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An hero: Difference between revisions
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[[You]] hate life. [[No one likes you|You have no friends]]. Your dad is an [[alcoholic]]. [[Your mom]] is a [[slut]]. School sucks. You get molested after class. You couldn't get a Wii two years ago or today. You lost your iPod, which, by the way, had shitty music on it. You're [[gay]]. You get bullied. No one loves you. Everyone hates you. You just lost [[the game]]. You've been thinking about becoming an hero for a while now, but are not sure. Will anyone care? Have you given the [[military]] a try? Will anyone remember you? No, because you're unimportant and no one would miss you if they even knew who you were. Now you have to get set on changing that. | [[You]] hate life. [[No one likes you|You have no friends]]. Your dad is an [[alcoholic]]. [[Your mom]] is a [[slut]]. School sucks. You get molested after class. You couldn't get a Wii two years ago or today. You lost your iPod, which, by the way, had shitty music on it. You're [[gay]]. You get bullied. No one loves you. Everyone hates you. You just lost [[the game]]. You've been thinking about becoming an hero for a while now, but are not sure. Will anyone care? Have you given the [[military]] a try? Will anyone remember you? No, because you're unimportant and no one would miss you if they even knew who you were. Now you have to get set on changing that. | ||
= | ===Why you are NOT An Hero=== | ||
==Why you are NOT | |||
[[Image:Morrison.jpg|thumb|right|I'm dying Squirtle]] | [[Image:Morrison.jpg|thumb|right|I'm dying Squirtle]] | ||
*You have lost your Zune. | *You have lost your Zune. | ||
Line 95: | Line 30: | ||
*You are a [[ginger]]. | *You are a [[ginger]]. | ||
== | ===Why you ARE An Hero=== | ||
[[Image:Kurtcobain.jpg|thumb|right|The worst an hero. Can't you please fucking die a second time?]] | [[Image:Kurtcobain.jpg|thumb|right|The worst an hero. Can't you please fucking die a second time?]] | ||
[[Image:Shottieluv.jpg|thumb|right|Thank me later ED]] | [[Image:Shottieluv.jpg|thumb|right|Thank me later ED]] | ||
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*[[Ricardo Lopez|You simp for Björk]] | *[[Ricardo Lopez|You simp for Björk]] | ||
==An | ===Famous Implements Used to Become An Hero=== | ||
[[Image: | [[Image:Wannabeanhero.jpg|thumb|right|No beating around the bush here.]] | ||
* | [[File:Kill yourself desu.png|thumb|right|[[Some argue]] that anime contains subliminal messages that influence people to become an heroes]] | ||
* | *[[Guns]] | ||
* | *[[cutting|Razor blades]] | ||
*[[Mitchell Henderson|A lost Ipod]] | |||
*[[Mr. Hands|Sex with a horse]] | |||
*[[Chris Benoit|Strangulation]] | |||
*[[Criss Angel|Being a witch]] | |||
*<s>[[Kool-aid]]</s> Actually [[fact|it was Grape Flavor-Aid]], Hollywood made it Kool-Aid. | |||
*[[Kurt Cobain|Shotgun Mouthwash]] | |||
*[[Lil_Peep|Drugs]] | |||
*[[The Great Sonic-cide of 2007|Bricks and knives]] | |||
*[[Robert Hawkins|Shooting up malls claiming you'll be famous]] | |||
*[[Jesus|Pissing off the Jews and Romans, then carrying a crucifix up a hill so you can get nailed to it]] | |||
*[[JEWS DID WTC|An American Aeroplane]] | |||
*A circular saw | |||
*[[Amanda Todd|Bleach]] | |||
*Listening to the [[Anti-Lulz|<strike>Jonas</strike> Faggot]] Brothers | |||
*Listening to Miley Cyrus | |||
*[[Doki Doki Literature Club|Rope]] | |||
==Types Of An Heroes== | |||
===The Main Ones (Male And Female)=== | |||
==== "An Hero" ==== | |||
[[Image:Nigga_an_hero.PNG|thumb|right|Nigga drank bleach]] | |||
[[Image:Nextanhero.jpg|thumb|left|An Hero coming soon?!]] | |||
[[Image:Lulzycolumbine1.jpg|thumb|left|An heroes to us all!]] | |||
[[Image:YahooAnHero.jpg|thumb|left|[[unfunny|Become an hero!]]]] | |||
{{quote|I'm not a boy, I'm just an hero, I'm not a man, I'm an hero.|[[gay|Gerard Way]] of [[My Chemical Romance|My Chemical Bromance]]}} | |||
In spite of the obvious similarities, "an Hero" should not be confused with "[[Nigra|a Negro]]" or "[[Necrophilia|a Necro]]". | |||
It is also an obscure [[fact]] that the song "And the Hero Will Drown" by Story of the Year was originally titled "An Hero Will Drown Himself". | |||
[[File:Thic_quang_duc.jpg|thumb|Greatest an hero of all time.]] | |||
It is a little known fact that the plural of an hero is "one's heroes," its grammar based in [[British]] [[English]]. This will remain a little known fact, [[Noone cares|as nobody gives a fuck]]. | |||
=====Japanese East Asian Co-Prosperity Sphere An Hero===== | |||
Yukio Mishima, Japan's leading Cocksman, achieved the highest score playing seppuku on his [[Nintendo]] Color TV Game. For his achievements, The Japanese Self Defense Forces gave him a high-five and a pat on the back for good measure, but secretly they laughed at him behind his back. Mishima saw a printed [[AIM]] CONVO of their giggling and was transformed into a mighty Showa [[Emo]]fag. He knew that something had to be done immediately, so he went inside and had one of his pretty young men behead him after he disemboweled himself. | |||
{{frame|<youtube>IasOkulcDQk</youtube>|margin=auto}} | |||
==== "[[An Heroine]]" ==== | |||
[[Image:Sexy an heroine.jpg|thumb|The fakest an [[Whore|heroine]] that ever was.]] | |||
For most men, before they become "An Hero", they kill themselves in order to deliver a final "Fuck You" to the world. Male suicide is [[over 9000]] times more prevalent than female suicide, simply because a man has [[at least 100]] times as much testosterone as your average woman, and is usually possessed of a certain degree of mechanical aptitude, which women never are. | |||
Women commit suicide for one of only two reasons. In the lesser case, they've lost someone they love and can't imagine [[dying alone]]. They decide to do Mother Nature and humanity a solid by also removing themselves from the gene pool. | |||
In all other cases, the woman attempts [[suicide]] and fucks up, resulting in her accidental death. Women are impelled to feign suicide whenever they are beset by despair. [[Attention whore|These women]] believe that people around them will support and comfort them, even if the only person from whom they're in danger is themselves. This is colloquially known as a "cry for help". They tend to use "sleeping pills" in their attempt and often need to try again. Maybe if they self-headshotted like a real man, they'd be successful. | |||
''See also:'' [[Unrealistic Expectations]] and [[Celebrity|Hollywood Martyr]]. The only female an heroes worth mentioning are [[Megan Meier]], whose suicide produced epic [[BAWWW]] all over the internets, and [[Christine Chubbuck]], a '70s news anchor who shot herself during a live newscast moments after [[did it for the lulz|making a joke]] that she was doing so in accordance with network policy to bring the viewers more "blood and guts". | |||
=====[[JEWS DID WTC|Emos did Hannah Bond]]===== | |||
Those who comprise the 'emo scene', specifically [[My Chemical Romance]], were criticized by the coroner at the inquest into the death (by hanging) of a girl from Maidstone, Kent in the [[United Kingdom]] named [[Hannah Bond]]. | |||
Fuck her. | |||
==An Villain== | ===An Villain=== | ||
[[File:NaomiMisoraAnHero.png|thumb|With the help of a [[Death Note|magic notebook]], this woman became an hero. The an villain who had the same notebook made this happen.]] | [[File:NaomiMisoraAnHero.png|thumb|With the help of a [[Death Note|magic notebook]], this woman became an hero. The an villain who had the same notebook made this happen.]] | ||
Sometimes an heroes need a gentle nudge in the right direction, this is why "an villains" exist. By committing some serious [[IRL]] trolling, you too can drive that wannabe an hero to achieve his/her full potential. Good examples of an villains include [[Gary Oak]] (the Ash you see nowadays is a different one), [[Jesus]] and Bowser. Be warned that even though being an villain is a kind and noble act, many do not see it this way. Many will try to hurt, kill, rape or even troll you (it's like the goatse man getting goatsed). Be sure to always pack some heat and carry a razor blade; an villains can turn into an heroes too. | Sometimes an heroes need a gentle nudge in the right direction, this is why "an villains" exist. By committing some serious [[IRL]] trolling, you too can drive that wannabe an hero to achieve his/her full potential. Good examples of an villains include [[Gary Oak]] (the Ash you see nowadays is a different one), [[Jesus]] and Bowser. Be warned that even though being an villain is a kind and noble act, many do not see it this way. Many will try to hurt, kill, rape or even troll you (it's like the goatse man getting goatsed). Be sure to always pack some heat and carry a razor blade; an villains can turn into an heroes too. | ||
==An Sidekick== | ===An Sidekick=== | ||
Sometimes a person's motivation for becoming an hero is the very thing that prevents them from doing so; due to [[AIDS|sickness]], [[Christopher Reeve|paralysis]], [[Josef Fritzl|incarceration]] or even mental retardation. In this case they may need to recruit an sidekick to [[Murder|assist]] them in their [[Suicide|endeavour]], usually a close friend, family member, or helpful doctor. | Sometimes a person's motivation for becoming an hero is the very thing that prevents them from doing so; due to [[AIDS|sickness]], [[Christopher Reeve|paralysis]], [[Josef Fritzl|incarceration]] or even mental retardation. In this case they may need to recruit an sidekick to [[Murder|assist]] them in their [[Suicide|endeavour]], usually a close friend, family member, or helpful doctor. | ||
==SecondhANd HERO== | ===SecondhANd HERO=== | ||
[[Copypasta]] from [[TOW]]: | [[Copypasta]] from [[TOW]]: | ||
[[wikipedia:Anna_Svidersky|Anna Esther Svidersky]] (April 26, 1988 – April 20, 2006) was a [[16-year-old girl|teenager]] who lived in the U.S. city of Vancouver, Washington, and was murdered while working in a [[McDonald's]] restaurant, by schizophrenic sex offender David Barton Sullivan. News of her [[death]] quickly spread worldwide, initially through the [[Internet]] friends site [[MySpace]], where she had a personal page, and then through other [[ED|similar sites]]. | [[wikipedia:Anna_Svidersky|Anna Esther Svidersky]] (April 26, 1988 – April 20, 2006) was a [[16-year-old girl|teenager]] who lived in the U.S. city of Vancouver, Washington, and was murdered while working in a [[McDonald's]] restaurant, by schizophrenic sex offender David Barton Sullivan. News of her [[death]] quickly spread worldwide, initially through the [[Internet]] friends site [[MySpace]], where she had a personal page, and then through other [[ED|similar sites]]. | ||
== Hero Anthem == | ===An Hero Deluxe=== | ||
These are just like the inferior version, with one exciting difference: they kill everyone they encounter, and then use their last bullet to clean the slate. | |||
====Instructions==== | |||
#Having made all other preparations common to regular procedure, proceed to your nearest arms dealer, the more illegal the better. | |||
#Buy whatever you can lay your hands on (bonus points for automatics and/or [[shotgun]]s). | |||
#Find an occupied area (bonus points for schools and hospitals; score is doubled if you hate anyone usually found there). | |||
#Kill em' all, baby. | |||
#Remember: that last shot is for you. | |||
====Notable Instances:==== | |||
{{Incompletehero}} | |||
*[[Adam Lanza]] | |||
*[[Asa Coon]] | |||
*[[Munich Massacre|Ali David Sonboly]] | |||
*[[Brandon Scott Hole]] | |||
*[[Vester Lee "Bryce Williams" Flanagan II|Bryce Williams]] | |||
*[[Chris Benoit]] | |||
*[[Chris Harper-Mercer]] | |||
*[[Cho Seung-Hui]] | |||
*[[Devin Patrick Kelley]] | |||
*[[Columbine|Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris]] | |||
*[[Elliot Rodger]] | |||
*[[Éric Borel]] | |||
*[[Campinas Cathedral Shooting|Euler Fernando Grandolpho]] | |||
*[[Zug Massacre|Friedrich Leibacher]] | |||
*[[Luby's massacre|George Hennard]] | |||
*[[George Sodini]] | |||
*[[Gian Luigi Ferri]] | |||
*[[Suzano School Shooting|Guilherme Taucci Monteiro and Luiz Henrique de Castro]] | |||
*[[Jake Davison]] | |||
*[[Jaylen Fryberg]] | |||
*[[Jeff Weise]] | |||
*[[Kimveer Gill]] | |||
*[[Marc Lepine]] | |||
*[[Nghtmrchld26|Matthew Murray]] | |||
*[[Michael Kenneth McLendon]] | |||
*[[Michael Ryan]] | |||
*[[Mutsuo Toi]] | |||
*[[Nasim Aghdam]] | |||
*[[Nathan Gale]] | |||
*[[Pulse Nightclub Massacre|Omar Mateen]] | |||
*[[Pekka-Eric Auvinen]] | |||
*[[Randy Robert Stair]] | |||
*[[Rina Palenkova]] | |||
*[[Robert Card]] | |||
*[[Robert Hawkins]] | |||
*[[Robert Steinhäuser]] | |||
*[[Ronnie McNutt]] | |||
*[[Santino William Legan]] | |||
*[[Sayfullo Saipov]] | |||
*[[Sebastian Bosse]] | |||
*[[Shuaiby|Shuaiby Aslam]] | |||
*[[Stephen Kazmierczak]] | |||
*[[Stephen Paddock]] | |||
*[[Thomas Watt Hamilton]] | |||
*[[Tim Kretschmer]] | |||
*[[Tobias Rathjen]] | |||
*[[Verne Troyer]] | |||
*[[Vladislav Roslyakov]] | |||
*[[William Atchison]] | |||
*[[Woo Bum-kon]] | |||
=== IRL usage of ''an Hero'' prior to the 20th century [[faggotry|fagification]] of the [[Engrish]] language === | |||
While "an Hero" is regarded as a grammatical error by modern [[Noam Chomsky|linguists]], [[tl;dr|usage of the quantifier ''an'' before words that started with a morpheme of the pattern ''CV'' that began with an ''h'' in the onset was common usage before the <s>17th</s>20th century]]. {{tinyquote|But thou complying with thy princely wrath, hast shamed an Hero whom themselves the Gods delight to honor|Cowper's translation of Homer, circa 1790. Clearly, this implies that Mitchell Henderson is a time traveler from the 16th century who killed himself over a perceived decline in the English language.}} | |||
As h is often unspoken in certain British dialects, the "an" of "an hero" could be phonetically appropriate when speaking cockney: | |||
{{tinyquote|'E's an 'ero for savin' me mum!}} | |||
'''''A Dictionary of the English Language''''' (1824), defines the word ''heroical'' as something befitting [https://books.google.com/books?id=lqsRAAAAIAAJ&pg=PA348&dq=%22an+hero%22#v=onepage&q=%22an%20hero%22&f=false an hero]. | |||
'''''The Gentleman's Magazine''''' (1787) [https://books.google.com/books?id=ykwDAAAAMAAJ&pg=PA209&dq=%22an+hero%22#v=onepage&q=%22an%20hero%22&f=false uses] an hero like a pro, and also includes many references to [[penis|Johnson]]. | |||
==Honoring An Heroes== | |||
===An hero Day=== | |||
[[Image:Mickey-suicide.jpg|thumb|right|an hero day]] | |||
*On '''April 20, 571''' AD, Mohammed was born. For centuries to come, countless [[Islam|Muslims]] would honor their prophet by becoming an heroes. | |||
*On April 20th, [[At least 100 years ago|1889]], [[Adolf Hitler]] was born. After causing [[Holocaust|lulz]], he became an hero. | |||
*On April 20th, [[World War II|1945]] - [[military|The US Military]] captured Leipzig, Germany. Leipzig's mayor killed himself, becoming an hero, but not before he killed his wife and child for the lulz, making him pretty awesome; otherwise nobody would give a shit about him. | |||
*On April 20th, 1998, A German-Iranian kid was born with the name of [[Ali Sonboly]]. In 2016, he would cause his own lulzfest in Munich. | |||
*On April 20th, 1999, [[Columbine|two heroes]] named Eric and Dylan decided to shoot up their school for the lulz. After killing 13 people, they became an heroes. | |||
*On April 20th, [[2006]], [[Mitchell Henderson]] was having a bad day, and he couldn't find his [[iPod]]. He finally couldn't take it anymore, and so he became an hero. | |||
*On April 20th, [[2007]], [[wikipedia:Johnson_Space_Center_Shooting|a man raided mission control]] in [[Houston]] and shot a hostage before shooting himself. Houston, we have an hero. | |||
*On April 20th, 2007, [[Ben Vodden]] hanged himself because his bus driver called him a wank. | |||
*On April 20th, [[2010]], an [[oil]] rig off the Gulf Coast called [[Deepwater Horizon]] was blown up by [[Islam|Muslims]]. Stoners all over the world didn't notice. | |||
*An hero day is also '''[[Weed|4/20]]''', count on many stoners tripping balls as you end yourself | |||
===[[Asperger's Syndrome|Songs]]=== | |||
==== Hero Anthem ==== | |||
[[Image:Lemmingsbecominganheroes.jpg|thumb|right|[[The An Heroes of Bridgend|Teenagers in a small town in south Wales becoming an heroes]] [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/bridgend-deaths-police-warn-of-bebo-internet-suicide-cult-774532.html simultaneously].]] | [[Image:Lemmingsbecominganheroes.jpg|thumb|right|[[The An Heroes of Bridgend|Teenagers in a small town in south Wales becoming an heroes]] [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/bridgend-deaths-police-warn-of-bebo-internet-suicide-cult-774532.html simultaneously].]] | ||
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:''Now I’m An Hero.'' | :''Now I’m An Hero.'' | ||
== An Heroes Song == | ==== An Heroes Song ==== | ||
[[Image:Scorpio.png|thumb|right|Scorpios were born to An Hero.]] | [[Image:Scorpio.png|thumb|right|Scorpios were born to An Hero.]] | ||
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''Oh, on 'An Hero Day''' | ''Oh, on 'An Hero Day''' | ||
== NotAnotherAnthem == | ==== NotAnotherAnthem ==== | ||
''I promised him I wouldn't be reckless. I promised him I'd be okay...I love him....tell him I love him. And tell him to not be so upset about me...I don't want him to dwell on what could have been. I don't want to ruin his life.'' | ''I promised him I wouldn't be reckless. I promised him I'd be okay...I love him....tell him I love him. And tell him to not be so upset about me...I don't want him to dwell on what could have been. I don't want to ruin his life.'' | ||
==The [[fact|Official]] An Hero Song== | ====The [[fact|Official]] An Hero Song==== | ||
<br> | <br> | ||
{{frame|<youtube>LW3K_zzlH4Y</youtube>|margin=auto}} | {{frame|<youtube>LW3K_zzlH4Y</youtube>|margin=auto}} | ||
<br> | <br> | ||
==The "An Hero" Paradox== | ==The "An Hero" Paradox== | ||
[[Image:Wlkyanhero.jpg|thumb|right|Even the liberal [[media]] wants you to become an hero.]] | [[Image:Wlkyanhero.jpg|thumb|right|Even the liberal [[media]] wants you to become an hero.]] | ||
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Scientists resolved the problem by confirming that anyone who owns an [[iPod]] should become an hero immediately due to the intense [[fail]] of [[iPod]]s. The only problem with this is that only [[emo]] [[faggots]] use [[iPod]]s. And [[you]] should know that emos never kill themselves (sadly). | Scientists resolved the problem by confirming that anyone who owns an [[iPod]] should become an hero immediately due to the intense [[fail]] of [[iPod]]s. The only problem with this is that only [[emo]] [[faggots]] use [[iPod]]s. And [[you]] should know that emos never kill themselves (sadly). | ||
== | ==Videos== | ||
===Video tutorials on how and how not to an hero=== | |||
==Video tutorials on how and how not to an hero== | |||
<br> | <br> | ||
{{center| | {{center| | ||
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}} | }} | ||
<br> | <br> | ||
== GLORIOUS NUCLEAR SUICIDE == | === GLORIOUS NUCLEAR SUICIDE === | ||
<br> | <br> | ||
<center>{{frame|<youtube>wcW_Ygs6hm0</youtube> | <center>{{frame|<youtube>wcW_Ygs6hm0</youtube> | ||
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<br> | <br> | ||
<!-- | <!-- | ||
== An YouTube Heroes == | === An YouTube Heroes === | ||
<center>{{frame|<dailymotion>x6haj3a</dailymotion> | <center>{{frame|<dailymotion>x6haj3a</dailymotion> | ||
<center>[[Nasim Aghdam|'''How JewTube is making people become An Hero''']]}}</center> | <center>[[Nasim Aghdam|'''How JewTube is making people become An Hero''']]}}</center> | ||
--> | --> | ||
==An | ==Gallery Of An Heroism== | ||
{{Incompletehero}} | {{Incompletehero}} | ||
{{cg|Gallery | {{cg|Gallery|anherogallery|center|<gallery perrow="5"> | ||
Image:Mitchellhenderson.jpg|[[Mitchell Henderson]] | Image:Mitchellhenderson.jpg|[[Mitchell Henderson]] | ||
Image:Moreselfpwnagepls.gif|[[Budd Dwyer]] | Image:Moreselfpwnagepls.gif|[[Budd Dwyer]] | ||
Line 369: | Line 434: | ||
</gallery>}} | </gallery>}} | ||
==See Also== | ==See Also== | ||
Line 446: | Line 447: | ||
*[[Lil Peep]] | *[[Lil Peep]] | ||
*[[Kate Spade]] | *[[Kate Spade]] | ||
*[[Mia Janin]] | |||
*[[Mitchell Heisman]] | *[[Mitchell Heisman]] | ||
*[[OldDirtyBtard]] | *[[OldDirtyBtard]] | ||
Line 458: | Line 460: | ||
*[[My Hero Academia]] | *[[My Hero Academia]] | ||
*[[Swayzak]] | *[[Swayzak]] | ||
Or you could just look at the template down below. | Or you could just look at the template down below. | ||
'''The Happening''' | |||
In this movie, an unknown source releases a chemical that causes entire populations of people to kill themselves and become an heroes. As a matter of fact, the only people in the movie who do not become an heroes are the main characters, as if this wasn't a drawn-out horror movie [[meme|cliché]]. As the movie does not explain much about it's own plot in the end and watching it is a huge waste of time for anybody. | |||
Actually, the 'unknown source' was a bunch of [[LOL WUT|fucking plants]]. Angry, vengeful plants. Never before in a movie have there been so many stock shots of wind blowing ominously through foliage, and never before have so many enviro-Nazis simultaneously wet themselves. | |||
==External Links== | ==External Links== | ||
Line 474: | Line 484: | ||
*[https://darwinawards.com/ Big collection of heroes who did it for the lulz.] | *[https://darwinawards.com/ Big collection of heroes who did it for the lulz.] | ||
{{clear}} | {{clear}} | ||
{{anheroes}} | {{anheroes}} | ||
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{{timeline|Featured article September 19 & 20, [[2018]]|[[Suicide]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[Mitchell Henderson]]}} | {{timeline|Featured article September 19 & 20, [[2018]]|[[Suicide]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[Mitchell Henderson]]}} | ||
[[Category:An Heroes| ]] | [[Category:An Heroes| ]] | ||
[[Category:People]] | [[Category:People]] | ||
[[Category:Guro]] | [[Category:Guro]] |
Latest revision as of 16:31, 20 August 2024
Not to be confused with Suicide.
See also: Mitchell Henderson. He was an inspiration.
There comes a time in every man's life when situations spiral out of control and he finds his back against an wall. Maybe somebody stole his iPod. Maybe he just killed his wife and kids. Maybe he looked in the mirror and saw a Fucktard. Maybe you can't live with the fact that you're a washed-up actor who's addicted to sex with Thai ladyboys. Whatever the reason, you can either get up and face the music, or you can tell the world and whatever deity you believe in to fuck off. In the latter case, pull out your list of final solutions and place a check in the suicide box, because tonight, you dine in hell. Simply pwning oneself IRL is no cause to become "An Hero". Without exceptions, "An Heroes" are made, not born. You cannot fucking be An Hero, get over it!! When otherwise normal and rational people fondly eulogize and honor those that have killed themselves before them, that's when "An Hero" is made. Like it or not, somebody out there probably gives a shit about Kurt Cobain. Could anyone say the same about you? That's why you'll never amount to anything. You'll never be "An Hero". Don't let us stop you from trying, though. Having said that, becoming an hero is shit because you won't get to see the results of your successful endeavors (assuming Hell doesn't have a live broadcast of your funeral, you absolute pancake). However, if you do a school shooting and don't kill yourself, you just might. With a lot of luck. Don't expect not to get raped and murdered in prison, or executed in the electric chair. There is no half/almost/soon An Hero. Either you blow your brains out and become An Hero or don't, but in your case, please do.
The phrase "An Hero" dates back to 2006, in reference to the prototypical An Hero, Mitchell Henderson, who famously shot himself after losing his iPod. /b/tards jumped on a grammatical error made by many of his MySpace friends, and it is now immortalized as the banner under which we mock those courteous enough to remove themselves from the gene pool. Since then, an heroes of all ages have bravely been removing themselves from the gene pool, including 3 year olds.
You and Your Potential An Hero
You hate life. You have no friends. Your dad is an alcoholic. Your mom is a slut. School sucks. You get molested after class. You couldn't get a Wii two years ago or today. You lost your iPod, which, by the way, had shitty music on it. You're gay. You get bullied. No one loves you. Everyone hates you. You just lost the game. You've been thinking about becoming an hero for a while now, but are not sure. Will anyone care? Have you given the military a try? Will anyone remember you? No, because you're unimportant and no one would miss you if they even knew who you were. Now you have to get set on changing that.
Why you are NOT An Hero
- You have lost your Zune.
- You have friends who can spell.
- The only people who fell for your faked suicide were juggalos.
- You did not kill yourself.
- You are still alive.
- Your eulogy is not posted on
MySpaceFacebook - You are not Heath Ledger.
- You are not a 16 year old girl
- You haven't finished drafting your suicide note.
- You are not Hammy Havoc.
- You are a Jew.
- You are a ginger.
Why you ARE An Hero
- You lost your iPod.
- You lost your iPhone 4G Prototype.
- You have lost the game.
- No one likes you.
- Your dad would not let you play Wii.
- The world shall not ignore your pain any longer..
- You got a ticket for a ride on a spaceship behind a comet.
- Your girlfriend dumped you.
- Your parents won't let you go see My Chemical Romance.
- Your prison lover left you.
- You are in an "internet suicide room."
- You got rejected from MIT or Harvard.
- The sand ninjas from Naruto made you kill yourself in a small sandbox.
- You overdosed on drugs when trying to create more stories for your cult to believe.
- You get butthurt from people calling you a newfag, when in reality...you are.
- Self injury just wasn't enough.
- Edward Cullen won't respond to your emails.
- You're unemployed.
- You are in love with Josh Evans.
- You think the internet is real life and you're AN HERO because some one who lives 5000 miles away says that your YouTube video is shit.
- You own a MacBook Air.
- You're a "victim" of sexting.
- Your mom cancelled your World of Warcraft account.
- You are distraught that Michael Jackson died before he had a chance to molest you.
- You haven't had a girlfriend since 1984, and haven't gotten laid since 1990.
- You enjoy choking on both cocks and weed.
- You are Admiral Boorda and know that you'll never earn that fifth star.
- You are into Autoerotic asphyxiation and your orgasm lasted longer than you thought.
- You got falsely banned on a random wiki.
- You simp for Björk
Famous Implements Used to Become An Hero
- Guns
- Razor blades
- A lost Ipod
- Sex with a horse
- Strangulation
- Being a witch
Kool-aidActually it was Grape Flavor-Aid, Hollywood made it Kool-Aid.- Shotgun Mouthwash
- Drugs
- Bricks and knives
- Shooting up malls claiming you'll be famous
- Pissing off the Jews and Romans, then carrying a crucifix up a hill so you can get nailed to it
- An American Aeroplane
- A circular saw
- Bleach
- Listening to the
JonasFaggot Brothers - Listening to Miley Cyrus
- Rope
Types Of An Heroes
The Main Ones (Male And Female)
"An Hero"
In spite of the obvious similarities, "an Hero" should not be confused with "a Negro" or "a Necro".
It is also an obscure fact that the song "And the Hero Will Drown" by Story of the Year was originally titled "An Hero Will Drown Himself".
It is a little known fact that the plural of an hero is "one's heroes," its grammar based in British English. This will remain a little known fact, as nobody gives a fuck.
Japanese East Asian Co-Prosperity Sphere An Hero
Yukio Mishima, Japan's leading Cocksman, achieved the highest score playing seppuku on his Nintendo Color TV Game. For his achievements, The Japanese Self Defense Forces gave him a high-five and a pat on the back for good measure, but secretly they laughed at him behind his back. Mishima saw a printed AIM CONVO of their giggling and was transformed into a mighty Showa Emofag. He knew that something had to be done immediately, so he went inside and had one of his pretty young men behead him after he disemboweled himself.
"An Heroine"
For most men, before they become "An Hero", they kill themselves in order to deliver a final "Fuck You" to the world. Male suicide is over 9000 times more prevalent than female suicide, simply because a man has at least 100 times as much testosterone as your average woman, and is usually possessed of a certain degree of mechanical aptitude, which women never are.
Women commit suicide for one of only two reasons. In the lesser case, they've lost someone they love and can't imagine dying alone. They decide to do Mother Nature and humanity a solid by also removing themselves from the gene pool.
In all other cases, the woman attempts suicide and fucks up, resulting in her accidental death. Women are impelled to feign suicide whenever they are beset by despair. These women believe that people around them will support and comfort them, even if the only person from whom they're in danger is themselves. This is colloquially known as a "cry for help". They tend to use "sleeping pills" in their attempt and often need to try again. Maybe if they self-headshotted like a real man, they'd be successful.
See also: Unrealistic Expectations and Hollywood Martyr. The only female an heroes worth mentioning are Megan Meier, whose suicide produced epic BAWWW all over the internets, and Christine Chubbuck, a '70s news anchor who shot herself during a live newscast moments after making a joke that she was doing so in accordance with network policy to bring the viewers more "blood and guts".
Emos did Hannah Bond
Those who comprise the 'emo scene', specifically My Chemical Romance, were criticized by the coroner at the inquest into the death (by hanging) of a girl from Maidstone, Kent in the United Kingdom named Hannah Bond.
Fuck her.
An Villain
Sometimes an heroes need a gentle nudge in the right direction, this is why "an villains" exist. By committing some serious IRL trolling, you too can drive that wannabe an hero to achieve his/her full potential. Good examples of an villains include Gary Oak (the Ash you see nowadays is a different one), Jesus and Bowser. Be warned that even though being an villain is a kind and noble act, many do not see it this way. Many will try to hurt, kill, rape or even troll you (it's like the goatse man getting goatsed). Be sure to always pack some heat and carry a razor blade; an villains can turn into an heroes too.
An Sidekick
Sometimes a person's motivation for becoming an hero is the very thing that prevents them from doing so; due to sickness, paralysis, incarceration or even mental retardation. In this case they may need to recruit an sidekick to assist them in their endeavour, usually a close friend, family member, or helpful doctor.
SecondhANd HERO
Anna Esther Svidersky (April 26, 1988 – April 20, 2006) was a teenager who lived in the U.S. city of Vancouver, Washington, and was murdered while working in a McDonald's restaurant, by schizophrenic sex offender David Barton Sullivan. News of her death quickly spread worldwide, initially through the Internet friends site MySpace, where she had a personal page, and then through other similar sites.
An Hero Deluxe
These are just like the inferior version, with one exciting difference: they kill everyone they encounter, and then use their last bullet to clean the slate.
Instructions
- Having made all other preparations common to regular procedure, proceed to your nearest arms dealer, the more illegal the better.
- Buy whatever you can lay your hands on (bonus points for automatics and/or shotguns).
- Find an occupied area (bonus points for schools and hospitals; score is doubled if you hate anyone usually found there).
- Kill em' all, baby.
- Remember: that last shot is for you.
Notable Instances:
⠀⠀⠀This section is incomplete; you can help by expanding it.
- Adam Lanza
- Asa Coon
- Ali David Sonboly
- Brandon Scott Hole
- Bryce Williams
- Chris Benoit
- Chris Harper-Mercer
- Cho Seung-Hui
- Devin Patrick Kelley
- Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris
- Elliot Rodger
- Éric Borel
- Euler Fernando Grandolpho
- Friedrich Leibacher
- George Hennard
- George Sodini
- Gian Luigi Ferri
- Guilherme Taucci Monteiro and Luiz Henrique de Castro
- Jake Davison
- Jaylen Fryberg
- Jeff Weise
- Kimveer Gill
- Marc Lepine
- Matthew Murray
- Michael Kenneth McLendon
- Michael Ryan
- Mutsuo Toi
- Nasim Aghdam
- Nathan Gale
- Omar Mateen
- Pekka-Eric Auvinen
- Randy Robert Stair
- Rina Palenkova
- Robert Card
- Robert Hawkins
- Robert Steinhäuser
- Ronnie McNutt
- Santino William Legan
- Sayfullo Saipov
- Sebastian Bosse
- Shuaiby Aslam
- Stephen Kazmierczak
- Stephen Paddock
- Thomas Watt Hamilton
- Tim Kretschmer
- Tobias Rathjen
- Verne Troyer
- Vladislav Roslyakov
- William Atchison
- Woo Bum-kon
IRL usage of an Hero prior to the 20th century fagification of the Engrish language
While "an Hero" is regarded as a grammatical error by modern linguists, usage of the quantifier an before words that started with a morpheme of the pattern CV that began with an h in the onset was common usage before the 17th20th century.
—Cowper's translation of Homer, circa 1790. Clearly, this implies that Mitchell Henderson is a time traveler from the 16th century who killed himself over a perceived decline in the English language. |
As h is often unspoken in certain British dialects, the "an" of "an hero" could be phonetically appropriate when speaking cockney:
A Dictionary of the English Language (1824), defines the word heroical as something befitting an hero.
The Gentleman's Magazine (1787) uses an hero like a pro, and also includes many references to Johnson.
Honoring An Heroes
An hero Day
- On April 20, 571 AD, Mohammed was born. For centuries to come, countless Muslims would honor their prophet by becoming an heroes.
- On April 20th, 1889, Adolf Hitler was born. After causing lulz, he became an hero.
- On April 20th, 1945 - The US Military captured Leipzig, Germany. Leipzig's mayor killed himself, becoming an hero, but not before he killed his wife and child for the lulz, making him pretty awesome; otherwise nobody would give a shit about him.
- On April 20th, 1998, A German-Iranian kid was born with the name of Ali Sonboly. In 2016, he would cause his own lulzfest in Munich.
- On April 20th, 1999, two heroes named Eric and Dylan decided to shoot up their school for the lulz. After killing 13 people, they became an heroes.
- On April 20th, 2006, Mitchell Henderson was having a bad day, and he couldn't find his iPod. He finally couldn't take it anymore, and so he became an hero.
- On April 20th, 2007, a man raided mission control in Houston and shot a hostage before shooting himself. Houston, we have an hero.
- On April 20th, 2007, Ben Vodden hanged himself because his bus driver called him a wank.
- On April 20th, 2010, an oil rig off the Gulf Coast called Deepwater Horizon was blown up by Muslims. Stoners all over the world didn't notice.
- An hero day is also 4/20, count on many stoners tripping balls as you end yourself
Songs
Hero Anthem
- Where have all the good parents gone?
- And where is my iPod?
- Where's the street-wise bullies?
- To assault me after school?
- Isn't there a teacher in a fiery tie?
- Late at night I toss and I turn and I dream of what I'll be
- (Chorus)
- I'll be An Hero
- I'm becoming An Hero at the end of the night
- I just killed two cops
- And I'm gonna be dead
- And I'm gonna be fresh from the morgue
- I'll be An Hero
- I'll be discovered by Mom in the morning light
- I had a bad day
- And I was called gay
- And now I'm gonna be larger than life
- I’ll be An Hero
- Somewhere after midnight
- In my depressing LiveJournals
- Somewhere, just beyond my reach
- There's a noose in reach of me
- Racing to the bathtub
- And cutting both my wrists
- It's gonna take a headshot to sweep me off my feet, yeah
- (Repeat Chorus)
- Down where the grave meet the Hells below
- Out where the trolls splits MySpace
- I swear everyone says DO IT FAGGOT to me
- Through the wind and the chill and the rain
- As I drink all the bleach
- I can feel its approach like a fire in my throat
- (Repeat Chorus)
- I’ll be An Hero
- I'm becoming An Hero at the end of the night
- I just killed two cops
- And I’m gonna be dead
- And I’m gonna be fresh from the morgue
- I’ll be An Hero
- I'll be discovered by Mom in the morning light
- I had a bad day
- And I was called gay
- And now I’m gonna be larger than life
- Now I’m An Hero.
An Heroes Song
(To the tune of "Heroes" by David Bowie.)
I-I wish I could find
Find my iPod-Nano 16 gig
Though nothing-nothing will keep us together
I can't find it-I've lost it forever
Oh I'll be an hero-on 'An Hero Day'
We-we've been playing
Playing-playing some 'Doom'
And Manson he told us to slay
Oh let's be an heroes-on 'An Hero Day'
We can PWN them-on 'An Hero Day'
I-I went on Bebo
I saw-BSC
And in Wales-and found me a tree
Tied my rope-put my neck through the hoop
But before-told 'The Sun' bout me
I stood on the stool-kicked it from beneath me
Oh I'll be an hero-cos Bridgend is shit
Let's be an heroes (3X)
On 'An Hero Day'
Let's be an heroes
We're dying, and dying by ourselves
We need attention, oh put me on 4chan
But we could be famous, til the meme dies
Oh, oh, oh, ohhh-oh, oh, oh, ohhh, on 'An Hero Day'
Oh, on 'An Hero Day'
NotAnotherAnthem
I promised him I wouldn't be reckless. I promised him I'd be okay...I love him....tell him I love him. And tell him to not be so upset about me...I don't want him to dwell on what could have been. I don't want to ruin his life.
The Official An Hero Song
The "An Hero" Paradox
Scientists have theorized about what is known as the "An Hero" paradox. In order for such a paradox to take place, two people with iPods must steal each other's iPod. The obligation to become an hero would conflict with the gain of an iPod, most likely producing the same results as dividing by zero.
Scientists resolved the problem by confirming that anyone who owns an iPod should become an hero immediately due to the intense fail of iPods. The only problem with this is that only emo faggots use iPods. And you should know that emos never kill themselves (sadly).
Videos
Video tutorials on how and how not to an hero
Previous Video | Next Video |
GLORIOUS NUCLEAR SUICIDE
|
Gallery Of An Heroism
⠀⠀⠀This section is incomplete; you can help by expanding it.
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Brit fag in the middle of An Heroing
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Vintage 19th Century French An Hero.
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Bureaucratic fucks on an hero.
-
Typical an hero wallpaper.
-
Yahoo!
-
The fuck you carr me for??
-
Support your local an hero!
(They won't die if you don't give them a reason.) -
calling helen of troy 'an heroic voice' is pretty fucking lulzy, in general
-
Sometimes whores an hero too.
-
Eating a 4 pound hamburger and a pound of fries doesn't make one an hero, but since the creator used quotation marks, we forgive him.
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Proper guideline for arranging an hero entertainment.
-
black person have difficulty becoming an hero.
-
Bundy approved
-
Do what the big man says.
-
It's never too early to start.
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OP pulls off a ripper/CandyJunkie
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I accidently the entire bottle,is this bad?
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Swayzak, a rare case when the an hero is obscure CGI.
-
Even Kermit The Frog can become an hero!
See Also
- A and an
- An Halo
- An hero day
- Bullying
- Coffin
- Final solution
- Golden iPod
- Robert Seman
- League of an Heroes
- Lil Peep
- Kate Spade
- Mia Janin
- Mitchell Heisman
- OldDirtyBtard
- Ricky Rodriguez
- Stiletto Null
- Suicide
- Suicidal Failure
- The An Heroes of Bridgend
- The Choking Game
- Tiziana Cantone
- Rorochan
- My Hero Academia
- Swayzak
Or you could just look at the template down below.
The Happening
In this movie, an unknown source releases a chemical that causes entire populations of people to kill themselves and become an heroes. As a matter of fact, the only people in the movie who do not become an heroes are the main characters, as if this wasn't a drawn-out horror movie cliché. As the movie does not explain much about it's own plot in the end and watching it is a huge waste of time for anybody.
Actually, the 'unknown source' was a bunch of fucking plants. Angry, vengeful plants. Never before in a movie have there been so many stock shots of wind blowing ominously through foliage, and never before have so many enviro-Nazis simultaneously wet themselves.
External Links
- Stupid Teen Crimes
- TAIWO AKINKUNMI - AN HERO WITHOUT HONOR
- Bridgend, where Heroes go to copy the Internets.
- The cause of an heroism on TOW
- A list of An Heros and Attempted Heros
- LHC an hero!
- (Wayback Machine)
- [1]
- Worker commits suicide over misplaced iPhone
- Man commits suicide after losing free buffet for life at casino.
- Some redneck kills wife, four others and self over EGGS.
- Big collection of heroes who did it for the lulz.
An hero is part of a series on Dying Alone
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An hero is part of a series on Visit the Trolls Portal for complete coverage. |
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An hero is part of a series on ED5 Pollfest Top 16.
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Featured article April 20, 2008 | ||
Preceded by Aliza Shvarts |
An hero | Succeeded by God hates fags |
Featured article September 19 & 20, 2018 | ||
Preceded by Suicide |
An hero | Succeeded by Mitchell Henderson |