Kurt Eichenbald

Kurt Eichenbald IRL.

The homosexual paedojew sets its sights on its young prey.

Kurt Alexander Eichenwald^✡ is a bald, epileptic Jew who claims himself to be a "journalist". Eichenwald first rose to prominence in 2005 when he was working for the Jew York Times and wrote a highly-praised article about the world of online child pornography. Unfortunately for Eichenbald, serious ethical questions were raised when it was later revealed that he had paid $3100 to meet a 15-year-old child porn star named Justin Berry for VHS and Chill.

Going all the way back to his college days, he busted his fat ass head on the floor in an attempt to defend himself from his fellow roommate who tried to put him in the oven which caused him to sustain a concussion, and then eventually led into noticeable seizures that weren't so different from the sperging out of someone who has autism. Despite all of this, he continued attending school, not even taking in the consideration that he could die from what he had; but never the less, the self-proclaimed journalism stage of his life wasn't far away as this point.

In 2016, Eichenbald made his big comeback to journalism by spending an entire year of his miserable life writing shitty tabloid-level trash about President Donald J. Trump while citing "anonymous" sources who most likely never even existed. After being confronted about his bullshittery by the mighty logical-thinking powers of Faux News' Tucker Carlson, Eichenbald suffered a complete meltdown and went on an incoherent Twattering spree that was abruptly ended when a Good Samaritan posted a rapidly-flashing .gif that allegedly caused Eichenbald to suffer a severe seizure.

Being the greedy Jewbag that he is, Eichenbald then proceeded to turn the posting of a fucking animated .gif file into a literal federal case as he called in the motherfucking FBI to investigate and filed a lolsuit against defendant (((jew_goldstein))). Yes, he actually filed a lawsuit that listed an anonymous Twatterer with the handle jew_goldstein as a defendant.

A Boy and his Jew

You can see the fear...

... in this innocent young boy's eyes.

“	It is already clear to me that you are the most unethical and sleazy "journalist" I have ever encountered, one who feels content misrepresenting her intentions and efforts and never asking a relevant question relating to a piece she is writing. What I cannot determine is if your inability to read and understand the words presented to you is the result of incompetence, stupidity, malevolence, or a combination of the three. So let me be clear: Your piece in Salon was not only libelous, it was one of the worst reported, worst thought-through pieces of garbage I have ever seen passed off as journalism. You used your imagined realities to argue for a reinterpretation of the law that enters the realm of the grotesque. Salon has elected to remove this piece of garbage from their site. However, if you should attempt to mischaracterize and misrepresent my actions again, in any other forum, let me assure you, I will take immediate and decisive legal action against you. And under no circumstances will I settle until you are financially wiped off the face of the earth. People like you are the maggots of journalism; you are everything that is wrong with this profession. Clear enough?	„
—Eichenbald threatens to sue after being exposed as a sick fucking paedophile

Jew Can't Stump the Trump

Eichenwald attempts to stop Orange Hitler and predictably fails.

	“	You’re lucky it’s illegal for me to punch you in the face.	„
	—Eichenbald, threatening to punch a Jill Stein voter in the face

Jew Can't Cuck the Tuck

Some argue.

Uncuckable Tuck

TUCKED

The Twitter Meltdown

File:EichenbaldTweetstorm1.jpg

File:EichenbaldTweetstorm2.jpg

File:EichenbaldTweetstorm3.jpg

File:EichenbaldTweetstorm4.jpg

#BanAssaultGIFs

.gifs can be set to not autoplay on Twatter.

LOLOLOL

Kurt Eichenwald's Twitter pic.

The full version reveals the fugly truth.

He's a Jew and a liar.

	“	This is his wife, you caused a seizure. I have your information and have called the police to report the assault.	„
	—HIS WIFE

Last Thursday the oh so wonderful journalist got so triggered by a tweet which contained a rapidly blinking .gif that he actually had a heart attack, the Twitter handle responsible for it going by the name of jew_goldstein (already mentioned in the beginning of the article). He didn't actually experience one because it's virtually impossible to live through something like that without some serious brain damage taking place.

	“	For self-protection, I am taking a short twitter break. I will be spending that time with my lawyers & law enforcement going after 1 of u.. Last night, for the second time, a deplorable aware I have epilepsy tweeted a strobe at me with the message "you deserve a seizure' on it......it worked. This is not going to happen again. My wife is terrified. I am...disgusted. All I will be tweeting for the next few days are......copies of documents from the litigation, police reports etc. Once we have the lawsuit filed, we will be subpoenaing Twitter for the......identity of the individual who engaged in this cross-state assault. At this point, the police are attempting to determine if this is......a federal crime because it appears to be cross state. This kind of assault will never happen again without huge consequences. This......individual will be going to court, and he will be paying a price. And if any of you others ever try this again, I will make sure it......happens to you. Online anonymity does not protect criminals. Thats why subpoenas exist. You are facing a criminal investigation and a......lawsuit. So if any of you others think about trying this "cute" prank, consider the consequences. They will be severe. Again, I will not be seeing your comments or tweeting for awhile except to upload copies of litigation and police documents.	„
	—Kurt manthreading about his spasms

	“	As promised, I will be tweeting legal updates about the assault on me. I'm coming for you, you son of a bitch.	„
	—Eichenbald, internet tough guy

tweeting that this is not a joke

tweeting that this is not a joke

tweeting that this is not a joke

tweeting that this is not a joke

tweeting that this is not a joke

tweeting that this is not a joke

tweeting that this is not a joke

Kurt likes to dox others

Kurt likes to use Twitter in order to find out the private info of those who criticize him on Twitter and then begin to threaten them while also acting like the victim once it turns around on him in the worst way possible.

• 
• 
• 
• 

We're not lieing when we say if you have an active article and have doxed somebody in the past or present, it will unquestionably backfire on you like a nigger trying to run from the police, doesn't matter if you're a ED user or not. It's not much differentiating than a backraid, except this isn't on a image board; it's on a major social media site that thinks the type of behavior Kurt is exhibiting is okay, but wishes to dish out suspensions to those who give him the backfire that he truly deserves.

The .gif

See Also

• Bald Jew Angle Shot
• Child Pornography
• Paedophile
• Epilepsy
• Oven - Where baldy belongs.

External Links

• #FreeJewGoldstein
• Goldstein's now deleted Twitter
• Pastebin about his child porn habits
• Newsweek's Kurt Eichenwald sues Jew Goldstein over weaponized assault GIF on Twitter

Kurt Eichenbald is part of a series on Social Media Visit the Social Media Portal for complete coverage.

Featured article December 28 & December 29, 2016
Preceded by Kwanzaa	Kurt Eichenbald	Succeeded by 2016