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League of an Heroes
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This page has potential but it needs a lot of work. It could benefit from more satirical text and parody art.. Discuss edits that might add to the lulz on this article's talk page. |
The League of an Heroes AKA BASE jumpers or Wingsuit Flyers are the good men and women whose final unselfish act is to self-pwn by jumping from a great height to prove the theory of gravity. Though some argue the League of an Heroes are brave athletes who live a thrilling life and are doing something worthwhile, the good people at ED know their ultimate goal is definitely spectacular death. This is a fact as their friends and family always, always, always insist the an heroes died doing exactly what they loved: slamming into the planet at 150 miles per hour in order to earn a coveted Darwin Award.
Many of these jumpers have to attempt over 9000 times in order to get as much attention as possible when they do become hamburger. The subsequent news coverage and online comments result in a guaranteed lolocaust.
All your BASE are belong to us!
The idea of BASE (Building, Antenna, Span, and Earth) jumping was born in the late 1970s by a bunch of self-important twats. One twat in particular, Carl Boenish, told his friends he thought they were wrong when they said jumping off El Capitan with just a parachute was a suicide mission. He managed to do it and lived. That time. Before too long, he died in a failed BASE jump off "Troll Wall" in Norway. (Really, look it up). Ever since then, his worshippers in the BASE jumping cult have strived to honor him by dying by the thousands.
| Greatest moment in Australian sports history. | The most successful BASE jump of all time. |
Honorable mentions
Another worthwhile activity with a low survival rate is the sport known as wing walking. This typically involves what you think: very stupid blonde attention whores who try to dangle on old-fashioned planes at airshows. Fortunately for society, they have also died in spectacular crashes, scarring the cotton-candy eating children in the audience into becoming future school shooters.
See also
