over. Naturally, the liberal media painted them for what they are, and soon enough, they were forced to STFU. In fact, they realized that the liberals in the country had such a stranglehold on Obama's image, that every GOP candidate that stepped up to the candidate was painted as a bad choice for America, for various reasons only leftards understand.

So what did the GOP do? The only thing they could do: Find the dumbest, blackest Uncle Tom they could find, and make him the frontrunner for the Republicunt nomination. Oh, and his only experience in leadership is being the fucking CEO of a shitty pizza chain.

999 Plan

Herman Cain's inspiration.

Herman Cain, due to receiving a lifetime of Affirmative Action and hand-outs from Whitey, thought that fixing America's economy was to give everyone the exact same fucking tax rate on everything. Unfortunately, because he's a fucking retard, he didn't realize that forcing everyone to pay a 9% sales tax means raising taxes on everyone. Sound familiar? Naturally, the other GOP candidates jumped on him for this and threatened to hang him from a tree for even considering making people (including, God forbid, rich people) pay taxes, including what would amount to a tax increase for the poor.

It should come as no surprise, then, that such an unrealistically simple plan came from none other than a fucking video game. The Sims, no less. Herman Cain is no stranger to grabbing his campaign propaganda from popular culture, including a "inspirational quote" he pulled from Pokemon. No, srsly.

Ever since Herman Cain came up with this idea, he's been repeating the phrase "999" at least 9999 times a week on any given media appearance, to the point where "999" has become the worst forced meme of any Republicunt candidate so far this year. At least Mitt Romney and Rick Perry agree that corporations are people. When it comes to the 999 plan, however, Herman has been attacked repeatedly at any debate he's appeared in. This could be due to the fact that, just like another black politician, he wants to raise taxes on white people. All this proves is that niggers want to raise taxes so that other niggers can get their racially-earned welfare checks.

Herman Cain on The Issues

If you can't beat 'em...

• Gay Rights: Along with the typical right wing view of teh gay, Herman Cain believes that being gay is a choice (because it's a fact that people wake up one day and decide they want it in the ass), and despite invitations to prove this is true, he's too fucking scared of the big mean liberal media to have an actual debate.
• Foreign Policy: He doesn't give a fuck about knowing about foreign countries and is proud of being ignorant, like any typical Republican. What makes him particularly retarded, however, is that he bashed Uzbekistan, which is a country that Americunts rely on to get supplies to their troops, so in essence, he could have ruined an American alliance just because he wanted to prove he's as racist as any cracker in the GOP.
• Religion: Actually said he wanted to remix "Hail to the Chief" into a gospel track. In other words, he believes God appoints the president, meaning God wanted Obama to be president.
• The Poor: Grew up 'po', so he knows what being poor is like. He also said the poor should blame themselves for being poor because of Wall Street Jews, just like women should blame themselves for being raped.
• Terrorism: Hates Muslims so much that he said he would never appoint one to his cabinet. While this is probably a good idea since nobody wants a(nother) smelly sand nigger stinking up the White House, the leftards started baaaaw'ing about this nonstop. He also said he felt like states have the right to deny permits for building mosques, but has yet to do anything about the Ground Zero Mosque.
• Immigration: Build an electric fence, put barbed wire on it, and build a moat and fill it with alligators. Across the entire fucking southern border. No word yet on landmines, unmanned drones, and KKK patrols.
• Abortion: Believes that nobody should be allowed to have abortions, so long as it doesn't interfere with a woman's right to choose to have an abortion!

Herman Cain addressing his supporters

Herman Cain is well known for his plain way of speaking. His grass roots approach has gained him support, and his views on white people not being racist is popular amongst the GOP.

A montage of Herman Cain talking to supporters

Herman Cain on law making

Herman Cain has suggested that reading is for faggots! In order to solve the problem of Lazy niggers not liking to read bills being too long, he promises if you Vote for him he will make sure all bills are only 3 pages long

The Smoking Ad

His body is ready.

Herman Cain as a niglet.

In what can only be described as a vanity ad, a smoking Jew spends more than half a minute talking about what a badass conservative Herman Cain is. Herman himself then takes about eight seconds to don a failed trollface which ends up looking more like Cockmongler's grin, likely due to the fact that the only way he can ever smile is if he sees an underage Sheneequa's booty shaking.

However, some would say it's better than the ad he made in 2006

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Herman Cain is part of a series of topics related to Black People☻

Herman Cain is part of a series on Politics.

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Herman Cain is part of a series on Psychology