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Kiwi Farms
The current link for Kiwi Farms is https://kiwifarms.net/. If that link doesn't work or is slow, visit Kiwi Farms's Tor hidden service. |
Run by Null, the Kiwi Farms is quite the lovely internet forum board consisting of a user base that was so frustrated that their favorite show on Nickelodeon got cancelled that they decided to seclude themselves from the outside world and create a sprite-and-semen cocktail known as the CWCki. Each user had evolved from being those who were simply curious about Chris Chan to being a top internet sleuth, using the formidable power of Google's engines to bring terror in the form of elite cyberhacking and serious consequences for rousing their fury to all who oppose their mighty keyboards. They were known for being as equally talented as their stalk victims, posting endless threads about "lolcows", and using the forum as their personal Wordpress due to not having anyone else to talk to about getting fired from Pizza Hut. Many users were noted to have some kind of mental illness, so please do not attempt to approach them without taking proper precautions.
Eventually, someone threatened Null's family and he ran off like the pussy he is. Enemies of Null, such as Vordrak and Oliver D. Smith cheered and claimed to be responsible for the "victory," when suddenly the site came back online, and their vengeful rage was felt all around the world.
Unlike the græt Encyclopædia Dramatica, which is always open to new users, the Kiwi Farms are closed to new users about half of the time; due to either lulz reaching high levels (remember that the Farms are a hugbox, unlike the ED Forums), or because the admins are retarded.
Kiwi Farms in a nutshell can either be seen as the last bastion of freedom of speech or as retarded gayops for coping TERFs and incels. As of 2022 2023 going on 2024, the site has been pushed to the dark web for attacking and deadnaming trannies.
A Prequel to Epic Failure
The users of the CWCki forums eventually realized that their object of affection was not the only person on the internet who could provide them with the lulz they so desperately crave, so they followed the path of their beloved senpai once more and expanded the forums to include other special individuals. This proved to be mildly confusing to the users, who cried out in one voice, "I DO NOT LIKE CHANGE" and nervously clutched their Life Alert buttons. The forum was then renamed to "Kiwi Farms", a very rough phonetic approximation with a dash of imagination of "CWCki Forums", in February 2015 by some amazing individual.
Null gradually took over Kiwi Farms' forum as other people with were arrested by the FBI and moved on to long prison terms to get ass-raped. He spends all his time making sure that there is no fun to be had on the forums as well as helping everyone on his site lose weight by drinking no less than 37 Coke Zeros a day. Currently some of the old mods from that era reside in a website known as cwcki.club which is a semi dead but active forum ran by Glaive and Hellrasier
How the Average Kiwi Farms User Spent Their Day
Everyone on the KF website had sob stories about being molested, so you can guarantee some of their internal wiring has come loose. They stalked and cataloged people they repetitively refered to as lolcows and autists, rarely using any other vernacular and exploding in impotent fury at those who didn't conform to their comforting language. Their completely healthy main hobby was sending people with autism money, then discussing how giving someone a source of income that is not required to be reported to the IRS completely trolled the recipient due to "tax evasion" reasons.
Ironically enough these 1337 IRL-h4x0rs didn't realize that prepaid cards and cash counted as gifts due to no commercial services or goods being exchanged, and are therefore not necessary to declare on any tax form in the United States unless income was generated from the gift afterwards. Since Chris-Chan never follows through on producing more comic updates on time and no one in their sound mind would see him as a business owner, they basically end up giving him money for nothing except to autistically follow his actions when he spends it.
Along with CWCki, they had another partner site where you can read about lowlifes called the Lolcow Wiki, which was Null's pathetic attempt to find meaning in his life after Chris Chan finally had sex.
That was the day the mass of gentlemen at Kiwi Farms all found themselves less socially adept than a retarded manchild who drank his own cum.
Play Nice
Despite being a forum dedicated to trolling, members of Kiwi Farms were very delicate themselves and required a strict set of rules devised by an authoritarian leader to protect them from being bullied. Failure to comply with these rules would result in an immediate ban and the admins poking through all your private messages in an attempt to stamp out the root cause of your insubordination.
Forum Rules
Lolcows are bizarre people/groups/events, that are on the Internet, and respond negatively to people in a funny way. They are not countries, political figures, celebrities, your highschool bully, or some random YouTuber that isn't a drama queen.
• Be civil. Don't aggressively attack and insult the people or groups we talk about. Don't get emotionally charged about things that do not matter. If you need to tell people that you're better than someone, you're probably not.
• Write descriptive topic titles. "Hunger Mythos" is better than "Girl thinks she's a corgi". Keep them as brief as possible.
• Hide your Powerlevel. Avoid revealing intimate, personal information about yourself on public boards. These threads are not your personal blog, and we are not an asylum.
• Don't White Knight. Don't turn threads with people of interest into an intervention. You are not their protector. If you want to help, contact them privately.
• No trolling plans. Don't use this forum as a place to organize trolling efforts. We cannot control your behavior off-site, but expect to be banned and ridiculed if you do something embarrassing.
• Do not create topics about forum members. This extends to all existing members of the forum that were first discovered by their presence here. If you think that they deserve one, ask staff first.
We, at Encyclopedia Dramatica, are kind enough to provide an accurate translation of these rules in the universally accepted language of English, without being a giant floppy vagina.
- Be civil: Disagreeing with another poster is only acceptable when addressing them with the honorific titles of "Sir" or "Ma'am" and ending all posts with a polite "Thank you" or "Cordially Yours"
- Write descriptive topic titles: Admins were too busy reading your private messages to rename threads, so please assist in optimizing their SEO.
- Hide your powerlevel: Forum users need to be reminded not to self-dox, as they tend to get excited and post personal information about themselves on a website dedicated to exploiting people's personal information.
- Don't White Knight: Unless of course someone is exposing Null, in which case you'll become a moderator.
- No trolling plans: Please keep trolling plans in private messages because the admins might shit a brick if they ever caught a lolsuit.
- Do not create topics about forum members: Because members are not able to cope with bullying.
Gallery of Gorgeous People
The users who frequented Kiwi Farms were exceptionally beautiful and full of creativity. For more pictures and stories of how none of Kiwi Farms' user-base can operate normally in society or hold down a job, click here.
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Kiwi Farms specializes in asspats
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This is user RAEL, be sure to read her story about how useless she is below
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User Theicecreamman, totally not trying to be cool to teenagers on the internet
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User Hispanic Hitlermobile
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User Roger Rabbit
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User Geekboy400
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User Merriedxreldnahc
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User Abilene
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User Axiom
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User Bungholio
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User Darkhorse816
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User Fallensaint
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User Framergirl420
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User Gamergirl140, ex-girlfriend of The-Golden-Knight
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User Grandnumberofmultiples
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User KatsuKitty AKA "Gay Magi-Chan"
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User Manajerkop, writer of the epic "CWCollateral"
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User Massif
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User Miraak
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User Oglooger
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User Organic Fapcup
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User Pine Tar, who was banned from the forums for threatening to rape another user.
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User Ronald Raygun
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User Sigyn
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User Six.four.systems
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User Soccer Hooligan
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User Strewth
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User Trippinkahlua
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User Unbovvered
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User Waifu
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User Wheat Pasta
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User Yawning Asperchu
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User Ziltoid
Quotes from the Underground
Previous Quote | Next Quote
Summary of the Subforums
Active
- Lolcows - A haven for Personal Army requests and people obsessing about searching for the next CWC.
- Christian Weston Chandler - Discuss in extreme detail every single thing CWC posts on Facebook and deeply observe each word he types. You may even become CWC's own white knight.
- Ethan Ralph - Sometimes refered to as the Gunt or a ragepig. He was one of the most active members of the GamerGate movement and the surge in anti-SJW YouTube. He went from far-right figurehead to internet laughing stock. Currently, he is seen as an A-log and a joke to his former fans. He hosts a gay podcast known as #Killstream.
- Beauty Parlour - Hambeasts and trannies insult other hambeasts, cosplaying trannies, and Onision. #1 source of fedposting and a hugbox for Josh's angry TERF and lesbian audience.
- Animal Control - Trollshielding furry orgy.
- Off-Topic - Mostly consists of members whining about their own personal issues. Only
handpickedhandicapped users are allowed in. - Forum Discussion - Used for complaining about Likeicare.
- Spergatory - Locked threads that triggered the admins.
- Wiki Discussion - Discuss the mind blistering walls of text Null writes as articles for his horrendous attempt at creating the New ED.
- Top Secret Inner Circle - Despite trolling being banned since KF's inception, this used to be a secret subforum where an elite caste of users could troll an autistic manchild by pulling the same fake girlfriend shit that they publicly decried as unfunny and old. After its exposure it has been used purely for shitposts.
Sent to Spergatory
- Deagle Nation - Talk about one of the biggest hugboxs in the entire website. Jace showed up and he told everyone "look at me guyz. I am an epic lolcow." Tryce who is Jace's best friend and leader of the Skullz proclaimed himself to be an "anarchist men's rights group". Months later after catching up to the events of Jace's and Tryce's actions, the hugbox was born. Tyce was caught by Kiwi Farms users using Jan Rankowski's Steam account, which led to the revelation that ParkourDude91 was a fictional character. Kiwi Farms users spotted a Steam account in a live stream linked to Jan Rankowski, a member of Million Dollar Extreme which led to the suspicion that Jace is a hoax causing, the words "Jace Connors is a hoax" were placed in big red letters at the top of the Kiwi Farms during or before 23 February 2015. It was found to be members of the Farms noticed a similarity between the faces of Rankowski and early Jace videos. It took a while for the sub-forum to die afterwords, until August 13th 2015 the forum was archived.
- Sonichu - Read retarded user fanfics and look at fanart of Chris's amazing OC. Nowadays this section of the site has been merged with the CWC subfourm.
- C.I.S. Center for Cultural Oppression - Discuss everything that a filthy communist scumbag has to offer in his life.
- Brianna Wu - Everyone's favorite nutty and delusional lolcow tranny Brianna Wu now has his own section after thousands of pages discussing about his goal of being a congresswoman and being the center attention of GamerGate 24/7.
- Moleman9000 - One of the first subfourms on a lolcow besides Chris-Chan. Enjoy stalking a sped on wikia who is known for producing a trippy fictional universe known as the Narva-Verse.
The Entersphere- A subforum so unfunny that it is often to be considered to be the worst subforum on Kiwi Farms. This subforum was full of weens, A-Logs, and cartoon watching manbabies. The man who was responsible for Mr. Enter's ED page was also responsible for various site and off-site drama that led to creation of the Entersphere. He was later doxxed for his retarded posts leaving behind a funny thread about a man who fucks duckies for a living. This user was forever mocked and ridiculed on the Internet causing him to disappear forever. This subforum triggered the admins more than any other thread within the Spergatory and was the worst until it was topped by fedposting in the Beauty Parlor which was so bad it killed the website.- Tumblr (◡‿◡✿) - Obsess over social justice warriors and fight for men's rights.
True Capitalist Radio - True Capitalist Radio? That shit was so 2011.Now dead due to no one caring.- Darksydephil - Sons of Kojima rejects and former members circlejerk about how bad DSP is at videogames, and get themselves doxed by other kiwis for being infested with internet AIDS.
- Loveshy Therapy Center - Hahahahahaha.
- Amberlynn Reid - An unfunny disgusting fat 600lb woman who lies about losing weight and dieting. Some forum posters jack off to her fat folds in secret, while others post because they are insecure about their own weight.
- Isabella Loretta Janke - The Greatest Chris Chan troll of all time. Known for getting Chris Chan in jail.
Reviews
They are known for... well, actually, they are not known to many outside their forum other than to the people they search out in professional and cordial ways in order to attempt to gain growth of understanding of the human condition.
Apparently they are listed as a safe place for people with autism: WOT
We believe this is due to the large amount of caring individuals with empathy for those who are afflicted with mental illness on Kiwi Farms.
Well-thought out Videos Created By Kiwi Farms
Previous Video | Next Video |
Kiwi Farms Shut Down Using This One Neat Trick, Trolls Hate Him!
In mid-January 2017, Null's mom grounded him from the TV and Diet Coke because someone informed her job about Kiwi Farms' existence, which lead her to be fired. Null, a veteran of over 420 e-battles, remained ever calm. He wiped the sweat from his brow, murmured to himself, 'I'll show those dirty trolls', then took control of the situation by removing the Kiwi Farms site from the servers without informing the user base.
This selfless act was not enough to save him from consequence, as his family was literally murdered to death afterwards. It is uncertain as to whether the murder took place over DSL or dial-up, but according to our local FBI experts, it is impossible to survive a claw hammer attack through the internet, no matter how many proxies you hide behind. Afterwards, the heinous killers requested a non-redacted copy of the user and private messages tables, and a photo of Null's penis.
nvm
Sadly, Kiwifarms is back online. Null is trying to jew his userbase for even more shekels after the IRL drama.
Troll's Remorse
Having his ass handed to him earlier this year when his mother got fired and she made him shut down KIWI Farms, owner of the site Null has become afraid of his own shadow and ordered users to remove all references to Doopie DoOver that doesn't show her in a good light or kisses her ass because Doopie has started crying and threatening suicide in drama whore fashion.
Since they all fall under the description of omega male and will readily obey anyone that remotely resembles a girl, they quickly obeyed their Trailor Park Princess and removed all Chris Chan sagas referencing Doopie because they both felt bad that they hurt her feelings and hoped that obeying their Meth Head Monarch would get their dicks sucked for being so readily obedient.
A possible alternate theory states that, Unlike Chris Chan, Doopie comes with a large army of horny boys that will defend the honor of their Bath Salt Baroness. Still gunshy from his last Drama where he readily put his ass in the air with a flag planted in his asshole saying, "Dick Goes Here" and shut down KIWI Farms, Null willingly obeyed his new masters of unwashed boys, sent at him by Doopie, when they told him to leave their mistress alone because his mom has already threatened him that if she loses another job he will have to leave his basement and go get one.
Doopie On Kiwi
After the Chris Chan incident Doopie DoOver felt the need to reafirm herself as a pretty girl. Needing a place that had no clue as to what a girl should look like, act like or sound like she parked her flabby pancake ass squarly at Kiwi Farms hoping to get all the little boys there riled up.
Once they figured out, like most people do, that she was only using them and hoping that they would support her at $25 a month for her Shitty art kiwi farms quickly kicked her ass out and he was quickly forgotten about and replaced by another object of worship.
The Byuu DDoS
A diaperfur SNES emulator developer by the name of Byuu⚧ had a thread on the site. Upon seeing the thread, he shat his diaper so hard that the massive amounts of shit in his body flew right out of his mouth and he decided to offer Null $120,000 to take down his thread. When Null didn't do it, Byuu told Null he was gonna become an hero. Leftist twitter went nuts over this and decided to DDOS the farms. Some argue that the ebil Mango Farms was responsible for this faggotry. Others know that Byuu faked his death.
The Keffals DDoS and censorship
In March 2022, internet transbian and overall trashbian Keffals⚧ decided that the Farms was getting free laughs at her expense; and—in an act of butthurt—s/he and his/her tranny army lashed out at the Farms by DDoSing the site and snitching. Being Tumblr tranny trash, s/he looked down at the exposed gash where its penis once was and cried about people giving honest opinions on the Internet. One internet tranny's humiliation from the internet laughing at them because they chopped off their dick proved to be the downfall (for now) of Kiwi Farms.
After his DDoS attack (sponsored by his white knights) failed miserably, Keffals started a Twitter campaign known as #DropKiwiFarms; which successfully pressured Cloudflare to kick out the Kiwi Farms from their service. The website soon moved to kiwifarms.ru and DDoS-Guard; but it didn't take long before Josh got B& from DDoS-Guard. Josh also got in trouble with the Icelandic domain registrar which was providing kiwifarms.is; putting said domain on hold due to Kiwi Farms being reported as a site hosting child porn.
After temporarily leaving the Farms only accessible through Tor and the .top and .st domains (which are/were really slow); Josh got .net back up with another DDoS protection service known as DiamWall. Keffals and his army of white knights didn't take this lightly; and soon pressured DiamWall to B& Josh, again. .top was also taken down recently. After getting butthurt that the laws of the internet have changed to be more strict towards Fedposting and Doxxing in which the out of touch username can't seem to get behind. The users lashed out to review bomb the service but Keffal's being the social justice crybaby saw an opportunity to review bomb the website with positive reviews.
With Josh currently playing the cat-and-mouse game against Keffals, his white knights and DDoS protection services; the best way to browse the Farms is through their Tor hidden service. There's also kiwifarms.st; which used to be quite slow and unstable, but seems to be getting faster and more reliable as time passes by. Which one you prefer depends on your habits.
In August 2022, a programmer sock-wearing tranny used a script injector to install "troonshine" (hax) into the farms. On September 18, they got batshit insane with it and started deleting fucking everything; all of the forums were baleeted, Kiwifags were sad, nothing of value was lost, and now the only way they can connect with each other is thru their spam-riddled Telegram chat, which is being monitored 24/7 by lurking troons.
The site currently spends its days jumping between whatever obscure ISPs will host it in countries nobody has ever heard of. This usually only lasts until the CEO of the company is flooded with emails calling Null a pedophile, decides the site isn't worth the headache and shuts it down. Because of this cycle every second post on the site is Null complaining about the hole he dug for himself by his inability to cooperate with anybody. Everyone who just wanted to read about cows or create lulz either left for much better websites or was banned by Null for not cosseting his ego.
Gallery
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The Kiwi Farms Third Reich
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Comparing Kiwis to EDiots
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A beautiful poem written about a seriously hideous whale
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Null kind of passed high school and he was a pedo a long time ago, he's changed
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Farm's closed due to toe fungus
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An honest campaign to get spergs to stop sperging over spergs.
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Sweeping up the dumb ratings
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How the Kiwis view themselves
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Null being a responsible adult
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What people generally think of KF
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How dare you collaborate on a wiki
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Null continuing his bitchfit
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Olympic Gold in Mental Gymnastics
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Null reading his PMs and being the Stalker that he is
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User Satan gets a reality check
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Despite being supposed experts on lolcows they can't tell the difference between actual spergs and a satire.
See Also
- EDF2
- Null
- /cow/
- Autistic Legion of Doom
- Marjan Siklic
- Wrong Planet
- Avery Chicoine
- Doopie DoOver/People
- Eclipse A Darwin Test devised by G-D himself to tempt dumbass potheads like Doopie DoOver and the Short Bus collection of asspies over at Kiwi Farms into melting their eyes right out of their skulls by staring at it.
- Byuu - Tried to extort the Farms by supposedly killing himself.
External links
- kiwifarms.net - primary link.
- kiwifarms.st - secondary link.
- Kiwi Farms on Tor - Use this if .net is offline and the clearnet mirrors are all offline or slow.
Cool Autism! - The best successor forumGONE (Archived)- Kiwi Farms Steam group.
- Kiwi Farms thread on EDF6
- xzyzzx-xzyzzx - Tumblr account dedicated to doxing Kiwi Farm users (lol)
- A shitty podcast called the Lolcast, which is so unfunny that several people have died from its overall terribleness. Mostly circlejerking.
Null
- Joshua Moon and Personal Agendas - Null's 121 page thread on a fucking lego forum.
- Obamatron My Best Friend - Null's response to Autism Cool.
- The Null Chronicles - Autism Cool's thread on Null.
Reviews
CWCKI- A wiki dedicated to documenting Kiwi Farms users. Now dead, but you can still browse an archived version.- Lookism's Review - Lookism reviews the site
- Wrong Planet Review - Self diagnosed autists give their opinion on Kiwi Farms.
- Kiwi Farms ED Article - Kiwis discuss this article. Now locked by Null.
- Kiwi Farms Reviews - Kiwi Farm thread responding to their reviews.
/cow/ threads
- /cow/'s Kiwi Farms thread in which Null shows up to defend his honor.
Kiwi Farms ED Project(archive) - Some faggot makes a PAR and gets rightfully shot the fuck down.
Kiwi Farms is part of The Best Series in the Universe ★ ★ ★ |
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Key Concepts
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Kiwi Farms is part of a series on Internet Humanitarianism [Click to Expand] ♘
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Kiwi Farms is part of a series on Visit the Sites Portal for complete coverage. |
Kiwi Farms is part of a series on Visit the Trolls Portal for complete coverage. |
Featured article August 19 & 20, 2015 | ||
Preceded by Telephone Ring Ring |
Kiwi Farms | Succeeded by Project Harpoon |
Featured article January 27 & 28, 2017 | ||
Preceded by Antifa |
Kiwi Farms | Succeeded by Barron Trump |
Featured article August 25 and 26, 2022 | ||
Preceded by Nick Fuentes |
Kiwi Farms | Succeeded by Stephen Paddock |