Weed

Know the signs

The dirty jews in israel love smoking the devil's lettuce.

Weed (AKA: Marijuana, Cannabis, Pot, Kush, 420, Hash, Mary Jane and Skunk) was invented simultaneously by every religion's God at least 100 years ago in 1969 on the planet Mexico and legalized Last Thursday. Some people say that God made it. Others will disagree and say that Satan did, but everybody knows that actually it was invented in Colombia because every single Colombian is an expert on the manufacture of every illegal drug.

Although not the best drug in the world, cannabis is easily the coolest drug for anyone to use; statistics say that 85% of people die the first time using it, but 100% of all survivors report having an all-round more kickass life. Roses are red, violets are blue, pot is green. I'm really baked. And hungry. Several studies show that marijuana can affect short-term memory. Several studies show that marijuana can affect short-term memory.

Usage

Prior to the 1960s, Cannabis was mainly used by spicks and porch monkeys. This all changed when Jerry Garcia invented the dirty hippy by forgetting to shower for a few years, thus increasing cannabis consumption dramatically across the US. However, it was still difficult to acquire at that time because The Beatles and The Dead were using most of it to help them write songs about walruses and glass onions. Thankfully, The Beatles broke up in 1970, allowing the rest of the world to enjoy it as well. Soon, it was common enough that even white people could find it.

Being the cheapest dirt available on the market, it is used by a wide variety of people, except rednecks (who prefer cheap beer, meth and dick-sucking), Heath Ledger (who is dead), and old people (who are already way stoned on prescription meds). Because of the simultaneous existence of Snoop Dogg, Willie Nelson, and Bill Clinton, many feared a shortage would arise, but thankfully Mexico stepped up to the plate last Thursday and increased production of 13-year-old boys, who are known to grow weed in their closets (so their parents don't find out).

Delta 8 and other weird pseudolegal shit

Recently a number of companies have started selling products containing cannabinoids that are technically found in the hemp plant including delta 8 THC, HHC and delta 10 THC, making them legal under the 2018 farm bill. These products usually have 0 lab testing and are filled with industrial solvents, but still 13 year old boys are lining up to get a mediocre, extremely subtle high followed by lung and brain damage from inhaling piss and vitamin E.

What is it like to be cannabis?

Cannabis is the unluckiest plant on the planet since most of it ends up in Seth Rogen's disgusting mouth. Even more unlucky than watermelon. As the chicken of the plant world, cannabis is a horrible victim of industrial genocide on a massive scale. Forced into factory farms and overcrowded conditions under artificial lamps, most cannabis lives an abysmal life where its only escape is death. If a lifeform is unfortunate enough to be born cannabis, there is an at least 100% chance it will end up in the mouths of either diabetic niggers, thieving spics, white people in dreadlocks or cornrows, or filthy neo-hippies who don't even revolt anymore. This unspeakable genocide is even more tragic since the enormous murder of cannabis is mainly so people will buy artisanal hackysacks and delusionally think that bad music or bad art or bad shows or junk food are actually good. Like everything else that comes from India, cannabis is subjected to overcrowding, grubby hands, pop spirituality, white people who think they know how to do it better, and harmful industrial chemicals.

Humans justify the widespread captivity and abuse of this undeserving plant because they have legs, even though you're not even using your legs while you read this. Humans think they're better than cannabis, even though they don't even have chlorophyll, and consequently have to either work for a living, leech off the government, live in their parents' basement, learn the hobo code, or sell weed.

Cannabis is heavily promoted by global capitalism since it spurs consumption and mindless media watching. When consumed it makes lettuce-pickers, janitors, maids, and fast-food workers not give a shit, turns people into braindead morons who will waste money on the dumbest shit imaginable, helps trained killers cope with their war crimes, and pacifies the masses into not revolting -- except for the rare instances when a user uses it and shoots a Congresswoman, or shoots his wife, or jumps from a hotel balcony, or shoots themself in the head, or cases a bunch of houses and attacks someone and gets shot, or tries to steal a cop's gun and gets shot. As you can see, cannabis is perfectly safe and never killed anyone, ever. When alcohol kills people, it's alcohol's fault, but when weed kills people it's because the people were already crazy. Cannabis even cures cancer, like in Bob Marley who defeated cancer by dying of it at 36.

Obvious slang names for weed

The Taliban used the profits they obtained from selling weed to do WTC. Still think weed is cool?

I iz gettin t3h stoned from teh weeds 4 caturday.......

Morgan Weedman

Cannabis is referred to using many slang terms, including:

• Weed
• Reefer
• Pot
• Kush
• Ganj (or, Ganja)
• Marijuana
• Mary Jane
• Bhang
• Flower
• Bud
• Choof
• Grass
• Indo
• Pol Pot
• Buddha
• Gamer fuel
• Scooby snacks
• Pokin' Smot
• Chronic
• Wacky tobacky
• Sticky icky-icky
• Some of that green shit
• David Allan Coe
• Dope (a slang term for heroin used interchangeably with weed by baby boomers)
• Stank
• Jolly green bananas
• Short bus biofuel
• Jungle fungus
• Cro-magnon
• Short-term memory what?
• Polynesian pinkeye
• The Incredible Hulk
• Libertarian tobacco
• Hobo harvest
• Mojave dry-mouth
• Arabian crime (because it gets you stoned)
• Jew kids

Effects

Om nom nom!

Cottonmouth

Like anything that has ever existed evar, marijuana has upsides and downsides. Cannabis causes cottonmouth, which, as the name suggests, makes you feel like you just ate a piece of fucking cotton. Other effects of cottonmouth are the absence of any saliva in your mouth except for that tiny bit of semen you forgot to swallow. Cottonmouth can be avoided by not smoking weed, or drinking a shit-ton of water afterward.

Reggae

Possibly the worst side effect of smoking weed, it is known for making white middle-class teenagers appreciate reggae music, which is utter shit. They'll come up to you and start talking about how much they appreciate Bob Marley, and show you their Bob Marley shirt, Bob Marley flag, and Bob Marley cock ring, because capitalism is for bastards.

Munchies

Aaaaaaannnd this would be one of the upsides of using cannabis. You take a bite of one chip and the next thing you know your entire pantry is fucking empty. After that, it's off to 7-Eleven, and you've just dropped a thousand grand on numerous deep-fried pastries alone. Of course, you made sure to waste no time while fumbling around the shop with your three deadshit stoner friends, wandering aimlessly and calling out to each other about how stoned you all are, much to the annoyance of the pitifully hollow existence running the service desk that Monday morning. Oh, and you also managed to make a mess of the Slurpee machine. You tried to mix every single flavor into your super-ultra double-sized plastic fat fuck cup for fat fucks, and you broke it. Smoking marijuana is the best way to get excessively fat and disgusting, especially if you're retarded, which most stoners happen to be. Although this extreme weight gain can be avoided if your skin complexion happens to be dark enough to warrant regular visits from the cops, as running from incarceration is a fun exercise recommended by health experts across the nation as a proven, time-tested means of shedding those unsightly pounds and all that extra flab hanging from your gut.

Again the best way to avoid the munchies is to not smoke weed.

DO IT FAGGOT

Over 1,000,000 stoned.

Trippin' Balls.

Some people claim to be allergic to it, so, in theory, they could die from it. Even though it's generally accepted that no one ever has in the 2,000+ years of cannabis use by humans. They could die. Seriously. Or suffer extreme brain damage.

Marijuana has been proven to fight brain cancer and increase the smoker's I.Q. by stimulating new brain cell growth, but as a side effect also causes schizophrenia and sometimes obesity. It's up to your mom to decide whether that's a fair trade-off. Some people claim to take cannabis but "don't inhale". There is a 99.9% chance that anyone who says this is full of shit.

First time smoking Weed. Pot smokers everywhere should follow this guy's advice. Best reporter ever. Cops break in and kill dumbass pothead's dog. lol pwned. Smoke weed everyday Previous Video | Next Video

“	I've found the best thing to get me asleep is cannabis—and all the people I know who smoke it agree.	„
—Anonymous suggests you, Smoke Yourself to Sleep

Stoner threads on /b/

Lately there has been a new shitstorm of threads ruining our beloved /b/ - the stoner threads. There are a fuckload of them popping up everywhere and they are quite popular, even though many think they are retarded. The threads themselves consist mainly of comics, Girls Gettin' High and image macros (stonerdog) of situations associated with the consumption of marijuana or other drugs. Many of said images are completely fucked up and futile and could clearly only have been made by someone who has melted his brain with weed.

LEGALIZE IT

Ever since IRL oldfags all started to fuck off and die for the betterment of humanity, the whiny pea-brained crybabies they've left to take their place in brown-scorching the Earth have finally begun to make themselves useful: by leading the fight to legalize cannabis! Now, only a select few shitty redneck states don't have legal medical weed. Recently, many places across the world have fully legalized this shit for recreational purposes:

What would happen if weed were to be legalized.

1. Alaska
2. Commiefornia - And about time!
3. Canada - Legalized it on October 17th, 2018
4. Colorado - Legalized it in 2012, starting a chain reaction
5. Maine
6. Massachusetts
7. Mexico - Cannabis prohibition found to be unconstitutional on October 31st, 2018
8. Michigan -
9. Minnesota - Only place you can buy it until 2025 is a stinky indian reservation, though
10. Netherlands - Legalized this shit ages ago
11. Nevada
12. Oregon
13. Uruguay - You are gay
14. Vermont - No commercial sales
15. Washington

Videos

Don't legalize it Munchies All You Need Reefer will make you violent lol Do not operate heavy machinery whilst under the influence of marijuana Bush did weed.. As did obama Me irl lol Durango Rep bitches There's a cop car outside your house. Look out the window. Now. Previous Video | Next Video

Galleries

General

420-BLAZE-IT-FAGGOT About missing Pics

• 
  The ultimate bong!
• 
• 
• 
• 

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

• 
  Nutritious and delicious!
• 
• 
  Cannabis sativa
• 
  Giggling mindlessly at this picture is a sure symptom of being stoned.
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
  Weedstika
• 
• 
  All you need
• 
  Legal colorado weed
• 
• 
  Harmless?
• 
  Once again... harmless?
• 
• 
  Legalized on October 17th, 2018

Comics

Stoner Comics About missing Pics

• 
• 
• 
• 
• 

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

• 
  Harsh reality.
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 

Image Macros

Stoner Image Macros About missing Pics

• 
• 
• 
• File:Stoner-Dog-mispronounce-a-word-in-the-middle-of-your-sentance-laugh-and-forget-what-you-were-goint-to-say.jpg
• 

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

See Also

• Doopie DoOver/Drugs
• Drugs
• Marijuana Addiction
• Stoner
• Stoner Dog
• Stoner Guru
• Colorado

External links

• Weed dispensary owner gets cock cut off

	Weed is part of a series on Drugs [Cut It OutExpand Your Mind]
List of Drugs Amphetamines • Aqua Dots • Bath Salts • Benzos • Botox • Buprenorphine • Cocaine • Dextromethorphan • Doopie DoOver/Drugs • DMT • Dramamine • Ecstasy • Inhalants See Also: Aborigines • Ketamine • LSA • LSD • Mescaline • Meow Meow • Opioids • PCP • Research Chemicals • Salvia • Shrooms • Weed Internets Drug Phenomena 420chan • Bakedfurs • Bananadine • Benny Lava • Caffeine • Cocaine Babe • CustomGrow420 • Datura • Erowid • Grass City • Icing • Jenkem • Krokodil • Krystle Cole • Latawnya • Nutmeg • Silk Road • Straight Edge • Smoke Weed Everyday Related Trips Absinthe • Alcohol • Baby Bong • Breaking Bad • D.A.R.E. • Dealer • Marijuana Addiction • MK ULTRA • Pruno • Toad licking • Tobacco • Stoner Guru • Vaping

[WatermelonsFried Chicken]

Weed is part of a series of topics related to Black People☻

Weed is part of a series on FAKE NEWS [Quit LyingSpread Propaganda] Outlets ABC • BBC • Buzzfeed • CBS • CNN • Kotaku • MSNBC • NBC • NPR • PBS • VICE • WatchMojo • The Young Turks Anchors and Contributors Brian Williams • Casey Neistat • Hillary Clinton • Jack Thompson • Keith Olbermann • Kurt Eichenbald • Laura Loomer • MundaneMatt • Rachel Maddow • Ri Chun-hee • Sargon of Akkad Allies Amy Schumer • Anita Sarkeesian • Antifa • Atheists • Baby Boomers • Bernie Sanders • Black Lives Matter • Bob Chipman • Brianna Wu • Carlos Maza • Comicsgate • Dan Harmon • Facebook • Fat Acceptance Movement • Fedora tippers • Gamergate • George Soros • Hollywood • Instagram • Jim Sterling • John Oliver • Joss Whedon • Justin Roiland • Kathy Griffin • Klaus Schwab • Kristen Schaal • Lena Dunham • Leslie Jones • LGBT • Liberals • Lindsay Ellis • Maddox • Madison Russo • Mark Zuckerberg • Millennials • Muslims • Paul Feig • PayPal • Quinton Reviews • Rebecca Sugar • Sarah Silverman • Scorching-whirlwind • Shia LaBeouf • Social Justice Warriors • Soy Wars • Starbucks • Stephen Colbert • Susan Wojcicki • Tara Strong • Trevor Noah • Tumblr • Twitter • Wikipedia • Wil Wheaton • YouTube • Zoe Quinn Enemies 4chan • Alex Jones • Alt-right • The Amazing World of Gumball • Angry Video Game Nerd • Anime • Apu • Baneposting • Bearing • Ben Shapiro • Bill O'Reilly • Brittany Venti • Call of Duty • Conservatives • Count Dankula • Danganronpa • Discord • DJKeemstar • Doki Doki Literature Club • Donald Trump • Doom • Dragon Ball Z • Encyclopedia Dramatica • Fashwave • Fortnite • Fox News • Fred Phelps • Gab.ai • Generation Z • Grand Theft Auto • Johnny Rebel • JonTron • Kanye West • Kiwi Farms • Milo Yiannopoulos • Mister Metokur • Moon Man • Mortal Kombat • Mumkey Jones • NPC Wojak • No Bullshit • Paul Joseph Watson • Pepe the Frog • PewDiePie • Pokemon • Razörfist • Resident Evil • Richard Spencer • Roseanne Barr • Sam Hyde • South Park • TheRalphRetort • Trash Dove • Tucker Carlson • YouTube Poop Stuff They Rely On Censorship • Communism • Gun Control • #MeToo • Video game journalism • World Economic Forum • Academia • Weed Consequences Donald Trump • Mass shootings • Terrorism • War on Terror • World War III

Featured article March 12 & 13, 2023
Preceded by BLMKidnapping	Weed	Succeeded by Fuck The Police

Featured article August 15, 2024
Preceded by Car	Weed	Succeeded by Susan Wojcicki