- Portals
- The Current Year
- ED in the News
- Admins
- Help ED Rebuild
- Archive
- ED Bookmarklet
- Donate Bitcoin
Contact an admin on Discord or EDF if you want an account. Also fuck bots.
Mr. Saari
| Matti Saari
| |
|---|---|
| Personal Information | |
| Nationality | File:FlagFinland.jpg Suomi |
| OL alias: |  |
| AKA: | The Finnisher redux |
| An Heroism | |
| Date: | 23.9.2008 (Aged 22) |
| Location: | Kauhajoki Vocational |
| Died virgin: | Most probably - He looks like a Faggot! |
| The Deed | |
| Inspiration: | Eric<3Dylan |
| Weaponry: | Walther P22 |
| Shots fired: | ??? |
| Wounded: | 1 |
| Killed: | 11 |
| An Hero position: | 7th |
| Quote | |
| (Borrowed) | "You will die next."
"Whole life is pain" |
This article is about the school shooter. For the Finnish porn star, see Henry Saari.
THE FINNISHER: RELOADED
Matti Juhani Saari, is was a 22-year-old Finn who became an hero and the new Finnish champion on September 23rd, 2008, beating Pekka Eric Auvinen's Finnish record from 2007. Matti Saari (codename: Wumpscut) shot at least 10 unarmed girls at the School of Hospitality, a vocational college in Kauhajoki. Some old media first reported that he was still alive, but he managed to beat the game. He is considered to be the most famous Finn in over 9000 years, other than the Moomins.
Just like his idol Pekka Auvinen, he posted similar YouTube videos some days before. According to Finnish old media the local police had interrogated him on the nature of the videos just the day before but decided not to confiscate his weapon. JewTube deleted his videos a few hours after the shooting because people from a certain online community started viewing them.
He managed to get ten frags and three wounded, a new Finnish record! Original research showed that it was due to disappointment in the Olympics, unfortunately, school shooting is a national American Sport, not an Olympic sport. Some argue that Matti was inspired by two Finnish Olympic heroes, shooting medalists Satu Mäkelä-Nummela and Henri Häkkinen. Other old media reports states 11 casualties, putting Matti Saari on the 7th place on the all time leaderboards. Bonus points go out for trying to burn down the school.
YouTube Channel
Like all modern an heroes, Matti had a YouTube channel. A few days before the shooting he uploaded some videos of him shooting. The police interrogated him because of that, but decided he's the right kind of a guy to be carrying lethal weapons.
Wumpscut86 Joined: March 14, 2008 Last Sign In: 3 hours ago Videos Watched: 3,774 Subscribers: 42 Channel Views: 66,410 Name: Mr. Saari Age: 22 And suddenly there was war we didn't remember it A long time forgotten there suddenly was war And suddenly there was war our children are dead Burnt in the ruins that were left by war War And suddenly there was war and the mothers they screamed For revenge and reprisals for another war And suddenly and suddenly And suddenly there was war with spoiling and death And you fight alone if there's another war Whole life is war and whole life is pain And you will fight alone in your personal war War This is war! City: Kauhajoki Country: Finland Interests and Hobbies: Computers, guns, sex and beers. Movies and Shows: Horror movies like Saw 1-3, The Grudge, The Shining etc. Music: Eisbrecher, Scar Symmetry, Soilwork, :Wumpscut:, Gloria Morti, In Flames, Rammstein, Metallica, Kiuas, Turmion Kätilöt etc.
goodbye finland http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=d4b_1222170343
you will die next http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=33d_1222168770
Me and my Walther P22 Target http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=00d_1222165221
Internet dating
It seems like Matti Saari was trying to date online. He listed his interests as "computers" and drums. On his YouTube profile he listed computers, weapons, beer and sex as his interests. (There is no evidence that he ever had sex with anyone other than his mitten).
Google translation of his online dating profile:
wumpscut86 - 22 years old, Male, hometown Erode The man Offline - the last on-line mode, 23.08.2008 22:54 Profile Photos Guest Book Heipä hey! Please contact your profile Length 172 cm Weight 70 kg Eye color blue Hair: Brown Bodily structure Normal Children No Children I want children I do not Marital status Single Sexual orientation Hetero Sexual Occupation Student Commuting Students ANNUAL 0-10 000 € Ethnicity Suomalainen Astrological Sign: bullfighting Province of South Ostrobothnia City or county Howick Heipä hey! Hobbies Shooting (Walther P22 Target <3), computers and drums. Musical taste Mostly heavier music I listen, but everything goes. Cinemas Horror of horror. Dress Code I do not follow fashion Tenure Alone Pets Cat In an ideal partner Female Sex Age 16-25 Length 150-180 cm Weight 50-85 kg Children No Children I want children I do not Marital status Single Sexual orientation Hetero Sexual Province of South Ostrobothnia City or county Howick
Evidence of being a retard
Last Thursday, the Finnish police have released a report titled "Laboratorioanalyysijatodisteidenpsyykkinenhäiriövuonnasaari" (the Finnish word for "Laboratory Analysis and Evidence of Mental Disorders in Mr. Saari"). In the report, Mr. Saari was deemed legally retarded; the reasons cited were:
- Mr. Saari liked "Saw"
- Mr. Saari liked "Saw II"
- Mr. Saari liked "Saw III"
- Mr. Saari was swedish
The fact that Mr. Saari did not mention liking "Saw IV" or "Saw V" was not considered mitigating evidence, as those films were made after 2005, and no movies reach Finland until 5 years after they opened in American theaters.
See Also
External Links
- http://bf2s.com/player/43568962/ - Battlefield 2 profile
- Template:Youtube2 MIRROR
- http://rs245.rapidshare.com/files/147625012/Massacre_in_Kauhajoki_Matti_Saari.zip - Pack of lulz
- http://kimmo.org/kauhajoki/ - Files!
Gallery
-
-
-
Mr. Saari's photo was digitally aged to reveal what he would look like at 45.
|
Mr. Saari |
||||||||
|
[Xbox]
|
||||||||
