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MySpace Suicide
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On November 29, 2005, another useless, suburbanite teen exercised his God-given right to end his alleged "pain". In a "symbolic" final blog, Joshua Anson Ballard (screen name Jloveb and later dubbed the MySpace Suicide Kid) informed his friends and family, who if had actually cared may have caused him to evade suicide, that he had taken his life, thoughtful to add countless misspellings to thereafter increase the hilarity of the situation. Quickly after making local news, some of the YTMND crew picked up on the incident and instantly began spawning "X's MySpace Suicide" sites, securing Josh's status as a piece of internet culture to be enjoyed for many years to come. Furthered by the relentless abuse originating from Josh's "friends" (read "XxX YOU FUXING ASSHOLS STOP THIS RITE NOW, RIP JOSH ~ XxX"), the YTMNDers continued to make use of Josh, long after the novelty wore off and his community forgot about his existence entirely. Even in YTMND's now-dead state, the occasional MySpace Suicide will be created, a true reminiscence of a better e-time.
What really happened
You people make me sick... suicide isn't funny, it's hilarious
Growing up in a self-described "broken home", Josh woke up every morning fearing his shoes might get muddy or he would wind up in some similarly life-devastating predicament. Despite having food, clothing, a suburban home, and countless video games to dull his mind with, Josh's teenage life was without question, broken. The accumulation of being dumped and mocked at school was far worse than his repetition of the 4th grade due to the inability to spell his name (not a joke). After said years of arduous hardship, Josh snapped and made the ultimatum to end his existence. Requesting his friends do his broken life a "favore", Josh self-doxed quickly before blowing his brains out in his parent's bathroom. Almost immediately, The Borg reared its ugly head.
Immediate and other consequences
Two days after the death, a YTMND spawned, poking fun at Josh's BROKEN life and his angst-ridden choice to end it. Quickly reaching "classic" status, spin-off sites began popping up across YTMND, and eventually leaking into SA and 4chan. The fad consisted of shopped "you BROKE my X" images, always accompanied by the screeching "HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN TO MEEEEEEEEEEEEE" of Simple Plan's "Untitled".
Meanwhile, trolls had infested Josh's MySpace, enraging his "friends" with only kind comments regarding Josh, his educational history, and his motives for suicide. Countered with "JUST IGNORE THE HATERS JOSH", these comments from his former peers, while motivational in nature, had no effect on Josh as he was dead. Eventually some uber-leet hexers compromised the account, likely after guessing the correct password (which undoubtedly was his name followed by a single number), and proceeded to wreck irreversible havoc on the lone, abandon, MySpace account.
About the emo himself
He walked by the internets handle of "you BROKE my LIFE" (capitalization preserved), loved "girls who cry"; was married; was 8 feet, 11 inches tall and made $250,000 a year or more. He was a smartass. He posted self-portraits that featured him at his emo-kid best: shaggy hair, pouting lips, acne scars, intentionally blank expression. He posted an ad for a clothing company called Emo Police that featured a man hanging from the P. His last words were reported to be "I made my mistakes, got nowhere to run, the night goes on as I'm fading away, I'm sick of this life, I just want to scream, 'How could this happen to me?'"
Joshua Ballard (his real name) was also a member of secret United States intelligence agency S.A.F.E when he was alive.
External Links
- Myspacide.ytmnd.com - First of many YTMNDs, generating lulz all over the internets about one dumb shit.
- He got his attention, after all - News article about the suicide and why only people who know that The Internet Is Serious Business care about one stupid angsty teen.
- Original MySpace Page Now in the hands of some cocksucker who has made it totally unlulzworthy
- Some total faggot's gay YouTube tribute
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MySpace Suicide is part of a series on YTMND [PUNCH THE KEYS FOR GOD'S SAKE] |
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MySpace Suicide is part of a series on </3 EMO </3 [Cut] |
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MySpace Suicide is part of a series on Visit the Social Media Portal for complete coverage. |